Why won't a Catholic grandmother give a baby shower for an unwed mother?

[nickidar]

I am pregnant and engaged. I am not a Catholic but wish to be of the Catholic faith. My soon-to-be mother-in-law is a devoted practicing Catholic. I have asked her if she would like to have a baby shower for her grandson-to-be. She said that she would not be comfortable having a baby shower as her son and I are not married yet. My concern is I feel that she is not being a part of of her grandchild’s celebration due to the parents’ decision to marry after the birth. I feel that she is saying that this child is not her grandchild until her son and I are married. Is it wrong to feel that way? Being Catholic, is she right to say this towards the baby by God’s words?

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

It is regrettable that your fiance’s mother explained her choice not to give you a baby shower based on the fact that you and her son are not married. She had so many valid reasons for not doing so that it was not necessary to give this reason and allow you to believe that she has a problem with her grandchild.

Here are other reasons she could have given for declining to give you a baby shower:

• Showers are not supposed to be given by family members. To do so is customarily seen as a way of begging others to do what family is supposed to do themselves for one of their own (help the family member adjust to a new phase of life). Instead, showers are given by friends who want to help out.
• It is particularly egregious for the prospective guest-of-honor to ask someone (family, friend, colleague, anyone) to throw a party for her, especially a party at which guests are expected to give gifts to the guest-of-honor. The idea for a shower must originate with the person who wants to give it, and not with the person who directly benefits from it.
• Baby showers are not for the expected child. They are for a first-time mother who is transitioning into a new phase in her life. This is why a baby shower is only supposed to be given when a woman is pregnant with her first child, and not for every child thereafter.

While your prospective mother-in-law could have been more tactful to you, I’m afraid that it is you who owes her an apology for your presumption.