WHY won't God respond to my need?

[Irishmom2]

yeah i did ( like 2,000 times). yeah i understood it. but its non-applicable in today’s world.
jason everett is a candy-as* who had it easy his whole life(private school, etc)…i didn’t.

but my man concern is the future. gosh, its so uncertain and it seems so dang stressful. its like i can’t live day to day.

You are ridiculous. I doubt you read or even understood Jason Evert. Your main concern should be learning how to use capitalization and also to realize that you are not the center of the world. The rules don’t change for you. You are held to the same standard as everyone else, so why not stop the pity party?

Since you have made these comments, I wonder what you came on here at all for. You certainly don’t want to listen to anything that you have decided is not applicable to you and you have revealed the ugly side of your personality. You might want to consider that this is why you don’t have a girlfriend too.

Time to look at yourself and grow up.

 

[dedo]

I have not read the whole thread. However, a couple things have helped me over the years:

1. Try to look for ways to turn setbacks, or hurts, into something positive. Think of ways to improve yourself if rejected. This will minimize the chance of it happening again, and it could change your life. It changed mine.
2. In most situations, it is a mistake to focus on “your needs”. It is generally better to focus on what is better for another person, or focus on how you can be of service. This makes decisions so much easier.

Within the past 2 weeks our Mass had a sermon about that. The priest said that when our focus is on God and on the welfare of others, we move forward. When our focus is on ourselves, we have problems and conflict.

 

[Mike_from_NJ]

alright. i don’t want a girlfriend…i NEED a girlfriend. I pray and pray every single day for one for over an hour, help out a lot at my church, talk to tons of young ladies, as a result…NO GIRLFRIEND. unlike most men, i need a lady to have around just to cuddle, hang out, and do stuff.

God provides for our needs. Why won’t he provide for this one? its driving me to the point of craziness. advice? ( please no smart-a** remarks or advice…it doesn’t do me any favors)

There are support groups out there for people who have reached adulthood but have had little to no experience dating.

I recommend the Incel Support forum. It’s incredibly positive and is filled not only with people who are going through the problems you’re having but also people who have overcome those same difficulties. It’s focused on building respect for one’s self as well as those you wish to form relationships with. Another thing they do is discuss the habits people do sometimes that often prevent getting a date.

This isn’t the kind of thing that will get fixed with a wish or a snap of the fingers, but hopefully this will help you.

 

[teenphilo1]

yeah i did ( like 2,000 times). yeah i understood it. but its non-applicable in today’s world.
jason everett is a candy-as* who had it easy his whole life(private school, etc)…i didn’t.

but my man concern is the future. gosh, its so uncertain and it seems so dang stressful. its like i can’t live day to day.

Yeah, I didn’t really care for Jason Everett either. I didn’t feel quite as strongly as you did, but I still didn’t care for his style or reasoning.

However, I still came to the conclusion that I want to remain chaste. Heck, I don’t even want a girlfriend. (well I do, but it’s not a good idea. you get the point) If you want a look into my strange mindset, here it is: I wake up, I get ready, and I get down on my knees and prepare for war. Spiritual warfare, that is. I ask God for strength, virtue, etc. Especially chastity. I spend a lot of time praying for chastity. And patience. Whenever I have free time I read The Spiritual Combat by Dom Lorenzo Scupoli. Have you ever hear the saying, “Once you grab them by the balls their hearts and minds will follow.” Well, that’s exactly where the Adversary got us. (pun kind of intended, but it’s true.)

And that “not wanting a girlfriend” business: I had a tendency to go for the “hardcore makeout” stuff. I know if I ever got into a relationship, this would start happening again. I have reduced the concept of a girlfriend, for now, into a temptation to sin.

Not easy, but easier to accept than Jason Everett.

 

[george92]

its just so hard cuz i want a very beautiful women to be my wife but right now the answer is one big hell no from God…which is cool with me cuz he knows whats best for me. but again he gave me all these fraking hormones i’m powerless over sigh…its like he has a cruel sense of humor

 

[Bob_Crowley]

alright. i don’t want a girlfriend…i NEED a girlfriend. I pray and pray every single day for one for over an hour, help out a lot at my church, talk to tons of young ladies, as a result…NO GIRLFRIEND. unlike most men, i need a lady to have around just to cuddle, hang out, and do stuff.

God provides for our needs. Why won’t he provide for this one? its driving me to the point of craziness. advice? ( please no smart-a** remarks or advice…it doesn’t do me any favors)

I’ll give a bit of my experience if it’s any help. I was going through a divorce when I became a Christian, after a disastrous relationship that should never have gotten off the ground. Had I been patient as God would have wanted, that would never have happened, and two people at least would have been saved a lot of heartache.

However I was not a Christian at the time.

After I’d been a Christian for a few years, including some embarassing blunders on my part, I was getting somewhat restive about my single situation. But nothing seemed to happen. Other young people were getting married off all around me, and I was getting a bit fed up.

So I talked to the pastor. He thought for a moment, “Oh, maybe you’ll find someone. You might be at a conference or some event, and meet somebody there.” My ears picked up, and I started going to every Christian conference I heard about.

Waste of time.

Back to the pastor, and a bit cranky to boot. He responded, “Oh, that’s not what I meant. I was thinking about something like ‘Christians without Partners’ or something like that. That way you know you’re both looking for the same thing.”

But as soon as he said, “Christians without Partners” I got hit with this very brief sense of bubbling joy. I can’t explain it, but it was there. It only lasted a couple of seconds, but it was distinct. So off I went, convinced this time there was something in this piece of advice.

At the second meeting I attended I met my current wife, and we’ve now been married just over 21 years.

Please note though that by the time this happened I was past my mid 30’s. So while I firmly believe God or an angel was behind the “bubbling joy” (ergo, “This is it, boy, so don’t take too long to make up your mind.”), He also wasn’t in a hurry.

Patience, George92, patience.

I assume you’re not 92 (just kidding), but if tha’ts your year of birth (just guessing), then you’re only 20.

God knows very well who would suit you. But if you get impatient, and take things into your own hands, there’s a good chance you’ll stuff it up, and the results can take a long time to heal. For the other party, they may never heal.

God’s training you in patience. Fun, isn’t it?

Tell me about it.

 

[maryjk]

its just so hard cuz i want a very beautiful women to be my wife but right now the answer is one big hell no from God…which is cool with me cuz he knows whats best for me. but again he gave me all these fraking hormones i’m powerless over sigh…its like he has a cruel sense of humor

So you “need” a girlfriend because of your freaking hormones?

Sorry, but how is that going to help?

 

[Bob_Crowley]

its just so hard cuz i want a very beautiful women to be my wife but right now the answer is one big hell no from God…which is cool with me cuz he knows whats best for me. but again he gave me all these fraking hormones i’m powerless over sigh…its like he has a cruel sense of humor

I responded two posts above re. your first post.

However on the business of “fraking hormones”, the same pastor I quoted above also said to me, “I know several Christian men who were driven to marriage by it” (“it” being their sex drive).

Their “fraking hormones” were so persistent the only way they were going to get any legitimate relief was marriage.

I wouldn’t recommend rushing into a marriage though on account of your hormones. There’s a lot of other stuff that goes into a marriage. And believe me, and every other marriage partner, the novelty of married sex soon wears off.

In one way though, all marriages are on account of our “fraking hormones”. It’s the sex drive that pushes men and women together, otherwise we wouldn’t even be interested. As CS Lewis put it, “the male bird has to preen his feathers in the presence of the female. It’s a law of nature.”

In our pre-puberty days, girls’ only purpose was to pull their pigtails. I remember cleaning out once, and I found this old heavy notebook I’d once commandeered in my childhood days for a boy’s club. I opened it up out of curiousity, and found my childish scrawl on one line. At our one and only meeting, we sat down to make some rules. The only rule I’d written was “No girls allowed.” We couldn’t think of anything past that.

God’s made us this way, but we’re responsible for the way we handle it. I stand by my advice that He wants you to be patient. Meanwhile get on with your other responsibilities.

 

[E_7]

its just so hard cuz i want a very beautiful women to be my wife but right now the answer is one big hell no from God…which is cool with me cuz he knows whats best for me. but again he gave me all these fraking hormones i’m powerless over sigh…its like he has a cruel sense of humor

easy to blame it on others

God won’t give you a cross you can’t carry. It is time for you to learn to control your desires and passions and master it. Man up!

 

[504Katrin]

If you NEED. A girlfriend, you’re in a very bad place and that’s why she is not coming.

Women can never stay far away enough from the kind of men who NEED us. If you are so desperate it’s because you need God.

Lol. This ^

 

[blueshells]

its just so hard cuz i want a very beautiful women to be my wife but right now the answer is one big hell no from God…which is cool with me cuz he knows whats best for me. but again he gave me all these fraking hormones i’m powerless over sigh…its like he has a cruel sense of humor

George, a lot of good advice and perspective has been given here. One thing that
I’d like to add, if I may, is that I too struggle with my hormones (to nowhere near the extent men do, I’m sure) but every time I feel like it’s too much, I try to remember “Heart on the Cross” and offer it up for my boyfriend’s and my purity and the good of our future relationship. Turning a struggle into a prayer has always made it easier for me to face.

 

[englishredrose]

Its off topic but kind of connected.

What I don’t get is that every single man who talks to me seems to think am ready for sex with them and when I don’t give any signal at all they don’t want to friends anymore as such.

I have a mild problem with someone at a group I go to. I just want to be mates. But he has gone to another mutual friend complaining how I am not xyz. The mutual friend warned me in a matey way that is what this guy wants of me, not just friends. So I started to back off without it being noticeable. The mutual friend does keep me in check, thankfully from time to time. Because I like the guy as friends but nothing more but its the same every time whenever a guy speaks to us, all they want is sex. Are you the same George in that you only speak to the what you call beautiful women because all you want is sex from them? May be a relationship and sex to satisfy your needs? What about the womans needs who may be just wanting a friend and nothing more. Even harder for me that this guy is alcoholic and uses any excuse for a drink though he cannot come to where we go if he is drunk etc but its all what guys seem to want even the middle age guys. You are not going to find a girl of your dreams because she mayn’t exist anyway knowing about dreams but you are not going to find her anyway if she’s just for sex when you want. We don’t work like that

 

[IanGE]

Some thirty plus years ago when the Charismatic Renewal washed over our town, we saw miracles everywhere. Encouraged, we laid hands on people everywhere: I took to lurking in Supermarkets and pouncing on anyone who sneezed: “IN THE NAME OF JESUS BE HEALED!” Until someone gave a prophecy: “remember those are HOLY hands” and we learned to listen and discern. But still we had supreme confidence in prayer. Then, about fifteen years ago the miracles seemed to dry up. We held a day of prayer where Charismatics dropped in and out through the working day to keep up a constant stream of prayer and tongues, begging the Lord to tell us why no miracles. The Lord did not answer but we were all mightily blessed, suddenly we simultaneously giggled and wept tears of joy as we felt what we call the “warm treacle” poured over our heads.
About a month later the Lord said to me, out of the blue: “Ian why do you still seek miracles: your faith does not need them anymore. I listen to all your prayers but sometimes I cannot answer them and I cannot explain because you are not spiritually mature enough to accept. But sometimes you all want Me to miraculously heal someone who needs a £10,000 operation in Switzerland and of course none of you can afford that. But I am working on a someone who has that amount as small change in his back pocket. When he finally loses his love of money and donates the money for your patient out of the blue, all of you will see that as a miracle. But more than that, all the rich man’s rich friends will ALSO see that as a miracle and change their ways!”

 

[george92]

thanks guys! i feel like my “need” is the aftershock of a breakup during a real intense long distance relationship( like every time we met, it was on the verge of having sex). God no i don’t need a relationship with school ramming me plus i sure as hell won’t handle myself physically with another girl. its just getting over this long-distant relationship is so f-ing hard…i wouldn’t wish it on anyone else. the pain is unbelievable but i had to do it for the sake of her sexuality and her and my soul.
please pray for me to get over this pain. thanks

 

[george92]

I think a big problem is that too many people these days feel like they always “need” to be in a relationship. They rush into things with a person they barely know and it creates huge problems. Get to know some young women and develop strong friendships with women before you consider dating any of them. Get to know her as a person rather than an object with which to fill your desires. Then instead of, “I want a girlfriend.” It will be, “I would really like to go on a date with [insert name here] because I really like her and we have a lot in common.” Your spouse should be your best friend, so any long-term/romantic relationship should be built on a foundation of strong friendship.

You may also want to approach this situation the same way an addict would approach not drinking, smoking, doing drugs, etc. Take it one day at a time. Don’t think about far into the future because it could stress you out (what if I don’t meet my wife for another 10 or 20 years? ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!) and you’ll relapse into dwelling on being single. Think about what God would like you to do today. Whom is He asking you to help, to befriend? Think about today and maybe tomorrow (insofar as what you need to do today to prepare for tomorrow) and leave the future in God’s hands.

THANK YOU. i absolutely DESPISE these kinds of people that bounce from one relationship to the next. They are soft, selfish, and most importantly not doing God’s Will and will get run over in life.

And most importantly: if it’s God’s will for you to marry, He will send a nice young lady your way when He feels you’re ready.
Good point

A lot of people meet their spouse after they stop looking. Why did they stop looking? Because they were content with themselves and in their own lives. That is the place you need to be mentally, spiritually, emotionally, before you’re ready for marriage or a serious relationship anyway.

Thanks for this advice. i’m more at piece with my situation and handing it to God.

 

[chevalier]

Hey, OP. Well, girlfriend is a transitory stage really, with a ton of theological complications. The vocation is marriage. Think long term. You need someone to share your life with till death do you part, not for the closest couple of months. Unmet emotional needs are hard to take but I’m not sure actually having a girlfriend would fix them. Chances are that something involving the childhood (like most things really) would be the case. Just getting what you think you want or need isn’t really a solution.

As for God listening to our prayers, He won’t grant them if to do so would bring something bad on us or if it would be good for us to wait. There might sometimes be a matter of how we ask, or the matter of priorities. All the while He already knows what we need before we even ask, it’s not like with earthly parents, teachers, bosses etc. whom we generally need to tell.