Why would a man act like this with me?

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_Gemma

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I’m posting this to anyone that knows more about the behaviour of males than I do, which will probably be most people.
At my new parish, there is a young man who acts awkward in a way when I’m around, or avoids me. Like he happily and confidently speaks to others and volunteers with Parish things but avoids me, even so diliberately turning away if I’m walking past him.
He’s never spoken to me before but he has smiled at me once.
I thought he was so rude at first but now I’m thinking perhaps he’s interested in me? Is this something a man could do if he likes a woman?
Any idea?
 
_Gemma said:
I’m posting this to anyone that knows more about the behaviour of males than I do, which will probably be most people.
At my new parish, there is a young man who acts awkward in a way when I’m around, or avoids me. Like he happily and confidently speaks to others and volunteers with Parish things but avoids me, even so diliberately turning away if I’m walking past him.
He’s never spoken to me before but he has smiled at me once.
I thought he was so rude at first but now I’m thinking perhaps he’s interested in me? Is this something a man could do if he likes a woman?
Any idea?
Click to expand...
He might be shy. 🤷
 
Gemma wonders how a Male mind works (or, actually does NOT work)** : “At my new parish, there is a young man who acts awkward in a way when I’m around, or avoids me.
Like he happily and confidently speaks to others and volunteers with Parish things, but he avoids me, even so diliberately turning away, if I’m walking past him.
He’s never spoken to me before, but he has smiled at me once.
I thought he was so rude at first, but now I’m thinking perhaps he’s interested in me?
Is this something a man could do if he likes a woman?
Any idea?” **

Yeah, he probably feels something for you.

In the Real World, most people who we encounter are just people.
But, for some reason, a Person will take on a BIGGER part of my attention.
Frequently, this is a situation when I am embarrassed that I feel “something” inside.
It isn’t usually a HOT feeling, more of an “isn’t she Pretty” type of thing.
Part of seeing a girl as Pretty, is often, HOPE for a relationship.
OOH! If I talk to her, she will not like it … She will see that I am not socially Adept-enough to carry on a Good Conversation.
Oh No, she’s coming toward me … (I HAVE to turn away, lest she KNOW that I Like her).
I smiled at her once, but she didn’t smile back right away (Oh God, I am a Loser).

The Male mind goes something like this.
I know this from knowing MANY shy-around-pretty-girls Guys.
Our conversations would turn around them, explaining to me ANOTHER possible Relationship that went down the Drain.
I would hear heart-breaking stories of How Close one of them got to actually speaking when their special girl walked by.
Or, how she ALMOST made eye-contact with me (“WOW” … man I was THIS close).
They were much more interested in this area than I was . . . but their stories were engrossing.
I was a Nerd growing up, and (somehow) I got surrounded by other Nerds … not quite Nerd Power.
OK, now that you know what the Problem probably is, what can you do about it?
Maybe sit right by him at Church.
During the Handing shaking, he will HAVE TO shake your hand.
And, you can Smile, hold his hand firmly, and say Peace Be With You in a loud and warm voice.
This will get you to be able to talk to him once.
After that, you’re on your own.
Good luck.

(And, maybe before that day, you can pray for him to see you as a regular person.)
 
Boys can be awkward and weird … Maybe you look like someone else…
Sometimes you see someone for whatever and there is just something about that person that you just don’t like,for no apparent reason…
 
_Gemma said:
No that doesn’t answer my question. As I said he talks to everyone else and is confident enough to volunteer around the Parish but only acts shy/awkward/weird with me.
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He might only be shy around attractive women. That or maybe he just doesn’t like you.
 
_Gemma said:
I’m posting this to anyone that knows more about the behaviour of males than I do, which will probably be most people.
At my new parish, there is a young man who acts awkward in a way when I’m around, or avoids me. Like he happily and confidently speaks to others and volunteers with Parish things but avoids me, even so diliberately turning away if I’m walking past him.
He’s never spoken to me before but he has smiled at me once.
I thought he was so rude at first but now I’m thinking perhaps he’s interested in me? Is this something a man could do if he likes a woman?
Any idea?
Click to expand...
Yeah he clearly likes you. Depending on how young he is or how experienced he is with girls…which probably is not a lot…he doesn’t know how to express it. But he clearly likes you.
 
He likes you. 😊 Make lots of eye contact; not glaring eye contact but the fleeting, flirty kind. ☺️ Good luck!
 
I just hope I’m not mistaking this behaviour for him being interested when it might be perhaps he already is in a relationship or discerning religious life and is perhaps avoiding me so I won’t get the wrong message? But then he did smile at me…
 
_Gemma said:
I just hope I’m not mistaking this behaviour for him being interested when it might be perhaps he already is in a relationship or discerning religious life and is perhaps avoiding me so I won’t get the wrong message? But then he did smile at me…
Click to expand...
That’s the beauty of simple eye contact and a smile! If he’s single and interested; this is sufficient encouragement for him to come over and say hello. If he’s with someone; you’re just bring friendly, so nobody get embarrassed.

Just thank the Lord he isn’t an Irishman! They’re wonderful but impervious to subtle flirting… I practically had to bash my husband over the head and drag him back to my cave! LOL!
 
mrsjennymulhall said:
That’s the beauty of simple eye contact and a smile! If he’s single and interested; this is sufficient encouragement for him to come over and say hello. If he’s with someone; you’re just bring friendly, so nobody get embarrassed.

Just thank the Lord he isn’t an Irishman! They’re wonderful but impervious to subtle flirting… I practically had to bash my husband over the head and drag him back to my cave! LOL!
Click to expand...
If he was a flirty Irishman it would make things so much easier! 😛

But I will see what happens! It doesn’t help that I’m also shy too 😊
 
It could be that he’s attracted to you and is trying to avoid lust.

I’m 56 and married and at times I wonder if I should pluck my eyes out because they are such an occasion to sin. An alternative to this extreme measure for me is looking away.

Just the other day, I was on a walk and I saw an attractive lady and 2 children heading toward me. I looked away and as I passed them, I deliberately did not look at her again.

Anyway, she must have been trying to make eye contact with me and as she passed, she said, “Hello”.

I felt like a complete idiot. I should be able to look at a woman, smile, and appreciate her beauty without lust. But I’ve struggled for this so long I’ve gone to the extreme to avoid it.

Peace,
John
 
JohnMPhilomena said:
It could be that he’s attracted to you and is trying to avoid lust.

I’m 56 and married and at times I wonder if I should pluck my eyes out because they are such an occasion to sin. An alternative to this extreme measure for me is looking away.

Just the other day, I was on a walk and I saw an attractive lady and 2 children heading toward me. I looked away and as I passed them, I deliberately did not look at her again.

Anyway, she must have been trying to make eye contact with me and as she passed, she said, “Hello”.

I felt like a complete idiot. I should be able to look at a woman, smile, and appreciate her beauty without lust. But I’ve struggled for this so long I’ve gone to the extreme to avoid it.

Peace,
John
Click to expand...
Hmmm that’s an issue if that’s the reason why this man from my church looks away I think because how will I know if he is interested? And might that make a romantic relationship difficult if he’s struggling with lust?
 
Do you know anyone at church who is friends with him? They could subtly ask him if he knows you, and judging from his response you could find out if he’s interested or just odd.
 
_Gemma said:
I’m posting this to anyone that knows more about the behaviour of males than I do, which will probably be most people.
At my new parish, there is a young man who acts awkward in a way when I’m around, or avoids me. Like he happily and confidently speaks to others and volunteers with Parish things but avoids me, even so diliberately turning away if I’m walking past him.
He’s never spoken to me before but he has smiled at me once.
I thought he was so rude at first but now I’m thinking perhaps he’s interested in me? Is this something a man could do if he likes a woman?
Any idea?
Click to expand...
😃 It sounds like you have described me to a T.

Gemma, I believe you are overthinking his actions, I would be exactly like the guy you have described, and I would probably be overthinking it too hence the mixed signals.

I believe there is only one way to know for sure and that would be to look for an opportunity to introduce yourself to him, to get to know him as a friend and than it will progress from there wherever it may go, but don’t over think it, it will all progress in due course wherever it goes. He certainly doesn’t dislike you and he is definately shy. I am usually outgoing amongst people I know or have met before, but I am very shy and probably awkward around people I have never met before (especially if they are with other people, I have never introduced my self to a group of people before) and I find it difficult to find a good opportunity to introduce myself, it’s something that I definately need to work on.

Perhaps we could figure out a way that you can open up an opportunity for him to introduce himself to you or for you to introduce yourself to him?

May I ask what parish activities he is involved in?

God Bless

Thank you for reading
Josh
 
_Gemma said:
I’m posting this to anyone that knows more about the behaviour of males than I do, which will probably be most people.
At my new parish, there is a young man who acts awkward in a way when I’m around, or avoids me. Like he happily and confidently speaks to others and volunteers with Parish things but avoids me, even so diliberately turning away if I’m walking past him.
He’s never spoken to me before but he has smiled at me once.
I thought he was so rude at first but now I’m thinking perhaps he’s interested in me? Is this something a man could do if he likes a woman?
Any idea?
Click to expand...
If he volunteers with the parish, the people he’s talking to confidently are people he probably knows already. He might just be shy around people who he doesn’t know, and not just you.

It is possible that he has an interest in you- but if you are both adults, ignoring and avoiding someone is not a very mature way of showing it.
 
Also, I noticed in another thread that you say you feel called to religious life and are actively pursuing joining an order, and that you know you are not called to marriage.

If that is true, does it really matter whether this man likes you or not?
 
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