Why would God call me if I don't want to be called?

[AdriannaJean]

Hi Everyone,

I feel like I am receiving mixed messages. There has always been a thought in the back of my head that maybe I should become a nun, but since I was old enough to know what a wife and mother was I wanted to be one. There have been so few times that I doubted that I was called to be a wife and mother that I never really considered the option.

A few months ago I felt a bit of a stronger inclination to discern my vocation so I filled out an online quiz thing that would send my results to different orders so they could contact me. But very quickly afterward I began dating a wonderful Catholic man who I loved dearly as a friend and I can now picture myself spending my life with him.

I really want to marry this man. And I was so sure that he was God’s way of telling me that I am not called to the religious life, but sometimes during prayer I can almost hear God telling me that I am still called to be a nun.

So the answer seems rather obvious, do what I feel God is telling me to do and look seriously into becoming a nun. But the only hitch in that plan is that I don’t want to even a little bit. The thought of not spending my life with this man is enough to make me want to cry. I have actually argued with God in my head about this. I don’t know why God would send him to me if He didn’t want me to be with him. And I don’t know why God would want me to be a nun if it’s the last thing that I would want. I have heard of reluctant converts before, but never a reluctant vocation. Are there any examples of this in the saints?

Your advice and your prayers would be very much appreciated.

 

[FickleFreckled]

Sure there are reluctant vocations. Sometimes we can only come to God kicking and screaming when in reality, God is the deepest desire of our hearts and the only thing that can give us peace and happiness. . However, that doesn’t mean you necessarily have a religious vocation.

Before you can seriously hear God’s call, whether it’s to marriage or to religious life, you’ve got to get to a point where you’re not totally invested in one or the other. Taking an online survey isn’t enough. It sounds like you’re going back and forth in your own head and that’s not going to get you anywhere. You must be somewhat open to the idea of a religious vocation or it wouldn’t be bothering you. Have you felt any attraction for a particular order? That might be a good place to start if you haven’t done any homework yet. God may speak to your heart through your research. And talk to a priest, a sister or vocation director who can help you with the discernment process. If marriage is what God wants from you, you need to be able to enter it with no concerns that He might have been calling you to religious life. God bless your search!

 

[Hidden_One]

In addition to what FickleFreckled has written, I add that one of the most important parts of discerning a vocation is getting a good spiritual director.

Adrianna, I strongly encourage you to get one if at all possible.

Other posters, I strongly encourage you not to pretend that you are Adrianna’s spiritual director.

 

[Sister_Rose]

Dear AdiannaJean,
Actually, a lot of us struggle with our call initially. All you have to do to see that is to read some of the many vocation stories that are out there on websites or Youtube.
I know I really wished I could just get married, and that God would forget about the religious life thing. I think that for most of us marriage and motherhood is more attractive, at least initially. It took me a while, but I did come to realize that marriage would not satisfy me. It is very hard to explain that to someone else, but that is the way it is.
Being drawn to marriage, or even being in love with someone, is not a definite indication that you are to marriage.

Getting a spiritual director would be a good idea. The time you spend in prayer is very important. I think we get the idea that getting what we want will make us happy. The simple fact of the matter is that God know what will really make us happy. We often don’t. Just think of the times that you have gotten or done something that you really wanted and then just felt empty or disappointed afterward. You have to trust in God’s love for you, that He really wants your happiness and that He know better than you do what will make you happy.

I found that taking time away to go on retreat was a really big help when I was struggling with my vocation. St. Therese of Lisieux also helped me a lot.

God bless!

 

[skallal]

Hey Adrianna Jean,

I know this may sound like someone’s trying to trick you, but for sure the easiest way to stop worrying about whether or not you have a vocation is to pursue it. If you go all out for the consecrated life and God closes doors in your heart, then you know it wasn’t for you.

If on the other hand you keep going back and forth, you’re pretty much guaranteed to always have that nagging doubt in the back of your mind that just won’t go away and drives you crazy! Uhh, I hate that little guy. That’s why I got rid of him, in a way… Now is your turn to start…

 

[graciesuico]

I understand what you are feeling. I had it …good if you can have a spiritual director. Then, you could also try to spend time with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. And start attending Mass if you have’nt done it.

Thats what I did when I was descerning for my vocation.Please don’ t get me wrong I am not directing you but I am just sharing my experience.

Mother Mary pray for us.

 

[ErichK]

Adrianna, the wonderful thing about monasticism is that it isn’t an instant decision that you can’t remit immediately. There’s a “trial period” of one year where you aren’t bound, and then three years where you are bound by a vow. At the end of three years, you take your final monastic vows which bind you for life.

If the desire to become a nun is as strong as you say it is (which I know very much how you feel, as I’m waiting to finish college to make a decision to join a community), I highly suggest that you don’t dismiss either option from the get-go. Explain to this man your feelings, and ask him if he would be willing to wait for you to try life as a nun during the “trial-period.” Try life out as a nun, and see if it’s for you. I read about a young man who became a novice monk over three times before he finally decided it wasn’t for him, and ultimately settled down and got married. You might decide that it’s not for you, and that you wish to get married-but then again, you might decide that it is for you!

I hope it comforts you to know this, however; that if you decide you don’t want to be a nun, but feel as if you won’t get into heaven or won’t achieve full communion with God after death, don’t despair! Marriage is monasticism in a different form!

As you are surrendering your life to the Church/monastic community and to God by becoming a nun, so are you surrendering your life to God and your husband by getting married (and visa-versa for men). You are dying of your old life, and being reborn into a new one, that requires the utmost of cooperation, understanding, and faithfulness to your partner, as would be required by your lifelong commitment to God. As a nun you’d wear a habit, and in marriage you’d wear a wedding ring-both symbols of your commitment and your sacrifice; your death from a free society into a bonded, bound lifestyle where you and your husband (or the monastic community) work together and live together all for one sole purpose: To be humble, happy, and achieve one-ness with God and Christ.

So just remember that marriage, if being a nun turns out to not be your thing, is an alternative to the latter

I wish you the best, and do keep us updated as to what you decide to do!

 

[Mark77]

God Bless You!

**Discerning is not about our will, it’s about us answering God’s call, even if we don’t want to.
**
"It was not the dream I chose!" (from a beautiful song by Danielle Rose “Crown of Thorns” from her CD "Mysteries, by the way, she is now discerning her calling as a novice in the Disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ! dljc.org/english/index.cfm?active=1)

If we just did what we wanted to do, this would truly be a pitiful world, no children, no love, no sacrifice, only selfishness.

Sancta Maria, Mater Dei, Ora Pro Nobis Peccatoribus!

mark