Why would God give us the gift of a pregnancy and then take it away?

[yessisan]

Another thread got me onto thinking about this, but I had thought about it before too since I just lost my baby 2 months ago.

Why does God give us the gift of a child and then take it away? Meaning, why allow a woman to become pregnant if she is going to miscarry or give birth to a stillborn baby?

 

[michaeldaniels]

It is impossible with our finite minds to even begin to understand why God does something…I do know something to be true…out of every tragedy, there is always a greater good that surfaces in the midst of all the anguish.

 

[SMHW]

Another thread got me onto thinking about this, but I had thought about it before too since I just lost my baby 2 months ago.

Why does God give us the gift of a child and then take it away? Meaning, why allow a woman to become pregnant if she is going to miscarry or give birth to a stillborn baby?

Hi Yessi. This is one of those painful questions we all ask. I’m still asking some twenty-two years later. But the fact of the matter is that all parents who live to bury their children ask this question, regardless of the age of the child. My mother-in-law is asking it about two of her sons that died of cancer while in their fourties. (She also lost a child to stillbirth many years ago.)

The truth is that we all cry out to God and ask, “Why?” because we are in pain. :console:

It is not just parents who ask the question about the death of children. We all ask God the same question when tragedy hits. We ask the question for the big hurts and we even ask for the little insignificant ones. “Why God?”

I don’t think there is any one simple answer. …well, other than the fact that our world is imperfect due to sin.

The truth is that humans are conceived, live for a time, and then die. Sometimes we die before our parents. Sometimes we die before we are born. But our value to God and to each other is not about how long we live. And our true purpose is not about giving happiness to our parents (even though it is a blessing if that is the case.)

As a parent you live in time. Your baby’s death was quite recent and you are still raw from that and for now you can’t be with him. It’s hard to think about tomorrow, let alone eternity, when you feel pain. But the pain will fade with time and your baby will be around for eternity.

 

[dixieagle]

This is one of those eternal questions, isn’t it? Although I do not profess to be a theologian by any stretch of the imagination, this is my take on things (I hope I express it well enough.)

As Catholics, we believe that humankind is burdened with original sin as the result of the sin of Adam and Eve. The Church also teaches that parents participate with God in the creation of each human life. (There has been much discussion of the particulars of this, by Pontifical Commissions, etc., especially prior to the dissemination of Humanae Vitae.)

My humble understanding is that, though God imbues each newly conceived life with a soul, the physical repercussions of original sin sometimes result in things going wrong with the physical processes involved in conception and development of the embryo and fetus, thus resulting in miscarriage, stillbirth, etc. I certainly don’t imagine God arbitrarily deciding to cut short the life of a pre-born human (I have experienced early miscarriage three times.) It is not God playing a dirty trick on us, but is, instead, the result of original sin that brings about unhappy endings to some pregnancies.

At least that is what I glean from my reading.

Blessings!

 

[theresa1967]

This is one of those eternal questions, isn’t it? Although I do not profess to be a theologian by any stretch of the imagination, this is my take on things (I hope I express it well enough.)

As Catholics, we believe that humankind is burdened with original sin as the result of the sin of Adam and Eve. The Church also teaches that parents participate with God in the creation of each human life. (There has been much discussion of the particulars of this, by Pontifical Commissions, etc., especially prior to the dissemination of Humanae Vitae.)

My humble understanding is that, though God imbues each newly conceived life with a soul, the physical repercussions of original sin sometimes result in things going wrong with the physical processes involved in conception and development of the embryo and fetus, thus resulting in miscarriage, stillbirth, etc. I certainly don’t imagine God arbitrarily deciding to cut short the life of a pre-born human (I have experienced early miscarriage three times.) It is not God playing a dirty trick on us, but is, instead, the result of original sin that brings about unhappy endings to some pregnancies.

At least that is what I glean from my reading.

Blessings!

Just wanted to embrace your statement and thank you for sharing such a beautiful realistic understanding. God is so amazing and with His Grace He has Shined on you.

 

[dixieagle]

Just wanted to embrace your statement and thank you for sharing such a beautiful realistic understanding. God is so amazing and with His Grace He has Shined on you.

Thank you so much for your kind words. This is a subject about which I have thought and read much, based on my own personal experiences early in our marriage. I have long thought that God gets unwarranted blame, as if He were the Grand Chessmaster and we are but pawns (brings up the whole subject of “free will”, but that is another thread…) Instead, the “blame” for things such as miscarriages and stillbirths rests instead on our own fallen natures and the consequences of original sin, and all that it encompasses.

None of this is to say that I don’t believe God intervenes in our lives - indeed He does, in answer to prayer, in His own time and often in ways we don’t understand, in this life.

 

[yessisan]

See? As a Catholic, or how I was raised, I believe in different ways. The Catholic way was that because my child’s purpose in life was met so early in his life, that God took him home with Him.

The way I was raised, well, or actually how my family would like me to think, which I don’t really, is that maybe there was something not right and God decided to take the baby so that wrong wouldn’t hurt us (his parents).

The explanation that dixieagle gave never crossed my mind. I’m not sure if I had read something you wrote before, or maybe someone else wrote it, but it was the same as you posted above. That our original sin is to blame thus the early development of our baby went wrong, so the miscarriage happened. That’s a very interesting way to put it. But to me that sounds like a punishment.

I know God wouldn’t like to see us suffer, let alone die, but I guess I was conditioned to think that God takes people when their time is up. Is that the wrong way of thinking? My thoughts are similar to SMWH. It’s not that I want to question God, it’s just that I really want to understand why it happens. I don’t want to put the “blame” on God, but maybe, just maybe he had better plans for my little one? The pain and suffering of burying a child had never crossed my mind until I lost mine.

My uncle (who was like a brother to me since we were born just a few yrs apart and basically were raised together) died suddenly and I had never felt such pain in my life, until this. I did ask the question why when my uncle died but when the autospy revealed he had a congenital heart defect (which no one knew about), I thought it was for the best for him, his wife, kids and the rest of the family. He would’ve suffered so much with that disease if it had been discovered before he died. This I could live with. The baby, well, he wasn’t even close to being born yet. What good should I see from that other than he’ll never suffer or cry? <---- I want to believe that, but I can’t understand it.

 

[dixieagle]

See? As a Catholic, or how I was raised, I believe in different ways. The Catholic way was that because my child’s purpose in life was met so early in his life, that God took him home with Him.

The way I was raised, well, or actually how my family would like me to think, which I don’t really, is that maybe there was something not right and God decided to take the baby so that wrong wouldn’t hurt us (his parents).

The explanation that dixieagle gave never crossed my mind. I’m not sure if I had read something you wrote before, or maybe someone else wrote it, but it was the same as you posted above. That our original sin is to blame thus the early development of our baby went wrong, so the miscarriage happened. That’s a very interesting way to put it. But to me that sounds like a punishment.

I know God wouldn’t like to see us suffer, let alone die, but I guess I was conditioned to think that God takes people when their time is up. Is that the wrong way of thinking? My thoughts are similar to SMWH. It’s not that I want to question God, it’s just that I really want to understand why it happens. I don’t want to put the “blame” on God, but maybe, just maybe he had better plans for my little one? The pain and suffering of burying a child had never crossed my mind until I lost mine.

My uncle (who was like a brother to me since we were born just a few yrs apart and basically were raised together) died suddenly and I had never felt such pain in my life, until this. I did ask the question why when my uncle died but when the autospy revealed he had a congenital heart defect (which no one knew about), I thought it was for the best for him, his wife, kids and the rest of the family. He would’ve suffered so much with that disease if it had been discovered before he died. This I could live with. The baby, well, he wasn’t even close to being born yet. What good should I see from that other than he’ll never suffer or cry? <---- I want to believe that, but I can’t understand it.

I think you misunderstand me; let me be clear about what I mean. As a result of the disobedience of Adam and Eve, we are burdened with original sin. In a perfect world, each and every pregnancy would proceed easily and without trouble; however, because of Adam and Eve, illness, sadness, and death exist. I guess you could say that these things are now all part of the human condition. I in no way mean to imply that you, specifically, are being “punished.” Since Adam and Eve’s fall, unhappy events like miscarriages, etc., are a sad, but natural, part of life. Chances are strong that, indeed, something was wrong with your developing child, and that “nature took its course.” (Of course, God created the human body and its physiology…had Adam and Eve not messed it up for all of us, these things wouldn’t happen.) Free will, original sin, the resulting misery…all food for much thought and study.

Of course, your child is with God, and you will see him in heaven; in that you can take comfort.

 

[sojo]

I have lost 3 babies in pregnancy. And I lost 3 children in failed adoptions (all living with us, one for 5 years). So this is a question I’ve pondered and prayed over a lot. God finally graced us with a late in life child, only to add the final twist that our son would have Down syndrome and provide us challenges beyond any we could imagine.

I only know I cannot fathom the mind of God, but I can be assured that He turns all things to good, and that He loves me and loves my children, even if I don’t have them in my arms. And perhaps in asking of me a greater sacrifice… if I submit… I am graced with a greater love of Him. And our son, while we worry endlessly about his future, is the greatest blessing we could have imagined.

That’s all I got – I’m sorry. But you aren’t alone. Pain that is so real, so entire, so tangible … this is a way for us to meet God in a special way. I think suffering is a shortcut to a relationship with God…

sojo

 

[dixieagle]

Yessisan,

Here is a brief reference from the Catechism of the Catholic Church that might explain better than I our fallen human nature as a result of original sin, and its consequences. I refer specifically to the first part of the statement:

“1264 Yet certain temporal consequences of sin remain in the baptized, such as suffering, illness, death, and such frailties inherent in life as weaknesses of character, and so on, as well as an inclination to sin that Tradition calls concupiscence, or metaphorically, “the tinder for sin” (fomes peccati); since concupiscence “is left for us to wrestle with, it cannot harm those who do not consent but manfully resist it by the grace of Jesus Christ.” [Council of Trent (1546): DS 1515] Indeed, “an athlete is not crowned unless he competes according to the rules.” [2 Tim 2:5] [975, 2514, 1426, 405]”

I hope that helps to explain what I was getting at.

 

[dixieagle]

I have lost 3 babies in pregnancy. And I lost 3 children in failed adoptions (all living with us, one for 5 years). So this is a question I’ve pondered and prayed over a lot. God finally graced us with a late in life child, only to add the final twist that our son would have Down syndrome and provide us challenges beyond any we could imagine.

I only know I cannot fathom the mind of God, but I can be assured that He turns all things to good, and that He loves me and loves my children, even if I don’t have them in my arms. And perhaps in asking of me a greater sacrifice… if I submit… I am graced with a greater love of Him. And our son, while we worry endlessly about his future, is the greatest blessing we could have imagined.

That’s all I got – I’m sorry. But you aren’t alone. Pain that is so real, so entire, so tangible … this is a way for us to meet God in a special way. I think suffering is a shortcut to a relationship with God…

sojo

It sounds as if your son is, indeed, with the best possible parents…

Blessings.

 

[Brother_John]

Another thread got me onto thinking about this, but I had thought about it before too since I just lost my baby 2 months ago.

Why does God give us the gift of a child and then take it away? Meaning, why allow a woman to become pregnant if she is going to miscarry or give birth to a stillborn baby?

Only God knows the answer to that one. My mother went through both. A miscarriage in '59, a still-born in '60, but then starting with me in '61, bang-bang-bang…six in nine years…I can’t tell you how many times we were out places and overheard someone say “they must be Catholic”…Pray today, and know that 20 years from now, you will likely understand, because you will have lived God’s plan.

 

[Newbie2]

What good should I see from that other than he’ll never suffer or cry? <---- I want to believe that, but I can’t understand it.

Just think of the wonderful place he is now. If I may say, your loss is heaven’s gain.

I doubt you’ll ever know the answers for certain, at least not in this life. This sorrowful event has a reason, though…although such reasoning may be beyond our comprehension.

Our pain in this life will be exponentially eclipsed by our joy in the next, bank on that.

 

[drafdog]

The question presumes that each pregnancy is a special act of creation on the part of God. This is not supported by Catholic theology. The immortal soul exists because it is a human being, not the other way around. It is part of the natural processes of procreation. God set it up that way.

Matthew

 

[SMHW]

As a result of the disobedience of Adam and Eve, we are burdened with original sin. In a perfect world, each and every pregnancy would proceed easily and without trouble; however, because of Adam and Eve, illness, sadness, and death exist.

I agree with this. As a result of sin the whole workings of our universe are touched by sin. I’m not God but I suppose in a sinless world that the random ways that atoms and molecules collide, and cells divide, and egg and sperm meet, and all the other things that must go right for a child to be born healthy would always be in perfect harmony. Whether the very physical laws of the world have been corrupted, or whether we humans have somehow become out of phase with them, or for some other reason, we experience disease and death. The fact that any child is ever conceived and born alive is the truly amazing part.

Part of my understanding of “free will” is that God DOESN’T usually step in and when we wander outside the perfect path he would have us travel. Nor does he always step in and save anyone else who gets in our way. The laws of nature don’t change for our benefit. But God can suggest ways for many of us to better harmonize with the laws of nature.

I like to refer people to J.R.R. Tolkien’s Silmarillion. There is a “creation story” in it which all of history is likened to a beautiful symphony. The evil one comes and tries to ruin the music by creating dis-harmonies and dissonances. But the creator continuously reworks the symphony so that the bad notes become part of the piece. The notes don’t become pretty but they fit the story.

In a similar way I think that God continuously works in our lives so that all the bad that comes into our lives can work to the greater good. But the bad remains bad and sometimes that bad results in death. God doesn’t change bad into good but He can use the bad to create a new and even greater good.

 

[dixieagle]

I agree with this. As a result of sin the whole workings of our universe are touched by sin. I’m not God but I suppose in a sinless world that the random ways that atoms and molecules collide, and cells divide, and egg and sperm meet, and all the other things that must go right for a child to be born healthy would always be in perfect harmony. Whether the very physical laws of the world have been corrupted, or whether we humans have somehow become out of phase with them, or for some other reason, we experience disease and death. The fact that any child is ever conceived and born alive is the truly amazing part.

Part of my understanding of “free will” is that God DOESN’T usually step in and when we wander outside the perfect path he would have us travel. Nor does he always step in and save anyone else who gets in our way. The laws of nature don’t change for our benefit. But God can suggest ways for many of us to better harmonize with the laws of nature.

I like to refer people to J.R.R. Tolkien’s Silmarillion. There is a “creation story” in it which all of history is likened to a beautiful symphony. The evil one comes and tries to ruin the music by creating dis-harmonies and dissonances. But the creator continuously reworks the symphony so that the bad notes become part of the piece. The notes don’t become pretty but they fit the story.

In a similar way I think that God continuously works in our lives so that all the bad that comes into our lives can work to the greater good. But the bad remains bad and sometimes that bad results in death. God doesn’t change bad into good but He can use the bad to create a new and even greater good.

So beauifully expressed! I love the “dissonant symphony” imagery.

 

[Abbadon]

Reading through reminded me of something intresting Christopher Hitchens said. It’s not like there is a reason why good people die in hurricanes, they die because there are hurricanes because of the world in which we live.

There are going to be miscarriages because of our biology. Just be thankful that in our day and age not 1 in 4 women die from giving brith as they did hundreds of thousands of year ago. And that the discovery of bacteria has doubled most peoples lifespans.

I read early on the thread about a woman who lost two of her sons to cancer in their forties. I am very happy to be alive well and 20 and i would be very happy if I make it to 40…

I guess the problems with all of what I say is there is no god in it…

The fact that you have a computer and an internet connection tells me that your life is already far better and pleasant than most of the worlds population. [Edited by Moderator]

Why must the miscarriage have a reason? I was living in a 3rd world country untill I was 6, i can give that a reason must it need a reason? I had a bone cancer when i was 16, it happened because it happens, this is apart of nature. What wasn’t apart of nature was the brilliant surgeon, technology and method created to remove said cancer. And i thank all the people involved from Marie Currie to my Bone surgeon for helping me.

 

[Newbie2]

The question presumes that each pregnancy is a special act of creation on the part of God. This is not supported by Catholic theology. The immortal soul exists because it is a human being, not the other way around. It is part of the natural processes of procreation. God set it up that way.

Matthew

Can you explain this a bit more…I’m not sure whether I agree or not.

 

[dixieagle]

Reading through reminded me of something intresting Christopher Hitchens said. It’s not like there is a reason why good people die in hurricanes, they die because there are hurricanes because of the world in which we live.

There are going to be miscarriages because of our biology. Just be thankful that in our day and age not 1 in 4 women die from giving brith as they did hundreds of thousands of year ago. And that the discovery of bacteria has doubled most peoples lifespans.

I read early on the thread about a woman who lost two of her sons to cancer in their forties. I am very happy to be alive well and 20 and i would be very happy if I make it to 40…

I guess the problems with all of what I say is there is no god in it…

The fact that you have a computer and an internet connection tells me that your life is already far better and pleasant than most of the worlds population. [Edited by Moderator]

Why must the miscarriage have a reason? I was living in a 3rd world country untill I was 6, i can give that a reason must it need a reason? I had a bone cancer when i was 16, it happened because it happens, this is apart of nature. What wasn’t apart of nature was the brilliant surgeon, technology and method created to remove said cancer. And i thank all the people involved from Marie Currie to my Bone surgeon for helping me.

The difference is that we, as Christians, see sadness, natural disasters, illness, and death as a direct result of the willful disobedience of our first parents, Adam and Eve (not the thread to get into the evolutionary issues and questions; my son-in-law is a very Catholic evolutionary biologist, btw, and I am not reactionary in that regard.)

We must now live in a world much different from the original Paradise that God created. But, as He sent His son to redeem us from that original sin, we have the hope of regaining Paradise for all eternity.

Only those who have suffered miscarriage will grasp why [edited by Moderator] We see [it as] the loss of a developing child…not just a biological accident.

 

[yessisan]

Well, the problem I see with my miscarriage is that mine wasn’t a chromosomal error, or some infection gone wrong, or whatever. I was in a car accident in the freeway and miscarried the baby 3 days later. That’s why I was pondering on the why? It’s not like I don’t accept the fact that my baby is gone… I am happy to know that my baby is in a better place and is being taken care of by our Father and our Heavenly Mother.

I don’t know why I even posted this thread, I guess maybe I just want to gain insight and see what others think of why, philosophically and theologically speaking, the loss of a baby happens.

I like where the thread is going. It’s giving me a lot to think about.