Maybe he was not being rude, maybe he was tired.So I just went to a wake yesterday because my cousins grandmother died. But when I went to console one individual he was rude about it. an example is when I said sorry for your loss he said yeahh in a rude way. I understand he was mourning but, what I don’t understand is why he would be rude about something like this?
^^This. It’s easy to act less than your best when you’re upset.Maybe he was not being rude, maybe he was tired.
Or emotional, or overwhelmed, or any other of a multitude of things that come with the death of a loved one.
Pray for him and his family.
Yes, and maybe the kind, Christian thing here would be to be understanding about a person who may have been in grief, uncomfortable, jet lagged, having to deal with family he had not seen in a long time and had an issue with, etc. rather than whining “Is it that difficult, etc.”I think yes, people in grief aren’t themselves, but we all are trying to be Christians, correct?
Is it that difficult to say a kind word instead of an unkind one even if I’m not in the best of moods? Or maybe not say anything?
Well, your commentary is an invitation to you to do something other than what has happened in the past. Christ calls us to love one another (which has nothing to do with liking one another), and family gatherings, whether they are funerals or not, is an opportunity to show that love by being there. One does not have to fawn over anyone else at a gathering, but showing up shows a loyalty to family (whether they are loyal to you or not).This may be judgmental on my part, but when anyone is rude to me, I just take that as information about “where I stand” with that person. Now, I’m not saying that I expect things to change, specifically that I would get an apology for that rudeness.
Some people take funerals as such a social event, as an obligation of custom, to attend at the funeral home and/or the actual day of the funeral. But, having gone through the death of three parents, I look at a funeral as a very private time of grieving. I don’t assume that I can offer anything to those who are grieving.
Socially, my mother shunned family gatherings and I was therefore very out of place with my extended family on any occasion. They would be likely to say, What are you doing here? I grew up in a family that was very hostile towards each other, not just me alone.
This may not describe the situation in this thread, but I am just saying, anything can happen when people get together, as some have already stated.
My aunt has dementia and she doesn’t recognize the people who are closest members of her family. Even her son, my cousin, is passing up on a trip into the state to visit her – for who knows what reason. I think he felt closer to his dad than to his mom, but that’s just a guess. I’m hesitant to visit her in the foster home where she is, as my presence may be more upsetting than it’s worth. Today, I think it’s hard to say if I’m in the “circle” of people who should do something or just show up.
In my extended family, it may be a situation of my not knowing what has ever been said about me, what kind of reputation I have. An obituary is not just a notification of death, but it’s really an invitation to the “public” to show up, if those details have been publicized. Some courtesy and respect is due to visitors.
Thank you for sharing your story in such an honest way. I hope you were able to obtain God’s healing- if not, why not ask for it now?I had a wonderful Grandmother who died in 1999. During the great depression, she fed homeless people at her back door and gave them Bibles.
My voice is so deep that she eventually could not understand me, her hearing was bad. She also became blind. "Why won’t the Lord take me, she used to ask others. When I heard she was in the hospital, I didn’t visit. Death scared me, that was the real reason, but I told myself that visiting would do no good. She could not hear or see me.
She died. Everyone was very nice at viewing, though I had not seen most of them for years, except one of her sons, an Uncle. He was rude. He said, “Why did you not come and visit her?” His first words to me, not, hello, just that. “Well she couldnt hear me, or see me,” I protested. “She would have known you were there,” he said, and walked away.
He was totally right, and it stung horribly, but I turned my guilt into anger, and directed it towards him. I had not seen him accept once or twice when I was a kid after all. Who was he to speak to me like that?
My anger [guilt] stayed with me for the next 14 years. I did not speak to him [we were not close after all, right?] during that time, even after I learned he had cancer, I did not call him, though I did feel bad for him. When my Mom got cancer, I called to let him know, but I was pretty curt about it. I still had my guilt. He was very polite and kind, even with me being cold. He must have known somehow, why I being such an awful jerk, that, or even more likely, he was just the better man. My anger melted, and I did what I could to mend our relationship.
Death is such a strange thing. It brings out the best and the worst in everyone it seems, even to an awful hell bound sinner like I was back then. I still carry around the guilt, after I was transformed [a daily process, that never ends] but there are so many things that I have said and done that I wish I could take back. To be sure, I have been forgiven, or was forgiven, but to this day, I still live with that regret, and that is ok. For if I did not still have that guilt, that would mean that I would be lost.
When these moments come, funerals, turning points, even everyday life, it behooves us to be at our very best. Though God in his mercy, and sometimes even those around us forgives us, those moments are gone forever, we can’t take them back. What we can do, is learn from them, and hopefully, learn from others. That is why this place is so great, in that it gives us an extra chance to learn from others. I hope there is something in this for you to learn from. May God bless you, and thank you for the topic.
-E
Yes, as others have stated, people process grief differently. I read some helpful books about this a few years ago. Grief can bring out anger, denial, depression, anxiety.So I just went to a wake yesterday because my cousins grandmother died. But when I went to console one individual he was rude about it. an example is when I said sorry for your loss he said yeahh in a rude way. I understand he was mourning but, what I don’t understand is why he would be rude about something like this?