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Lonely_guy

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I hope this is the right forum,if not,feel free to move it where it belongs,except for the trash.

I am a catholic,and that means that I am one 24/7,not only on Sundays. One thing however bothers me. Masturbation. I guess I am not the first one to ask this but I am new to this forum so I ask it anyway.
God has not only give us a free will but also all we need to enjoy everything from a good meal to a interesting book or TV-show. If we are married sex is acceptable (as long as we don’t enjoy it to much?) but if not,no sex. Isn’t that wrong? It is a sin,or is it. We all know the story about Oona and what he did,but that was different. He did not masturbate. He only made sure that pregnancy was out of the question and in that went against God’s will. If I want to enjoy sex and as I wrote earlier in this question,my body. I can’t marry,done it once so that’s it. Or I can marry but not in a Catholic Church. I am 50+ but still have sexual needs. What is so wrong in it. The “lust”? I think about my x-wife when I do masturbate. (And even when I was married there had to be “lust” for both to be able to enjoy sex.) I know that on this,and all other web-sites that are about faith and God there is not one single person who have not masturbate. So,what is so wrong that it is a sin? I can get drunk if I want and nobody cares. I can eat to much because the food is tasty,and that is not a sin. I can smoke and I wonder if anyone ever has confessed that before communion. Everything that is with in the limit of a “earthly law” is more or less OK or at least not a “big” sin,except for masturbating. Why?
 
:mad:

I just wrote a big essay and I deleted the whole thing instead of just one line.

On pressing the ‘undo’ button, nothing happened!

There should be a save button!

😦
 
I know how you feel. Yesterday I did write a e-mail to a friend for about half an hour and then I did press something,I think,and it was gone. I know there is a trick to get it back (recall) but I can’t find it.
 
Does it help by saying I wish I knew the answer too?

I am anglican and likewise though we don’t have to confess to the priest before mass, am sure its an topic that is off most people confessional list though am pretty well sure that everyone has repeatedly committed that sin, since its classed as a sin. There may be a few around brave enough to share it. But there again, do the smokers share that they continue to smoke when they know its better for them to not, drink, food and likewise. People with a real smoke, drink food problem who are working at wanting to control it may confess but I bet you find on the whole most of these issues do go unconfessed. In the Anglican Confession we have a bit that says, ‘and any of sins that have been forgotten’ I wonder how many are forgotten or conviently forgotten.

I suppose the easiest way to look at masterbation is that God didn’t make us as robots but as human beings with free will. By free will I mean we are completely free to think and do whatever it is we do. Okay so there may be severe consequences if we did somethings Eg if we choose to commit murder then we will be punished but we know that before doing so and that allows us to asses whether the need to comit murder is greater than the punishment that be given to us. Free will allows us to assess what is right and what is good and we do so accordingly.

Some things will be harder for us to achieve. Masterbation being one of the areas we find it hard to achieve not to do no matter how low or high ones limbido is there will be times we give in. This is where God is wonderful because he does not judge us in the way we judge each other. He doesn’t say to us, well you did that just minutes ago and you will do it again regardless so why should I forgive you in this instance? No we might do that to one another but God does not. That doesn’t give us the right to go ahead and comit sin anyway. But it does allow us to feel comforted to keep on trying to change our ways and be sorry with God. We will all struggle at times to deal with masterbation. Every single Christian. We will each have our thresholds of when we cave in. Is it easier when one is married so it becomes legitimate? Not being married I don’t know but I would say sex in union with a married partner is not sin but sex through greed with a married partner is sin even if its mutual consent between each other. Sin is more about the intention of our acts and hence that is why masterbation is classed as sin as its considered to be greed. Along with smoking, drinking, over eating. selfishness etc they are all sins. Its the greed aspect that can it sinful as such. We are hurting ourselves and if the Holy Spirit is dwelling in us as we are ‘taught’ to believe then we are damaging Gods spirit. We are damaging the home where God can live within us. How would you like it if someone came in and damaged your home - through greed? Imagine our bodies as a home for God and am sure we would abuse it less though yes temptation does get in the way but God forgives us as he made us human so we are free to love him freerly. Along with freedom comes a price to pay and masterbation is one of those prices to pay.
But as to whether anyone confesses it to a priest - I don’t know? And I don’t know what a priest would do if anyone confessed with detail.
Next time anyone wants to masterbate then it might be easier to think of your body as a home where God lives and to do so, would be pushing God out for you to be able to commit that act? Does that help?
 
The pleasure of sexual release through masturbation is technically sinful, more so if an obsession with it surpasses any reflection on the reasons one needs to act on their lustful thoughts. It is an act that can minimize one’s interaction with people (because we can “satisfy” ourselves), or take up time that could be spent in a more productive activity. The lustful thoughts can take on an exaggerated sense of what love is, and often pornography is used as an inspirational tool to “perform”. We all fall in many ways, too much of anything is usually a bad thing, and your idea that man cannot live without sexual gratification is basically not true…although modern society has raised it to an almost god-like status. Good luck.
 
Lonely_guy said:
I hope this is the right forum,if not,feel free to move it where it belongs,except for the trash.

I am a catholic,and that means that I am one 24/7,not only on Sundays. One thing however bothers me. Masturbation. I guess I am not the first one to ask this but I am new to this forum so I ask it anyway.
God has not only give us a free will but also all we need to enjoy everything from a good meal to a interesting book or TV-show. If we are married sex is acceptable (as long as we don’t enjoy it to much?) but if not,no sex. Isn’t that wrong? It is a sin,or is it. We all know the story about Oona and what he did,but that was different. He did not masturbate. He only made sure that pregnancy was out of the question and in that went against God’s will. If I want to enjoy sex and as I wrote earlier in this question,my body. I can’t marry,done it once so that’s it. Or I can marry but not in a Catholic Church. I am 50+ but still have sexual needs. What is so wrong in it. The “lust”? I think about my x-wife when I do masturbate. (And even when I was married there had to be “lust” for both to be able to enjoy sex.) I know that on this,and all other web-sites that are about faith and God there is not one single person who have not masturbate. So,what is so wrong that it is a sin? I can get drunk if I want and nobody cares. I can eat to much because the food is tasty,and that is not a sin. I can smoke and I wonder if anyone ever has confessed that before communion. Everything that is with in the limit of a “earthly law” is more or less OK or at least not a “big” sin,except for masturbating. Why?
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With God all things are possible! His grace is available to us if we just ask. NOTHING is impossible with Him! Through our struggles we learn what we are and how much we need Him.

Oh…getting drunk on purpose…God cares! He loves the drunk and wants him to be at peace with Him, the Healer of all our ills. Drunkenness and excessive overeating is not good for us. (Gluttony). All the good food is given to us by God.

In a good marriage the marriage embrace is not based on lust (thinking of one’s self only). It can be joyous and mutually grace-giving to one another.

Everything God created is good, and gives us much joy when used according to His plan.

May the Lord bless you and guide you, with His grace and strength!
 
Dear L.,

It’s good that you posted, and it took courage. I can see that God is knocking on the door of your heart. He’s using your unease as an invitation for you to draw closer to Him.

You’ve educated yourself a little about the topic of masturbation, but there is more for you to learn. And, yes, those other activities of getting drunk and overeating also can be sinful. What they all have in common is a misuse of the good things given to us by God.

In the area of sexuality, God has provided pleasure for a two-fold purpose: 1) to bring a husband and wife closer together, and 2) to encourage us to bring children into the world. Any use of our sexual faculties outside of those purposes is sinful.

If I may, it seems to me that you may be using masturbation as a way to fill up a need in your life, Mr. Lonely. You can try all sorts of things, but what you really need is to fall in love with Jesus Christ. Then, over time, He will help you overcome sinful habits if you want to. How can you deepen your love for Christ? Here are some suggestions:
  1. The next time you go to confession, consider that the reasn you are there is part of the reason why Christ had to die that agonizing death on the cross. Tell him you’re sorry. Ask Him to help you.
  2. Visit the tabernacle at your Church and pour out your heart to Him. Tell Him your troubles. Ask Him to give you what you truly need. Go regularly if you can.
  3. If you have the time and finances, go on a retreat, a silent retreat if available, and let Him speak to the depths of your soul.
It’s only through Christ that you can break out of this.

Sincerely,
JohnPaul
 
Lonely_guy said:
I hope this is the right forum,if not,feel free to move it where it belongs,except for the trash.

I am a catholic,and that means that I am one 24/7,not only on Sundays. One thing however bothers me. Masturbation. I guess I am not the first one to ask this but I am new to this forum so I ask it anyway.
God has not only give us a free will but also all we need to enjoy everything from a good meal to a interesting book or TV-show. If we are married sex is acceptable (as long as we don’t enjoy it to much?) but if not,no sex. Isn’t that wrong? It is a sin,or is it. We all know the story about Oona and what he did,but that was different. He did not masturbate. He only made sure that pregnancy was out of the question and in that went against God’s will. If I want to enjoy sex and as I wrote earlier in this question,my body. I can’t marry,done it once so that’s it. Or I can marry but not in a Catholic Church. I am 50+ but still have sexual needs. What is so wrong in it. The “lust”? I think about my x-wife when I do masturbate. (And even when I was married there had to be “lust” for both to be able to enjoy sex.) I know that on this,and all other web-sites that are about faith and God there is not one single person who have not masturbate. So,what is so wrong that it is a sin? I can get drunk if I want and nobody cares. I can eat to much because the food is tasty,and that is not a sin. I can smoke and I wonder if anyone ever has confessed that before communion. Everything that is with in the limit of a “earthly law” is more or less OK or at least not a “big” sin,except for masturbating. Why?
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Never have I heard any teaching that in a consecrated marriage we can have sex, “but not enjoy it too much.” I think you are mistaken.

Second, if you were married and divorced, depending on circumstances you may or may not be able to marry again in the Church. Only a priest can advise you. I think you are mistaken here too. Though not all marriages can be nullified, only you and the priest can know that after consultation.

I think you are confusing right marital relations with “lust.” Lust would be outside of marital relations and outside of the laws of the Church. Pope John Paul II stated that lust is different than sexual desire for one’s spouse.

Masturbation. The Church’s teaching has not changed on this in 2,000 years. It is viewed as a grave matter because it is use of the sexual faculty outside of marriage.

I know that last answer will not seem helpful or like a cop out. I really would suggest that you pray on this and consult with a priest. I do believe that there is some misunderstanding with some of the statements you made.
 
Thank you so much for all good and loving answers. My divorce was a thing I never wanted to happen. I will not go in to details but lets say that I was surprised. Our marriage was never good but I did love her a lot and I was sixteen years younger when we divorced and that is how long I have been on my own. I have dated a few time but somehow it did not feel right. To me it has always been top-priority that my wife did enjoy sex more then I did in hope that she would try the same. Needless to say it never went as I did hope. She did like sex,as I did,but I reckon I was the wrong man. She wanted so much and all was things I could not offer. (If I would have a better job and a whole lot of money I think we still would be married,it sounds unfair but I am very much afraid that it is true.) So I am lonely,and I still want sex. I know masturbation is a big sin,and I struggle every day with it,it is the only sin I commit unless smoking is not a sin. I am fed up with all this and every day is like a to high mountain to climb. God takes care of me every day and I do pray many many times each day so that is in OK I hope. I wake up every morning looking my dog straight in her eyes and that is good,at least she loves me,but I would really like to wake up beside a woman but that will never happen and I am sure I am on my way straight to hell and that is not nice.
 
I pray that every day you wake up with a deeper awareness of the Lord’s love for you. He is ALWAYS at your side.

Do your part…pursue the Lord and let Him take you in His arms.

Ask our Blessed Mother for her intercession.

Seek for answers in the Lord, in prayer, sacraments, and the Church.

Begin the journey…Jesus makes all things new again!
 
Lonely_guy said:
What is so wrong in it. The “lust”? I think about my x-wife when I do masturbate. (And even when I was married there had to be “lust” for both to be able to enjoy sex.) I know that on this,and all other web-sites that are about faith and God there is not one single person who have not masturbate. So,what is so wrong that it is a sin? I can get drunk if I want and nobody cares. I can eat to much because the food is tasty,and that is not a sin. I can smoke and I wonder if anyone ever has confessed that before communion. Everything that is with in the limit of a “earthly law” is more or less OK or at least not a “big” sin,except for masturbating. Why?
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Drinking, overeating and sensuality are all potentially sinful and in fact harmful if they are distracting you from the will of God in favor of you own will. The problem is none of these behaviors bring you to sustained joy…they are all fleeting and therefor become habitual as you must do them over and over again to achieve a short term pleasure. Denial of self, as Jesus instructed, requires you to move from serving your own will to serving God’s will. When you do that the “desires” will fade as you will find peace and happiness that does sustain you.
 
Once more,thank you all for the answers and prayers. But my life is useless. I never wanted it to be like this. What ever I do I think is a sin. I don’t drink to much,ever,but if I would I imagine that I would live under a boat by now. I don’t do “stupid things”. And it is not that I would masturbate each day as often as possible,maybe once every month,and I always stop before you know what…I try do what is right,I really do. I don’t date,heck,I could not afford even a ticket to a movie. And what use would it be to date when all I can do is hold someones hand? I can’t marry again,I am catholic. Well,I can’t afford to go to church neither,the bus fare is to much for my wallet. All free time I spend with my dog thinking about all what I never will be able to have. And I don’t want much. Maybe a raise would be nice but I have no degree in anything so I get paid as one who don’t have one. My job I do with pride and as good as I can,and sometimes I wonder is that also a sin. I mean to be proud to do a lousy job as good as you can. Guess it is. In short,I don’t have a life. I exist but I don’t have a life. (Sorry for being so down but I need to let someone know what hell my life is.) I have no friends. I don’t own anything above personal things and clothes. I am nobody,and that is fine by me. No problem,if I would have a life. I have reach the point of not only no return but also the point where I will stay for the rest of my life and then I go to hell. I wish I would mean something for someone except my dog. My children do call about three times every year and they drop by at x-mas but that is that. Well,maybe the world need a looser,and if so,I hope I will get a Nobel for being one.
 
I just now watched a few minutes of the first site you posted. Wow! So uplifting!
 
Lonely_guy said:
Once more,thank you all for the answers and prayers. But my life is useless. I never wanted it to be like this. What ever I do I think is a sin. I don’t drink to much,ever,but if I would I imagine that I would live under a boat by now. I don’t do “stupid things”. And it is not that I would masturbate each day as often as possible,maybe once every month,and I always stop before you know what…I try do what is right,I really do. I don’t date,heck,I could not afford even a ticket to a movie. And what use would it be to date when all I can do is hold someones hand? I can’t marry again,I am catholic. Well,I can’t afford to go to church neither,the bus fare is to much for my wallet. All free time I spend with my dog thinking about all what I never will be able to have. And I don’t want much. Maybe a raise would be nice but I have no degree in anything so I get paid as one who don’t have one. My job I do with pride and as good as I can,and sometimes I wonder is that also a sin. I mean to be proud to do a lousy job as good as you can. Guess it is. In short,I don’t have a life. I exist but I don’t have a life. (Sorry for being so down but I need to let someone know what hell my life is.) I have no friends. I don’t own anything above personal things and clothes. I am nobody,and that is fine by me. No problem,if I would have a life. I have reach the point of not only no return but also the point where I will stay for the rest of my life and then I go to hell. I wish I would mean something for someone except my dog. My children do call about three times every year and they drop by at x-mas but that is that. Well,maybe the world need a looser,and if so,I hope I will get a Nobel for being one.
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Lonely Guy,

I see why you took that name for yourself. Thank you for telling us about all the problems you have to face every day. You are so discouraged! Guess what? A great saint named Ignatius of Loyola said that discouragement never comes from God. Think about this: you had to tell us about your life, but God already knows your life and everything about you. He knows that your wife divorced you. He knows that you don’t have extra money. The best part is that, just because your life is a certain way with things you can’t control, you will NOT go to hell. Uh uh.

God is very happy that you are struggling against your sin, and He is very happy that you pray often to Him. Oh yeah, He also is happy that you take pride in your job. This is from the Bible: “Well done, my good and faithful servant. Since you were faithful in small matters, I will give you great responsibilities. Come, share your master’s joy.”🙂

Do you have a Bible you can read? If not, can you ask your kids to get you one for Christmas?

-JohnPaul
 
Hey lonely guy, it is a difficult situation that you are in. It is probably addiction and not habit. It is probably more serious that you realize. You need the sacrament of reconciliation as soon as possible. A good Priest will be able to give you spiritual direction and help you understand how serious this matter is. You have made the right step in seeking advise, God loves you very much. I believe it was Padre Pio that said if you get upset with yourself because you have sinned again that it is Pride but when you realize how much you have hurt Jesus and are truly sorryful for that hurt you are on your way to healing. It is very possible to live a life of ‘Chasity’, maybe that is the plan for you, maybe there is another marriage in your future. If you need to go to confession weekly, daily if needed, receive the the ‘Body and Blood’ of Christ weekly or daily, only in the state of grace of course without mortal sin. Please do not get discouraged, get involved with the church, meet catholic singles if you feel compelled. Keep yourself busy and your mind occupied. Pray the Rosary everyday and our Blessed Mother will help you… Ask the Saints to help you, you will overcome, God 's grace is sufficient. Read the Bible, the Catechism, watch EWTN, listen to Catholic Radio… It is wonderful that you re seeking help, just remember you have free will and it is up to us to choose Christ. A few short minutes of pleasure can’t compare to the joy a life of Chasity can bring. We are all called to be Saints… Keep trying you will succeed, God wants you in Heaven for eternity… Choose Christ, God Bless.
 
Once more,thank you all for your answers and the fact that I don’t feel so lonely anymore. I have never told anyone about my life. I am not afraid to do it. It is just so hard. And yes,I have a Holy Bible and I read it every day,once in the morning and once in the evening. It is old and looks very used,as it is. That Bible is my “life-line” and I get so much from it. I know that God love me,I think,and that is what keep me going. I talk to Him a lot each day,not only in prayers but I talk to Him. That is something I have done all my life. I have faith,no doubts about what He want me to do,and maybe that is why my sins feels heavier then I can carry.
 
Well God did say that he would not put more on us than we can bear. And let me tell you that you are not a worthless person and you have gifts that God has given you. If your wife left you because you didn’t make enough money, it is her loss. Life here is a vapor and passes quickly.

Sure it is OK to have a nice home and car but putting possessions above God is a grave sin. If your wife measured success by who has the most material possessions, then it would not produce a happy marriage.

You are just as valuable in God’s eyes as the President of Ford Motor Company, or the CEO of the largest healthcare system in the world. God has plans for you, keep your chin up and look for the best in life. And never feel you are worthless.

God Bless…
 
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