Why?

[tskrobacz]

Well God did say that he would not put more on us than we can bear. And let me tell you that you are not a worthless person and you have gifts that God has given you. If your wife left you because you didn’t make enough money, it is her loss. Life here is a vapor and passes quickly.

Sure it is OK to have a nice home and car but putting possessions above God is a grave sin. If your wife measured success by who has the most material possessions, then it would not produce a happy marriage.

You are just as valuable in God’s eyes as the President of Ford Motor Company, or the CEO of the largest healthcare system in the world. God has plans for you, keep your chin up and look for the best in life. And never feel you are worthless.

God Bless…

Actually, God sometimes allows us to experience more than we can bear as a means of calling us to surrender fully to his will and his love. Sometimes our cross is meant to reorient our thinking and our lives in a way that requires us to shift. This often feels like death (and it is)…the Good news is that death is always followed by resurrection.

 

[Lonely_guy]

I know I am in trouble with this one. I can stay away from it for long times and then I suddenly start thinking and…I don’t care about more money then I need. I am OK without a car,and as long as I have food for my dog,she is the center of my life,that may be wrong but that is how it is,and cigarettes I am OK. Or I am not OK. I don’t know what I am. A old man with a habit to sin once in a while. I am so lost. I don’t even want to marry anymore even if it would be possible. I am good like it is,except for my “urge”. My wife wanted children and a man who could support her and take care of the kids when she went out “with the girls” so to speak. I know she was faithful,no doubts there,but I did not like it because I know that I am nothing and out in the night there are men with money and the right connections. Well,I reckon I got the laugh in the end. She did marry again,and somehow her new and present,husband who was on his way up are now doing the same thing I do. Driving a lorry to get food on table. It is a funny story and true but there is that famous “but” in the end,I still love my x. I thought love would be enough but that was not the case. And to put another twist in this sorry but true soap-opera I really can’t get over her. I wish I would have at least try to get some degree in something but I have this problem with understanding books. I can’t learn from 'em,I need to do or see to understand and learn. But one good thing has come in to my life. This web-site. I feel at home here,and that is all thanks to you guys. Maybe,just maybe,I am on the mend. God bless you all.

 

[Dorothy]

“Lonely”,

If you want to be on the mend and keep asking the Lord…you will be “mended”!

You can substitute different thoughts (it is a battle, let the Lord fight it!) when wrong thoughts are tempting you.

The peace of the Lord be with you!

 

[Leegal]

I can’t marry again,I am catholic. Well,I can’t afford to go to church neither,the bus fare is to much for my wallet. All free time I spend with my dog thinking about all what I never will be able to have.

I realize your means are limited, but I do implore you to go to a Church and make a meeting with a priest. In fact, contact the rectory and ask if there’s a parishoner there who lives near you and would take you to Church and home. There are many Churches that work out these arrangements. Even if a city as big as NYC, where there’s a Church about every 10 blocks, they offer these kinds of arrangements. If you live far from a Church, they may just have some kind of car pooling or some kind parishoner would be willing to take you. It cannot hurt to ask.

I think you will find hope there and not feel so all alone. You might find that lifting of your spirit enough to guide you to pursue a more satisfying life.

God Bless. I will pray for you.

 

[Lonely_guy]

I can ask the priest to come to my home,I once did when I felt I can’t handle it anymore. It did help. But masturbation is a hard thing to talk about,for some reason it is harder to talk to a man about it. I guess this is just about the only time I wish we would have female priests. I have always find out that talking to a woman is easier. But I will do what I must,I know I need to stop this. Once a month and never to the “end” is not enough. I miss going to the church as I once did twice a week but now I can’t. Standing on the shore I can see the church tower but the bus is to expensive. But it feels good to not be alone with this anymore. I still think it is unfair that I am in this situation but what can I do. Thees are the cards I have to play with and they are not the best hand,I will do my best though. If not for me then for all of you who have taken time and answer me. God bless you all.

 

[Jaguar]

If I might ask … why is there a difference for you, in your “never to the end statement?”

I think speaking to a man would be much more effective. He’ll be 100% more likely to understand your problem.

Go speak with a priest.

 

[Dorothy]

I can ask the priest to come to my home,I once did when I felt I can’t handle it anymore. It did help. But masturbation is a hard thing to talk about,for some reason it is harder to talk to a man about it. I guess this is just about the only time I wish we would have female priests. I have always find out that talking to a woman is easier. But I will do what I must,I know I need to stop this. Once a month and never to the “end” is not enough. I miss going to the church as I once did twice a week but now I can’t. Standing on the shore I can see the church tower but the bus is to expensive. But it feels good to not be alone with this anymore. I still think it is unfair that I am in this situation but what can I do. Thees are the cards I have to play with and they are not the best hand,I will do my best though. If not for me then for all of you who have taken time and answer me. God bless you all.

The priest is there for all of us; he wants to forgive a repentant heart. He stands in for our Lord Jesus Christ and rejoices when someone desires to be absolved. After any embarrassment you may feel, there is a huge weight lifted from you! Be not afraid!

 

[Lonely_guy]

Thank you. I will call a priest and hope someone in our Parrish has time to come. They know I don’t are able to afford the bus-fare so I don’t have to explain. And as I wrote,for me it is easier to talk to a woman. I don’t really know why but it always have. I think a woman understand thees things as a man do. One thing though I have “always” wonder. Why is sex sensitive to talk about. It is normal,at least if you are married,and it is nothing to be a shame about. Or is it? When I was young sex was not a subject to teach in school. And if I did ask at home the answers where pretty much “don’t talk about those things,it is a sin and you better understand that”. So all I knew when I was grown up came from magazines and friends,and I knew that was not the truth about it. I remember when I was a kid that I once asked how I came to this world and the answer was,well,it was a nice one but far from helpful,that my parents went shopping for a arm here,a leg there and then they found a nice head in a third shop. I laugh at it now,then I did believe that was the case. But what I mean is that also the RCC try to stay away from sex and “sweep it under the carpet” when possible. And when I in my questions wrote that sex is a thing we should not enjoy,just do it and hope for a child it was what was told. To me sex is a natural thing,I can,or well,not anymore,ever,to enjoy. It is a comfort though to be as old as I am,soon I will not have any feelings for sex so ´maybe this is a thing that will past by it’s own.

 

[Nelka]

Do you have a Deacon at your church?

He will know much about the church and if he is married will understand more about your situation.

 

[Dorothy]

Thank you. I will call a priest and hope someone in our Parrish has time to come. They know I don’t are able to afford the bus-fare so I don’t have to explain. And as I wrote,for me it is easier to talk to a woman. I don’t really know why but it always have. I think a woman understand thees things as a man do. One thing though I have “always” wonder. Why is sex sensitive to talk about. It is normal,at least if you are married,and it is nothing to be a shame about. Or is it? When I was young sex was not a subject to teach in school. And if I did ask at home the answers where pretty much “don’t talk about those things,it is a sin and you better understand that”. So all I knew when I was grown up came from magazines and friends,and I knew that was not the truth about it. I remember when I was a kid that I once asked how I came to this world and the answer was,well,it was a nice one but far from helpful,that my parents went shopping for a arm here,a leg there and then they found a nice head in a third shop. I laugh at it now,then I did believe that was the case. But what I mean is that also the RCC try to stay away from sex and “sweep it under the carpet” when possible. And when I in my questions wrote that sex is a thing we should not enjoy,just do it and hope for a child it was what was told. To me sex is a natural thing,I can,or well,not anymore,ever,to enjoy. It is a comfort though to be as old as I am,soon I will not have any feelings for sex so ´maybe this is a thing that will past by it’s own.

Our beloved Blessed John Paul II wrote “Theology of the Body” and gave talks on it. You may want to explore this site and read more about it.
theologyofthebody.net/index.php?option=com_content&task=blogsection&id=5&Itemid=48

 

[Nate13]

As a start you seem slightly confused by what lust is:

2351 Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.

Definition of inordinate for further clarification:

1. not within proper or reasonable limits; immoderate; excessive: He drank an inordinate amount of wine.
2. unrestrained in conduct, feelings, etc.: an inordinate admirer of beauty.
3. disorderly; uncontrolled.
4. not regulated; irregular: inordinate hours.

I believe you said something to the effect that “we aren’t supposed to enjoy sex too much”. Lust absolutely does not mean limiting how much we enjoy something. Lust is about putting restraints in place so we are capable of truly enjoying sex.

An analogy that might help is thinking about the difference between someone who chugs a good bottle of wine as opposed to someone who drinks it in moderation and is able to appreciate the time and effort that went in to making it so good. The problem is that many people in today’s society might consider chugging the bottle of wine to actually be the way to enjoy it and thus why the line between what is right and what is wrong has become so skewed. Drunkenness is seen as a sign of enjoyment, and all that was beautiful about the bottle of wine is cast aside and trampled on in the name of reaching an end. The question is can you truly enjoy something when you look back at the destruction you caused getting there.

 

[mro]

There’s always nocturnal emission which isn’t sinful!

 

[Lonely_guy]

God bless you all. You really make me understand my problem and how big it really is. And yes we have a Deacon,or two,and as far as I know they are married,at least one of them. During the day I have much time to think,one good thing about being a driver. So I think,and a lot. As I see it I masturbate,or I don’t know if it is masturbation when you stop before you all know what. Later on I feel bad and promise to never do it again and a month or so later I am doing it again. But it must be a sin? That is how I see it,as a sin. I do not read “those kind of magazines” or watch porn when doing it. I suddenly feel so lonely and I always think that since I can’t,no,let’s be honest,never want to re-marry,I have the “right” to enjoy what I am missing. This probably don’t make any sense what so ever? I think of my x and then I understand that it is wrong and I stop. I try to make it her fault,which maybe true,but that does not make it right. I feel that I do wrong and I wish every time that it was the last. It is not lust,it is not a habit and it is for sure not a addiction the way I see it. But it is wrong. So why can’t I stop doing it when I know it is wrong? I do my best to find excuses for what I do and soon understand that there are non. To make it short,I am lost with this matter. I have never in my life hurt anyone on purpose,that I can say for sure. And that is not because I am a “good guy”. I am always afraid that what I may do to others may happen to me. That is the only thing that keep me from hurting,on purpose,others. When I was kid I was not the popular one but I was not bullied,just lonely,and those I thought was my friends never was. I had one good friend though. The most beautiful girl around. She was my friend. We never dated. We did kiss sometimes and as teens I did my share of drinking to much but thees days I don’t the stuff anymore. I gave that up when I divorced. Anyway,we once fell a sleep on the same sofa and I remember that the best was to have someone beside you. The feeling of an other human. I do miss her though. I saw her some five-six years ago. She was still a beauty,hair of gold and blue eyes that make any man crazy. I even thought about her when I got married but I did love my wife,very very much and I reckon I still do. I am so lost,big time.

 

[JohnPaul0]

I can ask the priest to come to my home,I once did when I felt I can’t handle it anymore. It did help. But masturbation is a hard thing to talk about,for some reason it is harder to talk to a man about it. .

Hi, Lonely Guy! I haven’t been able to be online for a couple of days, and I’ve been wondering how you’ve been doing. I’m glad you’re making some friends here.

Let me share a couple of things that have helped me about going to confession. The main thing is this: priests are sworn to the “seal of the confessional.” That means that they cannot ever tell anyone what has been confessed to them. And they don’t. The person explaining it me to compared confessing to a priest to talking to a wall: neither one is going to repeat what you say!

Also, a priest said once that, after a priest has been hearing confessions for a few years, he’s heard it all. So, whatever you tell him is something that he’s heard before. So, don’t think that he’ll think that there’s something unusual about you.

Please do call the church and go out there for confession and see if there is a way for you to get there for Mass each week.

-JohnPaul

 

[Lonely_guy]

Thank you for those words. I know a priest can’t talk about what people confess,and I have always been able to confess all other things then this. But yesterday I started to think,a thing,according to my x-wife never to do because nothing good would come out of it. But I did it anyway,and I feel that just writing about has been helpful. The fact that also others,not only God,knows,make it easy to say “no” when I think about masturbation. So I think I am on the right track. It is easier here,on a web-site where nobody really know who is who,not even if both can belong to the same Parrish. But I will talk about this also to a priest,once I figure out a way to attend mass. If nothing else I can ask if I could use the lorry I drive. But thank you all. I had my doubts when I saw this forum and I was not sure if it would be a good thing to sign up,but I believe it is. Catholics need catholics and here at least,I am among others with the same faith.

 

[JohnPaul0]

Catholics need catholics and here at least,I am among others with the same faith.

Yes, I’m learning the same lesson in my life, too!

 

[rhiannonh]

Perhaps like me you think too much and that can get in the way.

My own advice to you is to try and develop a network of friends. Christian and non Christian. It doesn’t matter for yo will then have a balanced view on issues that are concerning you.

I think the main thing you need to do is be able to feel the presence of God and you will be alright. We all sin and remember that God does not grade our sins. We do, but God doesn’t as I believe someone earlier said God loves the sinner.

People say talk to the priest and quite clearly that isn’t so easy for you to do or you wouldn’t be here talking about it. However, their advice is right and as you have discovered in the past by the sounds of it you found that helped you. I don’t have the same difficulty but have my own as we all do and had an honest talk with ‘my’ priest this last week. It was a hard talk in many respects but because I was able to be 100% honest with him I am now being able to see some results of the talk, even though that wasn’t my intention and other people have said similar. My intention was to let him know where I was at or rather not at, at the moment. He listened very well and I think its the first time I have been able a full talk though its not like I haven’t said things in right places elsewhere but somehow my mind is clearer about one action to take though wasn’t looking for that.

Okay, so I am in a different position. But I do appreciate how hard it is to pick up the phone. Good listeners understand that and on the phone it be your chance to say what it is you want to talk about.

Some say a Deacon because they are married and will understand your own concern. But surely if a RC priest is celebate (spelling) then he will more likely understand the need and greed and how to handle situation to help you. Some may be shy? But some will be able to let you talk openly and I know how much different it is being able to talk openly - whatever the issue is.

I think you can see here from the number of posts that suggest talk to a priest, that seems to be your next step - your choice of course. Sometimes it can take awhile to feel better from that talk, but you be able to sort out from it what steps you can put in place the next time you find it is too much for you. You will be the only one who can determin what works and don’t work. I am having that difficulty right now in other areas. Am putting things that I can do in place to change my thinking about this time of year. It is hard but as people have told me in the past it isn’t worth doing if it not hard and yes there is a sense of achievement by not caving into our desires to sin. Have you set up any reward system in the past? Different things work for different people as we are all unique as that is how God made us.

You are special to God and God loves you for who you are and wants you to be happy and love him. By working at sin means you are loving God. None of us are perfect and many of us sin 7x77 and more and that does not give us permission to sin again, it is what helps get us through the darker sins in our mind. Remembering that God doesn’t grade the sins. Mankind has done that.

Right now you can write down a thought that will help you when you are thinking about your own sin that in time will help you turn off from sin. It has to be a positive thought. Keep it somewhere safe so you can meditate on it next time you are in need. Pick up that phone and ring a priest and they will hopefully be able to help you through and give you tips to manage your thoughts. Its about controlling our thoughts which is hard but with God possible to do. Or if too difficult, learning to trust God to help you through. Or as you have done here, talk about it. As said to me, because I am talking about it means that probably less likely to go through with it. Try not to think about it and distract yourself with what is meaningful to you.And remember God loves you.

But as of others I do recommend a face to face full discussion with a priest and its a shame you don’t actually know one to have that regular support when its tough for you. And as said before may be they will find someone who can give you a lift to church so you don’t feel so alone.
You are in my prayers and take care

 

[rhiannonh]

You are in my prayers and I advocate what everyone has said here about talking to a priest. If you choose to talk in or out of confession - that is your choice but I don’t know but I do know priests are a lot more experienced that we think. Its hard to begin but just let God guide you and you will be okay. I talk in church because am uneasy at anyone being at home. But we are all different. Also I did talk out of confession because it felt freer. Confession wasn’t the right place because sin and forgiveness wasn’t being sought after either.
You have said how you felt better afterwards. My talk was to let it be known where I am at. I didn’t think I would feel better because it wasn’t about that. I talked on tuesday and today I now know what I am doing to try and help change my thoughts this weekend. I wasn’t expecting that outcome. One step at a time and don’t think about next week etc. Just one step at a time. I now know there is someone else I can turn to. Talk honestly. He is your closest friend whilst you are talking to him. He is the nearest human we have to God and it helps to share with humans. I wasn’t better at the time of the talk but I knew another person cared. That made a difference to me and what is more that evening I learned I had 100% trust in him as at the Advent Group the topic was connected in places and he could have tried to encourage me in someway to share my experience of light and dark. He didn’t and for that he has earned my trust. I listened instead and got extra from the readings. Remember that I talked out of confession and didn’t say anywhere about it being confidential. Not every priest is the same though and I guess I was lucky that he didn’t use anything I had said or try to get me to say but I totally trust him for not doing so
Please, go and have that talk because if nothing else - you will know that someone nearby cares. We are good to share to but just to have someone you can look at when you are in complete dispair not knowing how to turn - as with what happens in any time of need like you’re describing. Its amazing how much a priest knows but share with you rather than lecture you.
Go for it :grouphug:

 

[Lonely_guy]

Yes. I know confession is the only right way. There is one thing I don’t understand,or,actually many things but one thing about masturbation. In the CCC there are two answers to it. The first (2352) says,in the end,that it is “almost” (this is my translation,English is not my native language) OK,so to speak,taking in consideration the person,his situation in life and to a point,health. But in the other place,2396,masturbation is among a few other sins also a “big” sin. I am not seeking for a loop-hole to justify my masturbation,but those to quotes are contradictions. One rules out the other one. So I am bit confused here. It is like the RCC don’t really have made up is it a sin or not. I can’t afford to by a English CCC so I am stuck with the one I have in my native language,but I don’t think translation changes anything. Hence,I see masturbation as a sin,that is what it is. And there is the Bible. I read it every day,a habit but a good one I reckon,and there is not one single mention about masturbation. Nothing that would say it is wrong nor right. It is like it would not exist at all as an sexual “act” what so ever. Somewhere though the RCC has made it a sin. And as a catholic I must deal with it as a sin,but how do we know it is one? If Jesus would have said it is it would be clear. It is a sin. (Which is it.) Since I found this web-site more or less by good luck,I was not searching for any web-site,just surfing around,and then told all of you about it,there has been no problem. I mean,I don’t feel that I would ever more want to masturbate but I still need to confess. But could someone explain to me why one and one does not make two,so say?

 

[rhiannonh]

I have no idea if this will help but I so wish you are in England right now or do you get the English news…

The Jeremy Clarkson row, not of the strike but the other he talked about… Why am I saying this to you.

Suicide is considered a sin if you read the literature of the Church of England. But everyone has moved on to understanding more about the pressure etc. In own discovery priests are among the best people it seems to be able to talk honestly in or out of confession.
There are some issues that may be regarded as sin when they are written down as I said, in church literature, but in reality every one knows the the whole a lot better though mistakes do happen. Suicide being one of them because its so final and because love is needed. A way forward is needed. You are trying to do something about your own issue. You not just simply gratifying yourself at all. If you were, you wouldn’t have written everything here. You are trying to find a way forward. Yes there is room for that in confession because I assume you guys are like us in that there is a section for advice. But somehow being on your knees for a whole hour as you talk openly doesn’t strike comfortable. Unless of course the church has moved on with that because my last confession we were both sat comfortable though he was in the pew in front of me facing the altar… But I think you need friendship and trust in that talk and yes, confession once you have worked it through or reached a happier stage for you because I think you not that happy at the moment? but not whilst you are working it through.

Sin is a word to describe anything that takes us away from God. It doesn’t matter what you are doing. And yes written down by mankind there are grades of Sin but I believe God treats all Sin as Sin no worse or better because we are all Sinners aren’t we. If you are seeking forgiveness then yes confession is the way forward. But if you are seeking help, then I know I for one was better outside the confession. Even if the help is in the form of listening.

There are many things that have been regarded as sin but are better understood today. That does not excuse us but does allow us to understand sin better. Does allow us to know when confession is needed and when a good talk is needed. Confession is a part of healing. A good talk is a part of healing. There is no particular order but both are required to help us through. We need friendship, trust and God. We need an action plan to guide us when in that hard part. Although situation is different I am working on mine through being able to talk. Our action plans will also be very different. But that is a good way of putting other things in place when we are struggling. Find something to distract you when you are in that time. It wont ease it. I wont promise you nothings there. What it will do is give you something else to do. Step by baby step you will get there with God. We all have habits that do better for not doing. Well done for working forward on a habit that is upsetting you.