I was a pagan. I believed in the relativist notion that all religious practices that helped one to live a moral life and achieve spiritual peace were of equal worth. I believed in an ultimate truth, but that it could be reached from many different paths. In my case, it is because of my occult studies that I found my way back to the Church.
St. Augustine wrote in his Confessions that when he turned his back on God his face was no longer bathed with God’s divine light. Instead, Augustine, much like myself, sought the truth of God in things of the world that reflected it back to him. I found myself drawn to these reflections. Such reflections of God’s truth can be found in many things to varying degrees including the relgious and magical practices of the ancient pagans or those of the New Age. Ultimately, however, they are not the source of the truth. It took me a long time to realize that I had been chasing only glimmers of God and with each step I took I actually was going farther and farther away from Him.
I know why I rejected Catholicism in the first place. I know why NO amount of proselytizing could ever convince me to believe in Jesus as my personal savior. Much like my friends, I had very logical and reasonable excuses for my new beliefs and NO person on earth could EVER change my mind. Fortunately for me, a direct intervention of the Holy Spirit changed my mind. It happened one day: quitely and uneventfully. A knowledge overcame me and I simply knew, without any doubt, that the Catholic Church was the one true Church and the source of the Divine’s light on earth.
My reversion has been a challenge for my relationships with some of my most beloved friends because it is such a 180-degree turn from what they have come know and even appreciate about me. I know that I cannot express in words anything that will help to convey in a convincing fasion what I know in my heart to be true. However, since my friends are relativists in their own personal faith systems they do accept me, though sometimes I feel grudgingly.
Religious, magical and occult systems all reflect the light of God in one way or another. Sometimes the lack of light they reflect can be telling in and of itself. It is important to ultimately realize where that source of light truly is coming from, however, and head towards that instead.