wiccan and catholic getten married

[wcknight]

Marriage is tough enough even for folks in the same religion. Coming from 2 very different faiths makes it even tougher. I’ve been married for 30+ years. I’m Catholic my DW is not Catholic. When we met and got married, I was a lapsed Catholic.

There have been many difficult and trying times. As I retruned to the Church marriage also became more difficult, more conflicts, more differences in thinking and beliefs.

15 is way too young !!! You’re beliefs will change and evolve as will your fiancees. Your ability to adapt to each others faiths will be sorely tested. More than half of all marriages fail already. I would think it just about impossible for someone so young to make things work with such divergent beliefs.

Have a very long dating period, say for about 6 or 7 years ! IF you really should be married then you will still feel the same way about each other 6 or 7 years from now. There is no need to hurry into marriage. It is a very important life changing decision. We Catholics believe that marriage is for a life time, not just some temporary trial period.

Marriage takes a lot of hard work and you BOTH need to be absolutely sure that each of you will hold up their end of the marriage. I seriously doubt whether a 15 year old can fully understand and keep this type of life long commitment.

Get to know each other completely, find out anything and everything about each other, and pray that you are far luckier and more determined than all the folks who have married far too early and seen it fail.miserably.

It’s easy to love someone when you are totally infatuated and on friendly terms. The tough part is will you still be able to love each other, when you are totally miserable, angry, bored to death, and think your spouse is a horses a*** and out to make your life a living nightmare.

 

[reborn_pagan]

wow get me worried why dont’ ya…

 

[Ahimsa]

The tough part is will you still be able to love each other, when you are totally miserable, angry, bored to death, and think your spouse is a horses a*** and out to make your life a living nightmare.

Sounds like a horror-movie.

 

[ElizabethAnne]

Hello Reborn_Pagan,

Ok so I wrote out this huge response last night only for the site to crash on me, so I will try and rewrite it as it was.

I am a catholic (female) engaged to a wiccan (male). Scott and I have been together for 7 years. We were together for 4 years before he proposed.
Personally, I know how much I have changed in the last 10 years and I am 29, I can’t warn you enough that at 16- you cannot even think of making a serious commitment to someone because both of you will change and grow so much that it wouldn’t be fair to either one of you.
I think it’s fine to think about as in"oh wouldn’t that be nice" but to realistically think that in the next 5 years it will happen, could be setting you up for disappointment in the future.

Anyway, I digress… What I was originally getting at was that it is very possible for a catholic and a pagan to get married.
Scott and I have a very open and honest relationship and as such we have already had countless conversations, debates, arguments, and agreements about everything under the sun. I think if you are getting married to someone of a different faith that the most important thing that is common between the two of you are your morals and ethics. Scott and I have very similar beliefs (I know that it would be hard for many to believe but he has a very strong sense of what is right and wrong and what he will and will not do that is much in line with my beliefs).
You need to make sure that you have worked out the logistics of every possible scenario and evalute how that stacks up against your beliefs and hers and then make a decision if the results would be something that you could stand behind and support.

Scott supports me and the fact that I have a different religion than he does. He encourages me to follow my own faith.
We have symbols from both religions in various areas of the house.

Right now our only hang up is actually getting married. He wants his handfasting to be the legal ceremony and the Catholic church wants it’s ceremony to be the legal ceremony.
I would not begrudge him a wiccan handfasting and he would not begruge me a catholic wedding, so it looks like we will be having the marriage convalidated. (yes, I have already spoken to my priest about this and have already received dispensation to marry him).

Sorry for the long post, if you’s like to know anything else, please feel free to ask.

Am I to understand that you are a Catholic who is already living with your fiance and that you do not mind having occult symbols hanging around your house? Please correct me if I misread.

 

[rayne100]

Am I to understand that you are a Catholic who is already living with your fiance and that you do not mind having occult symbols hanging around your house? Please correct me if I misread.

You know, I’m not in any mood to debate my decisions with anyone. I find it disappointing that out of everything I said, the only thing you have to contribute is what you posted above.

So yes, I am a Catholic who is living with her fiance who is wiccan. We have symbols from both religions in our house.
The point of my post was to let Reborn_Pagan know that it is not unheard of for a catholic and a wiccan to marry. It was to let him know that the church will often give dispensation.
It was also to let him know that Even though it is possible, he is way too young to even think about getting married to anyone at this point in his life.
When he does think about getting married (be it catholic or not) he needs to make sure that the communication between them is very open and honest and that they discuss everything to know if their beliefs are compatible.

 

[ElizabethAnne]

You know, I’m not in any mood to debate my decisions with anyone. I find it disappointing that out of everything I said, the only thing you have to contribute is what you posted above.

So yes, I am a Catholic who is living with her fiance who is wiccan. We have symbols from both religions in our house.
The point of my post was to let Reborn_Pagan know that it is not unheard of for a catholic and a wiccan to marry. It was to let him know that the church will often give dispensation.
It was also to let him know that Even though it is possible, he is way too young to even think about getting married to anyone at this point in his life.
When he does think about getting married (be it catholic or not) he needs to make sure that the communication between them is very open and honest and that they discuss everything to know if their beliefs are compatible.

rayne100,

You certainly do not have to debate your positions with me. I was just trying to clarify what I read because it was very shocking to me. First, because as a Catholic I would never have pagan symbols in my home.

I think it is very important for anyone considering marrying in the Catholic Church to remember that by doing so, one is agreeing to do certain things. The Catholic spouse, for instance, must raise the children Catholic.

Additionally the Church teaches certain things about marriage. It is so much more than communication and being compatible. Catholics must ask themselves, Am I being called to marriage?, Am I being called by God to marry this particular person?, etc. I would also urge any Catholic planning to marry in the Catholic Church to ask themselves,
Am I planning to live my life and my marriage according to Church teaching?

The Church has so many beautiful things to say about marriage! I just think it’s good for non-Catholics to keep all this in mind when considering marriage to a Catholic.

God bless.

 

[rayne100]

rayne100,

You certainly do not have to debate your positions with me. I was just trying to clarify what I read because it was very shocking to me. First, because as a Catholic I would never have pagan symbols in my home.

So if you were marrying a budhist, or a jew or anyone of another religion, you would not allow them to display the things that remind them of their own beliefs? Is it particularly pagan or any religion? If so why?

Additionally the Church teaches certain things about marriage. It is so much more than communication and being compatible. Catholics must ask themselves, Am I being called to marriage?, Am I being called by God to marry this particular person?, etc. I would also urge any Catholic planning to marry in the Catholic Church to ask themselves,
Am I planning to live my life and my marriage according to Church teaching?

The Church has so many beautiful things to say about marriage! I just think it’s good for non-Catholics to keep all this in mind when considering marriage to a Catholic.

In this we agree. I had written so much more in my original post but it was deleted when my computer crashed. I left some things out of my original post the second time i tried to write.

 

[rayne100]

I am surprised that you have not responded to my first question.

 

[flameburns623]

okay jst to get it clear…im a guy, and my fiance’ is a girl lol i’ve had to many mistakes on this thing

It seems as if male practitioners of Wicca and native religions are culling the ranks of Catholic girls for mates. I did a eight month series of prenuptial counseling sessions with a couple in exactly this situation before performing a marriage for them.

 

[rayne100]

It seems as if male practitioners of Wicca and native religions are culling the ranks of Catholic girls for mates. I did a eight month series of prenuptial counseling sessions with a couple in exactly this situation before performing a marriage for them.

Sorry, what do you mean by culling the ranks?
What was the outcome of the couseling sessions. I am just curious.

 

[flameburns623]

Sorry, what do you mean by culling the ranks?
What was the outcome of the counseling sessions. I am just curious.

The expression ‘culling the ranks’ was an attempt at wry humor. If you’ve read the full thread you will notice that at least two male Wiccans were dating/engaged-to Catholic or lapsed-Catholic girls. I counseled yet a third couple in which this was also the situation. It appeared humorous to me that so many Wiccan males had to find mates not only outside of their own faith-tradition, but specifically members of the Roman Catholic Church.

I attempted for several months to prevail upon the couple to consult with a Roman Catholic priest and have the marriage performed by him. I did some leg work, including asking some questions of the apologists on this forum. I felt that her family–which apparently had more people who are practicing, active Christians–would prefer a Catholic wedding to a secular Justice of the Peace or a Protestant service. The couple were very reluctant to do this. Neither wanted to commit to raising their children exclusively as Roman Catholics. They wanted the children to be raised exposed to both traditions. I did manage to raise the opinion of the man–the non-Christian party–about Christianity. He was raised more-or-less as a Baptist and I suspect that Wicca is for him a youthful affectation; once children come along I suspect he will revert to his Christian heritage.

 

[rayne100]

The expression ‘culling the ranks’ was an attempt at wry humor. If you’ve read the full thread you will notice that at least two male Wiccans were dating/engaged-to Catholic or lapsed-Catholic girls. I counseled yet a third couple in which this was also the situation. It appeared humorous to me that so many Wiccan males had to find mates not only outside of their own faith-tradition, but specifically members of the Roman Catholic Church.

I attempted for several months to prevail upon the couple to consult with a Roman Catholic priest and have the marriage performed by him. I did some leg work, including asking some questions of the apologists on this forum. I felt that her family–which apparently had more people who are practicing, active Christians–would prefer a Catholic wedding to a secular Justice of the Peace or a Protestant service. The couple were very reluctant to do this. Neither wanted to commit to raising their children exclusively as Roman Catholics. They wanted the children to be raised exposed to both traditions. I did manage to raise the opinion of the man–the non-Christian party–about Christianity. He was raised more-or-less as a Baptist and I suspect that Wicca is for him a youthful affectation; once children come along I suspect he will revert to his Christian heritage.

Hey,
Thanks for taking the time to explain it to me, I wasn’t sure I was understanding it in the context of your post
I have read the entire post. Reborn_Pagan asked for advice regarding a particular situation, wouldn’t it be common for people within that situation to respond?
I don’t necessarily think that Male prectitioners are specifically searching out female catholics as mates. So far we have only heard from two who are in a commited relationship or married and the original poster. That makes three total out of how many members of this forum? Not a very large percentile.

 

[flameburns623]

I don’t necessarily think that Male prectitioners are specifically searching out female catholics as mates. So far we have only heard from two who are in a commited relationship or married and the original poster. That makes three total out of how many members of this forum? Not a very large percentile.

As I say, it was a humorous aside, not a sociological analysis. This is a Catholic forum so of course these sort of questions would almost invariably involve a Catholic in some way.

 

[rayne100]

As I say, it was a humorous aside, not a sociological analysis. This is a Catholic forum so of course these sort of questions would almost invariably involve a Catholic in some way.

I understand. At first I did get a chuckle, but when I started to think about it in more depth I started to wonder if I was infact missing the point of your statement. Sometimes I over analyze things.

Anyway, thank you for taking the time to respond.

 

[ElizabethAnne]

So if you were marrying a budhist, or a jew or anyone of another religion, you would not allow them to display the things that remind them of their own beliefs? Is it particularly pagan or any religion? If so why?

I understand what you’re asking and don’t mean to side-step it, but I really would never have married a non-Catholic. My Catholic faith is a huge, important part of my life, and I knew before I got married that I would want to share that faith with my husband. I also wanted to find someone who followed the teachings of the Church, someone I could trust not to try to pressure me into having premarital sex or cohabitating.

So, no I would not display symbols from any other religion in my house. I did at one time live with two pagan roommates, and had they wanted to place pagan symbols in the common areas, I would have strongly objected. After all, my crucifix and other articles were in my bedroom.

God bless.

 

[rayne100]

I understand what you’re asking and don’t mean to side-step it, but I really would never have married a non-Catholic. My Catholic faith is a huge, important part of my life, and I knew before I got married that I would want to share that faith with my husband. I also wanted to find someone who followed the teachings of the Church, someone I could trust not to try to pressure me into having premarital sex or cohabitating.

So, no I would not display symbols from any other religion in my house. I did at one time live with two pagan roommates, and had they wanted to place pagan symbols in the common areas, I would have strongly objected. After all, my crucifix and other articles were in my bedroom.

God bless.

Thank you for answering. I understand and respect your decision in regard to not marrying outside of the church and I know that you appreciate that that was one decision that could be made out of many but was the best decision (only decision) for you to make.

I also agree with the no religious symbols in the common area aspect of your post, however living with a roommate or two is entirely different then living with your husband.
I agree in a roommate situation, that it should be all or nothing, however how do you enforce that in a marriage?
(theoretically) do you both then not display any religious symbols at all or do you concede that each believes truthfully and honestly and deserves to have their own symbols present?
Please note that this is a theoretical question

 

[ElizabethAnne]

Hello again rayne100,

I almost qualified on my post that a roommate situation is not the same as a husband/wife situation. I never meant to say that one spouse should have such rules for the married couple’s home. And I would never presume to make that kind of decision for them.

For myself, I would be very uncomfortable with such symbols in my home. For that reason and many others, I would not marry a non-Catholic.

God bless.

 

[rayne100]

Hello again rayne100,

I almost qualified on my post that a roommate situation is not the same as a husband/wife situation. I never meant to say that one spouse should have such rules for the married couple’s home. And I would never presume to make that kind of decision for them.

For myself, I would be very uncomfortable with such symbols in my home. For that reason and many others, I would not marry a non-Catholic.

God bless.

I understand your position, I appreciate you keeping the dialogue open with me. I hope you didn’t tak any offenses because that was not my intention.

 

[ElizabethAnne]

I understand your position, I appreciate you keeping the dialogue open with me. I hope you didn’t tak any offenses because that was not my intention.

rayne100,

Of course I don’t take any offense. There’s none to take!

God bless.

 

[cheese_sdc]

okay im wiccan and have been for years and my fiance’ is catholic…i jst want some opinions on if its wrong to do or not

Reborn Pagan, I’d be more concerned with your age. In other treads you claim that you are 15.

15 seems a bit young (in modern American culture at least) to be engaged.

You still have at least two more years of high school, and then maybe college - much can change in that period of time.