Wife cannot orgasm

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I joined catholic answers to reply to this thread. My husband and I have been married for 8 years and it has only been the last 3 that I have been able to orgasm. It never bothered me too much that I had never orgasmed. One day however I was thinking about a comment that Venerable Catherine Dorhety had said about joy of marital sex. I asked for her intercession and was very surprised a month later that my quick prayer had been answered. I encourage those who struggle with marital intimacy to ask Venerable Catherine Dorhety for her intersession.
 
During the course of my husband’s and my sexual relationship…I pretty much faked my orgasms.

I honestly thought like the OP…it will happen eventually. Then we joined the Church and two things happened right away.

One was I stopped taking birth control and two was I stopped occasionally masturbating myself out of total frustration from lack of orgasm during sex.

Natural sex…without ABC…for me at least, is absolutely amazing. I didn’t really need to work on feeling turned on at all because it was already happening. Some of the best sex I’ve every had was the past year we started using NFP and started trying to conceive our second child.

I also found that I was most turned on…and ready for an orgasm right after intercourse was finished. I thought we had to take care of any orgasms before intercourse and during foreplay. While I love foreplay…I wasn’t enjoying it as much as I could because I spent most of my time trying to achieve an orgasm and it never happened.

An orgasm during intercourse was also a very rare event. I think out of 5 years worth of regular sexual intimacy with my husband…I’ve actually orgasmed from intercourse alone maybe 3 times? If I’m in a certain position and I neither of us change the rhythm or intensity, I’m ridiculously turned on and we have A LOT of time on our hands…I might be able to get there during intercourse and have an orgasm.
But the stars really need to align and my husband really needs to be patient and last much longer then he is usually capable of.
It’s happened though…but it’s rare.

It wasn’t until this past year that I’ve discovered I needed to be stimulated after intercourse for me to actually orgasm.

Now…thanks to this discovery…I orgasm during sex almost 100% of the time. The only time I don’t has been the rare occasion we’ve been interrupted by our daughter who wakes up and needs to be attended. Then we have to finish quickly.

It only took a little more communication and honesty on my part and physically showing him how to manually stimulate me so I can orgasm.

Whatever feels good…let your husband know…if it doesn’t…let him know that too. Try different positions, different ways of stimulation at different times…before and after intercourse…and be patient…you have so much time during marriage to figure it out anyway.
 
Kelfa28 said:
Some of the best sex I’ve every had was the past year we started using NFP and started trying to conceive our second child.
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That’s the way it’s supposed to be, isn’t it?!

My wife is actually pretty annoyed about how NFP works sometimes. Basically she gets frustrated that her hormones shut all of that business down in Phase III. Not all the way down mind you, but everything is just really, really easy in Phase II.

Of course, pregnancy has it’s own weirdness. First trimester she feels like blah, second trimester things are better and third trimester… one day she’s all about it and the next day she’s feeling worse than the first trimester, though with less nausea.

Might I suggest for those with trouble but still needing to avoid to try and figure out when it’s been 48 hours after ovulation? Female hormones are still pretty high at that point but very little risk of pregnancy.
 
BiffRuffle said:
Secondly, a completed sexual act requires the male orgasm, the giving of his life to his receptive wife. A wife’s orgasm is not required. However, after a completed act of sexual intercourse, almost anything goes in regards to giving the wife an orgasm. So, if your husband is willing, I would suggest that he do whatever makes you feel good and can bring you to the physical consciousness of participating in the inner life of the Trinity.
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After? No, no, no. Ladies first, man.
 
bcollins10 said:
My husband and I are both Catholics and have been married over five years. Throughout this time, we have been having sex roughly every other day but I have never been able to orgasm.
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Try gently; maybe roughly isn’t your thing.
 
A lot of guys go the “thrust, thrust, roll over and fall asleep” rout because really learning to become a lover and please their woman is a very formidable task. Men are pretty focused and goal-oriented in general, so being a lover kinda means setting up the female orgasm as a goal, so if the orgasm doesn’t happen he’s likely to see that as a failure, and a failure when he’s naked and vulnerable, with someone he cares about probably more than anyone else in the world. It’s a terrifying prospect, really; men are FAR more sensitive and vulnerable than they tend to let on, especially when it comes to their sexuality and masculinity.

So what did we do? We set up an unwritten rule that just having your own orgasm without taking care of your woman is a perfectly fine and normal thing to do. It’s really not if you think about it, but it beats the hell out of confronting such an intimidating thing as the female orgasm.
 
Forkfoot said:
We set up an unwritten rule that just having your own orgasm without taking care of your woman is a perfectly fine and normal thing to do. It’s really not if you think about it, but it beats the hell out of confronting such an intimidating thing as the female orgasm.
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While I found your previous comment amusing, I don’t really understand this point. It’s a biological reality that women have a harder time reaching climax then men, especially when they are not in the fertile stage of their cycles. That doesn’t make it, however, “intimidating.”

I tend to agree that there’s something wrong with a guy who thinks satisfying his wife is not his responsibility. It is. There are going to be days where it just ain’t gonna happen, and that’s usually OK with most wives! It is with mine anyway.

There are also going to be days, possibly, where once around ain’t enough. When that’s the case, well, you have to do what you have to do!
 
VeritasLuxMea said:
To suggest that he must be looking at porn or masturbating because his wife cannot achieve an orgasm? Really?
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That seems to be the fall-back position on CAF. Whenever there is a problem within a marriage, it MUST be because the husband is looking at porn or masturbating.
 
This is such a common problem. And it really is hard to cope with! A frustrating experience now and again is no big deal, but when it’s all the time, it gets old.

There’s already been a lot of good advice here, so I’ll just add a few:
  1. Make sure you take your time. It’s like preheating an oven, you can’t just turn it on and stick the cookies in. If it hasn’t had time to get hot, the results will be disappointing.
  2. Lube, definitely, if you don’t already use it.
  3. TALK about it. When your husband is trying to please you, tell him what helps and what doesn’t. Also tell him how you are feeling (hopeful, worried, embarrassed) and maybe he can help you talk through some of the feelings that are distracting you.
  4. Try LOTS of different things. Manual stimulation, oral stimulation, even stimulating yourself as your husband does so that you can help him figure out what works. All of these are moral within the context of the marriage act.
  5. If all else fails, perhaps some kind of small, tasteful vibrator that can be used during the act? Of course you wouldn’t want anything that replaces your husband, but it can be an assistance, especially while you’re still learning.
  6. And of course hormonal issues. Do you know your hormones are low? Might be worthwhile to get your thyroid checked too. Hormonal levels make such a huge difference in how sensitive things are and whether you are able to respond.
Hope that helps, and God bless. God wants you to experience this, I think, and meanwhile He understands your frustration.
 
BettyBoop416 said:
That seems to be the fall-back position on CAF. Whenever there is a problem within a marriage, it MUST be because the husband is looking at porn or masturbating.
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What’s sad is that it’s often not untrue - many husbands do masturbate and look at porn. Is that necessarily the cause of marital issues? Maybe not. But anytime you engage in sinful actions, you necessarily reject God. And is that ever a good thing?
 
sheilathebard said:
  1. Lube, definitely, if you don’t already use it.
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My soon-to-be wife and I asked our NFP practitioner about this. She explained that most commercially available lubricants actually act as a sort of spermicide - they prevent the sperm from swimming and causes them to basically get stuck and wriggle around until they die. She did say, however, that the best lubricant to use is actually canola oil. It’s effective, and doesn’t inhibit sperm at all.
 
is it really necessary for the wife to have an orgasm? I’ve never had one and I feel fine with that. But we only been married 6 months and have a 23 mth old dd together, while I’m currently expecting in July. Sooo I believe we still have plenty of time for that.
 
bunnykisses88 said:
is it really necessary for the wife to have an orgasm? I’ve never had one and I feel fine with that. But we only been married 6 months and have a 23 mth old dd together, while I’m currently expecting in July. Sooo I believe we still have plenty of time for that.
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I’ve never had a kid and I feel fine with that, but you’d probably tell me from experience that having a kid is pretty freakin’ awesome.
 
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Praying The Holy Rosary while doing yoga, jogging, walking, swimming of a night before making love within your beautiful Marriage will relax your Wife to fully enjoy all of the joy that God gave you both.
 
It’s not necessary for women to climax, but it’s good for them emotionally and to bond with their spouse when they do.
 
Forkfoot said:
After? No, no, no. Ladies first, man.
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It’s physically impossible for my husband to give me an orgasm before Intercourse.

Believe me…he’s tried. He wishes he could give me an orgasm first…because he is usually exhausted after sex and would rather not go for “round two” but he always does because he wants me to get there too.

I’ve had more success with intercourse itself and having an orgasm. There is nothing wrong with when a woman reaches orgasm. I think it’s better that a man takes the time to get his wife there then worry about when it happens.
 
Forkfoot said:
What a strange thing to say.
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How is that considered strange?

I think it’s a true statement. There really is no biological reason for a woman to climax during sex. But it brings them much closer to their spouse and gives them a deeper sense of love and desire for their spouse.
 
Kelfa28 said:
How is that considered strange?

I think it’s a true statement. There really is no biological reason for a woman to climax during sex. But it brings them much closer to their spouse and gives them a deeper sense of love and desire for their spouse.
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There’s no biological reason for a woman to laugh, either. Or to be happy. But you won’t find anyone in any thread anywhere on thus forum saying it isn’t “necessary” for a woman to be happy. It’s the same thing though. It’s not biologically “necessary” for a woman to have an orgasm, to laugh, to be happy, or even to love her mate. It’s just nice. And preferable. Clearly.
 
mwncheesehead said:
It’s not necessary for women to climax, but it’s good for them emotionally and to bond with their spouse when they do.
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Actually the female orgasm greatly assists in conception. While its not a necessity, the position of the cervix during and after orgasm makes it easier to “catch” sperm. I saw this in a documentary about sex and reproduction, and yes I’m trying to find a link to it because I’m sure somebody is going to ask.
 
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