Wife does not believe

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BensFaithJourney

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Hello,

I was raised Church Of Christ but became an atheist in my teen years. My wife was raised Catholic but also became an atheist. We were not married by a Priest, and God was not even invoked in our wedding. We also had no intentions on having children.

Now some time has passed and something’s been getting to me. I can’t really p(name removed by moderator)oint why, but my faith started to return, except I didn’t think that the church I was raised attending had everything right. I’ve looked all over. Baptist, Methodist, Lutheran, you name it. The one that has stuck with me is the Roman Catholic Church. I can’t get to the point of full belief, if that makes sense. I’m still skeptical, but this Church makes sense to me, and I feel like I’m being called to return to God.

There are a few issues, though. I’ve mentioned to my wife that I no longer consider myself an atheist, but I haven’t identified as a Christian. I pray regularly to “God,” but I don’t specify Jesus or the Holy Spirit or anything like that. However, she doesn’t believe at all. She told me she wouldn’t have a problem with me going to church, but she won’t go with. I am preparing to go to my first Mass tomorrow morning, without her.

I have a few questions/concerns.
  1. I have been told by some that our marriage is not valid, since she was baptized Catholic and our marriage was done outside of the Church, with no intention to have children (she’s even on BC). Does this mean it is sinful to engage in sex, as it would be pre-marital?
  2. If she refuses to take the steps necessary to make our marriage valid, what am I supposed to do?
  3. Is continuing the marriage even though I know she is not open to children and will continue to use birth control a sin?
I will add questions if I think of more. Thank you for any (name removed by moderator)ut or advice.
 
Make an appointment with a Priest. He will be able to help you in your journey and answer all these questions. He is the first step you need to make.
 
Welcome to CAF. I too came into the fullness of faith from the Church of Christ. There are answers to your questions but I think you’ve got your cart a half mile down the road from your horse. I wouldn’t concern myself so much about the exact Church doctrines regarding your marriage until after you’ve at least accepted Christ back into your life. Continue your faith journey, go to Mass if you feel ready(just don’t receive), talk to a priest, read up on the doctrines and practices of the Catholic faith, and ask us any questions relevant to where you’re at in your faith life.

To help ease your mind:
• No, for you.
• Pray for her
• No, for you.

Your wife’s situation as a Catholic is more complicated and I would speak with a Priest at the appropriate time. For now, be the best husband you can be and lead by example.
 
Thank you for your reply.

You’re right, I need to slow down. It’s just all this stuff is flying around my head right now. I gotta relax!
 
Agree with this. Definitely talk to Priest about this and tell him your interest in Church. I’ll pray for you and your wife that things will work out
 
Like others have suggested, make an appointment with a priest and ask all the questions you have posed. He will most likely give you some simple answers and as others have suggested, don’t get out to far ahead of yourself. Concentrate on all that you are experiencing and attending Mass. Enjoy yourself! Things have a way of working out when you’re following God with patience!
 
A very warm welcome to CAF 🙋 You have very wise questions and I hope you did go to your first mass. Grace is an amazing journey and if you sincerely, courageously take each step offered to you in total freedom and move with grace(the life of God) you will find life, truth and eternal love. Prayers for you and your wife. These questions would be best discussed with a priest. If you had the courage to go to mass, it will take less courage to speak with a priest. 😇 @BensFaithJourney
 
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I don’t have much to add to the good advice already given, except good luck on your faith journey, hope you will join us Catholics, and I will pray for you and your wife.

I can imagine your wife, as a fallen-away Catholic, is probably knocked for a loop over this, whether she shows it or not. If I was a fallen-away Catholic atheist and married another atheist who was formerly Church of Christ, the last thing I would expect is for him to get all interested in the Catholic Church. I would probably feel like my past as a Catholic was coming back to haunt me. So go easy on her.
 
BensFaithJourney said:
  • I have been told by some that our marriage is not valid, since she was baptized Catholic and our marriage was done outside of the Church, with no intention to have children (she’s even on BC). Does this mean it is sinful to engage in sex, as it would be pre-marital?
  • If she refuses to take the steps necessary to make our marriage valid, what am I supposed to do?
  • Is continuing the marriage even though I know she is not open to children and will continue to use birth control a sin?
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Talk to your priest. There is always a way to regularize a marriage, including a way when spouse will not participate.
 
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