Wife filed for divorce-support question

[micatholic]

My wife filed for divorce this week. We have a 15 month old son that is with me due to a court order. She is insisting that I pay for her lifestyle. She says I owe it to her because I promised before we were married. We own a home together in addition to the family home where I live with my son. She moved out six weeks ago. She says I have an obligation to protect her financially and prevent her from foreclosure. I don’t think so. I said the resources I earn are for the family and she has left the family so she must go on her own in all senses. The courts may make me pay something but right now I don’t feel I should pay anything. She is like the prodigal wife. I refuse to participate in a divorce but I do have a lawyer to protect me and my son. I don’t believe in divorce and urged her to get counseling and spiritual help. She refused. I pray daily for the restoration of this family and my obedience to God’s will. I feel guilty for not helping her financially and think it could hurt our chances of restoration. What would Jesus say to me?

 

[drafdog]

Don’t ask the people on this forum this kind of question. You need expert legal advice which you can get from your divorce attorney. Get a good lawyer and follow her/his advice. That’s what you’re paying for, so use it.
Technical professional advice should come from a licensed professional.

Matthew

 

[1ke]

She says I owe it to her because I promised before we were married.

Well, she made some promises too. Promises she has failed to keep.

She says I have an obligation to protect her financially and prevent her from foreclosure.

Talk to your lawyer about legal action you can take to prevent foreclosure and possibly force the sale of this other house or require your wife to move out and rent it to people who can pay for it. Remember, foreclosure will harm your credit if it is jointly owned.

I feel guilty for not helping her financially and think it could hurt our chances of restoration. What would Jesus say to me?

I think you are doing the right thing protecting yourself and your child. She does not seem to want reconciliation. Leave the door open, but make sure you are discussing everything with your lawyer.

 

[micatholic]

The lawyers say i am fine not paying. What about my moral responsibility to her if any?

 

[smswife]

I’m confused.

She abandoned you and your child. Why on earth do you owe her a thing?

SHE should be paying YOU child support!

I don’t think you have any moral financial obligation to her, but talk to your priest and lawyer since we don’t know the whole story.

 

[Ramalama]

If you were having a serious problem with sin, you would talk to your priest. If you had a serious health problem you would talk to your doctor. Talk to your lawyer - he/she has the answers to keep you as safe as you can be.

Legally these things vary by state, so nobody here can help you. Remember, too, what you say here (in these forums) can be used in court. Remember what you say to her *will *be used against you in court if it can be. Quit talking to her about money, lifestyle, etc, unless your lawyer says to.

God bless you. My prayers are with you.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

Jesus would say, “Be wise as serpents, and as gentle as doves.”

'Burbs would say: Let your attorney deal with this, as well as your wife. If she calls and badgers you, refer her to your attorney.That’s why you pay him or her. Pretty wise, and allows you to be gentle. The conversation goes-

Wife: I want that money NOW.
You: Please consult Mr./Ms. Attorney on this.
Wife: But you told me I could have it before we got married!
You: Please consult Mr./Ms. Attorney on this.
Wife: You_____________! I want that money!
You: Please consult Mr./Ms. Attorney on this. I’m sorry but I have to go. 'Bye!

 

[micatholic]

Thanks for the great responses. I believe in marriage and believe that what God has joined should not be split. I pray for her to come home to the family every day.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

Thanks for the great responses. I believe in marriage and believe that what God has joined should not be split. I pray for her to come home to the family every day.

As do we all for you, BUT- She might **not **have entered into the marriage validly. You don’t know her mind, as I bet you flunked mind reading in college (I know I did). That is why the Church has established marriage tribunals, to determine if all the factors were in place to make a marriage God joined.

 

[whatevergirl]

I like the scenario Burbs said! I would answer…‘if you want to have money–get a job.’ You are not her employer, or an ATM machine. I feel horribly that she is treating you like you ‘owe’ her for what? I think you should just heed the advice of a GOOD lawyer. Spend your money on that.

I have known quite a few women who marry a lifestyle, not a man…and when they realize the hardships of marriage, etc…they want out, but still want the money. It sounds like the case here. I am sorry this is happening to you…may God grant you strength and peace during this trying time.

 

[buffalo]

Every time I see a thread like this I get so sad. :crying:

I hate failed marriages!!!

 

[ChristineML]

I’m confused. She abandoned you and your child. Why on earth do you owe her a thing? SHE should be paying YOU child support!

I don’t think you have any moral financial obligation to her, but talk to your priest and lawyer since we don’t know the whole story.

Amen. She left you and your child (I’m assuming for no just cause), and she still wants you to support her financially indefinitely? What chutzpah!

Just hypothetically, if the genders in this situation were reversed and it had been the man who abandoned his wife and child and wanted his wife to support him financially, would your “moral obligations” (or lack thereof) be any clearer? In my opinion, it’s the innocent party left to care for the children who deserves the financial support.