Wife had cancer, menstrual cycle no longer regular

[kargo27]

I asked my priest about this today and what we should do because the rhythm method no longer work for us. We practiced it with great results after our autistic child was born and until she got cancer.

Background: My wife had stage III breast cancer. She is currently cancer free, but we are worried that if she does get pregnant, and then cancer while pregnant, the cancer would kill her. Her cancer type has an 80% chance of coming back and if it does, it’s usually fatal.

Our church in Ft. Worth, TX, is run by Franciscan Friars. The Confessor priest is very traditional and conservative. Most of the priests there are. Even the “liberal” ones are still mild compared to other liberal priests I’ve been in contact with over the years.

I was a bit confused as to what he recommended. Ultimately, he said that the official stance the Church has is that we should abstain from relations. But he also said (I’m paraphrasing here) that he wasn’t sure which would be more damaging to our relationship, since intercourse is integral to the union of married couples. He also said that we could appease our unity by other means other than sexual relations.

What do you think?

 

[puzzleannie]

I What do you think?

what does it matter what I think? I am not your priest in confession. he is the one to ask if you did not understand what he told you
get some further instruction in NFP methods, which do not rely on regularity of cycle to determine the fertile period

 

[LilyM]

what does it matter what I think? I am not your priest in confession. he is the one to ask if you did not understand what he told you
get some further instruction in NFP methods, which do not rely on regularity of cycle to determine the fertile period

My thoughts too. There are numerous NFP methods out there (Creightons, Sympto-Thermal, Billings etc etc). At least some of them are perfectly suitable for women with irregular menstrual cycles. Find out about them.

 

[Totterman]

Jesus,our Lords peace be with You.
Dear friend. First,I am sorry to hear about Your wife,I will pray for You both. If I say I understand Your situation,I lie,noboby but you two understands it as it schould,exept God,He understand,and He will help if You reach out for it.
The Church has it’s rules,and they can’t be changed,but with those rules comes God’s love and understanding,and among all,grace and forgivness for those who do as He say is rigth. And when it comes to your marriage,the only experts on it are you two. You know what it will need,what you want and also,if you stop and listen for a ansver to your prayers,what God wants you to do. Your situation is not easy,and it can be so for a while,but all nights end in a morning. I can’t give a shure ansver,but I can give You something to think about,something to make your life hopefully better. There are others ways to give love then consumating your marriage in the way we understand. In my marriage,wich ended in divorce,there where times when the “night” never look like ending,all I wanted wos someone who hold my hand,and be there for me,and now I understand why I had to go thru does days and nights in a never ending coldness,now I know that moore importen then all things that a man and a woman can do in a marriage is just be there,to know that you are not alone. My dear friends,God might give another gift,a child,if it is His wish,or You can learn that love is moore then nights,it is days and it is enjoying all that is in a marriage,knowing that God looks after you,all the time. What now looks like a endless night can tomorrow be a new day,full with sunshine and love,and as to me,you may find out that love,when it is as it’s best,are just holding hands. My friends,even if I may not mention you,you are in my prayers,and I know all will be good again,not because of my prayers,no,becuase the love you have for each other,and a hand holding a hand in the night.

 

[dailey]

what does it matter what I think? I am not your priest in confession. he is the one to ask if you did not understand what he told you
get some further instruction in NFP methods, which do not rely on regularity of cycle to determine the fertile period

Wow, this reply comes off sounding terribly harsh?? I hope its just how i am reading it.

I will be sending prayers for you and your wife in hopes that she will remain healthy and that you will be led to the answers you are looking for.

 

[1ke]

I asked my priest about this today and what we should do because the rhythm method no longer work for us. We practiced it with great results after our autistic child was born and until she got cancer.

The rhythm method is 30 years out of date. Please find an instructor and learn one of the modern methods of natural family planning. Sympto-Thermal, Billings, Creighton, or Marquette. These do not rely on any sort of regularity or calendar averages. These methods use a woman’s actual signs of fertility each day. ‘Regularity’ is not an issue.

Background: My wife had stage III breast cancer. She is currently cancer free, but we are worried that if she does get pregnant, and then cancer while pregnant, the cancer would kill her. Her cancer type has an 80% chance of coming back and if it does, it’s usually fatal.

I’m very sorry to hear that your wife is so ill. Good that she is in remission, however.

Our church in Ft. Worth, TX, is run by Franciscan Friars. The Confessor priest is very traditional and conservative. Most of the priests there are. Even the “liberal” ones are still mild compared to other liberal priests I’ve been in contact with over the years.

There’s no such thing as ‘conserative’ or ‘liberal’ as if you can choose to be either. There is only faithful and unfaithful to the Magesterium and the doctrine of the Church.

I was a bit confused as to what he recommended. Ultimately, he said that the official stance the Church has is that we should abstain from relations.

This is correct. Modern methods of NFP can help you to find days on which you can be intimate. But, if you are not comfortable even with that, then abstinence is what is needed.

But he also said (I’m paraphrasing here) that he wasn’t sure which would be more damaging to our relationship, since intercourse is integral to the union of married couples.

Contraception is a mortal sin.

He also said that we could appease our unity by other means other than sexual relations.

What do you think?

Depends upon what he meant. If he meant sexual expression including climax outside of intercourse, he is recommending you commit a mortal sin against the Sixth Commandment. If he simply meant unity through non-sexual intimacy then he is correct.

Hard to tell from your description. But, you were there.

What i think is that you need to learn a modern method of NFP, not ‘the rhythm method.’

 

[Joe_Kelley]

Judy Brown at EWTN has some good medical contacts who can help with this.

 

[kargo27]

Thank you kindly to the folks who answered honestly and with compassion or at least answered without ridicule. I’ve had a lot going on and although I’ve been living in this area for 8 years, I don’t know any clergy to talk to like I did when I used to live in another state. This is why I posted here.

To the others, it’s easy to be a jerk on the internet in general but on a Catholic forum? Shame on you. I came here for help and you answer with unnecessarily harsh words. You need some lessons in compassion and at the very least, don’t answer any questions here.

 

[Newbie2]

Thank you kindly to the folks who answered honestly and with compassion or at least answered without ridicule. I’ve had a lot going on and although I’ve been living in this area for 8 years, I don’t know any clergy to talk to like I did when I used to live in another state. This is why I posted here.

To the others, it’s easy to be a jerk on the internet in general but on a Catholic forum? Shame on you. I came here for help and you answer with unnecessarily harsh words. You need some lessons in compassion and at the very least, don’t answer any questions here.

Unfortunately, from time to time, some forumites come off as overly harsh, “legalistic”, “Pharisee-ic” or what have you. Such is the nature of internet forums, as you mentioned, even on the CAF. Sometimes such posts are not meant to be harsh, but come off as such, unintended.

Have you considered contacting a priest or deacon from your former parish(es) with whom you may feel more comfortable?

 

[Big_Dummy]

Wow, this reply comes off sounding terribly harsh?? I hope its just how i am reading it.

I will be sending prayers for you and your wife in hopes that she will remain healthy and that you will be led to the answers you are looking for.

Yep, it was harsh and unloving.