Wife has given up

[newlife]

Dear Tucdoc,

I am so sorry you are going through this…I do not have alot of time right now to address everything about your situation but I wanted to say I would be willing to bet an affair is already taking place. I am sure she would deny, deny, deny. (Just like my husband did)

My marriage is surviving an affair…I would have never believed it before but I have learned so much over the past year (I found out a year ago) about behaviors in affairs.

To put it simply, she is too far in a “fog” to see what ever you can do for her now. She needs to know that you love her and that you want the marriage to work. She needs to give your marriage 100% for anything to change. I strongly recommend Retrouvaille. Our Retrouvaille experience actually saved our marriage and possibly our lives.

Hang in there…I prayed HARD, the rosary, daily for his change of heart.

I will pray for you…

 

[texasnan]

I realize that I’ve met her material but not her emotional needs. I don’t really know what they are anymore. The only thing she does now is cry when we talk about the relationship. I’ve not expected too much from her in meeting my emotional needs, and she never asked what they were. Now that I want to start communicating on this level, she say it’s too late. I feel a loving marriage would be meeting our emotional needs, and that is what I’m trying to do, apparently all by myself.

Apparently she thought SHE was trying to do it all by herself, and gave up. You say she never asked about your emotional needs – did you ever ask about hers? Or were you both assuming “he/she should know what I need”? That way lies disaster.

If she’s been unhappy for years, you cannot expect that to just go away in an instant. Instead of concentrating on what she’s doing that upsets you (which seems to be your focus, forgive me if I’m wrong), how about trying to put it aside like you want her to put everything you’ve done aside? That would be only fair.

Also, someone else suggested that she may be suffering from depression. If she is (BTDT), she needs to see a doctor. But at this point, someone else should suggest that to her.

 

[tucdoc]

I am willing to move forward and get past all this hurt, but she is not. Even now I tell her I love her and I want our marriage to last. I’ve not asked our friends to intervene because I think it will make things worse. A loving marriage is good for the children, and I’ve told her that. I don’t know if I want to stay in this marriage if she can’t acknowledge her role in all of this. I’ve already told her I’ll take responsibility for what I’ve done. I also said I am willing to go to counseling with her so that she can say in front of another person how terrible a person I’ve been to her. I am staying for the kids, as well as for her own good; otherwise, she may never let go of the hurt or resentment. Why doesn’t she realize how much it’s hurting her?

Thank you newlife for your prayer. I pray to God everyday to soften my wife’s hardened heart.

 

[iamrefreshed]

I am willing to move forward and get past all this hurt, but she is not. Even now I tell her I love her and I want our marriage to last. I’ve not asked our friends to intervene because I think it will make things worse. A loving marriage is good for the children, and I’ve told her that. I don’t know if I want to stay in this marriage if she can’t acknowledge her role in all of this. I’ve already told her I’ll take responsibility for what I’ve done. I also said I am willing to go to counseling with her so that she can say in front of another person how terrible a person I’ve been to her. I am staying for the kids, as well as for her own good; otherwise, she may never let go of the hurt or resentment. Why doesn’t she realize how much it’s hurting her?

Thank you newlife for your prayer. I pray to God everyday to soften my wife’s hardened heart.

You will need to show her the new you, not tell her.

You also need to find out about these “friends”. There is a reason she doesn’t want others to know about her trip. Affairs thrive in secrecy. Shed some light.

 

[faithfully]

It is so sad to see marriages go through this.

Yes… PRAY…PRAY…PRAY!!!

But you tell your wife, you may not know how to do it yet, but you want to save your marriage. If she can find the slightest bit of desire to renew the marriage, then to please give it the opportunity. AND, even though I disagree with others that friends of the opposite sex may exist… IN THIS CASE… Your marriage is not ready. Not now. Not these guys that you don’t know, that she’s left town with… NO WAY! (not based on just what WE know). Because she’s unhappy, and she only sees the fun, joy, peace these guys offer, it offers a level of competition that you can’t JOYFULLY compete with. Ask for a level playing field. If she won’t give it to you, prepare to work, and Pray even harder!

These guys don’t pay her bills, they don’t know your children, they don’t tolerate tantrums from them, they don’t know her without her makeup on, head in the toilet puking when she’s sick… etc. Whether they truly are “Just friends”, or a marriage distaster in the making, they are at the BEGINNING of a relationship. The fun part. The EASY part!

If she’s agreeable, then you need to sit together, and write out some ground rules. Please don’t call her a whore. But, I do think it’s fair to insist that she not see these other men.

I know it’s not a favorite, but I really did like the movie FireProof… (you can get it on Netflix). I watched it when a friend was going through the ringer with her DH, and I was feeling a bit discontented myself. The movie certainly isn’t going to solve your problems (I also recommend watching the deleted scenes, especially the first one, BEFORE the movie… they cut it, but it sets the story the same as the book (which I only read the first few chapters.) But it shows us how when the other partner is lost, even if we are feeling quite lost, there is much we can do. And really, it’s putting faith in God, and NOT insisting on being angry, and self serving. WOW… that’s hard huh? BASED ONLY on what you’ve told us here, I think you might see a lot of your current life in this movie. There is one saying in the movie that I found profound…

(the DH is a fireman, his fire buddy says…) You will RUN into a burning buiding to save people you don’t even know. But you’re marriage is about to burn to the ground and you’re just going to walk away. So, my question to YOU and to HER, are you going to leave your family in a burning building? Or will you go down with them (if necessary) in effort to save it!

It takes two to tango. But one person generally must lead, and the other willing to follow. If either fails or refuses their job, dance over!

 

[The_Bucket]

I am willing to move forward and get past all this hurt, but she is not. Even now I tell her I love her and I want our marriage to last. I’ve not asked our friends to intervene because I think it will make things worse. A loving marriage is good for the children, and I’ve told her that. I don’t know if I want to stay in this marriage if she can’t acknowledge her role in all of this. I’ve already told her I’ll take responsibility for what I’ve done. I also said I am willing to go to counseling with her so that she can say in front of another person how terrible a person I’ve been to her. I am staying for the kids, as well as for her own good; otherwise, she may never let go of the hurt or resentment. Why doesn’t she realize how much it’s hurting her?

Thank you newlife for your prayer. I pray to God everyday to soften my wife’s hardened heart.

You’re doing all you can, but stop talking and start acting. Women want strong men who stand up for themselves and protect their wives and children both physically and emotionally. Demonstrate your willingness to do this by offering to go into counseling (Catholic counseling, not secular) and if she refuses, IMMEDIATELY reverse the heat. Point out that you’re committed to this marriage, committed to admitting your own faults, committed to being a husband and a MAN but you can’t change things on your own. She has to be willing to take steps and if she’s not, then that says everything that needs to be said.

Don’t beg, don’t plead, don’t pester, don’t say “baby I’ll change,” and “baby let’s go to counseling.” One or two serious conversations about the matter. Period. And then tell her that if she wants to be intractable about trying to fix what’s broken then she can do it elsewhere. If she’s having an affair or is truly mentally ill, she’ll leave. If she’s just going through a major phase, she’ll respond to your leadership. I’m not saying that acting “alpha” a few times or even all of the time will turn this ship around. I’m saying that such an approach will get her attention and get you moving towards a stronger partnership. And once you’ve moved forward positively, then you can be more touchy-feely from time to time to take care of her other emotional needs that come with “nest-building.”

 

[tucdoc]

I am willing to do everything I can to save our marriage and family. I don’t want to see it torn apart. I already told her she is having emotional affairs with these guys and that she is in a fog if she doesn’t see it. I asked her if she loves them, and she said no. I don’t think she get it yet. She would rather cry thinking about how I’ve hurt her. I can’t make her go to counseling. She goes over the same incidents from our marriage each time we talk. We are in LIMBO, it’s killing me, and it’s affecting the kids.

 

[The_Bucket]

I am willing to do everything I can to save our marriage and family. I don’t want to see it torn apart. I already told her she is having emotional affairs with these guys and that she is in a fog if she doesn’t see it. I asked her if she loves them, and she said no. I don’t think she get it yet. She would rather cry thinking about how I’ve hurt her. I can’t make her go to counseling. She goes over the same incidents from our marriage each time we talk. We are in LIMBO, it’s killing me, and it’s affecting the kids.

Well then flat out tell her that. Tell her it’s hurting her children and what she’s doing is selfish. Be sure to be very calm and unemotional. Softly concede that you have made your fair share of mistakes too. Acknowledge that you’ve hurt her and that you will probably do it again because you’re human and that’s part of human brokenness. It’s not an excuse, it’s just a reality. Then tell her that while you have hurt her, it’s time to let go of things that happened years ago and it’s time to grow up. Say that you will let go of how she’s killing you now if you move forward together and mean it.

Then end the conversation. Tell her the ball is in her court on this but you won’t tolerate the status quo anymore. Either she gets over the past enough to work on the present or she heads off into the distance alone. Period. You won’t accede to emotional affairs or even her trying to “escape” you anymore because that’s not a real marriage and what you want is a REAL MARRIAGE.

 

[faithfully]

I am willing to move forward and get past all this hurt, but she is not. Even now I tell her I love her and I want our marriage to last. I’ve not asked our friends to intervene because I think it will make things worse. A loving marriage is good for the children, and I’ve told her that. I don’t know if I want to stay in this marriage if she can’t acknowledge her role in all of this. I’ve already told her I’ll take responsibility for what I’ve done. I also said I am willing to go to counseling with her so that she can say in front of another person how terrible a person I’ve been to her. I am staying for the kids, as well as for her own good; otherwise, she may never let go of the hurt or resentment. Why doesn’t she realize how much it’s hurting her?

Thank you newlife for your prayer. I pray to God everyday to soften my wife’s hardened heart.

Ok… I’m coming at you AGAIN… "I’m staying for the kids, as well as her own good. " “Why doesn’t she realize how much it’s hurting her.”

HOW ABOUT??? I’m staying because I committed to this marriage my whole person??? I’m staying because I LOVE my wife? I’m staying because I WANT to figure out how to fix what is just broke a little. I’m STAYING because I WANT to.

Don’t throw reasons at it that can disolve in a flash. You kids, GOD FORBID, could be gone tomorrow. Your own good, is to be happy… and she isn’t…

SOLID REASONS PLEASE!!!

I’m going to ask you to go back and read JUST YOUR posts. You (both???) have a little theme going: You take care of her, she can’t take care of herself. She can’t be responsible for knowing how much $$ she has. You ADVISE her to "let it go"She can’t keep your child’s start date at school right. She had to go p/u said child after you dropped him off. Basically, if it weren’t for you. She’d be a total disaster. I suspect be that you both have bought into this for YEARS. It’s very common.

Quick question: HOW COME, when you dropped your son off at school, a day too soon, YOU did not notice that there was NO ONE there??? A playground, jr. high, or high school front yard would be SWARMING with cars, children, etc. on the first day. That should have been a BIG CLUE that something was wrong with the direction you rec’d. It’s like turning down a one way street. All the cars are parked in the wrong direction. The signs are backwards. Mapquest said turn left… disengage brain, and turn anyway??? And even if you happen to notice… KEEP GOING… you must be right.

And don’t get me wrong. If you like traditional roles that’s FINE. But that does not mean, “me Tarzan, you Jane.” “I’m strong, you’re weak.” “I make the decisions, you do as I say.” Because, ONE DAY the underdog realizes they ARE smarter, stronger, capable… and sometimes they go and PROVE this in the most hurtful ways possible. It means: I the husband work outside the home, and I bring in the actualy $$. My wife, works inside the home, and she creates a value that you can’t place a price on. And I, the husband may have assistants to do my work effectively. And SHE may have assistants to do her work effectively (say a house keeper, We would live in scum, or I’d ONLY be cleaning day in and out, if NOT for mine)…

But consider this, What IF your JOB is awful. and the boss is a horror story. He never gives you credit when you do a great job (he takes the bonus), and never gives you the opportunity to do more, and have more value, self worth, accomplishement… not allowing you to attend to your OWN family when necessary… He too wonders why you don’t appreciate the adequate office space, the nice parking spot, the ok benefits, and hey, maybe a cute secretary. In fact, he will send you to meetings to HELP you understand how good you’ve got it… But, perhaps YOU QUIT, you find a new job. Is he suprised? Has he learned anything? Will HE CHANGE and be a better boss EVER??? And sadly, guess what? You will find the new job will have ****** issues as well. But the hiring managers won’t tell you about them. You’ll get to discover them all for yourself.

Basically, our roles can be identical… can’t they? Sadly, one of those roles involved a committment before GOD. And when a person can’t take it anymore… It’s going to get ugly. What can you do to keep it from getting there? What can you do, to prevent the resignation letter from landing on your desk?

EXCEPT this is a PARTNERSHIP!!! You BOTH are the boss. You must work together towards your goals… And SOMETIMES the biz plan is re written. That’s totally normal!

This is a 2 way ADULT relationship. Not a parent child. And seriously, it sounds like when your wife grows up, she will understand how good she had it. Don’t we talk about kids like this??? And I’m not saying this is just you. I can’t tell you the number of women I know that just like to be cared for as if they are a child. Being told what to do, how to spend. Made safe…But then, one day, they grow board of it. Because it’s CHILDLIKE behavior. And inately they know it’s wrong. And DH can’t beleive the teenage rebellion that takes place. And DW is ready to hit the bricks, because as it turns out, she’s quite capable.

 

[Tiribulus]

Faithfully, thanks for all of your probing questions. This is the kind of feedback I’m looking for, not just “she’s given up, so you should to”. We live in Tucson.

Well, last PM she said her anxiety and not wanting me to touch her stems from me being sexually selfish with her at the end of March. This was after she had met her new “friends” and kept talking about them. She even wanted to go to Detroit with one of them to see her favorite pitcher, who got traded to that team. I absolutely said no, you can’t go. So, I suspect the resentment was already building even before I insulted her. Since then she went to New York with her other “friend” to see the Yankees play since he is a fan of that team. I told her no, she went anyway. IT TORE ME APART. She has no regrets about going. However, she did not want me telling anybody about her trip, as it could have been “misunderstood”. That didn’t sit well, so a few people do know, and agree that it was inappropriate. I’ve told her that not only does she not love me, she has no respect for me.

I realize that I’ve met her material but not her emotional needs. I don’t really know what they are anymore. The only thing she does now is cry when we talk about the relationship. I’ve not expected too much from her in meeting my emotional needs, and she never asked what they were. Now that I want to start communicating on this level, she say it’s too late. I feel a loving marriage would be meeting our emotional needs, and that is what I’m trying to do, apparently all by myself.

(Holds head in hands.) I just read this again. I have no idea who you are, but for some reason God has burdened me with this terrible situation you’re in. Whether you like it or not I’ll be praying for you too. I am so very sorry for the pain in your family.

 

[tucdoc]

Then she needs to DO something to build the marriage, not tear it apart. I agree, we have issues that need marriage counseling. She can’t even balance the checkbook after she puts in the entries. If I am an enabler, it’s because she wouldn’t do it otherwise. And if I get on her to do stuff around the house, then she’s say I’m controlling and treat her like s***. I agree, she needs to grow up, but you can’t force someone to grow up. I need an adult partner to make this marriage work, and she is not that person right now.

BTW, my son is 13 and I dropped him off early yesterday when people were going to Mass.

 

[SonCatcher]

TucDoc,

I am praying for your marriage and wife’s well-being.

Tiribulus,

You needn’t refer to yourself as an apostate. Most people around here know better than that. Welcome!

 

[tucdoc]

Thank you Soncatcher, Tiribulus and everyone else praying for us. I’ve prayed to God to give me peace and strength to do His Will regarding our marriage. Our marriage is a sacrament, so it is holy. I have been more peaceful in speaking to my wife recently regarding her misdirected affection compared to months ago. I have been hurt, but I’m not lashing out at her anymore.

 

[Miserys_Fence]

I apparently don’t compliment her on her appearance or act as I care about her.

From the sound of it (having only heard your side of it) I think your wife needs to grow up and put on her big girl panties. She has been reading too much feminist nonsense.

How is this “feminist?”

I happen to be a feminist, and if you were to compliment me on my physical appearance, I’d clean your clock. Sounds like just the opposite situation here. Sheesh.

Since I know neither the OP nor his wife, I can’t say if he actually doesn’t act as if he cares about her, or if it’s just her perception. But there is nothing “feminist” about a woman wanting to feel that her own husband cares for her.

Miz

 

[EasterJoy]

We are going to a game next month as a family. I need to decide if my wife wants to invite them if I should tell her no you cannot invite them, allow them to come and and then tell them to leave my wife alone, or explain that I feel my wife has crossed boundaries and to respect our family, especially if they are really “just friends”.

Actually, you may want to invite them, yourself. These are guys who, for whatever reason, your wife respects. She sees them as nice people. In the meantime, she is re-writing her history with you as not a nice guy. You may do better by refusing to “act in character.” Refuse to treat them as rivals when they are in your presence. If she is insisting that they are “just friends”, then go be friends with them.

Your wife shouldn’t have male friends that aren’t your friends, but you aren’t going to get rid of these male friends by forbidding her to have them. That horse is out of the barn. You aren’t going to keep her from being a baseball nut, surrounding herself on a regular basis with a bunch of guys whose wives won’t go to the game. Fine, then. Work with the situation you have. If you can’t beat 'em, join 'em. If nothing else, if she has her eye on a guy with a conscience, and he meets you, likes you, and sees that you care about her, he is going to have a harder time giving in to the tempation of an affair. He may even become your advocate with her.

As far as accusations go, they will get you nowhere, even if they are totally on the mark. Don’t accuse her of having an emotional affair. You won’t make any points with her by telling her that you think she’s lying to you or in denial. Tell her you are concerned that she is risking one. Tell her that the situation makes you anxious. Put your concerns in terms that are not a judgement on her and so are more difficult to argue with.

It may be that these are guys you may like a lot, yourself. They may like you. In the event that you do hit it off, she is going to have a harder time “re-writing” you as a character in her life story. Not too likely, but your options are limited.

This idea of “re-writing the past” is one of the things that partners do on the way out of a relationship. It can be reversed, though, as can other damaging habits in marriage. I recommend one of two books to start: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work or *Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last *both by John Gottman, so you can learn how to change how you communicate with your wife and perhaps save your marriage.

Another thing is to try to start making at least five positive or optimistic comments to your wife for every negative or pessimistic comment…and be very strict and honest with yourself about what kind of comments your wife is hearing as negative comments. Although some people tolerate far more negativity than that, it is an indicator of a marriage prone to failure. A high frequency of positive comments is indicative of a marriage likely to survive.

 

[EasterJoy]

A holy priest needs to smack your wife on the head with his bible, while open to 1 Corinthians 13: 4-6:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

She should be on her knees in confession asking forgiveness for her bad behavior. The penance should be to write this verse on the blackboard 100 times. Sheesh. Yeah, you are such a terrible guy, you did something that hurt her feelings 14 years ago.

And, as for not being there when her mother died, but coming for the funeral. Oh, if only Dr. Laura could get hold of your wife and slap her silly. How unreasonable.

From the sound of it (having only heard your side of it) I think your wife needs to grow up and put on her big girl panties. She has been reading too much feminist nonsense.

She is forgetting marital relations are a right in marriage and one she is not at liberty to withhold.

Again, big slap on her head by a holy priest. Your wife is being ridiculous.

Hopefully they want to do an intervention on her, not you. Have them read 1 Corinthians 13 to her along with Ephesians 5.

Seriously, my point is that you aren’t the problem here. She is. That doesn’t help you any, because she’s decided everything is your fault. But, sanity check: it’s not you.

Let me guess: You, yourself, are not a priest.

I don’t know about Dr. Laura, but holy priests do not go around hitting people with Bibles. They also tend to frown on Christians dragging other people in to be penitents. Marriages are not saved by thorough and correct assessment of blame, nor by reading chapter and verse to anyone but yourself.

What really has me floored about this post is that somebody could possibly read 1 Cor. 13 and come away with the idea that smacking people is the way to address problems. Patient and kind…never rude…not easily angered…yeah, right.

 

[tucdoc]

Easterjoy, your advice seems to make the most sense in our particular situation. My wife watches baseball everyday, so these guys may be hard to erase from her memory. She did say she is not texting the guy she wanted to go to dinner with earlier this week any more. Rather than telling her to disavow these guys, it may be best to reiterate how hurt I am that she would rather be with them than me. I’ve already apologized for not meeting her emotional needs. Faithfully is right, she has fun with these guys, so she should not be alone with them. Anymore than that and I an even more of the bad guy.

I did meet them early on, was cordial, and didn’t think much, until she started withdrawing from me to be with these guys.

 

[EasterJoy]

Easterjoy, your advice seems to make the most sense in our particular situation. My wife watches baseball everyday, so these guys may be hard to erase from her memory. She did say she is not texting the guy she wanted to go to dinner with earlier this week any more. Rather than telling her to disavow these guys, it may be best to reiterate how hurt I am that she would rather be with them than me. I’ve already apologized for not meeting her emotional needs. Faithfully is right, she has fun with these guys, so she should not be alone with them. Anymore than that and I an even more of the bad guy.

I did meet them early on, was cordial, and didn’t think much, until she started withdrawing from me to be with these guys.

Sharing her passion for baseball may be the way to go…well, at least until November!

I wouldn’t even go for “I am hurt” so much as I would try “I am waking up…these guys are right, you are fun and I’m a nut for not spending more time with you. I was one of your male friends once…how about we go back to that?” Since there are a lot of these male friends in her life, and not just one, it may just be that what she wants is a lot of male attention without any demands for sex. The way back to the number one slot may be to be very attentive on the friend and attention end, while leaving initiating sex entirely up to her for some time. Very hard, but it may be the way to go. She would not be the first woman to downgrade her husband’s friendship on the grounds that “he only wants one thing.” If you give her lots of attention without making any requests for sex, she may have trouble with that “re-write.” Ironically enough, she may also find a guy who doesn’t ask for “that” to be the very guy she wants to pursue. (People are so nuts. We all are, aren’t we?)

If she has another passion that is more fit to the winter, maybe you can use that as an opportunity for something you do as a couple, some of which could start now. Maybe you can go with her to the batting cages or buy her books on baseball or, since you seem to have some means, get her some nice memorabilia. You could rent A League of Their Own or another baseball movie for a couple’s night with her…there are a lot of them out there!

In other words, if she wants someone to have fun with, well, there are worse things than to loosen up and have some fun. And when you meet these other guys, encourage them to invite their wives and girlfriends. You might wind up making lemonade from this situation, you never know. At any rate, they will also feel worse about doing anything to you if you treat them as if they were alright guys, whom you could trust. Never ever imply that you don’t trust them or that you don’t think they are as honorable as you are. *Always *talk about infidelity as something that nice and decent people fall into, if they are not careful. (Besides, that is absolutely true!) That way, they will not be able to rationalize you as someone who condemns them as a bad people, so hurting you or violating your trust will seem worse.

 

[tucdoc]

So, how do I get her to talk about the relationship without crying? How do I get her to get past the hurt? She doesn’t want to spend time alone with me. She would rather play Scrabble on her I-pad with people in Texas if she is not watching baseball. She has isolated herself from the friends from the kids school we used to be with. I am trying to be a better person, and I told her this already. I can tell her she needs to mature and act like an adult, but that will probably be ineffective. She doesn’t like me right now, partly because she thinks I’ve been telling family/friends about our problems (which I have) as she feels this is a private matter. I had to get verification from those close to us that how she was behaving was inappropriate, that it wasn’t just me.

So, should I just let her keep denying these are emotional affairs and just accept that she would rather have dinner with ANYBODY but me, especially if they like baseball?

 

[faithfully]

Easterjoy, your advice seems to make the most sense in our particular situation. My wife watches baseball everyday, so these guys may be hard to erase from her memory. She did say she is not texting the guy she wanted to go to dinner with earlier this week any more. Rather than telling her to disavow these guys, it may be best to reiterate how hurt I am that she would rather be with them than me. I’ve already apologized for not meeting her emotional needs. Faithfully is right, she has fun with these guys, so she should not be alone with them. Anymore than that and I an even more of the bad guy.

I did meet them early on, was cordial, and didn’t think much, until she started withdrawing from me to be with these guys.

Is this baseball interest NEW? I’m kind of a girly girl… can’t STAND to watch games on the tv, and will go to a real game every now and then. Hockey is fun! But this isn’t what I would consider fun.

The reason I ask… didn’t she LOVE baseball when you were dating, engaged etc? Has she shoved aside her passion for some length of time? Has she finally figured out that to enjoy her passion she’s just going to have to do it alone? It’s not really a “girly” sport. It seems reasonable that it’s MEN that she’s going to see all the time. I might take a dance class… and it’s going to be mostly women. I can see how the friendship naturally evolves.

I think EasterJoy has a great idea… It’s not like you have to take up knitting to hang with your wife and the “guys”… You actually seem to be the lucky guy whose wife is actually interested in sports. So many guys are down on their knees praying they don’t have to watch one more episode of Oprah, or Martha… in order to “act” interested.

Well… best of luck to you… Best…