Wife is cast in a "kissing" play

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steido01

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I consider myself the world’s luckiest husband. I’ve married a wonderful Roman Catholic woman who will one day be a great mother to our children. She’s also a magnificent actress, and has always had a love for the stage.

We recently moved to a new city and we don’t have many friends in the area yet (surprise!), and we’ve been looking for ways to meet others our age. She suggested we audition for a show at our local Community Theater. I know how much theater means to her, and I was honored that she would want me to be a part of her “theater thing.” Not to mention, it seemed like a great opportunity to do something together and make friends as a couple. We found out early this week that we both made the cast; she earned the female lead, and I’m in the chorus. I’m so proud of her, and excited to watch her do what she loves up close! 😃

And then comes the issue…

The script calls for her to exchange a kiss with -for sure- one, and possibly three, other men. While I know these are just “stage kisses” and it’s supposed to be strictly professional, I can’t help but cringe at the idea of my wife kissing another man. 😦 It’s been on my mind all week, and it’s making me physically ill. It’s a feeling I haven’t had since those “high school” romances, and frankly I’m embarrassed at my lack of composure - especially when I think of the real, actual struggles other marriages endure. I would like to explain how difficult this is for me, but at the same time, I don’t want her to feel that I am holding her back from something she is incredibly skilled at or that I’m asking her to quit (which she would, if I could ask such a selfish thing 😦 ) --especially at a time when we’re both trying to establish a new life in a new city.

I guess I’m just looking for some Christian guidance…

Am I simply over-reacting?
Do I discuss this with my wife, or just keep a stiff upper lip?
If I discuss this with her, how can I do so “properly?”
 
i think it doesn’t matter what other people think or what other people would do. It matters what the two of you think.

So, just talk to your wife. Tell her how you feel, and that it has caught you quite by surprise. Work through it together.
 
If she’s comfortable, then you can relax. Most men don’t join the theater for kisses anyways.

If you’re talking about something classic like “Phantom of the Opera”, that’s just part of the business. If you truly cannot fathom participating, then you need to get out now. Don’t wait until later when you finally blow a gasket. That will be unfair to her.

Personally, I’d be okay with it. You’re going to be there with her, so what’s the worst that could happen? The other guy could be married too for all you know at this point.

Talk to her. Get the details, and voice your concerns. You’ll be fine.
 
1ke said:
i think it doesn’t matter what other people think or what other people would do. It matters what the two of you think.

So, just talk to your wife. Tell her how you feel, and that it has caught you quite by surprise. Work through it together.
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I second this. You need to tell your wife what you’ve told us here and talk it through with her. She may not be comfortable either and you can decide what to do from there.

If you two do decide to stay in the play, it is possible - depending on the script and the director - for her to not actually kiss but show affection/attraction some other way. My son has navigated this in a few plays that call for kissing. Community theater is usually accomodating to their casts in ways that Broadway or Hollywood might not be.
 
Isn’t this sort of expected with drama majors? I don’t think I ever saw a play that didn’t have some kind of kissing scenes. As well as murmurs from the crowd along with it. Made me uncomfortable just watching it too.
 
ProVobis said:
Isn’t this sort of expected with drama majors? I don’t think I ever saw a play that didn’t have some kind of kissing scenes. As well as murmurs from the crowd along with it. Made me uncomfortable just watching it too.
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Your concerns show your love for your wife. I believe the advice here is excellent; talk to your wife about your concerns.

Peace in Christ, that transcends all understanding.
Mary.
 
In theater you can fake killing someone, you can fake being scared, you can even fake punching someone. But you can’t fake a kiss.
If it bothers you now, it will bother you even more later
 
latin_rite said:
In theater you can fake killing someone, you can fake being scared, you can even fake punching someone. But you can’t fake a kiss.
If it bothers you now, it will bother you even more later
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Of course you can fake a kiss. Do not upset the op any more than he already is.
 
I’m also of the opinion that you should discuss this with your wife.
 
Mrs_Sally said:
I second this. You need to tell your wife what you’ve told us here and talk it through with her. She may not be comfortable either and you can decide what to do from there.

If you two do decide to stay in the play, it is possible - depending on the script and the director - for her to not actually kiss but show affection/attraction some other way. My son has navigated this in a few plays that call for kissing. Community theater is usually accomodating to their casts in ways that Broadway or Hollywood might not be.
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There are also ways to fake a kiss, so it appears like one to the audience even though it isn’t.
 
Yes, you can fake a kiss. You can symbolise a kiss by simply smooching the air, but you can also fake a kiss pretty convincingly. It generally comes down to rubbing cheek bones and women actually do that simply when greeting each other too and not wanting to smear the lipstick around.

Kisses are gestures that don’t necessarily have an inherent meaning, they rely on convention for interpretation, but the conventions and associations are typically so strong and so well defined that for practical intents and purposes a kiss does function pretty much as if it had that inherent meaning which it doesn’t strictly have.

Also, I would not be happy with the idea, I would not pretend to be happy, I would not come to watch, I’d likely be engaging in passive-aggressive behaviour and finding it hard to forgive. Also, I’d find it hard to deal with if my wife or girlfriend or whoever it be went on despite knowing my feelings about it. (Any less than wife would become an ex at that point.)

But I’m not a role model. I’m merely describing what my reaction would be, not saying it would be the best reaction possible, obviously.

Personally, I’d ban stage kissing if I could.
 
I echo the views expressed by others here who suggest that you should talk to you wife about your concerns.

From reading your post, you and your wife sound like you’ve got a great relationship anyhow - so don’t be afraid to voice your concerns to her.
 
You should converse the issue with your wife because obviously it is having an effect on you.

However, the approach you take upon the issue is key.
I recommend something along the lines like this:

(Keep a calm and loving tone with a hint of concern)

You: (Hold her hand and stroke it) “Honey, I was just thinking about this for a while and it’s been bothering me. Can I talk to you for a bit?”

Expected Reply

Wife: “Yes sweetheart, what is it?”

You: “Well it’s kinda about the play we’ve been cast for… I’m really proud of you and the talents and passion you have for theater and support you very much.”

Wife: “Awh, thanks Hun - but what were you concerned about?”

You: “I love you so much, but I’m just a bit uneasy about some scenes in the play.”
- Que the Sigh

Wife: “I’m assuming it’s the kissing?”

You: “Yeah, it’s been bothering me for a while and I just wanted to let you know that although I’ll always be with you - I felt a bit sick when I heard that you were cast to kiss other people.”
  • Que the Warm Hug
“I will still be supportive for your theatrical talents but it’s just a little painful for me just for this situation…”
  • Que the Sigh and Gentle Kiss on Cheek
The reply from your wife after this should allow you to recollect your thoughts and know what her answer would be. Based upon her answer - please still keep a calm status and let the Holy Spirit do it for you! Pray for you to approach her in the way the Holy Spirit would.

This may sound a little cheesy but this is what a successful approach is likely to be in real life.

Praying for you!
 
If its upsetting you to the point of making you unwell then you must tell your wife you arent happy with her doing it, after all if her lips are on another mans then its still a kiss even if it is in a play,
 
What a great oportunity to think about the moral character of out entertainment industry nowadays.

Should a catholic wife even consider to kiss 3 different men in a play, just for the sake of art?

I am an artist myself, and I would rather not being an artist anymore than use my gift to disrespect God. Proudly turned down some projects because of that, and will do it again even if it costs my career at some point.

Your wife seriously needs to think about what she is doing with her talents.
 
I’d feel ill at the thought of my wife kissing another man, even in a play. I think I’d resent my wife for it and want to punch the man. I completely understand your feelings on this.

Your marriage is more important than either of your careers. If you feel that this could weaken your marriage, say that. If you feel it will lead to jealousy and mistrust, say that. They are valid feelings for a man to have when he sees his wife kissing someone else. It may be that in discussing it with her you feel more at ease and prepared to trust her for the sake of this opportunity. Or it may be that you decide together than it’s best to avoid something that may come between you. But an honest discussion is needed here either way. Good luck.
 
Thank you all for sharing your thoughts… It’s been incredibly comforting to read that my jealous feelings aren’t entirely out-of-the-norm, and I appreciate your insights.

I am going to calmly talk with my wife over dinner tonight. Please pray that God grants me the right words, and keep us both in your prayers!
 
steido01 said:
Thank you all for sharing your thoughts… It’s been incredibly comforting to read that my jealous feelings aren’t entirely out-of-the-norm, and I appreciate your insights.

I am going to calmly talk with my wife over dinner tonight. Please pray that God grants me the right words, and keep us both in your prayers!
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Praying for you both!
 
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