Greetings! This is the Wife here, the topic of this hot conversation! Sheesh, I feel like I’m walking into a pack of hungry wolves.
I love God, my husband, and my kids. I am glad my husband sought an outlet to talk to someone else besides me about this since that is what he needed. This Other we are talking about was family to me when I didn’t have any one else (as a kid… pre-romance days). I don’t feel the need to detail the entire story, but I see now that I dated my dear husband at first as a rebound. He knows that, we’ve talked about that. Bummer that I still feel sadness at the loss of this other friend and have trouble shaking the feeling of being “his girl”. [Your que: Attack!] His family and extended family watched out for me when my own was in peril and I was a teenager roaming around and living in my car! Cheating in any way what so ever (emotionaly, physical) not only would mean I was cheating on my husband and family and GOD, but also practically all of my friends who are also this guys’s family or mutual friends. Not only that, but my band that I love and feel quite fulfilled by. There is no chance in the world that he or I would risk hurting in any small way any of those people. His kids and our kids have been best friends since birth. His wife is one of my dearest friends also.
I do know we are all human and that it must truly appear to be the “near occasion of sin”,
but you must remember that these other people in the group are also dear friends of mine and the Other as well as both our spouses…so while it sounds risky to say that I am going out spending weekends on the road with this other guy, remember that we are packed in a bus with perfectly good middle men who we risk destroying friendships with if we did anything at all in appropriate. One of the girls in the group has asked his wife to be her maid of honor! So we’re not alone, even though our spouses are not always there gigging with us.
I feel conflicted because in honesty, I wish I loved all my friends the way I do this one. I wish him the best in everything - including his marriage - I want him to succeed and never be apart from God and in the end go straight to Heaven. I wouldn’t put him in a risky situation for his sake as well as my own and for the love of my husband, who loves me and I know it well. So many of you have suggested getting him out of my life altogether, but I don’t see the point in throwing out a slew of friendships because of a slew of unfortunate emotions that for eight years and running have not caused any tangible sins. And for the record, any thought of him comes to mind I immediately boot it and confess it as soon as I can. My husband knows this and also believes it to not be the best option to distance ourselves.
So yea, sucky situation huh?! Cheating and annulments and divorces and whatever else have been made mention of are not options or possibilities. I guess I don’t know what I want any of you to say but perhaps advice that does not assume to know the whole picture would be a little more helpful. We’ve read through the ones that make hard set declarations of how things should proceed and neither of us feel they make sense in real life. But any more advice should take into consideration that I am actually not at all going through this without thought or concern for my husband and family, and I pray every day that we can see what to do now. Also that I was a raging ***** who suffered from acute boredom and frustration at doing nothing but wiping butts and cleaning dishes before I was hired to play music with the tightest group around- excuse the french!
