Wife may have breast cancer

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CuriousInIL

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Yesterday after a follow-up of a routine mammogram, the doctors discovered a small mass in my wife’s breast. For various reasons, the next step is a needle biopsy, but that won’t happen for several weeks. If it turns out to be cancerous, then a lumpectomy is planned.

For those who have been through this before, how do I help, both now while we are just waiting and after, assuming it is cancer? I appreciate your suggestions. I’m at a loss as to how to deal with this myself and also help her.
 
I will be praying for your wife and for you as well. There is a lot of success when found early. We vow to God and spouse to be there in sickness and in health. God bless you for recognizing and fulfilling that promise.
 
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Pray The Holy Rosaries together (including the Jesus Rosary) with 25 x Our Father’s at least twice daily, offering up all of your Wife’s Health issues and your Crosses to Jesus and Our Lady Mary Mother of Jesus; ask for all cancer to be removed and for the full restoration of your Wife’s Health and yours.

Placing your full trust and full confidence in Jesus and Our Lady Mary Mother of Jesus:

Picture every one of Jesus Stations of The Cross while praying The Holy Rosary in order to both feel Jesus’ Passion and reflect upon what He endured for the sake of us, melting your Hearts and ask Jesus and Our Lady Mary to fully open up both of your Hearts to God now and for Eternity.

You will both feel so many emotions, become teary if you set aside the time to deeply reflect upon Jesus and His Mother and what they both endured through their Lives down here.

Keep attending Mass and Reconciliation weekly and during the week if you both can; receive The Holy Eucharist as much as possible.

Jesus and our Holy Mother have just cured me from two major illnesses after I had fully opened up my Heart and Soul to Jesus and Mother Mary in the ways described above.

Love and best wishes to you all.
 
CuriousInIL said:
Yesterday after a follow-up of a routine mammogram, the doctors discovered a small mass in my wife’s breast. For various reasons, the next step is a needle biopsy, but that won’t happen for several weeks. If it turns out to be cancerous, then a lumpectomy is planned.

For those who have been through this before, how do I help, both now while we are just waiting and after, assuming it is cancer? I appreciate your suggestions. I’m at a loss as to how to deal with this myself and also help her.
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Mine wasn’t cancer. And yes, my husband and I were both assuming it was. :o

I don’t know what to do after you receive the diagnosis.

But before, I was terrified and my husband spent a lot of time just holding me. Hugging, touching, being there. I needed a lot of human contact. So just be there for her. 👍
 
Just be supportive no matter what kind of emotions she shows or doesn’t show.

I’ve had two “scares” where I had to do the biopsy thing. No cancer. But several weeks of just freaking out craziness.

It’s the waiting and not knowing that is the hardest part. You start to imagine the worst. And then when people try to talk you down, saying it might not even be cancer, blah blah blah, it just makes you more angry.

So, I would say EMPATHY is key, which is not the same as SYMPATHY.

And keep people away from her that want to share their cancer story, or the story of Aunty Sally who died from cancer. I mean, really, what are people thinking???
 
1ke said:
So, I would say EMPATHY is key, which is not the same as SYMPATHY.

And keep people away from her that want to share their cancer story, or the story of Aunty Sally who died from cancer. I mean, really, what are people thinking???
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So true. What are these people thinking? :rolleyes:

I hate the horror stories people think that they have to share. :mad: Keep it to yourself, for crying out loud. :crying:

And yes, empathy. 👍
 
maryjk said:
Mine wasn’t cancer. And yes, my husband and I were both assuming it was. :o

I don’t know what to do after you receive the diagnosis.

But before, I was terrified and my husband spent a lot of time just holding me. Hugging, touching, being there. I needed a lot of human contact. So just be there for her. 👍
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Mary I’m using your quote for reference but it is directed at the OP. I’m a stage III cancer survivor ten years out. I reay know the pain, stress… of the wait. When they first found mine in the emergancy room on a Friday, I went home for the weekend thinking I had very little time left based on X-rays and scans. I went in that next Monday and it was staged and classified that week. I started chemo immediately as an (name removed by moderator)atient under observation. Then released to do outpatient chemo at a center…First work on trust. Excersise it, strengthen it. If she is dxed with it she has to decide if she is going to live or die. This most important and not to be underestimated. Compassion over empathy. You will not understand what it is like. Even with people around you it is lonely. Help her understand that Jesus understands and experiences it with her. She will need to meditate that. Do all the legwork possible. Chart everything, meds, diet, treatments, follow ups… Be vigilant. Don’t make a mistake, monitor pain management closely. She can not “buck up” and hide anything. That could cost her life. If it gets tough we tend to hide things as not to have treatment stopped early. In any stage they will bring you to the edge. At first there might not be any side effects, but it is accumilative to no breaks for recovery time. If she is dxed, adapt to how life is from now on with trust and faith. It took me two years after to break. The stress can be intense. I hope and pray that she is ok. I’m just laying it out from my experience. Sometimes only holding her hand is enough.
 
Praying for both of you…for peace and calm while you wait.

And for good results from the biopsy ( the fact that they did not send her somewhere for a biposy immediately is very encouraging)…Praying that the lump is totally benign…
I’ll be praying!

Recently, I had a scare, and did a lot of research ( which is nOT necessarily a good thing…it just makes you more scared…but, I’m a nurse, and one that does better with “knowledge”.

…Anyway… MOST breast abnormalities found on mammo are NOT cancerous…
 
Thanks to all who have offered prayers and those who offered advice. Both are much needed and helpful and comforting. Please keep the responses coming. I can feel the prayers and the love, I am sure that will transfer to her and to her benefit.

Praise God.
 
maryjk said:
So true. What are these people thinking? :rolleyes:

I hate the horror stories people think that they have to share. :mad: Keep it to yourself, for crying out loud. :crying:

And yes, empathy. 👍
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Yeah, some women always want to trump others with their depressing medical history. Since I’ve become pregnant, they’ve come out of the woodwork from far and wide to tell me about their miscarraige and their niece’s stillborn and how their friend from work nearly died giving birth. Thanks. I feel so much better? I also recommend that you encourage your wife to stay off the internet until the diagnosis is complete. The stories on there are worse then the ones people will tell and will make a person crazy!
 
Allegra said:
Yeah, some women always want to trump others with their depressing medical history. Since I’ve become pregnant, they’ve come out of the woodwork from far and wide to tell me about their miscarraige and their niece’s stillborn and how their friend from work nearly died giving birth. Thanks. I feel so much better? I also recommend that you encourage your wife to stay off the internet until the diagnosis is complete. The stories on there are worse then the ones people will tell and will make a person crazy!
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Someone gave me a copy of “it’s not about the bike” by Lance Armstrong. I had the same type of cancer. I was reading how tough the treatments were for him and he gave his stats…I realized his HCG counts were around 150k, mine were over 300k, normal is below 5, not 5k. You are treated til those markers are normal. I stopped reading the book right then. Things to educate yourself about are how to remedy side effects, diet, little tricks and tips to get by. Those things can make the difference. You almost have to get second opinions on everything. As far as my treatment went, the whole practice was involved and we consulted with the leading expert and founder of the chemo treatment out in Indiana. I had a separate urologist that wanted to do a post chemo RPLND (a lymph mode dissection). It’s a nasty operation with scut from pelvis to sternum, I looked into options like laparoscopic…and found an expert at John Hopkins. Went up there with everything for consultation. My case was a no go for operation. He said it would be “morbid”, meaning I would die. That second opinion saved my life and I would not have known who to ask if I hadn’t investigated it. Find out who is the best in every faucet of treatment and recovery. Your Dr’s should have 0 problem discussing the case with them. Dr’s generally want to learn, discuss and be successful. Always trust your God giving instincts.
 
Another thing, Dr’s usually won’t give projections, they go day by day, as not to be shaken by variables. But they will give you percentages. After my initial DX, I was given a 30% chance at life. Those percentages go up slowly. Nurses on the other hand will do all they can to ease your mind and suffering. They are saints. My last week of chemo was bad. I went in for treatment and while the nurse was prepping the chemo I told her my symptoms. She went and got my Dr. He checked my swollen toungue, my neck glass, and under my arm pits. He immediately said " he’s done, one more will kill him". They stooped the chemo then one week early. My counts where still up to around 200. They sent me down to UVA to get setup for autologous stem cell transplant with high hose chemo. That would have killed me day one. UVA took my blood and they were normal on Oct. 31, 03. Barely dodged that one. When it looks bad it comes down to faith and trust.
 
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CuriousInIL said:
Thanks to all who have offered prayers and those who offered advice. Both are much needed and helpful and comforting. Please keep the responses coming. I can feel the prayers and the love, I am sure that will transfer to her and to her benefit.

Praise God.
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:gopray2: I will continue to keep both of you in my prayers!
 
I know that every woman is different. I approached my diagnosis as something that might slow me down, but it certainly wasn’t going to get the best of me. I actually think it was harder for my husband–he was truly afraid, but put up a strong front and was a great support. I REALLY like a previous posters suggestion to just be there, hold, hug, touch…those are truly comforting gestures that most women appreciate at any time.

The hardest things for me to deal with were the reactions of well-intentioned friends and family members. From my elderly dad relentlessly telling me that I should get treatment at the Mayo clinic (#1 for EVERYTHING in his mind and only clear across the country from me!) to a dear friend lamenting that it wasn’t fair that this happened to me. Sigh. THAT was really a lot tougher for me than losing my breast.

Kathy
 
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