Wife more "Catholic" than husband

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When I read the title of this thread I thought a lot about my husband constantly saying that “I will always be more Catholic than he”. But, if he looked at it from my view it is merely just I became Catholic four years ago and he is a “lapsed” Catholic (went to Catholic Schools, but he feels he was for the elementary school years was not taught the teachings of the Church well enough and then his family life they were non-practicing) who return to his faith right around the time he began dating me.

Yes, we view things very different and it has led to some arguments (especially Confession or praying the Rosary), but in all honesty we need to speak about them. I think that is the best advice I can give you, speak about it. Yeah it might make the marriage a little rough, but holding it to yourself or just saying “He will change” will never help.

I know nothing about how it is going for you right now, but know this prayers are being sent for you.
 
newlywed8 said:
I doubt your husband sought to ‘deceive’ you in any way. We all do what he did. One, he wanted to present a good side to impress you 😉 and two, he probably had really lofty goals. Now that he has settled into his new life, he is reluctant to change and he is mentally drained (even though you may be working more, sometimes different people react to stress in different ways), and he probably has trouble motivating himself. Pray for him, your marriage, and always keep your faith as a source of joy, never pride, anxiety, burdan, or a chore, and let the Holy Spirit do the rest.
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This right here. He was putting his best foot forward and figured that if he wanted you, he needed to do all the things that you do. Now that you’ve been married for awhile, he’s getting lazy. That’s far from a personal hell and he’s not a bad guy. He’s just being spiritually lazy.

Perhaps inviting him to do something active in the Church that’s all manly might be better. Encourage him to join a Men’s Group or something like that. Phrase it in a way that has to do with religion and more getting his backside off the couch. Tell him you want him to stop watching so much TV and get out there with guys. Then if he says “like who” tell him “I don’t know, join a softball league, do some volunteering, hit the gym, join the parish’s men’s group. I don’t care!” If the parish doesn’t have a men’s group, find where the nearest KoC is and encourage him to join that. Tell him it will be a good way for him to spend time with some guys and to not be around the house so much.

That might be a way to get in there from a different angle. Laziness begets laziness. Getting him to stop watching TV all the time and obsessing over the dogs and getting out there with people might just be the ticket to getting him to reconnect more deeply with the faith.
 
Baelor said:
I am responding for 1ke. That sentence means that there is something horrible, but other than that everything is great.

In this case, you said that your husband is a good man, but your time with him is a living hell and that he lied to you.
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Every little girl dreams of what marriage will be like. Even as a young woman, my dream was to have the kind of marriage where the husband and wife pray together, go to Mass together, are active at their parish (men’s clubs, women’s clubs, etc.), live a Catholic life at home, and raise children who are faithful Catholics. Basically, I wanted a husband whose faith was as deep as mine, and had similar outward expressions of faith.

Five years into our marriage, I realize that not only is my husband not the man he presented himself to be when we were dating and engaged (he often spoke about discerning the permanent deaconate like his uncle), but the marriage - the life - I dreamed about since I was a little girl will never be. When he said he would like to be our sponsor couple (who have a large family that actually lives a Catholic life at home), I guess it was “wishful thinking” instead of something he really wanted to work for. I read posts from men on this forum who are the kind of men I thought I was marrying and it makes me even more sad at what my marriage is actually like.

This sadness, this “buyers remorse”, this slipping away from the faith life I used to have … is my “personal hell”. The fact that I no longer live my life in a way that others clearly know that I am Christian - that I am Catholic - makes me feel even worse.

I was brought up to believe that the man was supposed to be the spiritual head of the family and take the lead in spiritual matters. I have done what some here have suggested - back off and let him take the lead. I’ve done what someone suggested, to encourage him to join the various men’s clubs, KoC, etc., to make friends with other Catholic men, but he doesn’t want to join those activities. I’ve asked him if he would join a small church group or in the SVdP society as a couple, but he says he doesn’t have the time. It seems he’s content with just going to Mass on Sundays (most Sundays) and the occasional holy day of obligation (when it’s convenient for him).

Metaphorically speaking, at what point does a wife have the right to “unyoke” herself from her husband, letting him graze in the pasture while she sets off to do the work she feels she should do? I’m NOT talking divorce, but I want to grow - in my faith and as a person! Is it acceptable for me to return to daily Mass, pray by myself, read the books I’ve always wanted to read and discuss them with others who share a similar interest if my husband doesn’t share those interests? Or do I have to give up those things for good and find a way to be content sitting in the recliner watching mindless TV?
 
Rosary_Girl said:
Every little girl dreams of what marriage will be like. Even as a young woman, my dream was to have the kind of marriage where the husband and wife pray together, go to Mass together, are active at their parish (men’s clubs, women’s clubs, etc.), live a Catholic life at home, and raise children who are faithful Catholics. Basically, I wanted a husband whose faith was as deep as mine, and had similar outward expressions of faith.

Five years into our marriage, I realize that not only is my husband not the man he presented himself to be when we were dating and engaged (he often spoke about discerning the permanent deaconate like his uncle), but the marriage - the life - I dreamed about since I was a little girl will never be. When he said he would like to be our sponsor couple (who have a large family that actually lives a Catholic life at home), I guess it was “wishful thinking” instead of something he really wanted to work for. I read posts from men on this forum who are the kind of men I thought I was marrying and it makes me even more sad at what my marriage is actually like.

This sadness, this “buyers remorse”, this slipping away from the faith life I used to have … is my “personal hell”. The fact that I no longer live my life in a way that others clearly know that I am Christian - that I am Catholic - makes me feel even worse.

I was brought up to believe that the man was supposed to be the spiritual head of the family and take the lead in spiritual matters. I have done what some here have suggested - back off and let him take the lead. I’ve done what someone suggested, to encourage him to join the various men’s clubs, KoC, etc., to make friends with other Catholic men, but he doesn’t want to join those activities. I’ve asked him if he would join a small church group or in the SVdP society as a couple, but he says he doesn’t have the time. It seems he’s content with just going to Mass on Sundays (most Sundays) and the occasional holy day of obligation (when it’s convenient for him).

Metaphorically speaking, at what point does a wife have the right to “unyoke” herself from her husband, letting him graze in the pasture while she sets off to do the work she feels she should do? I’m NOT talking divorce, but I want to grow - in my faith and as a person! Is it acceptable for me to return to daily Mass, pray by myself, read the books I’ve always wanted to read and discuss them with others who share a similar interest if my husband doesn’t share those interests? Or do I have to give up those things for good and find a way to be content sitting in the recliner watching mindless TV?
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That’s what I would do. Go about your faith life the way you see fit, and let him carry on with his. Is he fulfilling the five precepts of the Catholic Church? If so, be happy - that’s a lot more than most. I am definitely more outwardly Catholic than my husband. He sees no reason to go to extra Mass, read the Bible, join the KofC or pray a rosary. He’d never hand a crucifix on the wall or watch EWTN. But he is a good, decent man who goes to Mass every Sunday and follows the catechism. I can’t complain that he isn’t more like me, even though, sure - I’d love it if he got involved at Church or initiated family prayer.

I don’t go to daily Mass because I have little kids. But if you want to go and you have the time, then go. Enjoy it. I wouldn’t blow off your husband to go to a non-obligatory Mass, but who is to stop you from praying and reading?
 
None of us have the lives we dreamed of as a child, or even as a young adult. It’s time to put childish ideals aside and make the most of what you have.
Rosary_Girl said:
Metaphorically speaking, at what point does a wife have the right to “unyoke” herself from her husband, letting him graze in the pasture while she sets off to do the work she feels she should do? I’m NOT talking divorce, but I want to grow - in my faith and as a person! Is it acceptable for me to return to daily Mass, pray by myself, read the books I’ve always wanted to read and discuss them with others who share a similar interest if my husband doesn’t share those interests? Or do I have to give up those things for good and find a way to be content sitting in the recliner watching mindless TV?
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Yes, of course you should do these things. You need to work on your own faith regardless. And hopefully your positive influence, and the deep joy that such an active faith life can bring, will encourage your husband back to a deeper faith also. Your positive example is the best option for encouraging change.
Rosary_Girl said:
I was brought up to believe that the man was supposed to be the spiritual head of the family and take the lead in spiritual matters. **I have done what some here have suggested - back off **and let him take the lead. I’ve done what someone suggested, to encourage him to join the various men’s clubs, KoC, etc., to make friends with other Catholic men, but he doesn’t want to join those activities. I’ve asked him if he would join a small church group or in the SVdP society as a couple, but he says he doesn’t have the time. It seems he’s content with just going to Mass on Sundays (most Sundays) and the occasional holy day of obligation (when it’s convenient for him).
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You say you’ve backed off, but you’re still nagging him at the same time. You’re contradicting yourself. You need to drop this issue with him completely for the foreseeable future, and return to it later in a more gentle manner.
 
JackieMom said:
That’s what I would do. Go about your faith life the way you see fit, and let him carry on with his. Is he fulfilling the five precepts of the Catholic Church? If so, be happy - that’s a lot more than most. I am definitely more outwardly Catholic than my husband. He sees no reason to go to extra Mass, read the Bible, join the KofC or pray a rosary. He’d never hand a crucifix on the wall or watch EWTN. But he is a good, decent man who goes to Mass every Sunday and follows the catechism. I can’t complain that he isn’t more like me, even though, sure - I’d love it if he got involved at Church or initiated family prayer.

I don’t go to daily Mass because I have little kids. But if you want to go and you have the time, then go. Enjoy it. I wouldn’t blow off your husband to go to a non-obligatory Mass, but who is to stop you from praying and reading?
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Five prececpts of the Church??? :confused:
 
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