Wife On Vacation -- Or Is She?

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Benedictine

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My beautiful and wonderful wife has gone to see her parents and the brothers, sisters, and all other relatives from her native Philippines. As of this typing, she should be arriving in Manila very soon. We saved up and planned this trip for quite some time, for she hasn’t seen the family over there since 1993. She arranged the time off from work and got a good deal on the price’s trip (still expensive, but enough for her to go). So I am very happy that she is going because it is making her family, especially her mother, very happy. Her mom and dad are quite old now, so she really needed to see them. I am glad. Plus, she’ll be in the Philippines for Holy Week and Easter, and as many of you know they do it really right over there.

And hey, she is only gone for 15 days and will be back on the 21st, so why should I feel bad?

Because I do. I am about as miserable as I could possibly be! I had a very hard time sleeping last night and I find myself shuffling around this morning and about ready to burst into tears just thinking about her!

And much to my surprise and dismay, I somehow am getting these horrible thoughts, like I am going to have divorce papers delivered to me soon or she is going to abandon our daughters and I for some Filipino guy over there, even though we’ve been happily married for over 18 years! She has been very loving and patient with me over the years, but I have been fighting a hard battle with my weight which has tried her acceptance of me on more than a few occasions. I keep thinking she has left me and is not coming back ! :crying::crying::crying:

I know intellectually and from my heart that I have nothing to worry about, but I just cannot help it! I once came across this internet site for men who have been completely screwed by Asian women who married them, got what they wanted, and then abandoned them! Why did I look at that website??? It has completely screwed up my mind! 😦

Please keep me in good thought and prayer. And if anyone has ever experienced what I feel, and if it all turned out all right for you, please share. I need some encouragement right now, for I am all messed up this morning!
 
Get off that internet site. You obviously have insecurity issues. Deal with them before they alter your treatment of your wife and make your fears a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Because that can happen. You can drive someone away by doing just that.

Call her and tell her you miss her. She might miss you too. I seriously doubt she’ll abandon her children. While she’s gone, do some projects around the house so she’ll be happily surprised when she gets back. Email her and tell her you miss her. Make an appointment with your family doctor to get a grip on the health issues that are causing you to gain weight.

Women don’t leave men after 18 years who love and value them and treat them with respect. Allow her time to visit her aged parents and her family. And understand that family visits are great, but her home is with you and she may be glad at the end of an extended visit to get back to you and the kids. Make it a pleasant coming home for her, not something where she walks in the door and wishes she was on a plane going back.

Stay off the internet if you can’t stay away from sites that put horrible paranoid ideas in your head.

And do not share your worries with her. If she is a good and moral woman, your idea that she would leave you and the kids for some Filipino guy is very insulting and if you didn’t have marriage problems before, once you accuse her of being that skanky you sure will now.

Pray a rosary a day for her. When a bad thought enters your head, replace it with the prayer to St. Michael.

You are very generous to save and pay for this wonderful trip for her and to be happy she is going. If you treat her that generously all the time, don’t worry that she will leave you. I’ve met many Filipinas. None of them were stupid.

Good luck.
 
Benedictine,

You are being played right now by the satanic forces in this world. Just as the devil and all that is evil works to destroy religious vocations, so do they work to destroy good and holy marriages.

My wife is a Filipina and she is a great wife! She nags me about my weight, too, but she loves me as I am. I’m sure yours does, too. Please, don’t look at websites like the one you saw. Most of them are about old men who married teenage bar girls, so they should have known better (that doesn’t make it right, but still they should have known). No, if you have a solid, happy marriage then don’t worry. This is just satan playing on your mind. Pray that your wife has a great trip to her folks, a great time with her family, and a safe trip back to her actual home, ie. you and your kids.

You are a good man and a loving husband, so don’t let satan ruin it for you. Keep in touch with her by phone/internet/whatever, keep the house clean while she’s away, and keep working on your weight! God bless you, for He is with you!
 
Benedictine said:
My beautiful and wonderful wife has gone to see her parents and the brothers, sisters, and all other relatives from her native Philippines. As of this typing, she should be arriving in Manila very soon. We saved up and planned this trip for quite some time, for she hasn’t seen the family over there since 1993. She arranged the time off from work and got a good deal on the price’s trip (still expensive, but enough for her to go). So I am very happy that she is going because it is making her family, especially her mother, very happy. Her mom and dad are quite old now, so she really needed to see them. I am glad. Plus, she’ll be in the Philippines for Holy Week and Easter, and as many of you know they do it really right over there.

And hey, she is only gone for 15 days and will be back on the 21st, so why should I feel bad?

Because I do. I am about as miserable as I could possibly be! I had a very hard time sleeping last night and I find myself shuffling around this morning and about ready to burst into tears just thinking about her!

And much to my surprise and dismay, I somehow am getting these horrible thoughts, like I am going to have divorce papers delivered to me soon or she is going to abandon our daughters and I for some Filipino guy over there, even though we’ve been happily married for over 18 years! She has been very loving and patient with me over the years, but I have been fighting a hard battle with my weight which has tried her acceptance of me on more than a few occasions. I keep thinking she has left me and is not coming back ! :crying::crying::crying:

I know intellectually and from my heart that I have nothing to worry about, but I just cannot help it! I once came across this internet site for men who have been completely screwed by Asian women who married them, got what they wanted, and then abandoned them! Why did I look at that website??? It has completely screwed up my mind! 😦

Please keep me in good thought and prayer. And if anyone has ever experienced what I feel, and if it all turned out all right for you, please share. I need some encouragement right now, for I am all messed up this morning!
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Hey Guy,

Get a grip. :rolleyes: You’re obsessing over nothing. She probably will be too busy visiting with family and friends to have the time to think about anything else. Speaking as a woman. I can’t see her abandoning her kids either. :rolleyes: I think you need counciling if you’re insecuries are as pronounced as what you’ve posted here. Jealousy is also akin to contolling behavoir and control issues lead to abuse. Controlling behavior and and jealousy will also drive your wife away more likely then anything so please talk to a priest and get yourself some help before things get out of hand. 👍😉
 
Sierrah said:
Hey Guy,

Get a grip. :rolleyes: You’re obsessing over nothing. She probably will be too busy visiting with family and friends to have the time to think about anything else. Speaking as a woman. I can’t see her abandoning her kids either. :rolleyes: I think you need counciling if you’re insecuries are as pronounced as what you’ve posted here. Jealousy is also akin to contolling behavoir and control issues lead to abuse. Controlling behavior and and jealousy will also drive your wife away more likely then anything so please talk to a priest and get yourself some help before things get out of hand. 👍😉
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Hey, what a minute, Sierrah where are you getting this about jealousy, abuse and control issues? If Benedictine were controlling his wife, then she wouldn’t be going anywhere! This is just a guy who is really feeling vulnerable and was willing to share and ask for some help. He mentioned his weight, so surely he is feeling very down right now because he is down on himself.

So don’t patronize him (though you may not have intended to do so) by saying he needs counseling, or he “needs help,” or something like that. Pray for him, for it occurs to me that he is going through a spiritual attack.
 
Benedictine, trust your wife, man! 😃 As a previous poster pointed out she will be WAY too busy spending time with her family to even think about messing around - and why in the world would she do that to you after 18 years of marriage???

Stay away from that website. Sounds like it’s not at all healthy for you to obsess over people’s sob stories. And it sounds like they’re perpetuating a very bad stereotype of Asian women as “gold diggers.” Many of my mom’s friends (like my mother) are lovely Asian women married to American men and I know from experience this stereotype is inaccurate as well as cruel.

Not going home since 1993 is a long time. My mom goes back to her native country every couple of years and even that is very difficult. Try to be excited and happy that your wife will be seeing her loved ones after so long. God bless.
 
Benedictine,

My husband is away for long periods of time (he’s in the military). So I understand the paranoia that can evolve. For me, it starts like this:

He’s been gone a long time. He’s there with women in his unit. He’s a good-looking, nice, sweet guy. They’re all young, in-shape girls, and I’m carrying a bit of weight after two kids… and it goes on from there.

However, I will tell you this: paranoia can destroy you and your marriage. As others have said, do little things to remind her that you love her and can’t wait to see her again. Perhaps consider Skype, if she has consistent access to Internet? Send her cards or flowers, if you can. I wrote my husband every day when he was gone; sometimes he wouldn’t get the letters for several weeks, but he said it was like Christmas morning when they came. Is there something that she’s been begging you to do around the house (hang curtains, clean out the shed, fix the fence - oh, wait, that’s MY hubby’s to-do list :D)? Do that for her, and she’ll be so happy when she returns.

For women, it’s the little things that count. The little ways you say you love her.

Above all, DO NOT LISTEN TO THE NAYSAYERS. There’s always the story of the spouse that got left. Trust me, those stories are always around a military post. But you cannot listen to them. You have to trust her. If you continue to have those fears, I highly recommend seeking the advice of your priest.
 
skip the internet site. trust your wife and trust God with your marriage.

your wife hasn’t seen her family in fifteen years. do NOT make her take care of your insecurities from across the ocean. do not emote even a hint of regret or pain over her trip. do not mar her joy with your insecurities-- that would be selfish, self-centered and very juvenile.
 
Thank you for your replies. I am feeling much better now that the day has progressed and I got word from her that she has made it to the Philippines. Mabuhay, as the Filipinos say! 👍

You are right, mozier, the devil has been working on me, and I need to pray when this happens. My wife is the joy of my life, and I know I am hers, so why was I filled with such thoughts? No, Sierrah, I would NOT abuse my wife or manipulate her. I wouldn’t even think of doing something as horrible as that! And no, I will not be sharing with her this struggle that I’ve been having, monicatholic.

I want her to have a great time with her family over there and not worry about her husband back here, who really does need to lose some weight! You know, this Wednesday is National Walking Day, so perhaps this is a good day to start walking for exercise like I used to!

Thank you all once again for your (mostly) kind words. I will be fine. 🙂
 
Don’t forget to let her know something like “love you, honey”, “miss you”. Always nice to hear as a wife, and good therapy for you. Just that. No need for great details.
 
Wow, it’s been since 1993 that your wife has seen her family. That’s a lot of years. So the last thing she’d be doing is looking at another guy.

Not seeing her family for that many years and when she comes back, she knows it may be several more years before she sees them again. Every Moment with them on this trip is going to be way too precious to her…

Relax and know she’s a wonderful wife who loves you.
 
Benedictine said:
My beautiful and wonderful wife has gone to see her parents and the brothers, sisters, and all other relatives from her native Philippines. As of this typing, she should be arriving in Manila very soon. We saved up and planned this trip for quite some time, for she hasn’t seen the family over there since 1993. She arranged the time off from work and got a good deal on the price’s trip (still expensive, but enough for her to go). So I am very happy that she is going because it is making her family, especially her mother, very happy. Her mom and dad are quite old now, so she really needed to see them. I am glad. Plus, she’ll be in the Philippines for Holy Week and Easter, and as many of you know they do it really right over there.

And hey, she is only gone for 15 days and will be back on the 21st, so why should I feel bad?

Because I do. I am about as miserable as I could possibly be! I had a very hard time sleeping last night and I find myself shuffling around this morning and about ready to burst into tears just thinking about her!

And much to my surprise and dismay, I somehow am getting these horrible thoughts, like I am going to have divorce papers delivered to me soon or she is going to abandon our daughters and I for some Filipino guy over there, even though we’ve been happily married for over 18 years! She has been very loving and patient with me over the years, but I have been fighting a hard battle with my weight which has tried her acceptance of me on more than a few occasions. I keep thinking she has left me and is not coming back ! :crying::crying::crying:

I know intellectually and from my heart that I have nothing to worry about, but I just cannot help it! I once came across this internet site for men who have been completely screwed by Asian women who married them, got what they wanted, and then abandoned them! Why did I look at that website??? It has completely screwed up my mind! 😦

Please keep me in good thought and prayer. And if anyone has ever experienced what I feel, and if it all turned out all right for you, please share. I need some encouragement right now, for I am all messed up this morning!
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One time my wife was gone longer than we had planned. I was lonely.

I hired a prostitute.

It made me feel better.
 
DavidChrist said:
One time my wife was gone longer than we had planned. I was lonely.

I hired a prostitute.

It made me feel better.
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Okay, that’s two posts of yours I have read today that are just awful. You do know this is a Catholic Site, don’t you? This type of answer should never be given!
 
happymommy said:
Okay, that’s two posts of yours I have read today that are just awful. You do know this is a Catholic Site, don’t you? This type of answer should never be given!
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I am a confirmed Catholic and I don’t tell lies.

That is what I did.

Past Tense.

I wouldn’t do it now. But it did alleviate the pain I was going through then.
 
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