Wife refuses sex ever again

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I read this:

The Greek word in question is porneia. This word refers generally to any illicit sexual union. Depending on the context, it most often means premarital sex, but can also refer to incest, and more rarely to adultery and/or homosexual acts. I say “more rarely” because adultery and homosexual acts have their own proper Greek words and descriptions that are normally used (e.g.,moichao for adultery and paraphysin, etc., for homosexual acts).

Catholic teaching and understanding regarding the word porneia holds it to mean in the context of this verse, “incestuous relationships.” This makes historical sense. The Jewish world had very clear understandings about permissible marital unions, forbidding marriage where the bloodlines ran too close.

I am not sure where the Catholic church gets the idea this should be narrowed down to purely incestuous relationships. It seems it should include that, but not be limited to it. I also have read in different sources that it’s reasonable to consider marriage a covenant and the refusal of sex clearly a breaking of that covenant.
 
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Internet strangers can’t help you. Try talking to your wife about this from the perspective of wanting to understand, as completely separate from a request for sex.

Generally, not wanting sex comes down to:
  • A physical issue (see medical doctor)
  • An emotional/relational issue that causes her to feel she can’t trust you
 
Who wrote and compiled the Bible? Catholics. Go to the Church for clear answers about Scripture.
 
Or:

–Wife is no longer sexually attracted to husband; may or may not be attracted to someone else
 
Physical desire is not linear in a marriage. Many things can make him vanished…

Age, physical diffficulties, birth of children, menaupose, loss of romance in the relationship, depression, stress, not having a good communication, or relationship with the spouse, feeling of overwelming, or lack of support, working pressure…

Try to find where the situation starts…You will have something to say to your wife to begin, as she don’t want to dig the subject.

Perhaps, she need to be “win” again?
 
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Hi Jason, no offense intended, didn’t mean to make you feel bad in any way. I was only try to give you some ideas on a possible “why” a woman may not want physical contact. I only speak from personal experience. I am not suggesting at all that you have GIVEN her reason to avoid you.

I can sense the frustration in your original post, and I agree that living without marital relations, or any physical contact, is intolerable. I would ask her, directly, and tell her how her actions are hurting you. <3

Julie
 
Read the article “Your Marriage Vows Imply The Biblical Right To Divorce A Sexless Spouse.”
 
You didn’t offend me, I just wanted to make sure that for the purposes of discussion, that part was clear. I think there’s a large base for the issue:
  1. She went through cancer years ago and didn’t think my mom and I took care of her the way her own mom would have. We probably didn’t, but my mom is a nurse and I think we did pretty well. She’s been angry ever since and that has been almost 10yr
  2. Her brother died about 6yr ago and she’s been bitter ever since. She skipped church for a long time and is still angry at God.
  3. She is depressed but refuses treatment. She blames her depression, not on anything physical or chemical, but rather me and her circumstances.
I am far, far from perfect, but don’t think I am so bad as to cause clinical depression.
 
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That article sums up how I feel, but is it Biblically correct? I am not challenging you or it, I simply do not know.
 
Jasonwb said:
That article sums up how I feel, but is it Biblically correct? I am not challenging you or it, I simply do not know.
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Catholic teaching is that you can only remarry if the marriage is invalid. Refusing sex without a good reason over a long period of time is a sin but does not leave the other spouse free to remarry.
 
Divorce is a complicated subject, mainly because we’ve made it that way. Catholic teaching may teach that a person can’t remarry, but Jasonwb asked if it is Biblically correct. No one can be 100% accurate on everything no matter how hard and long they try.
 
This was a new concept for me and I had to study and think about it for a while. I suggest you spend some time in the scriptures references and listen to the podcast for more information.

I stayed in a sexless marriage for 4 decades because I thought I didn’t have a scriptural right to divorce. I regret that I didn’t start studying for myself and just accepted what people said. A book I found very helpful and enlightening was “Not Under Bondage, Biblical Divorce for Abuse, Adultery & Desertion” by Barbara Roberts.

She doesn’t talk about sexless marriages, but she talks about scriptural divorce for abandonment. She gives word definitions and the history of how our beliefs about divorce have changed over the centuries. I’d say order the book from Amazon and read it openly, leave it laying out. My husband thought I couldn’t divorce him because I didn’t have physical proof of adultery (I thought it, too), so he wasn’t motivated to change.

When I found the book, he was already involved in two ongoing affairs and it was too late. If I’d found it earlier, who knows, maybe he would have been willing to get some help.
 
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