Wife takes kids to Protestant church classes

[aleoje]

I have been a practicing Catholic since before I met my Protestant wife. Wife is also committed to her faith since her youth. Cognizant of our differences, we thoroughly discussed the matter and agreed that children would be raised Catholic. We obtained permission from the Bishop. During engagement and for the first five years wife came to Mass with me and then stopped. Now, ten years later, wife started to bring our kids to classes in non-denominational Protestant church against my explicit command not to do it. This has been going on for a few months now. Kids are toddlers to 13-yo. Oldest child now refuses to go to Mass anymore. Second oldest now refuses Confirmation and says is “not Catholic and feels Protestant”. I have lost two children to the Faith, several more coming behind. Our marriage is suffering and in danger. I feel betrayed. I think she believes it is her God-given right to bring our children with her to her church, no matter the word given. I am so confused and unsure how to handle. A good Catholic education for my children had always been a valued goal of mine. It is probably my fault for not listening to Holy Mother Church in the first place. I appreciate your advice. God bless you and thank you.

 

[1ke]

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I’ve known others who has similar experiences.

There isn’t an easy answer, keep the lines of communication open between you, your spouse, and your kids. Seek 3rd party mediation— with your priest, her minister, or a counselor.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Your wife decided not to keep her promise. I would advise something like Retrouvaille to help heal your marriage.

 

[puer.dei]

wife started to bring our kids to classes in non-denominational Protestant church against my explicit command not to do it.

Command? That may be part of the problem right there.
Have you tried talking with her about this? You say you “think she believes,” but you should know why she’s doing this.

 

[sarah_g]

I’m very sorry you are going through this. My husband is non-Catholic so I understand the difficulties.

I think speaking to a priest would be wise. My prayers for you and your family.

 

[Lucy_1]

This is happening in my family too, although my husband is an atheist. Can you talk to your wife and tell her you feel hurt and frightened for your children’s welfare, instead of arguing or laying down the law? Tell her you want to approach this as a team, and see if you can figure out a way to do that. That is going to get you a lot further my friend. I would also double up on serving them: go out of your way to help around the house, spend time as a family, think of small things you can do for each family member, have family prayer, make sure you give them your full attention when they speak to you, etc.

 

[Retsel]

Our marriage is suffering and in danger. I feel betrayed.

Slow down and take a breath!

My wife and I were both cradle, practicing Catholics. We raised a whole bunch of kids and currently, only our son with kids, regularly goes to Church.

I’d love to know what we did wrong.

Keep being a good Catholic and an understanding husband.
Time, patience and understanding.

 

[TC3033]

Command? That may be part of the problem right there.
Have you tried talking with her about this? You say you “think she believes,” but you should know why she’s doing this.

Was going to post the same thing ^^

 

[VeryBlessed]

Be kind and be very loving. Protestants who are enthusiastically attending church, studying their Bibles, praying regularly and memorizing scripture are not the enemy. If the practice of their faith is deepening, affirm that. We have so much in common with committed evangelical Protestants. Pray for them, and help them (gently, kindly) to see the truth about the Catholic Church even if they still continue to not attend. There is a lot of misinformation about Catholicism within many evangelical churches. And in some ways Protestantism is its own worst enemy. I was in those churches for decades. The disunity, the wildly different interpretations of certain key beliefs, drove me back to the Catholic church. Be patient, be loving, and pray.

 

[Sheep4sale]

What do you listen to when you’re in the car or at home? Junk in junk out. You may need to find a good Catholic apologist who can answer their questions. Here’s what I found to be a problem, after confirmation there is nothing to keep the older kids coming back, at least for me it seemed like after confirmation I was set loose. I enjoy listening to Catholic Answers Live. Those guys are not only entertaining but also very knowledgeable.

 

[TheLittleLady]

tell her you feel hurt and frightened for your children’s welfare

I can tell you, when I was a Protestant if someone, most of all my own spouse, said that my sincere Faith caused them to be frightened, it would have been a deal killer for me. Those are highly charged words!

Simply talk about the promises made, ask why she has chosen to retract that promise, speak with love and help of a good counselor.

 

[VeryBlessed]

You may need to find a good Catholic apologist who can answer their questions.

I totally agree with this advice. Clearly your family is seeking more. You can supply “more” to them (and yourself) through with some superb Catholic resources. After many years as very committed evangelical Christians, we realize that we have a greater hunger and thirst for some of these deeper teachings and resources than many who attend our local parish. So we supplement our mass attendance and our local church involvement, with some of these resources. We’ve listened to a lot of teaching CDs from lighthouse Catholic media. There is also formed.org as a resource. When we hear a CD and really really like it, we will look up that person on YouTube and check out some of their other talks. Good luck, I’m pulling for you.

 

[Jimbo]

I’ll keep you in my prayers. I also suggest getting a third party involved; it sounds like your marriage needs professional help. I think you need guidance on how to approach this as a team.

 

[CatholicSooner]

I am sorry sir. I can feel the hurt in your words. I don’t have any good advice because I’m not sure there is any in this scenario. Except for prayer.

 

[CatholicSooner]

Be kind and be very loving. Protestants who are enthusiastically attending church, studying their Bibles, praying regularly and memorizing scripture are not the enemy. If the practice of their faith is deepening, affirm that. We have so much in common with committed evangelical Protestants. Pray for them, and help them (gently, kindly) to see the truth about the Catholic Church even if they still continue to not attend. There is a lot of misinformation about Catholicism within many evangelical churches. And in some ways Protestantism is its own worst enemy. I was in those churches for decades. The disunity, the wildly different interpretations of certain key beliefs, drove me back to the Catholic church. Be patient, be loving, and pray.

Yeah pray about ways you can point out the awesomeness of the Catholic faith. If one of the kids is into history, maybe get them a book about the early church. Maybe cool books about saints.
I think for kids in this situation, the faith has to be made real and alive somehow. It is hard to compete against a nurturing mother and the entertainment of nondenoimational churches.

 

[Lucy_1]

I probably didn’t make my meaning clear. I was simply encouraging him to talk about his feelings and experience rather than lay down the law. Perhaps he could say he was concerned and wanted to work together about what was best for the children.

 

[TC3033]

and the entertainment of nondenoimational churches.

Not all nondenominatinal churches are “entertainment”…just say’n. I know that’s a popular misconception here (fully knowing we have no idea if this is one of those churches or not).

 

[JMMJ]

Now, ten years later, wife started to bring our kids to classes in non-denominational Protestant church against my explicit command not to do it

This may be part of the problem. I wouldn’t recommend commanding your spouse to do anything. Most free thinking spouses don’t appreciate that. It can tend to quickly remove the incentive for one to want to work cooperatively with the other.

Some here have discussed your wife breaking a promise. I would suggest looking at it through a different lens. A good mother wants to do what is best for her children (as does a good father). As somebody matures through motherhood, they may come to different conclusions about what is best for the child than what they believed when they were younger. I would assume positive intent with regards to your wife. It sounds like she, too, wants whatever is best for the children. It is just that you and she disagree on what that is. I agree with others that some counseling is is in order.

 

[VeryBlessed]

Not all nondenominatinal churches are “entertainment”…just say’n.

So true! I might have said almost the same thing that Sooner said (I might have used the term entertaining), but I would have meant it as a compliment. Some of the evangelical churches I went to were absolutely fantastic. Great worship, really great sermons, wonderful committed people, small groups, good activities. From my experience, and not at all meaning this as a slur, it was easier to enjoy those services. I like mass more (that’s why I’m going there now), but I have found that mass demands more of me (in a good way). Mass expects that the congregation be participating constantly throughout the entire service.

Honestly TC, I wish I could have both mass and a vibrant evangelical style service each week. I think both Catholics and protestants are worse off because of the division. I think we need each other, and each other‘s strengths, much more than we realize.

 

[MiserereMeiDei]

Since I don’t recall anyone addressing this, why are the kids free to choose where they go? I’m not saying you should or shouldn’t do this, but children of Catholics don’t get to choose if they go to mass or not, so why are they getting to choose which church they attend? Your wife might want them to attend the protestant church, but they’re your kids as well, so why not compel them to go with you twice a month? They’ll be old enough to make their own choices soon enough without letting them do it now. As well, catechize them whether they like it or not. Libertarianism is for the birds.