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CelticWarlord
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Best advice of the day.
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Sursumcorda1
Guest
Try to figure out what really made her stop. What did your wife do “spiritually” during the lapsed time between stopping the Catholic church and starting the Protestant church? Was it you, the parish, the universal church, your parents’ influence, etc. that made her stop?
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LovelyLadybug
Guest
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. It must be really hard to have two kids decide they don’t want to be Catholic anymore. I was raised in a devout Catholic family. When I was 13, I would never have dreamed of leaving the Church!!! My parents taught me about the Catholic faith when I was really little. 
Why don’t you try teaching your kids about the Catholic faith at home? Encourage them to do specifically Catholic prayers, like the Rosary and the Divine Mercy Chaplet. Encourage them to pray to Mary and the other Saints. Why not give them Catholic “classes” at home? It would be a great way to spend time with your kids and educate them on the Catholic faith!!! It could be fun!!! I’ll keep you in my prayers.
Why don’t you try teaching your kids about the Catholic faith at home? Encourage them to do specifically Catholic prayers, like the Rosary and the Divine Mercy Chaplet. Encourage them to pray to Mary and the other Saints. Why not give them Catholic “classes” at home? It would be a great way to spend time with your kids and educate them on the Catholic faith!!! It could be fun!!! I’ll keep you in my prayers.
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TC3033
Guest
Well, he did explicitly command her not to do it…
Seriously thought, this is a good compromise.
What promise is that? I don’t think non-Catholics are made to promise anything about bringing the kids up Catholic anymore. I guess YMMV.
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JulianN
Guest
I think this is referring to the OP’s statement that, at the time they got married, his wife agreed to raise the children as Catholics.
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halogirl
Guest
Do you know what at the risk of getting jumped on here, better that they are going to a Bible based church than not going anywhere to meet with Jesus at all. Please don’t doubt that The Holy Spirit is moving in these churches - that’s how many of us got here!
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Calliope
Guest
I think that many people don’t understand how powerful the paternal/maternal instinct is until they have children of their own. Beforehand we think this or that, make rational statements, have opinions based on what we think we will feel or how we think things will be.
Then the kids come along and all bets are off. The intensity of that parent/child relationship cannot be fully understood until you have a child of your own. I remember looking at my baby (when I was young I felt like I had zero maternal instinct and no desire for children) and thinking that if anyone dared touch a hair on his head I would literally tear them limb from limb.
I was shocked and somewhat horrified by the overwhelming intensity of that feeling…that KNOWING that nothing mattered more to me than protecting that child.
I think it’s naive , and I mean that literally, not in a perjurative sense, to believe that a person will raise their children in a faith they don’t hold rather than the faith they DO hold. If you are serious about your faith, then no way are you going to stand aside and watch your children be taught to believe otherwise. The sense of wanting them to share what is of utmost importance to you will be overpowering.
I had a friend who was French who married an American man. He did not want her speaking French to the children who were raised in America. She agreed, but when the kids came along she told me that she couldn’t imagine NOT speaking French to her children anymore than she could imagine not praying in French to her God.
English was a second language to her, and while she spoke it well, she could best express herself in her native tongue. She felt it was a vital part of her being and something important to share with her children.
I feel for you, your wife and your children. It’s a very tense situation. No one could have swayed me to teach my children what I did not believe. Not even my husband.
Then the kids come along and all bets are off. The intensity of that parent/child relationship cannot be fully understood until you have a child of your own. I remember looking at my baby (when I was young I felt like I had zero maternal instinct and no desire for children) and thinking that if anyone dared touch a hair on his head I would literally tear them limb from limb.
I was shocked and somewhat horrified by the overwhelming intensity of that feeling…that KNOWING that nothing mattered more to me than protecting that child.
I think it’s naive , and I mean that literally, not in a perjurative sense, to believe that a person will raise their children in a faith they don’t hold rather than the faith they DO hold. If you are serious about your faith, then no way are you going to stand aside and watch your children be taught to believe otherwise. The sense of wanting them to share what is of utmost importance to you will be overpowering.
I had a friend who was French who married an American man. He did not want her speaking French to the children who were raised in America. She agreed, but when the kids came along she told me that she couldn’t imagine NOT speaking French to her children anymore than she could imagine not praying in French to her God.
English was a second language to her, and while she spoke it well, she could best express herself in her native tongue. She felt it was a vital part of her being and something important to share with her children.
I feel for you, your wife and your children. It’s a very tense situation. No one could have swayed me to teach my children what I did not believe. Not even my husband.
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TC3033
Guest
Oh, OK. I can see that too.
I didn’t read it as a promise, but that’s cutting hairs.
I didn’t read it as a promise, but that’s cutting hairs.
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TC3033
Guest
You force commands on your wife??
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ThomasMT
Guest
All that I can suggest is that you simply continue being the Catholic model that your children need. Lead by example. Stand firm and do not despair, do not lose hope, and above all do not give up. When the children are with you, keep motivated to expose them to the faith every way you can. Teach them everthing you can. A blessing may be that you yourself may be forced to better understand and represent the faith, and be a better Catholic.
They may object and rebel all they like… that may be inevitable. You are still their father. Accordingly, you must remain a steadfast leader. The fruit that you seed in them will remain. There is no way to tell how such seed will affect the rest of their lives, regardless of present opposition. Life is funny, and things have a way of comming full circle. It is up to God what will come of it. You just keep doing your part, and He will do His.
They may object and rebel all they like… that may be inevitable. You are still their father. Accordingly, you must remain a steadfast leader. The fruit that you seed in them will remain. There is no way to tell how such seed will affect the rest of their lives, regardless of present opposition. Life is funny, and things have a way of comming full circle. It is up to God what will come of it. You just keep doing your part, and He will do His.
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Jessie
Guest
What is your catholic church like? Is it somewhere that you yourself feel positive about? Do you actively enjoy going there, or is it also for you a duty?
As others have said, issuing commands and ultimatum is neither loving nor likely to be successful. It sounds more bullying than mutually respectful, although believe me, I understand your frustration and hurt.
I’m amazed she went to Mass with you. I’m also surprised she just stopped going and you don’t know, or at least haven’t explained why. Maybe I missed it, but what what the time line between her stopping going with you, and her staring going with them? Have you ever been to her church?
As others have said, issuing commands and ultimatum is neither loving nor likely to be successful. It sounds more bullying than mutually respectful, although believe me, I understand your frustration and hurt.
I’m amazed she went to Mass with you. I’m also surprised she just stopped going and you don’t know, or at least haven’t explained why. Maybe I missed it, but what what the time line between her stopping going with you, and her staring going with them? Have you ever been to her church?
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TheLittleLady
Guest
They promise that they are aware that their spouse has a duty to bring the children up in the Catholic faith. I’d want to think that the spouse simply decided to think that promise was no longer important so she was going to take the kids to a different congretagion for RE.instead of some big nefarious thing where she decided that Catholicism is evil, etc.
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TC3033
Guest
OK, that’s what I was wondering. I’m sure YMMV, but not all non-Catholics make a promise.
They are made aware that the Catholic is making a promise to do their best to raise them Catholic. They are not made to promise anything.
But hey, that can be viewed as splitting hairs too.
They are made aware that the Catholic is making a promise to do their best to raise them Catholic. They are not made to promise anything.
But hey, that can be viewed as splitting hairs too.
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JulianN
Guest
This has been the case for quite some time, too.
I’m guessing that the reality of having her children brought up in a faith with which she didn’t agree became untenable for the OP’s spouse, notwithstanding her husband’s promise.
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Ilkka
Guest
That’s true. In my country especially, non-denominational churches and groups are usually the ones to really seek God. Unfortunately, these are often the same people that pass harsh, uninformed judgements on Catholicism.
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TheLittleLady
Guest
I think we are saying the same thing. The NC spouse states (I am using the term promises) that they know their C spouse has this duty.
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whatistrue
Guest
I understood the OP to mean that the two of them had discussed it and agreed between themselves to raise the children Catholic. Not that the NC spouse had promised it to the Church. Whether that was a “promise” or an “agreement subject to revision” is another question.
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TC3033
Guest
OK. There was a time where the NC was required to make the same promise, but I do not believe that is the practice anymore (at least widely).
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TheLittleLady
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You are correct
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twf
Guest
Canon law changed. Once upon a time non-Catholic spouses had to promise to let the Catholic spouse raise any children Catholic. That is no longer the case.
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