Wife taking time off from church

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As I mentioned in another thread, my wife is very hurt due to our year as Mormons. Both of us are very confused. I’m trying to become a true Catholic, back to our roots; she wants to take time off from all churches to just read the Bible and let the Holy Spirit enlight her heart as to what road to take.

I worry that she won’t be attending Mass on Sundays, nor going to Confession, etc. Does that mean that she will be in a constant state of mortal sin? Today we went to a our local Charismatic Catholic marriage group, and during the whole time, she looked bored, not wanting to be there, critizicing everything afterwards. In fact, she told me: “What if they ask us to pray the Rosary? One woman said that couples take turns to take the image of Mary to their homes. Would YOU be willing to allow THAT in our home?”

She’s reading the Bible everyday, praying a lot, but she doesn’t really want to talk to me about her feelings.

What could I do? Should I also, like her, take time off from church, and just read the Bible, and try to make a decision based on this?

I don’t want my marriage to suffer even more than what it has in the last few years. We have two small children (6 and 2). 😦

Thanks!
En Cristo,
Pablo
 
pabloSD said:
As I mentioned in another thread, my wife is very hurt due to our year as Mormons. Both of us are very confused. I’m trying to become a true Catholic, back to our roots; she wants to take time off from all churches to just read the Bible and let the Holy Spirit enlight her heart as to what road to take.

I worry that she won’t be attending Mass on Sundays, nor going to Confession, etc. Does that mean that she will be in a constant state of mortal sin? Today we went to a our local Charismatic Catholic marriage group, and during the whole time, she looked bored, not wanting to be there, critizicing everything afterwards. In fact, she told me: “What if they ask us to pray the Rosary? One woman said that couples take turns to take the image of Mary to their homes. Would YOU be willing to allow THAT in our home?”

She’s reading the Bible everyday, praying a lot, but she doesn’t really want to talk to me about her feelings.

What could I do? Should I also, like her, take time off from church, and just read the Bible, and try to make a decision based on this?

I don’t want my marriage to suffer even more than what it has in the last few years. We have two small children (6 and 2). 😦

Thanks!
En Cristo,
Pablo
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Soft, soft, soft.
She needs help and a caring shoulder.
do not get carried away by her criticism. Let her vent off her frustrations.
Explain things once and let her have her opinion.
Dont think on mortal sins.
Just get her to the Catholic church on any good reason you find, if you find none, just invent.
sjowly whe will come back.
Do things much.
think little.
 
Definitely, please do not take time off from the Catholic Church yourself. Making decisions based on feelings are a bad idea. And the Catholic Church is more than Just the Bible…You have all the wonderful Sacraments, you experience Jesus Christ in the Flesh at every Mass! No other church can claim that. You are doing what is right and that is all you can do. It is always hard when a husband and wife dont come together spiritually. Continue to pray for your wife and don’t pressure her. It sounds as if she may be very hostile or sensitive to the Catholic way right now and any pressure may push her even further. My husband and I were in your shoes a few years ago he being the Cradle Catholic and me being Lutheran and against anything Catholic. He was gentle and loving and prayed without ceasing. He answered my questions when I had them and if he couldnt answer them he directed me to someone or something that could. Eventually over the years of my researching and between his gentle prayers behind the scenes and Gods ever present prodding to MOVE, I couldnt deny the TRUTH about the Catholic Church any more. It was either deny the Church, or God alltogether. So I hope and pray that this gives you some hope. Be patient and loving and understanding but do not waver in your faith. God bless.
 
I would buy her a few books from a good apologist and ask her to read them .For instance, Hail Holy Queen by Scott Hahn, would be one of the first ones. Now I’m not one big on Marian devotion. I still struggle with it myself. But I cringe and my heart aches when someone says “Would you be willing to take THAT into your home.” Can you imagine God’s reaction to someone speaking so about the woman who submitted perfectly to his will? How Jesus would feels when someone speaks about his mother in such a manner?

I have a feeling that there is more going on here than just reading the bible? Other sources she is consulting? Other groups she is around? I know from personal experience that if we simply read the bible we won’t come out with anger, but love. If we read the Scriptures carefully and begin to study the history of Christianity in earnest, not through a distorted eye, it will always lead back to Rome.

Above all pray for her. Show her complete love and kindness. Live a proper, loving Catholic life. Make sure she sees you being the kind of person that being a Catholic should make you be. Preach the gospel at all times, when necessary use words (St. Francis.) Show her that being a Catholic does not mean fear, but love. That the sacraments are about grace and forgiveness, about God’s loving work and our blessed hope. Check and see if any local parishes are offering any programs like Living the Eucharist, Awakening Faith or Why Catholic. Then see if she’d be willing to truly give them an honest chance. Then go a day at a time, a step at a time, and help her heal her soul.
 
pabloSD said:
As I mentioned in another thread, my wife is very hurt due to our year as Mormons. Both of us are very confused. I’m trying to become a true Catholic, back to our roots; she wants to take time off from all churches to just read the Bible and let the Holy Spirit enlight her heart as to what road to take.

I…
She’s reading the Bible everyday, praying a lot, but she doesn’t really want to talk to me about her feelings.

What could I do? Should I also, like her, take time off from church, and just read the Bible, and try to make a decision based on this?

I
Thanks!
En Cristo,
Pablo
Click to expand...
the spiritual journey is very private and nobody should be forced to share their feelings and experiences. Take the pressure off. And yes it is common that you would have this effect after the Mormon experience, it can be devastating. But no, if you have returned to the Church you should not “take time off” because that is where you are. You cannot expect her to “get over it” as well as you have and it is unfair to make that a control issue or bone of contention. To do so will most definitely hurt your marriage. And of course you should take the children to church, RE as age appropriate. Leadersship means leading by loving example, not coercion.

forgot to say welcome home

pray for you wife everyday, and you can ask if it would be good for the two of you to pray and read the bible every day for a short time, but only if she wishes to do so together. and no buying books may not be the best thing now, unless you buy them for yourself. Pushing books on her may also see intrusive at this time. Nor would I push her to attend any parish programs she does not choose herself. It would be counter productive.

Please get for yourself Patrick Madrid’s Search and Rescue, the best guide for family members on what to say and what not to say and do.
 
The most important thing is to keep Christ first and above all else in life. Your marriage is vitally important and even if your keep attending Mass you should not pressure your wife into going, let her decide what is best for her.

It is not necessary to pray the rosary for salvation, does your wife know that, many Catholics don’t.

Don’t invent anything to encourage her to attend Mass. All you can do is pray for her.😉
 
Thank you all for your great advice! One concern I have is that if she starts attending another denomination, that it is going to create division within our family and our children might get confused… “Why is dad going to one church and mom to another one?”
 
pabloSD said:
As I mentioned in another thread, my wife is very hurt due to our year as Mormons. Both of us are very confused. I’m trying to become a true Catholic, back to our roots; she wants to take time off from all churches to just read the Bible and let the Holy Spirit enlight her heart as to what road to take.

I worry that she won’t be attending Mass on Sundays, nor going to Confession, etc. Does that mean that she will be in a constant state of mortal sin? Today we went to a our local Charismatic Catholic marriage group, and during the whole time, she looked bored, not wanting to be there, critizicing everything afterwards. In fact, she told me: “What if they ask us to pray the Rosary? One woman said that couples take turns to take the image of Mary to their homes. Would YOU be willing to allow THAT in our home?”

She’s reading the Bible everyday, praying a lot, but she doesn’t really want to talk to me about her feelings.

What could I do? Should I also, like her, take time off from church, and just read the Bible, and try to make a decision based on this?

I don’t want my marriage to suffer even more than what it has in the last few years. We have two small children (6 and 2). 😦

Thanks!
En Cristo,
Pablo
Click to expand...
Focus on yourself, and your own spirituality. Be a witness. Live as testimony. Do not worry about her sins per se. Just focus on being a good husband, and she will come with her own free will when ready.
 
Sounds like she needs to take G.K. Chesterrton’s “long walk around the world” to find her way home. Be patient with her, pray for her, listen to her when she needs to talk, but do not try to coax her into coming back to the Church until she’s ready.

I’ve been there myself: I never stopped going to Mass (my mother would get after me if she did), but I went through a bit of a period when I needed to give myself some emotional distance from the Church.
 
pabloSD said:
Thank you all for your great advice! One concern I have is that if she starts attending another denomination, that it is going to create division within our family and our children might get confused… “Why is dad going to one church and mom to another one?”
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First, the Catholic Church is not “another denomination.” The denominations are the Protestant churches.

There are things you can’t compromise on. You need to go to Mass and receive all the grace from the sacraments that is available. You also need to start teaching your children the faith, but please do not approach this with the zeal of a new convert! You want to be firm, that this is the direction the family is going to move in, but not riding roughshod over your wife’s feelings. Listen to her, do not push the rosary on her! Urge her to read the Bible, but of course move toward Catholic Bibles. Gradually. Slowly. You have to recognize that she is somewhat traumatized at the moment.

Why oh why did you take her to a charismatic church??? That can seem like a pretty way-out worship style to outsiders, even to a lot of Catholics. Just find a relatively relaxed parish - not a super-orthodox one - and start going there. Your 6 year old will be needing sacramental preparation…oh, wait, are either of the kids baptized? If not, then I would not push to get the older one onto a normal track for the Eucharist. Your situation is pretty delicate right now, IMO.

Remember, Easy Does It!
 
pabloSD said:
As I mentioned in another thread, my wife is very hurt due to our year as Mormons. Both of us are very confused. I’m trying to become a true Catholic, back to our roots; she wants to take time off from all churches to just read the Bible and let the Holy Spirit enlight her heart as to what road to take.

I worry that she won’t be attending Mass on Sundays, nor going to Confession, etc. Does that mean that she will be in a constant state of mortal sin? Today we went to a our local Charismatic Catholic marriage group, and during the whole time, she looked bored, not wanting to be there, critizicing everything afterwards. In fact, she told me: “What if they ask us to pray the Rosary? One woman said that couples take turns to take the image of Mary to their homes. Would YOU be willing to allow THAT in our home?”

She’s reading the Bible everyday, praying a lot, but she doesn’t really want to talk to me about her feelings.

What could I do? Should I also, like her, take time off from church, and just read the Bible, and try to make a decision based on this?

I don’t want my marriage to suffer even more than what it has in the last few years. We have two small children (6 and 2). 😦

Thanks!
En Cristo,
Pablo
Click to expand...
My heart goes out to you both. 😦 Be gentle and Christlike…He is so patient with us.
 
UPDATE: I feel so confused. My wife just wants to go to a “non-denominational” Christian “center.” I don’t know if I should go with her… But I know that I don’t want to leave the Catholic Church. On the other hand, she doesn’t want to even set foot inside a Catholic parish. She says she doesn’t feel comfortable anymore as a Catholic.

Her brother-in-law (her sister’s husband) is in prison for drug trafficking. He’s been there for almost a year. And he says he found God there. He e-mails her encouraging her to become “Christian” (that is, anything but Catholic, Mormon or Jehovah’s Witness), and to not follow idolatry (that is, don’t even THINK about the Virgin Mary).

I know I have to be very patient. I know each of us has a spiritual road to God. I just feel this is going to create so many conflicts in our family. My children… 😦

Thank you for your advice.
En Cristo,
Pablo
 
You know where you need to go. You want to be Catholic because you are. Your brother in law…maybe he did find God but he also got bad theology in the mean time. You read the catechism, see if your local parish has the Jeff Cavins bible study, if not maybe you can get it yourself or ask about them starting one at your parish. I know it would break your heart to do this separately from her but sometimes we must stand, regardless, by ourselves.

In the old testament has stories of people who were asked to bow down before false gods and they refused. Various things happened to them…and God took care of them. He will take care of you.

a non Catholic denomination has the same basic truth but in order for it to be non-catholic (or protestant) there is always some kind of “protest” woven into their philosophy and theology. This keeps them separated. They preach about what they do not know. The Catholic church does not worship Mary or any other thing but God. These other churches will argue that we do. but there are many things they think we believe but we really do not. They are too afraid to find out. You Go and find out what we believe in as Catholics. Find community in your learning. You have been burned by religion as well so I can understand your angst about it all. Scott Hahn has some good books too. You need reinforcement to squelch the fears.

She has a desire to love God, that is good. She is just hurting and maybe she doesn’t trust herself or anyone else.
 
pabloSD said:
UPDATE: I feel so confused. My wife just wants to go to a “non-denominational” Christian “center.” I don’t know if I should go with her… But I know that I don’t want to leave the Catholic Church. On the other hand, she doesn’t want to even set foot inside a Catholic parish. She says she doesn’t feel comfortable anymore as a Catholic.

Her brother-in-law (her sister’s husband) is in prison for drug trafficking. He’s been there for almost a year. And he says he found God there. He e-mails her encouraging her to become “Christian” (that is, anything but Catholic, Mormon or Jehovah’s Witness), and to not follow idolatry (that is, don’t even THINK about the Virgin Mary).

I know I have to be very patient. I know each of us has a spiritual road to God. I just feel this is going to create so many conflicts in our family. My children… 😦

Thank you for your advice.
En Cristo,
Pablo
Click to expand...
Have you been able to start the videos or books that we can suggest? She is leaving something she does not even know.

Please, at least get Patrick Madrid’s “Search and Rescue”

catholicscomehome.org/

catholicprotestant.com/

Footprints of God steveraysstore.com/

amazon.com/Not-Being-Fed-Discovering-Satisfies/dp/1932645330

amazon.com/Have-Questions-About-Eucharist-Spiritual/dp/1934217336/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1329150302&sr=1-1
 
pabloSD said:
As I mentioned in another thread, my wife is very hurt due to our year as Mormons. Both of us are very confused. I’m trying to become a true Catholic, back to our roots; she wants to take time off from all churches to just read the Bible and let the Holy Spirit enlight her heart as to what road to take.

I worry that she won’t be attending Mass on Sundays, nor going to Confession, etc. Does that mean that she will be in a constant state of mortal sin? Today we went to a our local Charismatic Catholic marriage group, and during the whole time, she looked bored, not wanting to be there, critizicing everything afterwards. In fact, she told me: “What if they ask us to pray the Rosary? One woman said that couples take turns to take the image of Mary to their homes. Would YOU be willing to allow THAT in our home?”

She’s reading the Bible everyday, praying a lot, but she doesn’t really want to talk to me about her feelings.

What could I do? Should I also, like her, take time off from church, and just read the Bible, and try to make a decision based on this?

I don’t want my marriage to suffer even more than what it has in the last few years. We have two small children (6 and 2). 😦

Thanks!
En Cristo,
Pablo
Click to expand...
First off, the precept of the Church is that one must confess serious sins no less than annually.

She might want to take time off from these small group things, because she’s in a position right now where she can’t take what fits her own spiritual state and just decline what does not. Rather, you might want to be your own “small group” as a couple.

Since she is still reading the Bible, point out St. Paul’s admonition: “We must consider how to rouse one another to love and good works. We should not stay away from our assembly, as is the custom of some, but encourage one another, and this all the more as you see the day drawing near.” Heb. 10:24-25 If you read John 6, I think you will be able to make a credible argument that making Sunday Mass her* minimal *church participation is a sensible part of any true path to discernment.
 
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