Wife to get IUD - what to do?

[embwt]

My wife is determined to get an IUD. She believes it will shorten her long menstruation (about 9 days right now). I tried to explain that there are side effects that would be unwanted and she rebuffed that point by saying that there are potential side effects to my taking an aspirin every day. She does not want to do NFP (we’ve been doing for 9 months) but rely on the IUD instead. I tried to explain that it won’t give us more opportunity for intimacy because I still need to follow Church teaching. She seemed to understand and went back to the first point . . . shortening her long menstruation. She is determined to ge the IUD as soon as she can get an appointment at the doctor.

I know all the reasons why the IUD is bad and why we can’t use this. At this point, there is no point that can be made to change her mind. My question for you on CAF is this . . . do I need to abstain completely? Or is there a way I can still be intimate with my wife? I do not want to risk the abortifacient qualities of the IUD. I also do not want to risk the harm to the baby if my wife were to conceive. So what does this mean for us?

I ask for you prayers for us. Thank you.

 

[puzzleannie]

My wife is determined to get an IUD. She believes it will shorten her long menstruation (about 9 days right now). I tried to explain that there are side effects that would be unwanted and she rebuffed that point by saying that there are potential side effects to my taking an aspirin every day. She does not want to do NFP (we’ve been doing for 9 months) but rely on the IUD instead. I.

she needs to do much more research on the dire side effects of all artificial contraception IUD’s (name removed by moderator)articular. might very well make her problem worse, she needs a 2nd and 3rd opinion. links on NFP threads here to good doctors should help. side effects are not minor can be life threatening

 

[chewchoo]

prayers for you and your wife

on a side note, a woman at work recently got an IUD and she had a stroke and was paralyzed for several months! it is bad in so many ways.

 

[embwt]

she needs to do much more research on the dire side effects of all artificial contraception IUD’s (name removed by moderator)articular. might very well make her problem worse, she needs a 2nd and 3rd opinion. links on NFP threads here to good doctors should help. side effects are not minor can be life threatening

She is a nurse. She was also born while her mother had an IUD. I am not having much luck with telling her about the problems. She always has a retort. I will look into the other doctors. Thanks!

 

[anna1978]

My best friend had one inserted in 1997, and it wasn’t placed properly or something, she ended up with an infection and has had 4 miscarriages since (doctors ofcourse say there is no correlation, but she had 2 healthy boys and no miscarriages BEFORE the IUD!) Tell her to be very careful…

 

[Brenda_V]

she needs to do much more research on the dire side effects of all artificial contraception IUD’s (name removed by moderator)articular. might very well make her problem worse, she needs a 2nd and 3rd opinion. links on NFP threads here to good doctors should help. side effects are not minor can be life threatening

Long periods are not a reason to use the IUD as I understand them. A birth control pill - hormones in other words - might help that.

I agree with puzzleannie here though, from what I know of the IUD it could make your wifes periods worse not better! I do know that some of the newer IUDs have hormones in them and that might be why she is looking into one. As a medically necessary tool one can do this and long periods (9 days are long because most women go maybe three days with seven approaching ‘long’ but within normal) This is not a healthy condition because it causes loss of blood which brings with it the loss of important nutrients for the body such as iron!

Still, there is most probably a better way to deal with this than an IUD! If you can ask your wife to help you understand why she wants to use one, what is she hoping to achieve with them and can she show you the research she has done on this to help her make this decision (she may already have done a ton of research and has just come to the conclusion that this is the only solution to her health issues - then again, maybe she has done no research and is just trusting her doctors opinion -that is why more than one opinion is a good thing). Okay, I read your post on her being a Nurse, so instead of trying to convince her not to get one, have her share her research with you to convince you that this is the first line of medical defense against her long periods, seriously, maybe she has something that is convincing and will help you understand why she wishes to go that route! Remember that it is morally acceptable to use something like this if it is for the medical aspect and not the birth control aspect!

There are plenty of other threads on this topic with all the proper moral theology behind this so please, if it is too much to do the search for you on this (it can be overwhelming to be sure) I can see if I can find something for you.

Brenda V.

 

[Schluns]

I agree with Brenda V. For years I was on Nuvaring (monthly vaginal ring, not an IUD) due to long periods followed by spotting for the entire month. Anytime I would try to stop using it, the bleeding would start again within a month.

After reading up on nutrition regulating periods I tried B-Complex vitamins and my periods shortened to 6-7 days and no spotting in between. Now I take prenatal vitamins and they do the trick also.

Ask your wife to research nutrition and also research IUDs more. Then present you with a reasonable argument for the use of an IUD for shortening periods and the risks involved.

I am also a nurse and am firmly of the opinion that an OB-GYN who offers IUD placement prior to trying any other treatment is doing their patients a serious disservice

My prayers and good luck.

 

[KCT]

God bless you for loving your wife so much.

I’d be worried about the same things you are. What would happen if you said to her, “Don’t bother, because if you get that thing put in we won’t be having sex.”

If none of the other ‘arguments’ are having an effect, would she be upset by abstinence? Does she know you fear for her health and the health of a baby is one were conceived?

 

[kage_ar]

Will she meet with your Pastor to discuss?

 

[newbetx]

My wife is determined to get an IUD. She believes it will shorten her long menstruation (about 9 days right now). I tried to explain that there are side effects that would be unwanted and she rebuffed that point by saying that there are potential side effects to my taking an aspirin every day. She does not want to do NFP (we’ve been doing for 9 months) but rely on the IUD instead. I tried to explain that it won’t give us more opportunity for intimacy because I still need to follow Church teaching. She seemed to understand and went back to the first point . . . shortening her long menstruation. She is determined to ge the IUD as soon as she can get an appointment at the doctor.

I know all the reasons why the IUD is bad and why we can’t use this. At this point, there is no point that can be made to change her mind. My question for you on CAF is this . . . do I need to abstain completely? Or is there a way I can still be intimate with my wife? I do not want to risk the abortifacient qualities of the IUD. I also do not want to risk the harm to the baby if my wife were to conceive. So what does this mean for us?

I ask for you prayers for us. Thank you.

Here is a post from a while back. If the hot links are still good, they well take you to the actual medical pages that ship with the device. The number of patients with problems (a table on the page) is very high, every year. These things are not very safe.

Print out the pages and hand them to her. Ask her to read them. The IUD doesn’t sound like it fixes anything, to me.

 

[newbetx]

She is a nurse. She was also born while her mother had an IUD. I am not having much luck with telling her about the problems. She always has a retort. I will look into the other doctors. Thanks!

Sorry. Didn’t see this before my last post. Hard to argue with “an expert.” But maybe, you could print them out and have her explain what all that stuff really means.

 

[Lady_D_I]

Here is a post from a while back. If the hot links are still good, they well take you to the actual medical pages that ship with the device. The number of patients with problems (a table on the page) is very high, every year. These things are not very safe.

Print out the pages and hand them to her. Ask her to read them. The IUD doesn’t sound like it fixes anything, to me.

If she has long menses, I am guessing she is considering Mirena which is prescribed for heavy bleeding. The Mirena link is good.

 

[newbetx]

If she has long menses, I am guessing she is considering Mirena which is pescribed for heavy bleeding. The Mirena link is good.

Thanks, Autumn!

 

[Island_Oak]

Sounds to me like there is something more afoot in this situation. I interpret what your wife is doing as a desperate measure…something she knows will get a reaction out of you…perhaps because she hasn’t been able to get your attention any other way? I can’t tell what she’s more concerned about…avoiding pregnancy, her issues with her cycle and the possible uncertainty and stress of NFP under thoses circumstances or perhaps just not feeling very supported or connected to you.

Any which way…I’d stop looking for authorities and articles to wave in her face telling her what a poor choice she is making about the IUD. Instead, plan an evening alone with her, away from kids and time deadlines, maybe over a nice dinner and a glass of wine, engage your full attention and best listening skills and ask her what is going on and what she is so afraid of.

 

[wanner47]

Get her a copy of Fertility, Cycles, and Nutrition by Marilyn Shannon. There are other ways for her to shorten her menstruation without resorting to contraception.

She (and her doctor) should be attempting to solve the problem instead of just masking the symptoms.

 

[Shoshana]

I was on the IUD before I turned my life to the Lord completely. Although, I truly had no choice as my husband would not touch me if I did not have some jind of control as I was nursing at the time. I became concerned for our marriage and aot one inserterd. Unfortunately, I did conceive and I miscarried. i so regret doing this…

 

[quiet52]

omsoul.com/pamphlet309.The-Intra-Uterine-Devices–IUD-IUS.html

omsoul.com/pamphlet118.What-is-Natural-Family-Planning.html

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=198273

 

[embwt]

Thank you all for your replies! Today I purchased the Fertility, Cycles, and Nutrition book. Got some b-complex vitamins too. The reaction told me Island Oak is right. Thanks for your thoughtful response. Sitter will be coming Saturday and I’ll see if I can find out what else is going on. I have a feeling the lack of connection she feels is her disapproval of my return to the Church.

 

[newbetx]

Thank you all for your replies! Today I purchased the Fertility, Cycles, and Nutrition book. Got some b-complex vitamins too. The reaction told me Island Oak is right. Thanks for your thoughtful response. Sitter will be coming Saturday and I’ll see if I can find out what else is going on. I have a feeling the lack of connection she feels is her disapproval of my return to the Church.

good choice and good luck!

If I might suggest a couple of date rules from 10 Great Dates. Talk about your feelings, not the problems or your kids. Listen and ask clarification. Don’t try to solve the problem at the sametime. As Covey would say, “seek to understand, then to be understood.” Harder to do in practice, I assure you.

Peace to you!

 

[Island_Oak]

Thank you all for your replies! Today I purchased the Fertility, Cycles, and Nutrition book. Got some b-complex vitamins too. The reaction told me Island Oak is right. Thanks for your thoughtful response. Sitter will be coming Saturday and I’ll see if I can find out what else is going on. I have a feeling the lack of connection she feels is her disapproval of my return to the Church.

Good for you for trying to get to the bottom of the problem…whatever it is. I hope you two can work this out~and remember there’s no downside to having a quiet evening alone with your spouse with or without any issues to resolve.