Wife told me she will not pursue divorce if I stop drinking 100%

  • Thread starter Thread starter Lampo
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Ask her. You won’t know until you ask, and as good as we are on CAF, we aren’t mind readers 😉
 
I’ve seen too often the ill effects of drinking on married couples and their families, even a single bad episode can be remembered for far too long. Perceptions of others do matter.
 
Lampo said:
Is this reasonable? She is the only one that believes me to have a drinking problem. I’ve never missed work two days in a row because of drinking. In my lifetime, I’ve called in sick before because of over indulging the night before. I’ve never experienced delirium tremens. No one has ever described me as becoming nasty while drinking besides my wife. I don’t drink every day.
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Missing work one day on a semi-regular basis would seem to me to be a drinking problem in itself. If your wife thinks you have a drink problem and it’s a question of marriage or drink then I think that’s a no -brainer.
 
Let’s examine this

How much do you drink a day, and what

Are you an aggressive drunk

She has voiced a very real concern
No one has ever described me as becoming nasty while drinking besides my wife.
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Do you trust others more or your wife more?
 
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I think anyone missing work due to drinking the night before has an alcohol problem. How much do you have to drink before you are drunk enough to get a hangover so bad you have to miss work?
 
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That’s wonderful to hear! Hope all goes well and your marriage is the better for it.
 
Just from the practical perspective, I am right there with you. Home brewer, I never go out for ‘guys weekend’, whatever that is, so beer on the porch and making it is kinda my manly past time away from the family, or just not full on attention on the kids for a few hours. I probably have 50 gallons tucked away, but I don’t (really cut back in the last 18 months) drink a ton.

If you can give it up cold stone good for you but dont crash either. Try to limit it to once a week and then keep it easy, like one light beer per hour or something, big craft beers are maybe one every 2-3 hours(or just not at all). Or just give it up for lent! You can still have a little on Sundays, and you will have some time to build up resolve for after Easter.
 
Hello.

I’m not a person in a position to judge if another is “reasonable,” whatever that is. What I’d suggest is testing the waters of AA for you and Al-Anon for your wife. They have good solutions.

Just a suggestion. Blame doesn’t solve anything.
 
If in fact you are an alcoholic, your recovery will not really begin until you decide you need to stop drinking for yourself, not for your wife. As long as you are doing it only to please her or to demonstrate to her how far you are willing to go to please her, your level of commitment to sobriety will be forever contingent on her and her response.

Maybe you could attend some meetings and see if you can resolve for yourself the question as to whether you are or are not an alcoholic. If the answer is yes, then you will discover that all you can do is work on yourself and hope for the best with others, i.e., your wife. If in fact you are an alcoholic, and you pursue a genuine recovery, your wife may well eventually see a fundamental change in your personality. But, again, her reaction is a byproduct only, something you truly can’t control.
 
Hi, Catholic wife of an alcoholic. Her behavior has a name, and it is “co-dependency”. Everyone on this thread who has suggested AA for you and Al-anon for her is right.

Your responses are all too familiar to me. My husband used all the right “words”…he just never stopped the “behavior”, and it lead to all sorts of other “behaviors”, very contrary to marriage as the Church defines it. And by the way, he is still “high functioning”, self employed, never had a dui, but now he is loosing his family.

I have filed for divorce with the complete support of my pastor. Go to AA, please!
 
AdamP88 said:
Missing work one day on a semi-regular basis would seem to me to be a drinking problem in itself.
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If you ever have to miss work (or anything else) because of drinking, you have a problem with drinking. Even just once is a problem. I recently cut way back on my drinking - though I did it more to help with weight loss. It was very common for me to have a beer or cocktail every evening - sometimes more. I honestly feel a lot better.
 
Lampo said:
No one has ever described me as becoming nasty while drinking besides my wife.
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How many of those other people live with you every day? What’s so important about keeping it around, unless you’re relying on it more than you think you are?
 
I think the infidelity, on both your parts, is a much greater issue. Has that been solved?
 
I believe talking about your wife in a forum is a deception, unless she is aware, and part of the discussion. Stop looking for answers from a bunch of strangers, and fix your marriage. Man up!
 
You’re looking for answers in the wrong place. You are scandalizing others in order to manipulate an answer that supports your belief. Go and get help to fix your marriage. Stop taking your problems to strangers. Your wife has had enough lying and pretending. Take responsibility.
 
Maybe she does not even like the idea of drinking a single bit. Do not forget the saying “little things adds up to become great” Perhaps thats her fear. It all now depends on you
 
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