Wife wanted to sexually gratify me.

[grapes]

I understand that there have been many threads related to this issue but I haven’t found one that matches my question.
My wife is a non practising Catholic who wanted to sexually gratify me without intercourse.
She began and I said to her we shouldn’t, she replied your my husband and shouldn’t we be able to do this. After having said this, things had gone to far and the act concluded with me feeling guilty.
(My conversion to the Catholic church has been one full of barriers on my spouses part and I find myself comprimising the rules of the Church in order to carry on my faith within our marriage. I have talked to her but to no avail.)
Have I commited a mortal sin?
Thanks and God Bless
Grapes

 

[jenlovesyu]

I am not an expert on this kind of thing but according to the Catechism:

1857 For a sin to be mortal, three conditions must together be met: “Mortal sin is sin whose object is grave matter and which is also **committed with full knowledge **and deliberate consent.”

Bold emphasis mine. Since you did not know that what you allowed to happen was a mortal sin you are not culpable for it (although I do believe it is a mortal sin). It may help however to still confess it at your next confession because your priest may have some helpful advice for you in regards to this issue.

I have read Christopher West’s book “Good News About Sex and Marriage” and I have found it to be a phenomenal read. Perhaps you could sit down with your wife and read it together. It may help her understand the Church’s teaching on sexuality better.

Hope I helped! God bless

 

[cajhockey]

If you are talking about oral sex then I dont see how its a problem. As long as nobody is getting hurt, any act is ok.

 

[jenlovesyu]

If you are talking about oral sex then I dont see how its a problem. As long as nobody is getting hurt, any act is ok.

I am sorry but what you have stated goes against Catholic teaching. There is nothing written about whether oral sex used as foreplay is morally wrong. However it is definitely wrong according to the Church to have oral sex to acheive an orgasm instead of having intercourse.

 

[grapes]

I did know that this was a mortal sin, as I mentioned I comprimise my faith to keep things happy in our marriage.
God Bless
Grapes

 

[Seatuck]

I did know that this was a mortal sin, as I mentioned I comprimise my faith to keep things happy in our marriage.
God Bless
Grapes

You should be talking this over with your priest. He will help you understand what things you can do and what lines you can cross with an non catholic spouse. In general I think you should and could have avoided it in my opinion.I think you should mention it in confession. Just explain to your wife that she can do that but not finish the act. That way she can express her love to you in that way since she seems to want to and you can remain chaste.That seems like the compromise not what actually happened. So find a priest you feel comfortable talking to.

You might want to read or listen to some Theology of the Body type books, studies. You can get Christopher Wests The Good News about Sex and Marriage. Ask your wife to also do this. Explain to her that this is important to you. If she refuses to work with you on this stuff then you have bigger problems with her than difference in religion. Hopefully that is not the case.Perhaps you could go to marriage counseling so She can learn how compromise works.

 

[TLM08]

I understand that there have been many threads related to this issue but I haven’t found one that matches my question.
My wife is a non practising Catholic who wanted to sexually gratify me without intercourse.
She began and I said to her we shouldn’t, she replied your my husband and shouldn’t we be able to do this. After having said this, things had gone to far and the act concluded with me feeling guilty.
(My conversion to the Catholic church has been one full of barriers on my spouses part and I find myself comprimising the rules of the Church in order to carry on my faith within our marriage. I have talked to her but to no avail.)
Have I commited a mortal sin?
Thanks and God Bless
Grapes

God is probably far more concerned with war, famine, child abuse, cruelty, rape, violence and greed in this world. Scripture is stunningly silent in regards to these private and intimate acts engaged in by married couples. But the celibate authorities of the catholic church who obviously have no concerns of financial ruin, and too many children to properly provide for have determined long ago that if you are going to experience any sexual pleasure at all, you must roll the pregnancy dice.

The catholic church is notoriously slow when it comes to moving out of the middle ages. Forum members aside, right or wrong, the vast majority of catholics are in fact ignoring these rules anyway.

 

[TLM08]

If you are talking about oral sex then I dont see how its a problem. As long as nobody is getting hurt, any act is ok.

This is obvoiusly against catholic teaching, but it’s amazing to me that even anal sex, as a part of foreplay is permitted as long as the man ejaculates inside of the woman’s vagina. I’m sorry, but the very thought of that is disgusting especially considering that fact that condoms are not permitted. This makes no sense to me whatsoever.

If I am wrong, someone please correct me!

 

[cajhockey]

I am sorry but what you have stated goes against Catholic teaching. There is nothing written about whether oral sex used as foreplay is morally wrong. However it is definitely wrong according to the Church to have oral sex to acheive an orgasm instead of having intercourse.

Why is it wrong. What reasons do the church say

 

[Mickey_Finn]

The vast majority? Really. You have proof of this? If so, how exactly did you come by it?

 

[Elizabeth502]

^ He possibly came by it by also observing that the vast majority of practicing Catholics use contraception of some type and do not feel bound to confess it.

 

[Ceil-1]

TMI

 

[Nick_in_MB]

This is obvoiusly against catholic teaching, but it’s amazing to me that even anal sex, as a part of foreplay is permitted as long as the man ejaculates inside of the woman’s vagina. I’m sorry, but the very thought of that is disgusting especially considering that fact that condoms are not permitted. This makes no sense to me whatsoever.

If I am wrong, someone please correct me!

If it’s disgusting, then how about not doing the part that makes it disgusting, the anal sex.

 

[Nick_in_MB]

God is probably far more concerned with war, famine, child abuse, cruelty, rape, violence and greed in this world.

Well, he seems busy. He’s probably too busy to hear my prayers then.

 

[jenlovesyu]

Sorry grapes I must have misread your OP. I thought since you asked if it was a mortal sin that perhaps you didn’t know? But anyway, the best way to handle this (first of all) IMHO is to go to confession and seek advice from your priest. Like another poster said, he should be able to help you the most in this situation. God bless

Why is it wrong. What reasons do the church say

Every sexual act between man & wife must be unitive and ordered toward procreation. Oral sex all by itself is neither completely unitive nor is it ordered toward procreation. I can’t find quotes from a reliable source at the moment so perhaps someone else might be able to present some.

The way I see it is that first in order for a sexual act to unitive, the act must end in intercourse. The wife must give all of herself to her husband and the man must give all of himself to his wife. Sex is supposed to be a giving act. A gift. A loving act between man & wife. A man definitely isn’t giving all of himself to his wife if his seed is going anywhere else besides the appropriate place. That seed is a part of him but it also belongs to his wife. He is depraving his wife of his full self by releasing somewhere else.
Just think of the words “one flesh.” Husband and wife become one physically speaking through the act of intercourse.

Does this help at all? And anyone please correct me if I have stated something wrong.

 

[NoWhereMan]

God is probably far more concerned with war, famine, child abuse, cruelty, rape, violence and greed in this world. Scripture is stunningly silent in regards to these private and intimate acts engaged in by married couples. But the celibate authorities of the catholic church who obviously have no concerns of financial ruin, and too many children to properly provide for have determined long ago that if you are going to experience any sexual pleasure at all, you must roll the pregnancy dice.

The catholic church is notoriously slow when it comes to moving out of the middle ages. Forum members aside, right or wrong, the vast majority of catholics are in fact ignoring these rules anyway.

You got that right for sure!

 

[Ron_Conte]

In fact, there is no teaching of the Church permitting unnatural sexual acts within marriage, even if used as a type of foreplay.

But the Church does teach that the end does not justify the means, and that unnatural sexual acts (and all sexual acts that are not marital and unitive and procreative) are intrinsically evil and always immoral.

The end of completing an act of natural marital relations does not justify the means of unnatural sexual acts. Also, an unnatural sexual act has the same moral object regardless of when or how consummation occurs. Such acts are intrinsically evil and always gravely immoral.

See these articles:
catholicplanet.com/CCSE/index.htm

Note that Christopher West has been sharply criticized by other theologians for his views on unnatural sexual acts within marriage.

 

[Bluegoat]

It sounds like your wife doesn’t really understand why you think what you think. And perhaps she doesn’t really want to.

On a practical level, I think you should tell her how much you appreciate that she wants you to be happy, and that she is willing to take pains for your relationship, which not all wives do. And that you find her beautiful and attractive.

And then tell her that although you understand that she doesn’t agree, certain things are not ok for you from a religious point of view, and that it makes you feel badly later, and causes you worry. So, for you, perhaps she could just go along with it, even if she doesn’t agree.

You might also ask if there is some way in which your views on this are affecting her in a way she sees as negative, and try to address that.

 

[budgie2]

I understand that there have been many threads related to this issue but I haven’t found one that matches my question.
My wife is a non practising Catholic who wanted to sexually gratify me without intercourse.
She began and I said to her we shouldn’t, she replied your my husband and shouldn’t we be able to do this. After having said this, things had gone to far and the act concluded with me feeling guilty.
(My conversion to the Catholic church has been one full of barriers on my spouses part and I find myself comprimising the rules of the Church in order to carry on my faith within our marriage. I have talked to her but to no avail.)
Have I commited a mortal sin?
Thanks and God Bless
Grapes

It would be a venial sin, however, I think you’ll find some people take a very harsh view on sexual issues in this forum, not me. I think the main problem would be if she used this to gratify you on a regular basis instead of her making love to you in which case you may need marriage counselling. However, it might have just been a lark. Things like birth control drugs and inserting foreign objects/ IUDs etc. are far worse.

 

[Scott_D]

I am sorry but what you have stated goes against Catholic teaching. There is nothing written about whether oral sex used as foreplay is morally wrong. However it is definitely wrong according to the Church to have oral sex to acheive an orgasm instead of having intercourse.

What if it’s just the woman who does?