Wife wants a tubal

  • Thread starter Thread starter stinkcat_14
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
S

stinkcat_14

Guest
Here is my dilemma. My wife, is not a Catholic, not religious, and hostile to any religion that actually says something is actually immoral. She has mentioned that she wants to get a tubal ligation. She is not interested in anything that the church teaches about sexuality. She thinks that the church teaches that sex must always be for procreation. She doesn’t give me any time to rebut her statements, nor is she interested in listening to any other point of view.

Any advice as to what to do in such a situation?
 
Get counceling pronto!!! I had a tubal almost 4 yrs ago as I almost died when my son was born and my husband put great pressure on me to have the tubal… I will regret it for the rest of my life… even though I have asked for forgivness from God and in my heart, I know I am forgiven… it is with me every single day of my life… we could have learned NFP faithfully and used it to avoid more children as we would be using it for grave reasons and I believe we would have done fine if my husband would have supported me… it has taken me time and a good Catholic Priest to help me to forgive my husband (he is Lutheran) he didn’t see anything wrong with me getting the tubal so it was not a hardship for him and he just doesn’t understand what I’m feeling about this… I regret it every single day of my life and I’m not joking… I really do… please… get your wife help… one or both of you will regret it… maybe not right away but believe me… you will regret it.

I am praying for you and your wife that God will open her heart and you will know the right words to say.

May God be with you!
 
I’d say just pray about it and understand that you can’t control this. She’s not Catholic and she’s not really under the same obligations a Catholic is. She’s not getting an abortion, or even using a abortificient form of birth control.
 
suggest she get a second medical opinion before any reproductive tract surgery. this was a routine recommendation for most women in my generation, and many of us succumbed under great pressure, to submitting to tubal ligation or hysterectomy, and have suffered unending adverse health consequences ever since (not to mention the havoc played on our bodies by using ABC).

if she is not amenable to any arguement that respects your morality and dignity as a human being there is not much you can do, except try to shore up the marriage in general in the face of such an attitude. You personally are not culpable, and should mention this to the priest in confession for his guidance.
 
stinkcat_14 said:
…She doesn’t give me any time to rebut her statements, nor is she interested in listening to any other point of view.
Click to expand...
If she’s not receptive to the opinion of her husband, what makes you think the (name removed by moderator)ut from strangers will have any impact?
Any advice as to what to do in such a situation?
Click to expand...
I guess I’d be wondering why my spouse was so dismissive of a moral issue/value that was so fundamental to me. It seems incredibly selfish and immature. She is not obligated to agree with you in the end, but out of a sense of love and respect she owes you the time, attention and consideration to AT LEAST listen to you and respond intelligently as to why she agrees or disagrees. I imagine she would be highly insulted if you did something you knew was contrary to her beliefs and refused to give her opinion or preference the time of day. Perhaps pointing this out will nudge her towards a willingness to listen and discuss this issue.
 
Even though not a Catholic, dileberate sterilization is objectively wrong, but as others have said, you ultimately can’t control her actions. Will pray for you.
 
I will lift your wife in prayer that she may see the light about contraception, especially sterilization. It is a choice I made four years ago after a long a painful decade trying desperatly to control my fertility. We lost six pg’s and are blessed to have five living children. With that said, I am having surgery to reverse my tubal ligation so that I may live according to his divine plan once again. Sooooooooo many women regret this. Oh if I could just go back in time…

Also there is a condition called tubal ligation syndrome. Perhaps if you can’t convince her morally you could convince her medically for awhile and pray for her conversion.
 
All4Him said:
Also there is a condition called tubal ligation syndrome. Perhaps if you can’t convince her morally you could convince her medically for awhile and pray for her conversion.
Click to expand...
Your wife sounds a little on the selfish side, and presenting her with the overwhelming medical facts that tubal ligations lead to so many more problems may very well be the thing to change her mind. Of course secular sources then turn around and say “Don’t get a tubal ligation, have your partner get a vasectomy” :rolleyes:
 
Go to www.biblechristiansociety.com and order the tape/CD intitled “Marriage and the Eucharist”

In short, it compares how married couples give to each other fully in the marital embrace just as Jesus gave himself to us fully on the cross.

It might help you in talking with her - sounds like she wouldn’t listen to it herself.

My dh was like that for a while - he has since converted and has had a change of heart - but my argument to him was always “so you want to enjoy all the pleasures of the flesh but hold back life” - in so many words anyway, it was my intent to make him feel very selfish and small - not very nice on mypart but I was m-a-d at the time!!
 
If she has no desire to listen to you at all then it’d be my wager that there are more serious problems to your marriage than only this. With your strong Catholic faith and her vile repulsion of religion, I’d say get yourselves some outside help. That’s just my $0.3
 
How about asking her what research has she done on having a tubal? Maybe think about the considerations and talk why you would never have a vesectomy, she could relate to that.
 
I agree with the other posters. If she is not open to a religious or spiritual perception of the argument, then at least lovingly communicate to her that you are her husband and want what’s best for her. Research with her all of the troubles of this procedure. Help her to make an informed decision.

Do you already have children? Does she feel overwhelmed? There is more going on than a disagreement over a medical procedure. She has made up her mind about something and for some reason does not view your opinion as worthwhile. That is a serious problem in marriage no matter what the topic.
 
You need to have your wife talk to someone in regards to this.
I just had a tubal two months ago, after the birth of my fourth baby, I had many health problems, my kidneys stopped working, and had back pain that was so bad that I could hardly walk, but every day I pray for forgivness, I can not believe that I did this. It was the worst thing I have ever done in my life, my husband doesn’t go to church, my doctor kept telling me it would be a good idea to get it done, and I was so scared with all the times I was in the hospital that I just got it done. But I regret it every single day of my life and I will until the my last day on earth.

May god bless you and your family
Crystal
 
scanj05 said:
You need to have your wife talk to someone in regards to this.
I just had a tubal two months ago, after the birth of my fourth baby, I had many health problems, my kidneys stopped working, and had back pain that was so bad that I could hardly walk, but every day I pray for forgivness, I can not believe that I did this. It was the worst thing I have ever done in my life, my husband doesn’t go to church, my doctor kept telling me it would be a good idea to get it done, and I was so scared with all the times I was in the hospital that I just got it done. But I regret it every single day of my life and I will until the my last day on earth.

May god bless you and your family
Crystal
Click to expand...
I know exactly how you feel and you are in my prayers!!
Every day I think about the fact that I had this tubal and it is not what God would have wanted for me, I don’t think about ( the babies I won’t have as I was not to have anymore or risk my life) but I think that I wasn’t willing to trust God in letting NFP work for me and I actually blamed my not religious husband for giving me no support at all… everytime I start to get down… I just keep offering it up over and over and I really do feel better… I think God is calling me to be open and honest with other men and women and to let them know that even though they might think they won’t regret it… at some point as your faith and understanding of the Church grows… it will get to you:( You are in my prayers, it is not an easy cross to bear:nope:
 
As someone else asked, has she researched the procedure? I have at least one friend who suffered terrible pain every month after hers. It’s major surgery w/ all the risks. It’s not the be all end all doctors make it out to be. —KCT
 
I also have a friend who had one done. She has terrible pain every month. She says it’s as bad as labor. Her doctor just kind of blew her off and basically told her that’s just the way it is.
 
Lorik said:
I also have a friend who had one done. She has terrible pain every month. She says it’s as bad as labor. Her doctor just kind of blew her off and basically told her that’s just the way it is.
Click to expand...
Not only do some woman have pain, but it also greatly increases her risk of ectopic pregnancy…which can be fatal.
 
My question is, “is your wife intending to get this tubal on your nickel?”

If you’re the one paying for it, even through your insurance, I’m not so sure that you are completely powerless in this matter.

I don’t think I would sit idly by while my wife insisted she was getting a tubal, and there was nothing I could do about it, and to rub salt in the wound she was going to make me pay for it? No I don’t think so.

I realize I’m here to support her, but I’m not put on earth to underwrite her mortal sins.
 
I think your best chance of preventing your wife from committing this grave sin is approaching it from the health perspective, but she may have already put up a brick wall if you have tried to speak to her about it already.

However, I agree with the posters who suggested outside help for your marriage, not just the situation you mention. Mixed marriages can work, but only if both spouses respect one another’s beliefs. If your wife doesn’t respect YOU enough to let you speak about an issue that effects both of you, there are bigger problems.

Interesting take, Black Jaque, but I might be concerned that it would have a very adverse effect on marital harmony. A very tough call indeed!
 
Interesting take, Black Jaque, but I might be concerned that it would have a very adverse effect on marital harmony. A very tough call indeed!
Click to expand...
Oh, and footing the bill for a tubal is going to somehow preserve marital harmony?

There are times when I’ve never felt more peace than when I made the decision to fight for something I knew was good. Peace is not the absense of combat, peace is when your body, mind, and spirit are in agreement on a course of action.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top