Wife wants to divorce

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Trelow

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My wife is wanting a divorce. There has been a lot of stuff going on lately, mostly infidelity on her part. I do have my problems as well. Please pray for us. She is dead set in her mind, and I see no hope in her coming around.
 
I know how this feels. I wish it wasn’t happening to you, too.

When my H left, good friends gave a piece of advice that I HATED - let him go. That’s the last thing I wanted. Looking back, I see that might not have been a bad thing. He is still gone, and I’m at a point where I don’t really want him to come back.

I’m glad I held out, though, because during this time I grew much stronger than I was when he left.

I don’t know how this will turn out for you, but I sure know the heart ache you are suffering, like you have never felt.

If she is seeing other men, get tested for STD’s. She really has no idea how many people’s diseases she has been exposed to.
 
awe- I am soooo sorry. You have my prayers. May God speak to her heart and comfort you.
 
ks60 said:
If she is seeing other men, get tested for STD’s. She really has no idea how many people’s diseases she has been exposed to.
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Yea, I’ve done that. I’m clean! The sick thing was that I was kinda hoping the results wouldn’t come back that way.
 
Is there no hope for the marriage? Have you talked to a priest? Has she? Have you together? Have you tried couseling? Have you tried Retrouvaille?
 
She refuses to try anything. She says she has done all she can, but all she has done for the last 3 months is fool around with another guy.
 
Trelow said:
Yea, I’ve done that. I’m clean! The sick thing was that I was kinda hoping the results wouldn’t come back that way.
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What’s even more sick it that I understand. It’s good that you are clean. Don’t take any chances with her.

I contested my H’s divorce; we have been separated for 2 1/2 years. I still contest because this is now BUSINESS. I really don’t want him to come back after some of the things he did, and some of the realizations I had.

Sometimes I think that my resistance is what glues his relationship with OW. If you want to reconcile, try letting your wife go. That could take away some of the appeal of her relationship.
 
Trelow said:
She refuses to try anything. She says she has done all she can, but all she has done for the last 3 months is fool around with another guy.
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Is the affair a secret?

If so you should expose it to everyone. Her parents, yours, your children (age appropriately), her work (if they work together), your fellow church members.

Affairs thrive in secrecy. Kinda like mushrooms, dark and covered with manure.
 
iamrefreshed said:
Is the affair a secret?

If so you should expose it to everyone. Her parents, yours, your children (age appropriately), her work (if they work together), your fellow church members.

Affairs thrive in secrecy. Kinda like mushrooms, dark and covered with manure.
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That is a good quote about affairs thriving in secrecy. But is it our place to expose the affair and tell everyone about it? By doing that are we not looking for justification in our goodness. Isn’t the sin she’s committing and the distancing herself from God enough? Won’t the affair come out in time? Is it really possible that the stench from her mistake she’ll be able to cover up forever? Bringing it up to your wife is one thing but you have to be careful because she may not react the to the accusation very well.

I have a similar situation. My wife left me close to two years now. The Divorce is upon us. I have pleaded with her in the last 30 days to reconsider. She up and left, walked out two years ago. She started a secret relationship with another man while we have been living apart and kept it a secret. On Easter weekend I took our 3 year old daugther to my parents who live out of town to celebrate. At the breakfast table after mass my daughter began to explain to my mother about “mommies friend, who he was and what his name is.”

Her secret was revealed. Now someday in the far far future when my daughter is old enough and asks me, what happened to you and mommy I have to answer that with a clear heart.

My prayers are with you my friend.
 
stevekrok8 said:
That is a good quote about affairs thriving in secrecy. But is it our place to expose the affair and tell everyone about it? By doing that are we not looking for justification in our goodness. Isn’t the sin she’s committing and the distancing herself from God enough? Won’t the affair come out in time? Is it really possible that the stench from her mistake she’ll be able to cover up forever? Bringing it up to your wife is one thing but you have to be careful because she may not react the to the accusation very well.

I have a similar situation. My wife left me close to two years now. The Divorce is upon us. I have pleaded with her in the last 30 days to reconsider. She up and left, walked out two years ago. She started a secret relationship with another man while we have been living apart and kept it a secret. On Easter weekend I took our 3 year old daugther to my parents who live out of town to celebrate. At the breakfast table after mass my daughter began to explain to my mother about “mommies friend, who he was and what his name is.”

Her secret was revealed. Now someday in the far far future when my daughter is old enough and asks me, what happened to you and mommy I have to answer that with a clear heart.

My prayers are with you my friend.
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I’m sorry for your suffering but that does not change the fact that affairs should be exposed. If the wayward spouse needs it to be kept a secret there is a reason,…because it’s wrong.

Affairs are like cockaroaches. Turn on the light and they scurry.

Affairs are like a crack addict. Shine the light on what they do and all they want is to get back into the darkness and their sin.

Affairs need to be exposed if there is any hope of them ending. That is not seeking justification of our own goodness, it is an attempt to save the marriage.

What your daughter deserves in the future is the truth. Not a lie.
 
iamrefreshed said:
I’m sorry for your suffering but that does not change the fact that affairs should be exposed. If the wayward spouse needs it to be kept a secret there is a reason,…because it’s wrong.

Affairs are like cockaroaches. Turn on the light and they scurry.

Affairs are like a crack addict. Shine the light on what they do and all they want is to get back into the darkness and their sin.

Affairs need to be exposed if there is any hope of them ending. That is not seeking justification of our own goodness, it is an attempt to save the marriage.

What your daughter deserves in the future is the truth. Not a lie.
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My plan is to tell her the truth.

I see/hear/feel what you’re saying. I’m struggling a bit with the ability to communicate in these forums.

If the the innocent spouse confronts the cheating spouse about their affair and the guilty spouse does not suffer embarrasment which would in turn seek confession and forgiveness I’m not clearly seeing how telling everyone else is going to change their feeling. Perhaps it might. And if it’s for the sake of saving the marriage then I suppose it’s for the better. Maybe the look of shame mutliple people will give them will cause the guilty party to seek forgiveness of their sin. If it’s for the greater good of god’s will (to save the marriage) then expose it.
 
stevekrok8 said:
My plan is to tell her the truth.

I see/hear/feel what you’re saying. I’m struggling a bit with the ability to communicate in these forums.

If the the innocent spouse confronts the cheating spouse about their affair and the guilty spouse does not suffer embarrasment which would in turn seek confession and forgiveness I’m not clearly seeing how telling everyone else is going to change their feeling. Perhaps it might. And if it’s for the sake of saving the marriage then I suppose it’s for the better. Maybe the look of shame mutliple people will give them will cause the guilty party to seek forgiveness of their sin. If it’s for the greater good of god’s will (to save the marriage) then expose it.
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People having affairs are generally walking around in a fog. They almost always blame their spouse for their affair. What were upstanding people resort to sneaking around and lying to the very person they promised to cherish the rest of their life.

If shame works great. They should be ashamed.

If they are not ashamed then their moral compass is in need of serious correction.
 
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