Wife wearing me out!

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Michael2799

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My dear wife of thirty years (kids grown and out of the house) spends a fairly significant amount of her conversation energy speaking about things that are going on in the lives of other people. Sometimes these people and events are so far removed from any relevance to our lives that it amazes me. One example would be a full five minutes was spent telling me about our granddaughter’s teacher’s niece had their garage catch fire. Nobody was hurt thank God, but why do I need to hear about such things? Here’s another typical example… Her coworker’s daughter went on vacation so I get to listen to all of the details. I DON’T EVEN KNOW THESE PEOPLE! . Maybe it’s my fault for politely listening to this drivel for all these years. Frequently I am able to engage her in relevant conversation and overall our relationship is quite good, I love my wife dearly but sometimes I want to scream Aaaaghhhh!!!

Anyone who remembers All in the Family TV show remembers how Edith would torture Archie with long winded epic stories of total irrelevance… Poor Archie… Poor me?

Can I get some sympathy here?
Thanks!
 
Michael2799 said:
My dear wife of thirty years (kids grown and out of the house) spends a fairly significant amount of her conversation energy speaking about things that are going on in the lives of other people. Sometimes these people and events are so far removed from any relevance to our lives that it amazes me. One example would be a full five minutes was spent telling me about our granddaughter’s teacher’s niece had their garage catch fire. Nobody was hurt thank God, but why do I need to hear about such things? Here’s another typical example… Her coworker’s daughter went on vacation so I get to listen to all of the details. I DON’T EVEN KNOW THESE PEOPLE! . Maybe it’s my fault for politely listening to this drivel for all these years. Frequently I am able to engage her in relevant conversation and overall our relationship is quite good, I love my wife dearly but sometimes I want to scream Aaaaghhhh!!!

Anyone who remembers All in the Family TV show remembers how Edith would torture Archie with long winded epic stories of total irrelevance… Poor Archie… Poor me?

Can I get some sympathy here?
Thanks!
Click to expand...
I believe the bolded may indeed be the crux of the matter. Perhaps, instead of martyrizing oneself, one could go up to one’s wife and say in a kind way how her interest in others that you do not know is irritating for you. However, I would urge you to do this in a tactful manner, for I do not see anything wrong with your wife telling you about these things. She may believe that she’s sharing an interesting tidbit with you, and that you enjoy it as well. Taking interest in others’ doings is an integral part of life, and though you may believe that you do not know these people, you may come to know them in the future. For instance, telling you about the woman whose garage caught on fire is not an irrelevant piece of knowledge, but rather an opportunity to thank God that no one was hurt, and if anyone was, an opportunity to pray for those affected by this tragedy. However, if it annoys you this much, you should have an honest, direct, yet loving conversation with your wife.
 
LOL! Your wife sounds like my mother. I hate it because she’s such a kind person that I want to share things with her but I can’t because I know the entire world will know all of my private business within 24 hours. Sometimes I just have to bluntly ask her to stop talking.

Does your wife have enough friends and activities out of the house? In general women just use more words than men anyway, so it’s important for her to have regular conversations with female friends so that she’s not “dumping” it all on you. With my mom I really think she has ADD or maybe some kind of anxiety that makes her talk so impulsively. I wish she would try out some meds. 🤷
 
FYI,a woman will use 2,000 words per day to a man’s 200…just sayin’😛
 
Uh Rah! Tell it brother! You are not alone, I assure you. This is* why* ‘Man - Caves’ were invented.

Sure. You could politely tell her that said behavior is not conducive to excellent marital communication by your lights. But then could she not say something like " Why should I give up being me to be loved by you?"

No win. What to do? 🤷:confused:🤷

Ergo-

Man Cave! Man Cave! Man Cave! Flee to there while there is yet still time.
 
Michael2799 said:
My dear wife of thirty years (kids grown and out of the house) spends a fairly significant amount of her conversation energy speaking about things that are going on in the lives of other people. Sometimes these people and events are so far removed from any relevance to our lives that it amazes me. One example would be a full five minutes was spent telling me about our granddaughter’s teacher’s niece had their garage catch fire. Nobody was hurt thank God, but why do I need to hear about such things? Here’s another typical example… Her coworker’s daughter went on vacation so I get to listen to all of the details. I DON’T EVEN KNOW THESE PEOPLE! . Maybe it’s my fault for politely listening to this drivel for all these years. Frequently I am able to engage her in relevant conversation and overall our relationship is quite good, I love my wife dearly but sometimes I want to scream Aaaaghhhh!!!

Anyone who remembers All in the Family TV show remembers how Edith would torture Archie with long winded epic stories of total irrelevance… Poor Archie… Poor me?

Can I get some sympathy here?
Thanks!
Click to expand...
In person, I’m not the kind of woman who talks a lot, but I do know quite a lot of women who are and one thing I noticed about them is this: They talk a lot because that is pretty much the only way how they know how to connect with someone.

Its true that what you say she says is probably a lot of useless drivel, but she may be trying to connect with you. Instead, without her realizing that she is irritating you, and without knowing the reason she may do more of the same behavior that is driving you away! Maybe you have grown distant from each other lately?

I would suggest to you what I have seen my very female savvy brother in law do with my sister when she gets into tangents… chuckle kindly, and then come up to her and hug her tightly. Keep hugging… the more she talks the more you pour on the attention and giggle. She will stop. Trust me. But it will have to have a lot of training to fully remove the irritating behavior! 😉

I am with the other poster who also stated you should kindly tell her it irritates you. But I wouldn’t do that until after several rounds of love hugs as noted above. It may be hard to do something like that when she is irritating you so much, but that is what forgiveness does… it take the brunt force of an ugly matter. Protects and redeems what is good, sets things right.

Also, men seem to not know how to communicate very well as females do. I would say if you were my husband and I had this annoying behavior that was driving you mad, I would hope to God you’d be so brave to tell me- albeit in a kind way, which yes, I understand knowing females could backfire, but hopefully she will listen and respond.

I also would hope you’d get a man’s perspective on this matter too.
 
Now that your children are gone, your wife has a void in her life. I think maybe it might help if the two of you got involved in something together, develop some interest which the two of you share. Then you wife can learn more about it and tell you about something which interests you more, and you two will also meet new people and go places and learn new skills.

I would not recommend telling her she’s driving you crazy. Probably the reason you listened to all this over theyears was that it often related to your children, and with the children gone, she doesn’t know what to talk with you about.

You could try this experiment too: when she talks about something that interests you, be very responsive, turn and look at her, nod your head and say umm hmm a lot, and say some stuff in response. When she talks about things which do not interest you, do the opposite. Subconsciously she ought to respond by talking more about those things you respond to more vividly 🙂

But do find something that the two of you can be involved in together. You too have a lot of years left together, you might as well make them interesting!
 
Michael2799 said:
Anyone who remembers All in the Family TV show remembers how Edith would torture Archie with long winded epic stories of total irrelevance… Poor Archie… Poor me?

Can I get some sympathy here?
Thanks!
Click to expand...
Do the All in the Family routine yourself: “Will you stifle yourself and get dinner on the table?”😃

All levity aside, your long-suffering doesn’t have to continue. Muster up some inner courage and when you find a moment of relative quiet, speak to your DW with charity and express your feelings about her running commentary.

Joe
 
Ever read The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman? Through his research, he has found that one of the predictors of a successful marriage is talking to each other, not about important things necessarily, but conversing about random, every day subjects. Your listening to your wife all of these years and connecting with her over conversation, even about things that may not be directly relevant to your personal lives, has probably helped your marriage in many ways. Perhaps your wife is more chatty than you are, but it’s worth considering that all of your “politeness” and “listening to drivel” all these years has benefited your marriage. And also that your wife likely has different ways she’s been “polite” to you that annoy her to death. So, not much sympathy here, but God bless your marriage!
 
I’ve never been in your exact position, but from having experienced something similar, here’s what I would say. It’s a lot easier for that dynamic to occur if you are silent about the things that are on your mind, whatever the reason may be. Then to hear her talk about things you don’t care about would be doubly irritating, because it doesn’t correspond to what’s occupying you at the moment.

Maybe this is off the mark from your situation; I don’t know.
 
Does your wife have anyone but you to talk to during the day? She may just be desperately needing more companionship and more things to spend time and energy on. Encourage her to volunteer her time wherever her interests lie, and join her when possible. When one is interested in helping others, there isn’t time or interest in hearing or passing along trivial information about people we don’t personally know. Your wife may just be telling you that she is bored with a meaningless existence. Above all, practice patience. Telling her that you’re not interested in what she is saying may be true, but cruel. Good luck and God bless.
 
When women I know get into the talk forever and not say anything mode, I simply say, “Land the plane already!!”

It usually gets through to them.
 
St_Francis said:
Now that your children are gone, your wife has a void in her life. I think maybe it might help if the two of you got involved in something together, develop some interest which the two of you share. Then you wife can learn more about it and tell you about something which interests you more, and you two will also meet new people and go places and learn new skills.

I would not recommend telling her she’s driving you crazy. Probably the reason you listened to all this over theyears was that it often related to your children, and with the children gone, she doesn’t know what to talk with you about.

You could try this experiment too: when she talks about something that interests you, be very responsive, turn and look at her, nod your head and say umm hmm a lot, and say some stuff in response. When she talks about things which do not interest you, do the opposite. Subconsciously she ought to respond by talking more about those things you respond to more vividly 🙂

But do find something that the two of you can be involved in together. You too have a lot of years left together, you might as well make them interesting!
Click to expand...
Like!
 
Nimzovik said:
Uh Rah! Tell it brother! You are not alone, I assure you. This is* why* ‘Man - Caves’ were invented.

Sure. You could politely tell her that said behavior is not conducive to excellent marital communication by your lights. But then could she not say something like " Why should I give up being me to be loved by you?"

No win. What to do? 🤷:confused:🤷

Ergo-

Man Cave! Man Cave! Man Cave! Flee to there while there is yet still time.
Click to expand...
You forgot, to add that this is one of the main reasons men die first…😃
 
Michael2799 said:
My dear wife of thirty years (kids grown and out of the house) spends a fairly significant amount of her conversation energy speaking about things that are going on in the lives of other people. Sometimes these people and events are so far removed from any relevance to our lives that it amazes me. One example would be a full five minutes was spent telling me about our granddaughter’s teacher’s niece had their garage catch fire. Nobody was hurt thank God, but why do I need to hear about such things? Here’s another typical example… Her coworker’s daughter went on vacation so I get to listen to all of the details. I DON’T EVEN KNOW THESE PEOPLE! . Maybe it’s my fault for politely listening to this drivel for all these years. Frequently I am able to engage her in relevant conversation and overall our relationship is quite good, I love my wife dearly but sometimes I want to scream Aaaaghhhh!!!

Anyone who remembers All in the Family TV show remembers how Edith would torture Archie with long winded epic stories of total irrelevance… Poor Archie… Poor me?

Can I get some sympathy here?
Thanks!
Click to expand...
You’re in t-r-o-u-b-l-e … !!! [that’s my sympathy]
 
My husband also complains that I tell him things he doesn’t care about. (As if I’m supposed to know ahead of time whether or not he’s going to care about it.) So, I called my mom to tell her instead. Then he whined that I spent all night talking to my mom instead of him. Go figure. You just can’t win!
 
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