Wife Won't Accept My Victory

[AvignonPapacy94]

I’m Catholic, the wife is Protestant. When we flipped coins on which religion to raise our son, I won. So he’s a four-year old little Catholic, no problem. Now, my wife is pregnant again. She says we need another toss to determine Baby 2’s religion, and I’m trying to explain to her how insane it would be to raise children with different religious faiths. The Holy Spirit has already spoken, and I’ve been praying on the issue, but if you have any thoughts on how I could persuade my wife to raise our second son Catholic, I’d greatly appreciate it.

God Bless to all who read and comment (and even those who don’t as well).

 

[Zzyzx_Road]

Can’t tell you how to resolve this without tearing your marriage apart. My prayers are for your children.

But I will say this for the single readers out there: mixed faith marriages can be troublesome for this reason, especially if both parties are passionate about their respective faiths. If you feel called to marry a non-Catholic, better pray on that, discern whether it is the right thing to do. The OP’s situation is an issue that should have been resolved before they married. Yes when the couple is in love, it’s easy to paper over the differences before running to the altar, but haste now can make for regret later.

 

[1ke]

Sit down with your pastor.

The coin toss was a flippant approach to a serious matter, and I am not sure why you are surprised that she would be taking this position. Did you not discuss the children’s religion before you married? You as a Catholic were required to promise to raise your children Catholic in order to obtain permission for mixed marriage, and she had to be informed of this promise.

 

[AvignonPapacy94]

Yeah, I’m not looking for divorce. We are happily married, and agree on 99% of things. But I have no idea what the proper form of dispute resolution is when you care deeply about the other person and yet we have robust differences that occasionally crop up.

 

[dailey]

I’m Catholic, the wife is Protestant. When we flipped coins on which religion to raise our son, I won. So he’s a four-year old little Catholic, no problem. Now, my wife is pregnant again. She says we need another toss to determine Baby 2’s religion, and I’m trying to explain to her how insane it would be to raise children with different religious faiths. The Holy Spirit has already spoken, and I’ve been praying on the issue, but if you have any thoughts on how I could persuade my wife to raise our second son Catholic, I’d greatly appreciate it.

God Bless to all who read and comment (and even those who don’t as well).

Okay, are you pulling our leg? You and your wife did not really flip a coin to determine your child’s religion, did you?

 

[southern_knight]

Can’t tell you how to resolve this without tearing your marriage apart. My prayers are for your children.

But I will say this for the single readers out there: mixed faith marriages can be troublesome for this reason, especially if both parties are passionate about their respective faiths. If you feel called to marry a non-Catholic, better pray on that, discern whether it is the right thing to do. The OP’s situation is an issue that should have been resolved before they married. Yes when the couple is in love, it’s easy to paper over the differences before running to the altar, but haste now can make for regret later.

I don’t mean to be uncharitable but the OP and his wife are obviously not that serious about their faith if they decided what religion to raise their child in based on the flip of a coin. To the OP, as a Catholic man, you have the obligation to do your utmost to raise your kids Catholic. You are the spiritual head of the family. It’s time for you and your wife to take that role seriously.

 

[1ke]

Even the fact that you are calling a coin toss decision to raise your child Catholic a “victory” bothers me. Coin tosses are for football games, not serious issues.

 

[1ke]

Okay, are you pulling our leg? You and your wife did not really flip a coin to determine your child’s religion, did you?

Well, since the OP only has 2 posts, yes, troll is a possibility.

 

[AvignonPapacy94]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. This discussion is getting sidetracked awfully quickly. Here’s the dilemma I seek your wisdom in resolving–how do I persuade my wife to raise our second child Catholic?

 

[Allegra]

Let this be a lesson to all inter-faith couples discerning marriage! Always flip the coin BEFORE you actually get married. You flip a coin to determine a child’s faith and you expect your wife to take you seriously? If you really care about raising your children Catholic, I strongly suggest you demonstrate to your wife that you take your faith seriously. Become involved in your parish and find ways to bring your faith into your family life. Pray together as a family. Pray rosaries for your family. Talk about what you believe to your son. You don’t just flip a coin and declare a kid a Catholic and expect anyone to take it seriously.

 

[LongingSoul]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. This discussion is getting sidetracked awfully quickly. Here’s the dilemma I seek your wisdom in resolving–how do I persuade my wife to raise our second child Catholic?

When you say raising the children Catholic do you mean taking them to Mass every Sunday and teaching them the Catholic moral positions in age appropriate ways? Or do you mean just getting them baptised and participating in the other initiation rituals (Sacraments) of the Church? Is your wife a practicing Protestant or is she just wanting the avail your children of the initiation rites of Protestantism?

 

[TK421]

I don’t like this planet.

 

[1ke]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. This discussion is getting sidetracked awfully quickly. Here’s the dilemma I seek your wisdom in resolving–how do I persuade my wife to raise our second child Catholic?

What were your discussions like prior to marriage? Is there a foundation to build on there?

 

[AvignonPapacy94]

LongingSoul,

I’ve become increasingly serious about my faith after the birth of my eldest son. So it will be more than just rituals. I try to get the family in Church every Sunday, but life happens, and so I would say we go a good 15-20 times per year. Usually we have perfect weekly attendance leading up to Easter and Christmas.

If people need to make fun of me, that’s fine, but it’s not easy to convince a hard-headed woman about what to do with your kids.

 

[jmcrae]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. This discussion is getting sidetracked awfully quickly. Here’s the dilemma I seek your wisdom in resolving–how do I persuade my wife to raise our second child Catholic?

If she didn’t sign the paper at the time of the wedding, then there is little that you can do. She has come into the marriage with the understanding that she can raise the children in her own religion if she likes to. She is not going to be dissuaded from that point of view, since from her point of view, it is her religion that is the True Faith; not yours - and of course you probably both agree that your children need to be raised in the True Faith so that they can be able to go to Heaven when they die - you simply disagree about which faith that is.

 

[southern_knight]

I’m Catholic, the wife is Protestant. When we flipped coins on which religion to raise our son, I won. So he’s a four-year old little Catholic, no problem. Now, my wife is pregnant again. She says we need another toss to determine Baby 2’s religion, and I’m trying to explain to her how insane it would be to raise children with different religious faiths. The Holy Spirit has already spoken, and I’ve been praying on the issue, but if you have any thoughts on how I could persuade my wife to raise our second son Catholic, I’d greatly appreciate it.

God Bless to all who read and comment (and even those who don’t as well).

I’m honestly skeptical whether either of you could have contacted a valid marriage when neither of you seems to understand the gravity of what it means to guide your children in the faith. Right now your primary concern should be the state of your children’s souls.

 

[AvignonPapacy94]

So what, we should get a divorce???

Thanks for that, big guy.

 

[Zzyzx_Road]

So what, we should get a divorce???

Thanks for that, big guy.

He didn’t say that.

I said before this should have been decided before you married her, but it wasn’t and now you and your wife dealing with the fallout from the failure to do that. It may not have been a proper marriage to start because of this defect, but it is far more important for your children’s sake that this gets resolved and that your children get the best of both of you.

1ke’s advice about talking this over with your pastor is a good start.

 

[mountee]

I have been married almost 42 years to a non-Catholic and I have raised our two children Catholic as that is what I promised to do when we spoke with the priest before our marriage. May I suggest that you do not take any of these comments that offend you too seriously and if you really want to solve this make an appointment to talk to your priest. I believe you will hear some things already stated here but your priest may be able to help you understand how to proceed next and keep your marriage in good shape. Personally, I hope that you will do this as soon as possible and I will pray for you and your famiky.

 

[1ke]

Does she practice her faith? Is this truly an issue of her conscience talking to her about the allowance of the first child to be raised Catholic? Or is this a way to press a “fairness” issue she perceives, left over hard feelings from said coin toss?

There is something here under the surface. Even the most obtuse person can see the reasonableness of the argument regarding raising two children in the same household in different religions.

So, I think something bigger is at play.