Will changing my surname dishonor my dad?

[sjacrane]

I’m worthless to my dad because I haven’t lived up to his expectatations. He has always psychologically bullied me and he is just nasty as a person, only caring about himself. He was married before he met my mother, which means I have three half-brothers, but he doesn’t care about them either. He always talked about how he has always wanted a grandson to continue the family name. But when I told him that one day I would like to be a priest or religious, he cut me out of the will because I wouldn’t be continuing the family name and that he feared my share of his money would go to the Catholic Church.

I am now living on my own having moved out eight months ago, and he hasn’t bothered being in contact. He was glad to see the back of me, really, and I never committed any offense against him. Is it right or wrong for me to change my surname and move on without ever looking back? The family history of my dad’s side is terrible because none of them care about each other and have that common nasty trait.

My saving grace was my dear mother who passed away five years ago from cancer. She was a devout Catholic and my dad only really went along with it for her sake. He has always been highly critical of the Church and now he is just thinks it’s all rubbish and that people like me are brainwashed.

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

While there is nothing inherently wrong with changing a surname, so long as it is not done for dishonest purposes, in your case it appears that you are doing so to punish your father for his failures in your life. Children are responsible for honoring their parents, even when their parents do hateful things and even when they have no emotional ties with them.

This doesn’t mean that you have to pursue a relationship with your father, especially if he himself has cut you out of his life; but it does mean that you should not actively or passively seek to punish him out of revenge. If you can do nothing else to give honor to your father, you can at least keep his name. If you offer up the suffering you have received from him, in union with Christ’s own suffering, God may be able to use that suffering for your father’s benefit and perhaps for his eventual conversion. God bless.

Recommended reading:

Making Sense Out of Suffering by Peter Kreeft
God Help Me! These People Are Driving Me Nuts by Gregory K. Popcak
When Difficult Relatives Happen to Good People by Leonard Felder