Will God bless invalid marriages?

[Lots2Learn]

Not sure if this belongs here in Family Life.

It’s assumed when a marriage falls apart and an annulment granted that the graces of a sacramental marriage were not present. Right?
What about a failing marriage that hasn’t ended yet? The marriage was in a Catholic Church by a valid priest and two baptized Catholics, but I’m sure if an annulment was requested after a time following a divorce that it would be granted.
Is there much use trying to save such a marriage?

 

[1ke]

You need to talk to your priest.

Of course your marriage is worth saving. Remember, your marriage is presumed to be valid. And, if you have become aware of a defect present at the time the vows were exchanged you can rectify that if you desire.

 

[Lots2Learn]

You need to talk to your priest.

Of course your marriage is worth saving. Remember, your marriage is presumed to be valid. And, if you have become aware of a defect present at the time the vows were exchanged you can rectify that if you desire.

Thank you for responding 1ke. I am learning so much about what grace is and where it comes from and how to obtain it. I know we receive grace by receiving the sacraments (and prayer.) What if someone getting married is completely oblivious to the graces received from the sacrament of marriage(or that it is even a sacrament) when they get married? Even though they are married in a Catholic Church, they have no idea what they are doing?
If a Tribunal is only (mainly?) interested in how the marriage began, then doesn’t that mean that the beginning of the marriage is…I don’t know…more important than any other time in the marriage.
It just seems that on a day that is worse than usual I think about getting to heaven and realizing that I tried for many years to save a marriage that wasn’t valid to begin with.

I sincerely hope this rambling doesn’t make anyone

I have “lots2learn” and it’s all so confusing!

 

[Seatuck]

Remember also that people can have personal grace. Any marriage can be saved when both and sometimes one act in charity and love.

 

[musicmantg11]

God knew you before you were even born, breathed life into your body at birth, and selected for you a partner in life. God constantly gives you blessings. I would suggest to talk to your parish priest, and explain this situation to him. I will pray for you.

God Bless! +

 

[Claire_from_DE]

If you are married, the assumption is that it is valid. In my opinion, it is always worthwhile to attempt to save a marriage. We don’t know if your situation is difficult, unbearable, or even dangerous so it’s hard to give advice or make a judgement.

I do know that it is possible for people to change for the better. I have seen this happen three times to friends and family. In one case the couple re-committed themselves to God and to each other. In one, the husband had a heart attack and took a hard look at his life and began to change. He recently died and the wife (my friend), children, and many many friends in the town mourned him. His wife told the minister that 20 years ago nobody would have cared. My brother and his wife went to a marriage counselor, then later he went by himself to a counselor. Their relationship is enormously better. In all three of those marriages, the children benefited by the parents remaining together.

In the annulment process they want to find out if the people who married did so freely and intended the marriage to be permanent and exclusive and open to children. What were the intentions and maturity of the couple at the time they made their vows? Was one of them keeping something secret that the other had a right to know? Was one mentally or psychologically unbalanced? It comes down to the question, “When you said your vows, were you in your right minds and did you both mean what you promised?”

The good thing about the grace of the sacrament of matrimony is that it isn’t just given at the time of making the vows. Every time a couple makes love can also be an occasion of receiving sacramental grace! Or doing anything for your husband/wife or children. The grace of the sacrament also operates when the couple is trying to stay together and improve their relationship. One of the persons has to take the first step.

 

[Lots2Learn]

If you are married, the assumption is that it is valid. In my opinion, it is always worthwhile to attempt to save a marriage. We don’t know if your situation is difficult, unbearable, or even dangerous so it’s hard to give advice or make a judgement.

I do know that it is possible for people to change for the better. I have seen this happen three times to friends and family. In one case the couple re-committed themselves to God and to each other. In one, the husband had a heart attack and took a hard look at his life and began to change. He recently died and the wife (my friend), children, and many many friends in the town mourned him. His wife told the minister that 20 years ago nobody would have cared. My brother and his wife went to a marriage counselor, then later he went by himself to a counselor. Their relationship is enormously better. In all three of those marriages, the children benefited by the parents remaining together.

I have prayed for years for this change to take place. I still pray about it, but admittedly with less hope than before.

In the annulment process they want to find out if the people who married did so freely and intended the marriage to be permanent and exclusive and open to children. What were the intentions and maturity of the couple at the time they made their vows? Was one of them keeping something secret that the other had a right to know? Was one mentally or psychologically unbalanced? It comes down to the question, “When you said your vows, were you in your right minds and did you both mean what you promised?”

:dts: Like I said in my op, I am sure we would be granted an annulment. There is no mental unbalance, but the intent wasn’t there and we were very young and ignorant.

The good thing about the grace of the sacrament of matrimony is that it isn’t just given at the time of making the vows. Every time a couple makes love can also be an occasion of receiving sacramental grace! Or doing anything for your husband/wife or children. The grace of the sacrament also operates when the couple is trying to stay together and improve their relationship. One of the persons has to take the first step.

Some of these things are absent from my marriage.
I understand that my marriage is assumed valid by society and the Church. But that is in the eyes of people. If God thinks my marriage is invalid, will he bless it, and what does that mean? I don’t know if I am making sense. Just because a couple is married and it is assumed by all around them that their marriage is valid, that doesn’t necessarily make it so. If they are granted an annulment, then that means when everyone assumed it was valid, it really wasn’t. Right?

Thank you Seatuck and Musicman for your kind words and prayers. I need 'em.

 

[Claire_from_DE]

.
I understand that my marriage is assumed valid by society and the Church. But that is in the eyes of people. If God thinks my marriage is invalid, will he bless it, and what does that mean? I don’t know if I am making sense. Just because a couple is married and it is assumed by all around them that their marriage is valid, that doesn’t necessarily make it so. If they are granted an annulment, then that means when everyone assumed it was valid, it really wasn’t. Right?
.

Yes, to your last question.

You say that you were young and ignorant when you got married. But you intended to be married, you didn’t intend to deceive anyone. God knows you married in good faith; he would not withhold his grace from you or curse your marriage or judge you to be sinning if you stayed in the relationship.

If the church gives a declaration of nullity, it is saying that a sacramental bond didn’t exist that would prevent someone from entering into another marriage.

Maybe you need to discern God’s will in your situation, perhaps with the help of a priest. In my diocese, Catholic Charities can put one in touch with a priest who is also a therapist. If you sincerely try to follow God’s will, he will bless you whether you stay in the marriage or decide to leave.

If you get to heaven and find out that you spent years trying to save a marriage that wasn’t valid, you won’t feel the time was wasted. Because you will be with God and will see how he brings good out of all situations for those who love him.