Will God hold me responsible for my husband's decision to sterilize himself?

[amma]

My husband and I have five children ranging from newborn to ten years old. We struggle to do all the right things as Catholics yet we both feel mentally and financially depleted. We are so thankful to God for the health and blessings of your family, however we do not want anymore children. I really don’t think I could mentally handle anymore children.

My husband wants to get a vasectomy, while I am still not sure whether or not it is the right thing to do. I am afraid for his soul if he goes through with the vasectomy, yet my innermost being hopes he will go through with it. He does not trust NFP, and refuses to rely upon it as a birth control method.

If my husband decides to have the sterilization, will God forgive us, even though we know that contraception is wrong in advance?

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

If you know that something is a sin and yet freely and knowingly choose to pursue it or agree to it anyway, yes, God may hold you and your husband responsible for your own freely-chosen decision to defy his law. Deliberate sterilization is grave matter. Full knowledge and full and free consent of the will to a grave matter is a mortal sin. Mortal sin can be forgiven through sincere repentance and, normatively, sacramental confession. The only unforgivable sin is an unrepented sin.

You and your husband may have just cause to seek to not have any more children. But, in order for such a desire to be realized in a morally acceptable fashion, you must seek to achieve that desire through moral means. The only moral means through which a couple may choose to plan their family size is through natural family planning (NFP). Yes, NFP requires trust, both in God and in each other. Used in an educated, careful manner, though, NFP is also extremely effective. I would urge you and your husband to educate yourselves about the correct use of NFP through apostolates such as the Couple to Couple League.

I also urge you both to educate yourselves on the health risks to your husband that are possible because of a vasectomy. One place to find information on the possible health risks of vasectomies is www.DontFixIt.org.

If, despite information and education, your husband insists on having a vasectomy anyway, the only thing you can do is to work on your attitude toward the vasectomy. Pray for the grace that your feelings about his vasectomy will be brought into alignment with what you know to be true about the moral gravity of the action. Pray that God will help you to both come to a right understanding of direct sterilization and to pray for your husband’s conversion. God bless.

Recommended reading:

That Celibate Bachelor Was Right! by Rachel Fay
God, Sex, and Babies by Christopher West
Vademecum for Confessors by the Pontifical Council for the Family