Will i go to hell for marrying a supportive unbeliever?

[ohyah007]

my fiance has been baptized and confirmed catholic, but is now an unbeliever. she already goes to church with me and has promised to allow me to raise our future children catholic. should i call off the marriage or how can i repent the sin if i marry her?

 

[lizaanne]

It is not a sin to marry her. One of the responsibilities of a husband is to help his wife get to heaven. You may have a bigger job than some.

If you love her, and you are both mature and ready to marry, then marry her. You may be what she needs to bring her back to the fullness of the Faith.

Just make sure you live a good solid example for her, don’t force her, and help her when she has questions regarding her spirituality. Learn together, and you will grow together as a couple.

God bless!

~Liza

 

[ohyah007]

thank you

i’m visiting my priest for confession on saturday, but i just thought that i’d get a little more advice before i go.

 

[Seatuck]

It is not a sin to marry her. One of the responsibilities of a husband is to help his wife get to heaven. You may have a bigger job than some.

If you love her, and you are both mature and ready to marry, then marry her. You may be what she needs to bring her back to the fullness of the Faith.

Just make sure you live a good solid example for her, don’t force her, and help her when she has questions regarding her spirituality. Learn together, and you will grow together as a couple.

God bless!

~Liza

Good Answer

 

[1ke]

my fiance has been baptized and confirmed catholic, but is now an unbeliever. she already goes to church with me and has promised to allow me to raise our future children catholic. should i call off the marriage or how can i repent the sin if i marry her?

It’s not a “sin” to marry her. But, it’s quite unwise.

And, if she stands up and makes vows that she does not actually mean/believe then you may be in an invalid marriage.

So, exactly what do you mean by “unbeliever” and why would you want to marry a person who does not believe in everything the Catholic Church teaches?

 

[ohyah007]

she has the same morals as me and won’t partake in things that I believe to be sin in God’s eyes. She just doesn’t believe that a god created everything in 7 days and she doesn’t believe that there is a force out there that has the power to send people to eternal damnation or an eternal life. She believes in science. Yes i really wish that she believed and could study the bible with me and pray with me, but I just cannot imagine my earthly life without her. I know that many many many many people have probably said this, but i hope that i can one day be an example for her that will lead to her salvation. I respect her free will in choosing her beliefs, but i am also sad that she doesn’t see the reason for that free will. I just need to be with her. please try to understand that.

 

[GraceDK]

Hey brother…
just wanna say that you have my understanding.
I think this gf sounds like a good person and you are blessed that she understands and respects your limits and faith.
My boyfriend is a non-believer and he is hostile to religion and does not want to understand my faith nor my limits of lifestyle…
You can say he has a bad influence, I wanted to present the Gospel to him by virtue and words, but I am the one being converted to his lifestyle of sin after he has tempted me so long and I caved in to temptation once less than a week ago.
I feel very discouraged about everything, my self, my life and of course our relationship…
So… I think that you can marry this lady… but not with the expectation of her conversion back to Christ - although you can of course hope and pray. As long as she truly respects you and you truly respect and honour her… then if this is the love of your life I dont see why not.
You raise the children to love Christ with all their heart… that might be a lonely thing to do by your self… but I wish you all the strength and joy in doing it.

You are blessed

 

[AaronK88]

It’s not a “sin” to marry her. But, it’s quite unwise.

And, if she stands up and makes vows that she does not actually mean/believe then you may be in an invalid marriage.

So, exactly what do you mean by “unbeliever” and why would you want to marry a person who does not believe in everything the Catholic Church teaches?

I think you are really sending out the wrong message. As Catholics, we have an obligation to witness to others. Through his witnessing, maybe she will be brought back into the faith. It was through the witnessing of others that I came into the faith. I used to be what some would consider a militant atheist.

 

[1ke]

I think you are really sending out the wrong message. As Catholics, we have an obligation to witness to others. Through his witnessing, maybe she will be brought back into the faith. It was through the witnessing of others that I came into the faith. I used to be what some would consider a militant atheist.

Yes, our baptism calls us to witness to all.

The Sacrament of Marriage is not for the *purpose *of witnessing to an unbeliever. Marriage is a vocation of two Christians, and the two Christian spouses witness to the WORLD.

This now “unbeliever” is a baptized Catholic-- and therefore subject to Catholic Canon Law. And, the Church expects of her what it expects of all Catholics.

It is unwise to marry a non-believer in the “hope” they will one day be a believer. The primary duty in Christian marriage is to raise up Saints for Heaven. The household is where they receive their primary formation. And, just because a non-believer does not prohibit the believer from practicing their faith does not mean that it is a good idea to marry them. Their example of non-practice of religion will do as much or more to undermine the faith of the children as the practice the believing spouse shows.

 

[Other_Eric]

I think you are really sending out the wrong message. As Catholics, we have an obligation to witness to others. Through his witnessing, maybe she will be brought back into the faith. It was through the witnessing of others that I came into the faith. I used to be what some would consider a militant atheist.

The call to witness need not put potential offspring at spiritual risk. Since, in this culture, it is already difficult enough to form children in the faith, a set of parents that present anything other than a united front on issues of God, morality and religion is extremely problematic. The witnessing that will bring such an errant individual back to the faith is best left outside of the marital relationship.

 

[Seatuck]

I think you are really sending out the wrong message. As Catholics, we have an obligation to witness to others. Through his witnessing, maybe she will be brought back into the faith. It was through the witnessing of others that I came into the faith. I used to be what some would consider a militant atheist.

I have two thoughts.

The first is that it is never a good thing to marry a spouse with the intention of changing them. That is what is being proposed here.

The second is you are forgetting about what is good for our OP’s faith. He says she is supportive but what does that mean? He will be burdened alone with the education of the children’s faith . He will not have a big portion of life in common with his wife. That is a huge deficit in a marriage.

To round it out I think it is good to warn the OP about the serious responsibilites that he faces. Scripture warns us with good reason not be unequaly yoked . As spiritual leader of his househould he is responsible to try to bring his wife back to the faith. He is going to take on changing her. That sets him up as an adversary if he is not careful. So it is good to be warned about such a thing. He needs to speak the truth in love and be a good example even more than the usual man in marriage.

 

[AaronK88]

I have two thoughts.

The first is that it is never a good thing to marry a spouse with the intention of changing them. That is what is being proposed here.

The second is you are forgetting about what is good for our OP’s faith. He says she is supportive but what does that mean? He will be burdened alone with the education of the children’s faith . He will not have a big portion of life in common with his wife. That is a huge deficit in a marriage.

To round it out I think it is good to warn the OP about the serious responsibilites that he faces. As spiritual leader of his househould he is responsible to try to bring his wife back to the faith. He is going to take on changing her. That sets him up as an adversary if he is not careful. So it is good to be warned about such a thing. He needs to speak the truth in love and be a good example even more than the usual man in marriage.

I agree with you more than anything.

To me it sounds like the future wife is very close to him ideologically on the moral front. It also sounds like she is straying away from the path, perhaps going through some type of spiritual crisis. I know a woman who was like this in her college youth, yet today her faith is stronger than most people I know.

It would be different if the woman he was contemplating marrying was an ardent atheist, complete liberal, etc. But I think if the ideology’s mix, then hopefully down the line something will cause her to come back to the faith.

 

[KCT]

She just doesn’t believe that a god created everything in 7 days and she doesn’t believe that there is a force out there that has the power to send people to eternal damnation or an eternal life. She believes in science.

Well . . . it could get interesting when kids come along. Will mom just keep her opinions to herself or answer kids questions honestly?

 

[Vanessa]

If you marry her, face that you might never, never, never share that bond of loving God together.

Who will help you grow spiritually? Who will lift you when you stumble?

The bible says something about being unfairly yoked, and you might be willing to take on that burden now, but only later will you realize what (who?) you sacrificed.

She will be the primary influence over your children. Will she spend all day with them, and you the few when you come home from work? When they are away all day will you renounce everything else you want to do, no matter how tired, and influence your children? You will have quite a burden to teach the children properly without criticizing their mother or her choices. What if money gets tight and the Catholic school becomes too much of a burden in her eyes? If they’re in public school, you’ll have to know all about their teachers and friends and textbooks. That’s usually the female job, but your wife will not have a trustworthy viewpoint to leave it up to her.

Why don’t you date a little longer? Maybe date other people too.

 

[Holly3278]

You will not go to Hell for marrying her but I would advise against marrying her, at least until she repents and becomes a believer again.

 

[Ruthie]

Ohyah, you’ve gotten a lot of good advice. I’m going to re-state most of it.

1. Do **not **marry her in the hope that she will change. Either marry her as she is NOW, or don’t marry her at all. Marrying someone hoping they will change means you are not in love with them; you are in love with a fantasy.
2. To keep your promise to raise the children Catholic, will you require her to keep her beliefs to herself? If you do, you are asking her to live a lie, and the odds are against the marriage lasting.
   But if you don’t, you will have both this culture of death, *and *their mother, fighting against the Church for your children’s souls. The odds are not good.
   And if you divorce, she will probably get custody. How will you keep the promise to raise them Catholic then?
3. What Holly said. Don’t marry her unless she reverts - and does it without any pressure from you. If you tell her you’ll only marry her if she reverts, you’re setting up that fantasy again. You’re making her revert, and hoping that she means it. And she’s hoping you’ll change your mind, or that you won’t notice if she falls away again. Two fantasies make a bad marriage.

Heart of Jesus, patient and full of mercy, have mercy on us.

Ruthie