Will I probably meet my future wife in college?

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I’m wondering because I’ve never dated a girl because I haven’t met the right one yet and I go to all-boys boarding school so it’s kind of hard to meet girls. I have had a really hard time being single because all of my Catholic friends save a few have had relationships and it’s hard being by yourself when everyone around you is dating. I understand that these highschool relationships won’t last and I understand God has an amazing young woman just for me that I’ll spend the rest of my life with. The only thing I don’t understand is WHEN. I trust that God will provide for me and everything will be OK it’s just I’m a senior in highschool heading off to college and I’m scared that I’ll go to college and I won’t meet my future wife. The chances are in my favor though because the college I’m going to is 60% female and 40% male, and on top of that there is an all-girls college right down the road that shares my college’s Newman center (I felt like dancing like an idiot when I heard that haha). I mean I don’t want to sound like a desperate little kid who wants a girlfriend at this very moment because I’m not, I’m willing to wait a bit longer for the right girl because I’ve already waited 4 years so whats really a few more months. Do I really have a shot at meeting “the girl” when I go to college (I know only God knows, but opinions are still welcomed :))
 
CGibs said:
I’m wondering because I’ve never dated a girl because I haven’t met the right one yet and I go to all-boys boarding school so it’s kind of hard to meet girls. I have had a really hard time being single because all of my Catholic friends save a few have had relationships and it’s hard being by yourself when everyone around you is dating. I understand that these highschool relationships won’t last and I understand God has an amazing young woman just for me that I’ll spend the rest of my life with. The only thing I don’t understand is WHEN. I trust that God will provide for me and everything will be OK it’s just I’m a senior in highschool heading off to college and I’m scared that I’ll go to college and I won’t meet my future wife. The chances are in my favor though because the college I’m going to is 60% female and 40% male, and on top of that there is an all-girls college right down the road that shares my college’s Newman center (I felt like dancing like an idiot when I heard that haha). I mean I don’t want to sound like a desperate little kid who wants a girlfriend at this very moment because I’m not, I’m willing to wait a bit longer for the right girl because I’ve already waited 4 years so whats really a few more months. Do I really have a shot at meeting “the girl” when I go to college (I know only God knows, but opinions are still welcomed :))
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the real question is, are you ready to accept if God hasn’t planned marriage for you?

and you’ll meet her when you meet her. don’t obsess over it. i’ve seen way too many people do this and end up with whoever they find. doesn’t turn out well. 4 years is not a long time in the grand scheme of things. go enjoy college, work hard, volunteer, be involved in the newman center, attend mass, make friends and who knows what will happen. don’t worry about it yet, you are sitll very young, would you even be able to get married soon anyways/ that’s the whole point of dating, and it comes with its own set of trials and temptations.
 
DH and I didn’t meet until after college but it wasn’t long after at all. And once we did meet, things moved pretty quickly. Don’t focus on timelines too much. Just go to college, be yourself, have some fun, and see what life brings. I know you’ve probably heard it a million times but you’d be surprised what you can find when you aren’t looking. 😉
 
Hard to say. The majority of people I know found their spouse AFTER college. However, in many cases, some of the contacts my friends and family made in colleges were linked to their spouses. Meaning, they married a friend of a college friend or something like that. For example:
  • I met my wife at my college homecoming (though I think I saw her at least once on campus when we were still in school).
  • My brother married someone who was friends with one of his college friends
  • My sister married her college friend’s older brother
  • My fraternity brother married another fraternity brother’s co-worker
  • Another college friend married a girl he met through someone from his major.
etc. College links you to many people, which might link you to your future spouse. But then again there are Catholic Dating sites and Parishes too 🙂

God Bless.
 
I feel the same way dude, i’m a junior right now, but i always think to myself that I want to meet the one when I go to college, what we both have to remember is that God has perfect timing, and if he really wants us to find a wife, we should trust that he will send us the one that he entrusts us with, and he will send her at the right time:)
 
I know someone who in his sophomore year begun for the first time discerning vocations to the priesthood and to religious life. He is still discerning after some 4 years, but he has been happily celibate ever since. Which does not mean he has not considered on several occasions dating a serious Catholic woman to discern a vocation to matrimony.

There are also many who are called to generous single life. I know a great person who is in his 30s and has felt a specific calling to generous single life - neither married, nor consecrated.

Spiritual direction can be very helpful, particularly in high school and college, as we change our mind quite quickly. Contrary to what some may think, a confessor or spiritual director will not try to convince a man to become a priest or a religious. A vocation is God’s calling, not man’s choice. I do know of people who were ready to enter a noviciate and were told to wait and discern a vocation to matrimony instead. So don’t fear spiritual directors 😃
 
Quick question, if you are at an all boys school and find it difficult to socialize with girls, how is it that you state that most of your friends are dating? While it is difficult to see this, high school time is a contrived social existence. Likewise, it blows by very fast (although I as sure it doesn’t seem like it now). I wouldn’t worry at all about not having a girl friend or thinking you will met your spouse during the college years. I met my husband after college, my oldest sister did met her husband at college (and he was her first boy dated) and my brother married his high school sweet heart. In other words, you may or may not met your spouse at college. Likewise, you should go to college to focus on a career and just make friends and have fun. Now just focus on your grade and before you know it, you will be out and moving on. I wish you the best.
 
CGibs said:
Do I really have a shot at meeting “the girl” when I go to college?
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Many, many people meet their future spouses during college. Mainly because that’s the time of life when people start looking for life partners, and potential mates are also looking. With the male to female ratio at your school, and the all-girls school nearby, it sounds as if you are in a good situation. Keep your eyes open but don’t obsess about it. And don’t think you have to walk down the aisle with the first girl you meet. And don’t sweat it if you graduate without meeting Miss Right. There are plenty of potential mates in the working world too.
 
Not to be dismissive, but…

How would we know?

Towards the end of my university studies, I was engaged to a girl I had started dating in high school. It did not work out.

About 4 years after university, I met my now wife.

What does that mean for you? Not much really. There are many ways people meet, and university/college is just one out of those many. Just don’t get fixated. Don’t focus your energy so much on meeting women at college that you might miss other opportunities.
 
underacloud said:
Not to be dismissive, but…

How would we know?

Towards the end of my university studies, I was engaged to a girl I had started dating in high school. It did not work out.

About 4 years after university, I met my now wife.

What does that mean for you? Not much really. There are many ways people meet, and university/college is just one out of those many. Just don’t get fixated. Don’t focus your energy so much on meeting women at college that you might miss other opportunities.
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exactly! 👍
 
I think in purely logical terms that college is a unique situation where many young adults of a similar age are all together all the time, so the odds are obviously greater that you will meet someone. After college people obviously can still meet a life partner but the odds are less in their favor. I met my husband at college but I was an older undergrad as I worked for a few years before going back to college at 23. My now husband was in grad school but we were the same age.

I would try not to stress as anyone who comes over as desperate or anxious is generally unattractive to the opposite sex. Most people find relaxed, confident people attractive. So I would pursue lots of interest at college and be very involved in the Newman center and Catholic Service work where you are most likely to find like-minded young women. Be discerning, take time to get to know people and don’t dive straight into a relationship before getting to know a young woman well.
 
robwar said:
exactly! 👍
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I agree. If you think you are in love, you better take several cold showers. And remember, the only person you should consider marrying is your best friend. In time, if you are only romantically involved, you’ll find that romance is transitory at best.
Your relationship with your best friend will transcend the stresses of daily life, All other relationships will erode with time.
The example is that you will tolerate behavior from your best friend that you won’t from anyone else. The examples I cite are if you are a man and your wife uses your razor to shave her legs and not only doesn’t change the blade but doesn’t tell you about it- when you shave next and take off half of your face with the first stroke, at that point your wife had better be your best friend! Conversely, when you leave the toilet seat up one time too many, at that time you better be your wife’s best friend! The same thing goes in tolerating each others relatives. Both of you can abide crass behavior (which exists in all families) if you are each others best friends.
If you are best friends, you will look out after each other. In time, this will transcend into true love. As for the carnal side of the relationship, this will take care of itself naturally if both of you are truely best friends.
 
CGibs said:
I’m wondering because I’ve never dated a girl because I haven’t met the right one yet and I go to all-boys boarding school so it’s kind of hard to meet girls. I have had a really hard time being single because all of my Catholic friends save a few have had relationships and it’s hard being by yourself when everyone around you is dating. I understand that these highschool relationships won’t last and I understand God has an amazing young woman just for me that I’ll spend the rest of my life with. The only thing I don’t understand is WHEN. I trust that God will provide for me and everything will be OK it’s just I’m a senior in highschool heading off to college and I’m scared that I’ll go to college and I won’t meet my future wife. The chances are in my favor though because the college I’m going to is 60% female and 40% male, and on top of that there is an all-girls college right down the road that shares my college’s Newman center (I felt like dancing like an idiot when I heard that haha). I mean I don’t want to sound like a desperate little kid who wants a girlfriend at this very moment because I’m not, I’m willing to wait a bit longer for the right girl because I’ve already waited 4 years so whats really a few more months. Do I really have a shot at meeting “the girl” when I go to college (I know only God knows, but opinions are still welcomed :))
Click to expand...
A lot of people do meet their spouse in college. I’m not sure I’d say it’s likely, though. Just don’t be over-eager; that is not going to land you a girlfriend. Put your focus on being a good man and discovering what vocation God has in store for you.

That vocation may or may not be marriage. While most people are called to marriage, God does not “provide” a spouse for you, and that’s important to understand. Your statement that “God has an amazing young woman just for me that I’ll spend the rest of my life with” is not necessarily accurate. We go through our lives, hopefully prayerfully, try to figure out what God wants of us, make choices, meet people, and maybe enter into a relationship. We then need to figure out if that relationship is leading to marriage, and the other person needs to do the same. It’s a two-way street; God doesn’t just plant someone into our lives “just for us”. There are also numerous people with whom we could be compatible- there isn’t one person we are “destined” to be with.

Just go to college, study hard, be friendly, and pray. Focus on becoming a man who would make a good husband, and that will potentially attract women who would make a good wife.
 
Most people meet their future wives in school or work early in their lives, but not everyone. You should be open to dating and possibly marriage. Be friendly and kind to every woman you interact with. Even try to become friends with women that have similar interests. You never know what God has planned. God will let you know when it’s time. As others say, God’s plan for you may not be to marry but to take religious vows.

I can relate to you in this. I’ve never dated, never felt truly connected to a woman before. I did go to co-ed schools, but my major was Computer Science. Not a single woman in the building. After years of prayer I know I am not called to holy orders or other religious vows. So marriage it is for me one day. Not everyone will be married at a young age. Maybe God doesn’t call you to have children but to marry at age 70. I encourage you to pray to God for guidance. It took me about 5 years of daily prayer before I understood holy orders was not God’s plan for me.
 
You would be amazed by the number if marriages that occur due to the Catholic groups in most colleges. That being said, there is no sense in rushing into anything if you are really meant to meet your spouse after college! Just get to know people and develop solid friendships. Falling in love with a friend is the best kind of romance there is.
 
You would be amazed by the number if marriages that occur due to the Catholic groups in most colleges. That being said, there is no sense in rushing into anything if you are really meant to meet your spouse after college! Just get to know people and develop solid friendships. Falling in love with a friend is the best kind of romance there is.
 
It’s possible. The truth is there are many possibilities as to how it could happen. I think for now, just pray that you will be open to whatever God has planned for you. 🙂
 
unknown, though I guess its more than 50% likely, if you make yourself open to it.
 
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