Will Missing Mass in this Case, be a Mortal Sin?

[mcw013]

Hello Everyone,

I need a bit of advise… It has been a few months now that I promised to visit some family members [this involves, staying with them for the weekend].

Now I normally go to a saturday evening mass, and If I miss that, I proceed to the sunday morning mass.

PROBLEM IS. The family members will be making preparations for me to come over on a friday evening and stay with the for the entire weekend. I will feel wrong to change the date, because the visit has already been postponed time and time again over the course of a few months, as there were issues with my schedule, changing the visit date AGAIN will cause “issues”.

NOW, these family members live in a fairly “distant” place, so public transportation will be unavailable for me to travel to a nearest Catholic church for a mass. Some of you will be thinking that the family could give me a lift to the nearest church, but that just would not happen BECAUSE, these family members are hardcore protestants, and would much rather taking me to their own protestant church> which they attend on both saturdays and sundays.

Asking them to take me to a Catholic church would be problematic for a few reasons:

1] After all I am going to be spending time with them for two days, so refusing to go to church with them, and attend mass INSTEAD would be intrusive and offensive to them.

2] I am just not able to argue about the protestant - catholic debate they will bring up If I ask them for a lift, the family situation is very delicate as I have not seen them for years, and religous arguments surfacing would not be pleasant.

3] There are more complications, mostly family issues which could complicate things> with one of them being the fact that they are the ones who baptised me as a protestant, many years ago when I was around age 5, AND they also know that I am a Catholic now, but are not very happy about it.

So, considering this> would missing mass this weekend be a sin? Should I just stick out visiting them, going to church with them and then attend a mass on the following monday when I leave their house? OR will attending a Friday Evening mass, before they pick me up at 8pm work as a one- time replacement for missing mass on saturday or sunday [considering all the complications]?

I would appreciate some advise. Thank you!

 

[agnes_therese]

After all I am going to be spending time with them for two days, so refusing to go to church with them, and attend mass INSTEAD would be intrusive and offensive to them.

If they’re your family, they should care about what is offensive you YOU, also. Wouldn’t it be possible for you to go to Mass either Saturday or Sunday, and then go with them to the other?

 

[mcw013]

If they’re your family, they should care about what is offensive you YOU, also. Wouldn’t it be possible for you to go to Mass either Saturday or Sunday, and then go with them to the other?

I will try something like this, but I have no guarantee that it will be possible. It all depends on their availability, what they have planned for the day, where they are going, their time constraints etc. I cannot simply make them do things out of their schedule, unless it is possible. This is why I was thinking of a Friday evening or Monday mass instead. The relative who owns the car in the family is also A Pastor, meaning that most of the time he will be stuck in his own church, with the car…

 

[Rich_C]

You should ask a priest. My personal opinion is that we cannot claim the dispensation when traveling in good faith, if we do not try our hardest to go.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

Talk with your pastor. If he thinks your reasoning is good he can give you a dispensation to miss Mass. If he thinks your reasoning is off, he will tell you that you need to find a way to get to Mass no matter what. And then you’ll know.

For myself – and my situation is different from yours – people I visit know that I WILL attend Mass on Sunday. They may drive me there, they may let me borrow their car, I may call a cab or take a bus, but it is too important to me to miss and we plan our visit around that.

 

[Oneofthewomen]

mcw013-

You really need to bring this to your priest. He is the one that knows you best, and will be able to give the best advice.
You are going to get a lot of conflicting information on this topic on this forum, which is why it is always best to talk directly to your priest.

Peace be with you!

 

[mcw013]

You should ask a priest. My personal opinion is that we cannot claim the dispensation when traveling in good faith, if we do not try our hardest to go.

Thank you, seeing a priest is also another problem. I am busy all week, and the majority of priests in my area are also busy. My only option boils down to seeing a priest on Friday evening, before they pick me up OR next week saturday when I am home again and not at their house. I will try my best to get a minute of the priests time on Friday evening, to ask him about this.

 

[englishredrose]

Hello Everyone,

I need a bit of advise… It has been a few months now that I promised to visit some family members [this involves, staying with them for the weekend].

Now I normally go to a saturday evening mass, and If I miss that, I proceed to the sunday morning mass.

PROBLEM IS. The family members will be making preparations for me to come over on a friday evening and stay with the for the entire weekend. I will feel wrong to change the date, because the visit has already been postponed time and time again over the course of a few months, as there were issues with my schedule, changing the visit date AGAIN will cause “issues”.

NOW, these family members live in a fairly “distant” place, so public transportation will be unavailable for me to travel to a nearest Catholic church for a mass. Some of you will be thinking that the family could give me a lift to the nearest church, but that just would not happen BECAUSE, these family members are hardcore protestants, and would much rather taking me to their own protestant church> which they attend on both saturdays and sundays.

Asking them to take me to a Catholic church would be problematic for a few reasons:

1] After all I am going to be spending time with them for two days, so refusing to go to church with them, and attend mass INSTEAD would be intrusive and offensive to them.

2] I am just not able to argue about the protestant - catholic debate they will bring up If I ask them for a lift, the family situation is very delicate as I have not seen them for years, and religous arguments surfacing would not be pleasant.

3] There are more complications, mostly family issues which could complicate things> with one of them being the fact that they are the ones who baptised me as a protestant, many years ago when I was around age 5, AND they also know that I am a Catholic now, but are not very happy about it.

So, considering this> would missing mass this weekend be a sin? Should I just stick out visiting them, going to church with them and then attend a mass on the following monday when I leave their house? OR will attending a Friday Evening mass, before they pick me up at 8pm work as a one- time replacement for missing mass on saturday or sunday [considering all the complications]?

I would appreciate some advise. Thank you!

Actually, I would rather you talk to your priest about it then he can advise you and a chance for him and you to get to know each other a little:thumbsup: and you will relax a bit better. He will understand the need to keep peace to avoid family conflict or at least I hope he will and instruct you for your way forward on the matter having listened to your situation.
Ask him too what the readings may be and if you can have a copy of the service sheet to you can spend private time going through the readings etc.
Perhaps in the next few weeks try to find a midweek mass time you can attend so you not missing altogether. It not the same as sunday obligation for you guys I know but may help you feel better about that committment you have. If you can’t see him then ring him or does he have an email address you can write to him explaining the question. As a previous poster has pointed out that you could end up with lots of confusing advice on here and really your priest knows best and will know you the best too and if he don’t like I say, will give him that opportunity. If he is out the first time, just try again till you get him in if you are concerned because it is better than getting mixed messages as here may prove in time that what you get. Please ring him…
peace and best wishes
xxx

 

[mcw013]

Actually, I would rather you talk to your priest about it then he can advise you and a chance for him and you to get to know each other a little:thumbsup: and you will relax a bit better. He will understand the need to keep peace to avoid family conflict or at least I hope he will and instruct you for your way forward on the matter having listened to your situation.
Ask him too what the readings may be and if you can have a copy of the service sheet to you can spend private time going through the readings etc.
Perhaps in the next few weeks try to find a midweek mass time you can attend so you not missing altogether. It not the same as sunday obligation for you guys I know but may help you feel better about that committment you have.
peace and best wishes
xxx

Thank you! I will try this, hopefully I will get an opportunity to talk to my priest on Friday.

 

[LilyM]

I know what it is like to have relatives who stick to schedules like grim death and expect visitors to fit in around them. At the same time it can be quite rude to not make a bit of an effort for visitors who give up their weekend to see you.

I would see if I could get to church some other way - even contact their nearest Catholic parish and ask if there are any parishioners willing to give you a lift.

 

[mcw013]

I know what it is like to have relatives who stick to schedules like grim death and expect visitors to fit in around them. At the same time it can be quite rude to not make a bit of an effort for visitors who give up their weekend to see you.

I would see if I could get to church some other way - even contact their nearest Catholic parish and ask if there are any parishioners willing to give you a lift.

Thank you! I never thought of contacting the nearest parish. It is worth a try.

 

[Boswell]

If this were my dilemma, I would post it in the “Ask an Apologist” forum, or ask a Priest in person. Over the years, I have learned to plan my travels around my ability to get to Mass on Saturday evening or Sunday (or Holy Days). It wasn’t always like that, but I have come to decide that if I must choose between offending God or offending a family member, the choice is clear: Which One died for my sins; which One holds my Eternal Salvation in His hands?

I try to be guided by Matthew 10:37 “Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.”

I hope this helps…

 

[dshix]

Hello Everyone,

I need a bit of advise… It has been a few months now that I promised to visit some family members [this involves, staying with them for the weekend].

Now I normally go to a saturday evening mass, and If I miss that, I proceed to the sunday morning mass.

PROBLEM IS. The family members will be making preparations for me to come over on a friday evening and stay with the for the entire weekend. I will feel wrong to change the date, because the visit has already been postponed time and time again over the course of a few months, as there were issues with my schedule, changing the visit date AGAIN will cause “issues”.

NOW, these family members live in a fairly “distant” place, so public transportation will be unavailable for me to travel to a nearest Catholic church for a mass. Some of you will be thinking that the family could give me a lift to the nearest church, but that just would not happen BECAUSE, these family members are hardcore protestants, and would much rather taking me to their own protestant church> which they attend on both saturdays and sundays.

Asking them to take me to a Catholic church would be problematic for a few reasons:

1] After all I am going to be spending time with them for two days, so refusing to go to church with them, and attend mass INSTEAD would be intrusive and offensive to them.

2] I am just not able to argue about the protestant - catholic debate they will bring up If I ask them for a lift, the family situation is very delicate as I have not seen them for years, and religous arguments surfacing would not be pleasant.

3] There are more complications, mostly family issues which could complicate things> with one of them being the fact that they are the ones who baptised me as a protestant, many years ago when I was around age 5, AND they also know that I am a Catholic now, but are not very happy about it.

So, considering this> would missing mass this weekend be a sin? Should I just stick out visiting them, going to church with them and then attend a mass on the following monday when I leave their house? OR will attending a Friday Evening mass, before they pick me up at 8pm work as a one- time replacement for missing mass on saturday or sunday [considering all the complications]?

I would appreciate some advise. Thank you!

This is a hard situation. I do not think you should miss mass. In addition, it would be sinful for you to participate in their “service” because that is forbidden by the Church.

Rather, I think you should emphasize to them how much you respect their faith, and tell them that if they eve came to your place you would most certainly give them a lift to their own denomination; tell them that you care deeply about your faith and cannot abandon it for anything.

I think you could definitely phrase it well enough for them to understand that it isn’t about them, but rather it is about God.

 

[Oneofthewomen]

Thank you, seeing a priest is also another problem. I am busy all week, and the majority of priests in my area are also busy. My only option boils down to seeing a priest on Friday evening, before they pick me up OR next week saturday when I am home again and not at their house. I will try my best to get a minute of the priests time on Friday evening, to ask him about this.

How about a phone call or an e-mail? This is not something that needs to be done “in person”.
I work for my diocese, so I know how busy priests can be.
However, this is exactly what they*** should ***be doing.
Please, never be afraid that a priest is “too busy” to answer a question or concern from one of his faithful.

 

[Chuck1]

Friday mass does not count as your Sunday obligation. I would go to their Protestant church with them becuase at the end of the day it’s still the same god and I don’t think it’s mortal becuase it’s out of your control but check with your preist so I don’t think god should mind if you miss it just this once I think god would be okay with is and I don’t think it’s a massive sin at least your going to some form of church then not at all and it’s easier for the family aswell so then you could go on Monday when you get back ?

 

[dshix]

Friday mass does not count as your Sunday obligation. I would go to their Protestant church with them becuase at the end of the day it’s still the same god and I don’t think it’s mortal becuase it’s out of your control but check with your preist so I don’t think god should mind if you miss it just this once I think god would be okay with is and I don’t think it’s a massive sin at least your going to some form of church then not at all and it’s easier for the family aswell so then you could go on Monday when you get back ?

It is against the law of the Church for a Catholic to attend another religion’s service in the sense of for the purpose of worship, without having a good reason.

 

[Snowwhite16]

Since I am a new Catholic perhaps someone can define this even more.

Or at least comment.

A found the very thought of posters fear of a Moral Sin if he/she does not attend Mass during a trip out of town is shocking to me. God would not want her/him to have such Fear. Going to Mass upon the return should be ok. Or at least I hope that it is.

Are we to a point that we are unable to make these decisions without consultation? I do not mean any ill will by saying this last sentence but I do believe we should attend Mass every Sat or Sunday if can. If we must go out of town and try to attend Mass that is ok too. IF we can not attend Mass or simply decide to keep peace in our families we are visiting God understands that too.

Life is simple, do the best that we can always …sometimes that means thinking of others before ourselves and in this case it might be better for the poster to return home then go to mass. Without Fear.

Maybe I have this all wrong.

 

[Chuck1]

But she does have a good reason and its not a religion it’s a denomination it’s still A Christian church so I don’t think god would mind this once if she acted in good conscience and she said an act of contrition ?

 

[bilop]

Since I am a new Catholic perhaps someone can define this even more.

Or at least comment.

A found the very thought of posters fear of a Moral Sin if he/she does not attend Mass during a trip out of town is shocking to me. God would not want her/him to have such Fear. Going to Mass upon the return should be ok. Or at least I hope that it is.

Are we to a point that we are unable to make these decisions without consultation? I do not mean any ill will by saying this last sentence but I do believe we should attend Mass every Sat or Sunday if can. If we must go out of town and try to attend Mass that is ok too. IF we can not attend Mass or simply decide to keep peace in our families we are visiting God understands that too.

Life is simple, do the best that we can always …sometimes that means thinking of others before ourselves and in this case it might be better for the poster to return home then go to mass. Without Fear.

Maybe I have this all wrong.

I think your partially right. If you make a good effort to go, but can’t, or must travel to a place where this is no Mass (like to Saudi Arabia for business) God understands and you don’t commit sin.

But, the idea you can skip Mass just to “keep peace” with an anti-Catholic family is wrong, IMHO.

Jesus himself said:

[34] Do not think that I came to send peace upon earth: I came not to send peace, but the sword. [Latin] [35] For I came to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.

St. Matthew Ch. 10

God Bless

 

[bilop]

But she does have a good reason and its not a religion it’s a denomination it’s still A Christian church so I don’t think god would mind this once if she acted in good conscience and she said an act of contrition ?

She can attend, she just should not participate in any liturgical actions that are at variance with Catholic teaching. Especially she can not receive communion.

The best would be for her to sit quietly in the back, stand when they stand, but don’t participate in any prayers. That’s what I’ve done when invited to non-Catholic weddings.

God Bless