Will my heart ever love?

[gambling88]

Can we really open our hearts to Jesus and will it really love or is our hearts going to always have continuous evil tendencies? I’ve been a practicing Catholic for about 10 years now and the deeper and deeper I get the more I see the evil tendencies of my ways and the more that I need Jesus. Will I ever have actual love in my heart or is it gonna remain evil until I die and hopefully get to heaven?

Ted

 

[Trishie]

You’re not evil, Ted. You’re human.

Ted, you know of course that love isn’t primarily about feelings, but it’s nice if it does involve feelings.
Genuine love is about choices.
Jesus give the best indication of love choices in Matthew 25 verses 31-46.
He assures us that He judges us by our practical acts of kindness, (which can be as small as a reassuring smile, or a kind word when we feel tired or irritated.)

I know what you men though, and once put it into words that you might find recognizable in yourself

Curtains of imperfection

Our God, it seems that all within me is a maze of curtains against the pure light of Your love. Those curtains, drawn aside, reveal drapes of faults in the dimness. These drapes too, when parted, allow illumination of other veils that were obscured in the darkness…And thus again, until wisps of curtained uncharity and unbelief are glimpsed everywhere within, only brushed aside temporarily in moments of grace to allow Your light to penetrate the deepest recesses of my being.

I discover that nowhere in my life is uncurtained to the light of Your pure love and truth. Even where I hope to find goodness is found veils of subtle sinfulness.

Finally, rejecting the despair of Judas I turn to You with repentant Peter, in sadness mingled with trust. I humbly ask that You will bless my continuing struggle and prayer in the white fire of divine love that blazes sin to nothing and purifies the soul.

I ask pardon of You whom I do not yet truly love, and forgiveness of anyone I love poorly. Merciful Lord please give recompense to others and Yourself for my sins and faults, and grant all that Your perfect love can give.

The Cross of my life

Jesus, my cross is sorrow for others in their anxieties and afflictions, and in the limited help and comfort that I can give them. The nails are my mistakes and inadequacies that distress or fail others. No sooner do I inhale the breath of Your grace for others than it fouls with my failings. I must again drag up on my nailed wrists and push up upon my transfixed feet, in order to exhale the vapor of lukewarmness and sinfulness—so once again to draw in Your grace.

The faults that characterize much of my life, scourge my soul until it is bruised and faint, sapping my hope and faith. Acts devoid of generous love lash into the wholeness of Your image in me. I am sick with hunger, for I accept too little food of loving, sharing and serving in each moment of Your offering. My hunger is the more intense because others may suffer deprivation for my omissions and sinfulness.

A crown of idle thoughts, and words, of prayer neglected, of reparation postponed, of temptation undefeated, binds up my head with wounds. My inconstancy and unlove are my nakedness. The taunts are my lack of witness of Christ. My every nerve is pain, and it pours from my body in stinging sweat of regret. My lack of love makes my soul a living wound—at times benumbed, or raw with returning consciousness.

Repeatedly I seek to escape this crucifixion, but I remain nailed to my weakness, fighting for hope and trust.

“Why do You abandon me, Lord?” Yet not You! Why do You allow me repeatedly to abandon You, in this lingering death of my faults and negligence! Yet, Jesus, because of Your mercy I affirm faith in Your love that brings marvelous blessing out of wretchedness, failure and sin. I cannot transform or resurrect myself, Jesus, but I offer You all that constitutes me, humbly asking that You will do what I cannot.

I give my self, crucified in its egoism and materialism, its pride and disobedience, its unbelief, unlove and ingratitude. Offer it to the Father with Your own crucifixion, so that in You I die to all these imperfections and rise again with You forever in the love and life of the Holy Spirit. Your mercy thereby draws many souls after me.
Thank You, Jesus for this resurrection that You share with us.

 

[Christy_Beth]

If you see more and more “evil” in your life, it probably means you’re getting closer and closer to Jesus. His love shines in our lives, showing us where we need to improve. But we don’t have to do it alone. He is there to remind us that we are only to ask for his help. He will carry our burdens. And it is something that we have to learn many times over in this life.

 

[Boy_Wonder]

Can we really open our hearts to Jesus and will it really love or is our hearts going to always have continuous evil tendencies? I’ve been a practicing Catholic for about 10 years now and the deeper and deeper I get the more I see the evil tendencies of my ways and the more that I need Jesus. Will I ever have actual love in my heart or is it gonna remain evil until I die and hopefully get to heaven?

Ted

Ted - hold fast. Several times a day tell God you love him and ask for the grace to love him more. Read Mother Teresa and also Therese of Lisieux pathsoflove.com/love-therese.html

Discouragement is one of the enemy’s greatest weapons. Don’t fall prey to it. It took more than a decade before I began to love God although I was desperately trying to do so. It came only after I gave up trying and asked him to give me this grace.

 

[TK421]

This is normal. The more aware we become of God, the more aware we become of ways in which we fall short. Don’t let it affect you negatively. You know what I would do? Sit down and scribble about all the positive changes you’ve made in your life over these years to see how you’ve grown towards God, and then set some immediate goals where you can continue moving in that direction.

 

[Celtic_Maiden]

Your Location and Religion gave me a laugh.

Since your bit of a wit I must tell you this, a friend of mines gets her two Children to read a page of the New Testament and a page of the Old Testament every day, and at supper time when the husband comes homes they all discuss it while eating, so the young boy takes hold of the big family Bible, and he is flicking through the pages and something drops out, so my Friend asks her son what is that that has fallen out, he thinks for a minute and says I think its “Adam’s underwear” as there was a pressed leaf painted in gold that had fallen out.

Hope you enjoy this one.

 

[R_C]

I’ve been a practicing Catholic for about 10 years now and the deeper and deeper I get the more I see the evil tendencies of my ways

Good. You are drawing closer to the Light. When you attain perfect union with Christ, your purity will blind angels, but you will perceive in your heart the fulfillment of the Scripture, as it was spoken of Christ:

he has become sin for us…being made a curse for us: for it is written: Cursed is every one that hangs on a tree

Sainthood is to enter deeper and deeper into the terrible fire of God’s love, to drink more and more from the terrible chalice given to Christ, until our sins become clearer and clearer…a saint is not someone who perceives his purity and perfection, but one who grows in awareness of his sinfulness…“If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us”…

The saint reaches a state of perfect theosis, of perfect partaking of Christ’s divine nature, and in this state he sees himself and cries: “I am sin.” For “it is written: 'There is no one righteous, not even one’”. Paul, a man who was caught unto a vision of heaven, once wrote: “I am less than the least of all the Lord’s people…Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners–of whom I am the worst.”

Will I ever have actual love in my heart or is it gonna remain evil until I die and hopefully get to heaven?

Love is sacrifice. Love is to forget oneself and give up one’s life in doing God’s will in service of our neighbor, according to our own vocation and state of life. Love is the Son of God living for 30 years as a carpenter in a small town of which it was said nothing good could come out of. Love is “to give up house, brothers, sisters, mother, father, children, land”, and finally, oneself. Seek not the love of this world, for the love of the world is vain, and this life is so short…seek the love of Jesus Christ, that forgets Himself entirely…do not seek to feel love, seek to become love, for it is written: Deus Caritas est, God is love.

Convert daily, every morning, as soon as you awake. Make your first instant an act of contrition and repentance…renew your baptismal vows, by which you die to the world and rise in Christ…by which you put down the tainted human nature and put on the holy divine nature…and every night, before the light goes off, give thanks for the undeserved gifts of grace, repent of the many grave sins committed on that day, and entrust your soul to the Father, as if that was your last instant on earth…then you will not be like the fool virgins who fell asleep and ran out of oil for their lamps, and the bridegroom came in the night and they were left outside…you will instead be like the faithful servant who prays:

I will bless the Lord who advises me; even at night I am instructed in the depths of my mind…I lay down in peace and sleep comes at once, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.

 

[gambling88]

Thank you for all your replies, you have sent the peace of Christ to me a little bit.

Ted

 

[Trishie]

Some enlightening words from Saint Pio:

“The spirit of God is always a spirit of peace, and in the case of grave sin, it makes us feel a tranquil sorrow, humble, confident, and this is due to His mercy. The spirit of the demon, on the contrary, makes us in our sorrow feel something like anger against ourselves, whereas our first charity must be towards ourselves. So, if certain thoughts agitate you…Such agitation comes from the devil.” “Walk with simplicity in the way of the Lord and do not torment your spirit.”

“Each soul…is a stone destined to build up the eternal edifice…it has to be polished with the blows of hammer and chisel…these hits of the chisel are the shadows, the fears, the temptations, the afflictions of the spirit, the spiritual tremors with some aroma of desolation, and also physical illness.”

“Be certain that the more a soul loves God, the less he feels it…God is incomprehensible…so that the more a soul enters into the love of this Supreme Good…this sentiment of love towards Him seems to diminish, to the point of seeming to love Him not at all…Say rather that you love, and that you wish to love with a perfect and consummate love. This good cannot be obtained in its completion except in the next life!”

 

[oldgraymare2]

Hi Ted,

I think that what you are actually seeing is “normal” on your journey to a more closer relationship to Our Lord.

I think that as our hearts are becoming more purified, we begin to see more of our own faults. This is not a bad thing, in my opinion. It gives us an opportunity to change things.

Here are some things that I pray for, and–trust me–YOU WILL BE TESTED!:

1. To be a better person.
2. To have a heart more like the Lord’s. This can be however you want to describe it–more kind, more patient, more wiser, less irritated, and so on. Once you ask for this in particular, you will especially find yourself in situations where you get to “practice” using these virtues.