Will my marriage ever be accepted?

[Mamanurse]

I got married 5 yrs ago by the JOP. I was born and raised cathlic, fell away, got married to a non practicing lutheran and now would like to re-join the catholic church by having our marriage convalidated. In the past my husband has dealt with porn and masturbation, this was a problem that I shared with my mom as it was becoming an issue within our marriage. 3-6 mths ago I had contemplated leaving my husband over this and a couple other issues. Six months ago he stopped viewing porn all together. We had been on marriage counseling during that time which really helped us see some of the problems we were having. We had an ectopic pregnancy about 2-3 mths ago and the loss has made us see how much better we are together than apart.

My Dh and I just got back from our priest and were discussing starting the process of convalidation. I called my mom for some info and told her…instead of being excited, she merely brings up the past issues of porn and thinks that this is something I should bring up with the priest. She thinks that because this was a problem over six months ago that I should talk about this yet again. Is this really necessary? We are not convalidating to try to make our marriage better or to “fix” anything. I want to be able to participate fully within my faith and cannot do that as our marriage is. My husband wants to do it so that I can participate fully. My family did not attend my first marriage, now I cannot even get them excited about celebrating a true marrriage. I am wrong?

 

[pigtown]

Since you and your husband have gone through counseling and have worked out the previous problems and have talked to your priest about validating your marriage it seems to me that you have done what you can. If your husband and you would like to discuss the past with your priest that’s fine but it is the past and it’s now time to move forward. You do have to make sure you and your husband are working together and that his past is not something he’d want to get into in the future. Make sure it’s in the past and go on. Would your husband consider joining the Church? That would be wonderful for both of you. Good luck!

 

[SonCatcher]

So long as there is no problem with validity (e.g. a prior marriage for either of you), I’m sure there is no problem with convalidation. It would be good to discuss with the priest the issues you and your husband have had. The priest should be able to advise you on how to deal with them from a Catholic perspective. Make sure to include the ectopic pregnancy and how you and your doctor dealt with it. (Some procedures are not acceptable per Catholic teaching but if you chose one of those out of ignorance it is not mortal)

Please consider marriage-building retreats with your husband like Marriage Encounter or Retrouvaille.

BTW - it would not be harmful to share a little less with your mother. It sounds like she knows too much already and is using that to damage her relationship with you.

 

[Mamanurse]

BTW - it would not be harmful to share a little less with your mother. It sounds like she knows too much already and is using that to damage her relationship with you.

Yeah…I’ve learned my lesson on that one.