Will not babtise their child

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endaman

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My sister and brother, who themselves had a catholic marriage have decided not to baptize their daughter and also want to send her to a secular school.

I am probably one of the people who will challenge them on this and I feel I need to as no one else is bothering.

Has anyone any advise, tips or resources for me to follow?

My intention is to sit down with my sister and explain the relevance of Jesus in our lives and how important we follow the Churches sacraments. I would also like to explain the consequences for salvation for those who do not follow Christ but am not sure if this is too heavy handed.

Thanks.
 
Being a convert, I’ll tell you, one of the major things that turned me off before I was Catholic was when people would start with how important Jesus is in your life etc; thus, my first thought on this is to ask why - you need to understand what is going in in your sister’s faith journey before you can start to bring her back to Jesus.

So IMHO start with listening to her heart speak, try not to argue, try not to explain the faith to her (she may not be at a “place” to hear this anyway), ask open-ended questions to get her to explain her logic and her emotional reasoning.

once you have this information, walk away for at least a day, think about what was said and then either ask for guidance from your Pastor, spiritual advisor, or even come back here and seek some possible ways to respond.

throughout this whole process; faith (pray for her and the children), love, charity, and patience should be your tools.
 
It’s a losing battle, but I’ll bet when they made their vows it said something about accepting children and raising them in the faith.

Be prepared for them to tell you to go jump.
If they start with the “we’ll wait and let her decide” there’s lots of great comparisons you can make.
 
endaman said:
My sister and brother, who themselves had a catholic marriage have decided not to baptize their daughterthat’s too bad and also want to send her to a secular school.round these parts that might be better than a Catholic school!

I am probably one of the people who will challenge them on this and I feel I need to as no one else is bothering.
bad bad idea
Has anyone any advise, tips or resources for me to follow?dont

My intention is to sit down with my sister and explain the relevance of Jesus in our lives and how important we follow the Churches sacraments. I would also like to explain the consequences for salvation for those who do not follow Christ but am not sure if this is too heavy handed.

Thanks.
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Why don’t you focus more on helping your sister with her faith gently instead of bringing the emotion of her child into it? Why are you focused on the child more?
 
endaman said:
My sister and brother, who themselves had a catholic marriage have decided not to baptize their daughter and also want to send her to a secular school.

I am probably one of the people who will challenge them on this and I feel I need to as no one else is bothering.

Has anyone any advise, tips or resources for me to follow?

My intention is to sit down with my sister and explain the relevance of Jesus in our lives and how important we follow the Churches sacraments. I would also like to explain the consequences for salvation for those who do not follow Christ but am not sure if this is too heavy handed.

Thanks.
Click to expand...
If they are close relatives, then have your little talk AND THEN LEAVE IT BE. It is their child and their decision to make, like it or not.
 
If you’re going to ask her why the child is not being baptized, being raised in the faith and given access to the sacramental life usually being considered the right of the children of a Catholic marriage, and then LISTEN, that’s OK. You really ought to finish with only questions clarifying what her meaning was, and then refrain from saying anything more until you’ve really reflected on what she has to say.

Bringing up a child is both the duty and the right of the parents. Others have to venture into that territory and give what advocacy on behalf of the child and the child’s rights they feel they need to offer with the respect that is due to the child’s parents. Be very careful about this and very clear that you remember she is the child’s mother, not you. As you are not the couple’s pastor, who has the office to see to it that the children in his parish receive the sacraments, you have to keep in mind that this is out of your jurisdiction. I do not mean we can never admonish or question any other believer who is not under our direct jurisdiction, but tread lightly, when you tread at all.

It is true, however, that the child of Catholic parents has the right to be raised in the faith and the parents have a duty before God to raise them that way, as that is part of the declaration of intent at the wedding–Are you prepared to accept children lovingly from God and to bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?–rather than a right to be free of any part of her education. Still, the parents will instinctively know that they do not answer to their siblings or their in-laws on that question.
 
If you’re heavy handed you’ll likely turn her off and close any future avenues for sharing your faith with her. I would mention it gently and politely, but definitely don’t push. First and foremost, witness your faith to your sister by living it…be a true conduit of Christ’s love for her and her family.
 
z_0101 said:
Being a convert, I’ll tell you, one of the major things that turned me off before I was Catholic was when people would start with how important Jesus is in your life etc; thus, my first thought on this is to ask why - you need to understand what is going in in your sister’s faith journey before you can start to bring her back to Jesus.

So IMHO start with listening to her heart speak, try not to argue, try not to explain the faith to her (she may not be at a “place” to hear this anyway), ask open-ended questions to get her to explain her logic and her emotional reasoning.

once you have this information, walk away for at least a day, think about what was said and then either ask for guidance from your Pastor, spiritual advisor, or even come back here and seek some possible ways to respond.

throughout this whole process; faith (pray for her and the children), love, charity, and patience should be your tools.
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The sister is Catholic already. I would be very careful about presuming to tell her that I was there to “bring her back” to Our Lord. That really smacks of “I’m there, while you are obviously not,” which can be taken as a modern version of “Thank you, Lord, that I am not like other men…” Remember that the Pharisees were chosen as examples in the parables of Our Lord not because they were the worst sinners, but to demonstrate very clearly that knowing about God and doing all the right things is not the same as a humble relationship with God. (Some of the Pharisees did get called out for their moral abuses, but not every single one.)

No, I think I’d recognize the good intention in her reasoning for not having the child baptized (whatever that is) or the reality of the challenge she feels is in her way (whatever that is) but then also present the faith as a treasure that the child has a right to have in the same way as the child has the right to have other advantages in life, whether she likes it or not, such as good manners, the habit of gratitude, a work ethic, financial knowledge, the habit of recognizing the feelings of others, the academic skills, and so on.

It is all about giving the child the best opportunities in life, after all. The child cannot forced to believe any more than the child can be forced to be a scholar, but being given opportunities in life is what all parents do for their children, even when the children aren’t always wild about it. If the parent fails, the child has a legitimate gripe against them.

I do know people who feel their parents let them down by not giving them any religious upbringing, if only because it is a major chunk of cultural knowledge. It is embarrassing to celebrate Christmas and not know the Christmas story or to be asked a question about your parents’ religion and to not know the answer or to hear allusions to Biblical figures and to have no idea who those people are. Ignorance is no gift, even though receiving knowledge requires work in the recipient.
 
endaman said:
My sister and brother, who themselves had a catholic marriage have decided not to baptize their daughter and also want to send her to a secular school.

I am probably one of the people who will challenge them on this and I feel I need to as no one else is bothering.

Has anyone any advise, tips or resources for me to follow?

My intention is to sit down with my sister and explain the relevance of Jesus in our lives and how important we follow the Churches sacraments. I would also like to explain the consequences for salvation for those who do not follow Christ but am not sure if this is too heavy handed.

Thanks.
Click to expand...
  1. Is the secular school a public school?
  2. Just putting this out there are something to think about, the church only sets three criteria for a valid baptism.
Flowing water must be used.
The Trinity must be invoked.
There must be an intent to carry out a baptism in the way the church understands baptism.

For it to the be valid, there is no requirement about who does it or when or what you say beyond invoking the Trinity.

I would caution however agaisnt baptizing the baby without permission on your own.
 
You need to meet your sister where she’s at, she is obviously in a different place than you over this. The view of “I don’t believe in infant baptism and want to let the child make up their own mind” is very common these days and sadly it’s not surprising that it is spreading to Catholics. A heavy handed approach probably won’t help. I

Do they attend mass? Do they plan to raise their child Catholic?
 
endaman said:
My sister and brother, who themselves had a catholic marriage have decided not to baptize their daughter and also want to send her to a secular school.

I am probably one of the people who will challenge them on this and I feel I need to as no one else is bothering.

Has anyone any advise, tips or resources for me to follow?

My intention is to sit down with my sister and explain the relevance of Jesus in our lives and how important we follow the Churches sacraments. I would also like to explain the consequences for salvation for those who do not follow Christ but am not sure if this is too heavy handed.

Thanks.
Click to expand...
I feel your pain.One of my daughter’s and her husband,both raised Catholic have yet to baptize my 18monthnold granddaughter.My sil doesn’t want her indoctrinated,would rather she make up her own mind when older.:(I just keep sending articles to my daughter on the importance of baptism and I pray a lot!🙏🙏🙏
 
Jeanne_S said:
I feel your pain.One of my daughter’s and her husband,both raised Catholic have yet to baptize my 18monthnold granddaughter.My sil doesn’t want her indoctrinated,would rather she make up her own mind when older.:(I just keep sending articles to my daughter on the importance of baptism and I pray a lot!🙏🙏🙏
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I’m sure she has got the message so you probably should stop sending the articles.
Never ever stop praying!!

I’m currious though. Are you concerned about your own child’s soul as much as your grandkids?

I’ve often wondered why the focus is on the child when perhaps the souls of the parents are in more jeopardy, and since one of them is your own child…
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
I’m sure she has got the message so you probably should stop sending the articles.
Never ever stop praying!!

I’m currious though. Are you concerned about your own child’s soul as much as your grandkids?

I’ve often wondered why the focus is on the child when perhaps the souls of the parents are in more jeopardy, and since one of them is your own child…
Click to expand...
Just putting this out there are something to think about, the church only sets three criteria for a valid baptism.

I am not reccomending you doing this, just so you know.
Flowing water must be used.
The Trinity must be invoked.
There must be an intent to carry out a baptism in the way the church understands baptism.

For it to the be valid, there is no requirement about who does it or when or what you say beyond invoking the Trinity.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
I’m sure she has got the message so you probably should stop sending the articles.
Never ever stop praying!!

I’m currious though. Are you concerned about your own child’s soul as much as your grandkids?

I’ve often wondered why the focus is on the child when perhaps the souls of the parents are in more jeopardy, and since one of them is your own child…
Click to expand...
Yes I am and I have thought of mentioning that to her.zthat both her soul and my sil are at grave risk in shirking their responsibility.Not sure she is aware of this aspect.
I don’t barrage her with articles.We have had one discussion and I have sent her maybe two articles at best.In the end my prayers will be the most efficacious thing I can do.
 
TheTrinitySaves said:
Just putting this out there are something to think about, the church only sets three criteria for a valid baptism.

I am not reccomending you doing this, just so you know.
Flowing water must be used.
The Trinity must be invoked.
There must be an intent to carry out a baptism in the way the church understands baptism.

For it to the be valid, there is no requirement about who does it or when or what you say beyond invoking the Trinity.
Click to expand...
Rouge baptism is not ok. It causes sacramental confusion later. It can destroy a family. And it should only be done in a life threatening emergency.
Stop posting this.
 
TheTrinitySaves said:
Just putting this out there are something to think about, the church only sets three criteria for a valid baptism.

I am not reccomending you doing this, just so you know.
Flowing water must be used.
The Trinity must be invoked.
There must be an intent to carry out a baptism in the way the church understands baptism.

For it to the be valid, there is no requirement about who does it or when or what you say beyond invoking the Trinity.
Click to expand...
This is true for a VALID Baptism but it is NOT true for a LICIT Baptism. On top of that, for Baptism to be performed there must be a founded hope that the child will be raised in the faith.

Outside of a life-threatening emergency, NO ONE SHOULD EVER be performing Baptism on another person unless the person performing the Baptism is a validly ordained priest, deacon, or minister AND is doing it with the parents’ permission.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
Rouge baptism is not ok. It causes sacramental confusion later. It can destroy a family. And it should only be done in a life threatening emergency.
Stop posting this.
Click to expand...
This is the first time i posted anything like this.
 
Jeanne_S said:
Yes I am and I have thought of mentioning that to her.zthat both her soul and my sil are at grave risk in shirking their responsibility.Not sure she is aware of this aspect.
I don’t barrage her with articles.We have had one discussion and I have sent her maybe two articles at best.In the end my prayers will be the most efficacious thing I can do.
Click to expand...
Absolutely.
 
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