Wimps to the Left of Me, Crazies to the Right

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Hi, I am thinking of starting to attend Latin mass at a small traditional catholic parish close by and I had a couple of question.

1.Uniforms seem to include prairie dresses and veils for the girls and matching suits and ties for the boys. Do we have to dress this way to attend mass or will any dressy clothes do? I went not long ago and I could tell everybody was staring at the way we were dressed and we felt really out of place. I think that it was because my wife was wearing pants which seems to be a big no no.
2.There seems to be a 9 child minimum for attending mass. The thing is my wife and I are infertile and I am worried when we don’t squirt out any more children everyone will start to gossip and assume we are using contraception. Should I just come out and tell them we can’t have any more children or wait until they ask?
3.There is a little “leader” to the community and he seems rather nosey. He has no problem butting into very intimate details of people’s lives from where they work to the clothes they wear. I like the priest but really the man who organized the mass and put everything together really rubs me the wrong way. I am worried I will start a row by attending mass but not listening to the spiritual leader and simply dismissing him. How do I deal with him without making any waves?

I do feel stuck because it seems one parish is rather liberal, wimpy, and unorthodox and the other parish is just plain nuts.
 
Wow! I think I’d start looking for a third alternative. But to answer your questions about the EF Mass, I’d speak to the priest about his expectations before I’d worry about those of the ‘lay leader’.

At the EF Masses we’ve attended around here people wear ordinary nice clothes. No prairie dresses and the women don’t all wear head coverings or skirts. We also have a broad range of ages and family sizes. And certainly no one has asked me why I don’t have more children nor have I wondered that about others. Several of the parishes in this area offer the EF Mass along with the OF, but there are no EF-only chapels or groups like FSSP or SPPX in this area. That might be the difference.
 
KostyaJMJ said:
Hi, I am thinking of starting to attend Latin mass at a small traditional catholic parish close by and I had a couple of question.

1.Uniforms seem to include prairie dresses and veils for the girls and matching suits and ties for the boys. Do we have to dress this way to attend mass or will any dressy clothes do? I went not long ago and I could tell everybody was staring at the way we were dressed and we felt really out of place. I think that it was because my wife was wearing pants which seems to be a big no no.

Malleus: The only Rule of Thumb is to Dress modestly. Pants are a no no because they are immodest. She should wear a dress and put a veil on her head out of respect for the Blessed Sacrament and the ANGELS Present at Holy Mass. In my Church - there are a lot of Farmers many of them dont own a suit let alone wear one. But they dont come in overalls with manure and holes in them either. Remember when people Loved GOD so much that they wore the very best Clothes they owned when they came to worship him? The Best you own is what you should wear provided they comply with modesty standards and provided you wear them to honor GOD and not for the reasons of upstaging your fellow man. GOD will be the Judge of why you wear what you wear.

2.There seems to be a 9 child minimum for attending mass. The thing is my wife and I are infertile and I am worried when we don’t squirt out any more children everyone will start to gossip and assume we are using contraception. Should I just come out and tell them we can’t have any more children or wait until they ask?

Malleus: When someone gossips , whose Sin is it? If they are Catholic - they will have to reconcile themselves before GOD if they are sinning in that manner (Gossiping) just as you will if you are using contraception. I know of two couples in my Church that are childless. Should I assume they are using contraception? Obvviously not. Both couples are Third Order. There are some Catholic couples who forego sexual relations voluntarily you know. Should we assume the worst only to find out that they both dedicated themselves to lifelong chastity and Our Lord brings it to our attention on Judgement day and we thought the worst about them for all those years? Not me. I worry more about my own soul than perceived shortcomings in my fellow Catholics. And to those Catholics who are having 10 - 12 Children in this day and age. May GOD Bless them too.

3.There is a little “leader” to the community and he seems rather nosey. He has no problem butting into very intimate details of people’s lives from where they work to the clothes they wear. I like the priest but really the man who organized the mass and put everything together really rubs me the wrong way. I am worried I will start a row by attending mass but not listening to the spiritual leader and simply dismissing him. How do I deal with him without making any waves?

Malleus: The only leader that matters is JESUS on the Altar and the Priest who is the Alter Christie. My suggestion is to pay closer attention to those " leaders. "

I do feel stuck because it seems one parish is rather liberal, wimpy, and unorthodox and the other parish is just plain nuts.
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Malleus: It would appear to me that “Nuts” is a rather subjective term in light of the content you have supplied in this post.
 
KostyaJMJ said:
Hi, I am thinking of starting to attend Latin mass at a small traditional catholic parish close by and I had a couple of question.

1.Uniforms seem to include prairie dresses and veils for the girls and matching suits and ties for the boys. Do we have to dress this way to attend mass or will any dressy clothes do? I went not long ago and I could tell everybody was staring at the way we were dressed and we felt really out of place. I think that it was because my wife was wearing pants which seems to be a big no no.
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There has never been a “dress code” in the Church. My usual position on this is to suggest that people wear what would be appropriate to wear to court. Even jeans are acceptable, as long as they’re clean and not of the “sprayed-on” variety. The way Judge Judy deals with such things is a good example.
KostyaJMJ said:
2.There seems to be a 9 child minimum for attending mass. The thing is my wife and I are infertile and I am worried when we don’t squirt out any more children everyone will start to gossip and assume we are using contraception. Should I just come out and tell them we can’t have any more children or wait until they ask?
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None of that is any of their business. If they ask, I would tell them something like, “We think such questions are inappropriate outside of our own family” and walk away. Who cares if they gossip behind your back? If they have nothing better to do with their time, that’s their problem.
KostyaJMJ said:
3.There is a little “leader” to the community and he seems rather nosey. He has no problem butting into very intimate details of people’s lives from where they work to the clothes they wear. I like the priest but really the man who organized the mass and put everything together really rubs me the wrong way. I am worried I will start a row by attending mass but not listening to the spiritual leader and simply dismissing him. How do I deal with him without making any waves?
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Such “little Napoleons” are not uncommon. I know of one place where this happened and there were some complaints to the priest about this person accosting them. As it turned-out, the priest was none too fond of the guy either, and he was severely reprimanded.

In the first place, though, be polite but dismissive (perhaps “cold” would be a better word). After a while, he should get the message and leave you alone. If not, then it’ll be time to have a chat with the priest.
KostyaJMJ said:
I do feel stuck because it seems one parish is rather liberal, wimpy, and unorthodox and the other parish is just plain nuts.
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One goes to the EF to pray, not to be absorbed into a particular sub-set of people and behavior. My :twocents:: don’t let the sub-set ruin things for you.
 
The idea used to be to wear your “Sunday best” to Mass. The intention is to show respect to God and the Holy Sacrifice you are participating in. If anyone is demanding a dress code of suit and tie I’d suggest to ignore them.

My wife and I are childless, most likely will stay that way, yet participate at Mass with no quams. Children are a blessing and couples are lucky to have them. Sadly not everyone who wants children can have them. Such is life. God must have other plans for you and your wife.

We go to Mass to pray and worship God. Distractions like dress codes, liturgical novelties, abuses, etc take away from the intention. I recommend attending the nearest EF you can and let Divine Providence do the rest.
 
KostyaJMJ said:
Hi3.There is a little “leader” to the community and he seems rather nosey. .
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I thought the whole point of finding a good TLM or EF parish was dissatisfaction with inappropriate roles taken by lay leadership in parishes, especially during liturgy, and especially those who are nosey, overbearing and seem to be running the show

my first instinct would be to call the Diocese and see if they are legit
 
Thanks for the replies everyone. The TLM parish started out first as a group of like minded catholics who all gathered together under the guidance of a lay leader. He is the one that started a petition for the TLM and got everything organized. As far as I can tell I am the only “outsider” that has attended the mass. I believe I need to make it clear that by attending mass I am not in any way joining his organization or interested in any of his advice or leadership. I just feel like he is guarding his parish from unorthodox influence. I know the priest so I might just have him talk to our fearless leader about what his influence within the community should be.
 
KostyaJMJ said:
Hi, I am thinking of starting to attend Latin mass at a small traditional catholic parish close by and I had a couple of question.

1.Uniforms seem to include prairie dresses and veils for the girls and matching suits and ties for the boys. Do we have to dress this way to attend mass or will any dressy clothes do? I went not long ago and I could tell everybody was staring at the way we were dressed and we felt really out of place. I think that it was because my wife was wearing pants which seems to be a big no no.
2.There seems to be a 9 child minimum for attending mass. The thing is my wife and I are infertile and I am worried when we don’t squirt out any more children everyone will start to gossip and assume we are using contraception. Should I just come out and tell them we can’t have any more children or wait until they ask?
3.There is a little “leader” to the community and he seems rather nosey. He has no problem butting into very intimate details of people’s lives from where they work to the clothes they wear. I like the priest but really the man who organized the mass and put everything together really rubs me the wrong way. I am worried I will start a row by attending mass but not listening to the spiritual leader and simply dismissing him. How do I deal with him without making any waves?

I do feel stuck because it seems one parish is rather liberal, wimpy, and unorthodox and the other parish is just plain nuts.
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1.) Stay away from tank tops, shorts and anything else that is revealing, as you should at any Mass. Maybe trade the blue jeans for khakis.

2.) Around here they still buy the giant vans as status symbols even if their only kid is already in his school and she had a hysterectomy in 1995. Don’t worry about it.

3.) Tell him/her in no uncertain terms (and in private) to mind his own darned business. Actually I would be considerably more aggressive than that if someone like that dared dig into my business…
 
KostyaJMJ said:
Hi, I am thinking of starting to attend Latin mass at a small traditional catholic parish close by and I had a couple of question.

1.Uniforms seem to include prairie dresses and veils for the girls and matching suits and ties for the boys. Do we have to dress this way to attend mass or will any dressy clothes do? I went not long ago and I could tell everybody was staring at the way we were dressed and we felt really out of place. I think that it was because my wife was wearing pants which seems to be a big no no.
2.There seems to be a 9 child minimum for attending mass. The thing is my wife and I are infertile and I am worried when we don’t squirt out any more children everyone will start to gossip and assume we are using contraception. Should I just come out and tell them we can’t have any more children or wait until they ask?
3.There is a little “leader” to the community and he seems rather nosey. He has no problem butting into very intimate details of people’s lives from where they work to the clothes they wear. I like the priest but really the man who organized the mass and put everything together really rubs me the wrong way. I am worried I will start a row by attending mass but not listening to the spiritual leader and simply dismissing him. How do I deal with him without making any waves?

I do feel stuck because it seems one parish is rather liberal, wimpy, and unorthodox and the other parish is just plain nuts.
Click to expand...
You’ve made a great decision to attend a TLM. To answer your questions…

1.-As long as you dress reverently. Be sure your wife wears a black veil (black is for married women, white is for un-married) and that you and your children all dress reverently as well. No flip flops, t-shirst, short pants or anything like that.

2.- That’s a bit crazy. It’s really not supposed to matter.

3.-You can always speak up if you’re un-satisfied with whatever the priest is doing.

Also, be sure to receive Communion on the tounge. Receiving it in the hands is normally not allowed at a Traditional Latin Mass.
 
SpiritusSanctus said:
You’ve made a great decision to attend a TLM. To answer your questions…

1.-As long as you dress reverently. **Be sure your wife wears a black veil (black is for married women, white is for un-married) and that you and your children all dress reverently as well. **No flip flops, t-shirst, short pants or anything like that.

2.- That’s a bit crazy. It’s really not supposed to matter.

3.-You can always speak up if you’re un-satisfied with whatever the priest is doing.

Also, be sure to receive Communion on the tounge. Receiving it in the hands is normally not allowed at a Traditional Latin Mass.
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That’s bad advice. If any woman wants to cover hear head with an appropriate hat or scarf that’s fine but it’s not required.
 
I’d keep looking if I were you. We have people who drive the better part of an hour to attend the TLM at our parish. Yes, the regulars dress up and many (but not all) of the women cover their heads, but nobody is ostracized or “corrected” if they come in casual clothes. And people are friendly without digging into other people’s personal lives. Not all TLM communities are like the one you described, thank heaven!

I can’t believe how insensitive some people are. If anyone asks about your childbearing status, it is none of their business! Let them gossip if they will – it’s their sin, not yours! And if that self-appointed leader guy starts into your business, a reply of “that’s between us and God, thank you very much” should shut him up. :mad: If not, I’d have a talk with the priest.
 
ChurchTorch said:
That’s bad advice. If any woman wants to cover hear head with an appropriate hat or scarf that’s fine but it’s not required.
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Bad advice? You either have never been to a TLM before, or if you have you did not notice that all (or atleast most) women had their heads covered. Women are supposed to have their heads covered, usually by veils.
 
Definitely wear YOUR Sunday best. Prarie dresses are very odd… :confused:
 
SpiritusSanctus said:
Bad advice? You either have never been to a TLM before, or if you have you did not notice that all (or atleast most) women had their heads covered. Women are supposed to have their heads covered, usually by veils.
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Okay, you are a little out of line! Nearly every post or reply you have had on here is calling others out if they don’t believe as you do, but this is too much! I attend a parish with FSSP priests (in line and full obedience to Rome) and while we do have some women who wear head coverings, not all do. Only a few older Italian women wear the black mantilla. Most of the women with headcoverings wear hats or scarves. There is no need to for you to start dictating what people should wear to any parish. I have asked for a moderator to review your posts because they are getting quite hostile and bordering on schismatic and heretical teaching.
 
dominicandinah said:
Okay, you are way out of line! You come on here bouncing around, calling others out if they don’t believe as you do, but this is too much! I attend a parish with FSSP priests (in line and full obedience to Rome) and while we do have some women who wear head coverings, not all do. Only a few older Italian women wear the black mantilla. Most of the women with headcoverings wear hats or scarves. There is no need to for you to start dictating what people should wear. Perhaps you have been assigned the job of “fashion police” in your parish, but don’t start with it on here!
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This is not true. I do not “dictate” people on what to wear, nor do I “call them out” if they don’t agree with me. It’s not about being the “fashion police” on here. If a woman does not have a veil, then a hat is the next best thing. As long as the head of a woman is covered, there is no problem. However, a veil is the best thing to wear. I also attend Masses said by the FSSP, and most women I see there, about 9 out of 10, are wearing veils, or at least hats. Suggesting what should be worn at a TLM is not dictating. Dressing reverently is much better than dressing like you’re going to a party or your local Wal-Mart. There are even some parishes that won’t let you in if you’re not dresses properly for a TLM. There is no need to unleash an attack on me.
 
dominicandinah said:
I attend a parish with FSSP priests (in line and full obedience to Rome) and while we do have some women who wear head coverings, not all do. Only a few older Italian women wear the black mantilla. Most of the women with headcoverings wear hats or scarves.
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When I first started wearing head covering, I mentioned the “black for married, white for unmarried” advice I’d received on CAF to my mother, who came into the Church in the late 50s. She’d never heard of such a thing, and the only women she’d ever seen in a mantilla during those times were Hispanic or Italian. Of course, in the 50s, many ladies wore hats as a fashion statement, but Mom says most women at Mass just wore hats.

Mantillas and veils are beautiful but, thanks be to God, the Church doesn’t dictate fashion if one chooses to cover her head.
 
SpiritusSanctus said:
This is not true. I do not “dictate” people on what to wear, nor do I “call them out” if they don’t agree with me. It’s not about being the “fashion police” on here. If a woman does not have a veil, then a hat is the next best thing. As long as the head of a woman is covered, there is no problem. However, a veil is the best thing to wear. I also attend Masses said by the FSSP, and most women I see there, about 9 out of 10, are wearing veils, or at least hats. Suggesting what should be worn at a TLM is not dictating. Dressing reverently is much better than dressing like you’re going to a party or your local Wal-Mart. There are even some parishes that won’t let you in if you’re not dresses properly for a TLM. There is no need to unleash an attack on me.
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FROM YOUR EARLIER POST:
As long as you dress reverently. Be sure your wife wears a black veil (black is for married women, white is for un-married) and that you and your children all dress reverently as well. No flip flops, t-shirst, short pants or anything like that.

Maybe it’s just me, but I would find the statement you made about “making sure your wife wears a black veil” as dictating what people wear…

Your posts have been flavored with quite a bit of intolerance towards anything related to Vatican ll. I wish you could step back and see how you sound on here. I realize you are very passionate about your traditional beliefs, but there is no reason to be self-righteous about them. I’m sorry you feel that you were attacked, but I feel you are attacking everyone that doesn’t attend TLM or believe exactly as you do.🤷
 
dominicandinah said:
I have asked for a moderator to review your posts because they are getting quite hostile and bordering on schismatic and heretical teaching.
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What is wrong with my posts? My posts are “heretical” just because I stand up for what I believe in? That’s what everyone does on these forums, stand up for what they believe in. That is all that I have done. That should not make me worthy of punishment. It’s not like I have cussed or anything. I haven’t been shooting anyone down. I’ve only been doing what I have the right to do on these forums.
 
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