Wishing to join the church

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Ajh19

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Hi, everyone. I’m 17 years old and wish to join the Catholic Church. As a bit of background… my mother was raised Catholic and my father was raised Pentecostal. They married in the Catholic Church, and doing so, my father promised to raise any future children Catholic. However, he never allowed for me to join the religion. I was never baptized. My grandmother was a catechism teacher, and at a young age, I begged to go to catechism. My father still didn’t allow me. Today, my parents are divorced. My mom rarely attends church, but is still a Catholic. My father forces me to attend a nondenominational church with him. I feel as though I don’t belong there/don’t agree with the teachings. I feel more comfortable sitting in mass. My boyfriend and I would like to start attending mass together soon. I don’t know how my father will react. I’ve told him before I do not like the church we attend now, and I’m still forced to. I feel as though I’m mature enough to choose my faith at this point. I just need some consolation on the matter. How should I approach this in a mature manner without causing any trouble between my family? Any and all help will be appreciated!
 
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Do you live with your dad? I’d advise you to wait until you’ve moved out. Since you’re a minor, it somewhat complicates things.
 
I think the best people that can help you with this is not us but your mother, boyfriend, and a priest. Go to your local parish and ask for an advice for this is a very personal and intimate problem. For the mean time, while you still cannot go to catechism classes, go read up the Catechism of the Catholic Church. You can also go to the articles here in Catholic Answers, or watch catechism videos (e.g. Catholic Answers, Bishop Robert Barron, etc.).

I also recommend reading up on saints like St. Aloysius Gonzaga, St. Stanislaus Kostka, etc. who were very young saints. Even though you are not yet baptized, pray. Really, that is the best thing that any of us can do.

So, 1.) Go to your parish priest, 2.) Read up on the Catechism, 3.) Read up on the saints, and finally 4.) Pray earnestly. I pray for you as you go on this journey towards the Faith.
 
Ajh19 said:
My father forces me to attend a nondenominational church with him. I feel as though I don’t belong there/don’t agree with the teachings.
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God bless you and I will pray for you. Your situation sounds like my wife’s situation when we were dating, but she was an adult.

Since you are not technically an adult yet you still have to obey him within reason, but I would express what you are thinking and see what he says.

I would encourage you to call or talk to a priest about it, assuming you have a phone or car of your own.

It’s not easy but he should raise you Catholic if that’s what he promised to do, that isn’t a light thing to promise you know.)
 
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@ajh19

The legal age of adulthood is 18, if you’re in the States I assume. At that point you can begin the process of becoming Catholic, whatever that may be. If you weren’t raised in the Church then I expect that will involve RCIA. When the time comes, make an appointment with a Catholic pastor at the church you plan to attend and he will walk you through the next steps.

In the mean time, as a minor living with your dad, you’ll have to obey him and offer up your prayers & your patience to God. Be the best example for him that you can be. Waiting is painful but also extremely good for helping us grow.
 
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Are you a senior in high school? If so, will you be going off to college next year? College would be a great time to explore the possibility of becoming Catholic. Many universities have Newnan Centers or university parishes where you would be able to join other people your age. They also have the advantage of working around college schedules so, for instance, they don’t schedule events during finals. I hope you can check that out.
 
Thank you everyone, I appreciate the fast responses. It’s something I’ve been praying about for years. I’ll be out and on my own in just a short year, so I could be a bit more patient. For me, it only gets harder as time goes. The more I go to sit in a church that I don’t typically support, the more it takes a toll on my relationship with God.
 
RCIA is the Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults. In our church, you would probably attend from September until Easter and then be baptized, receive first Communion, and Confirmation at Easter.

If I were you, I’d ask your father’s permission to attend a Catholic Mass on a Saturday night at 5 pm with your boyfriend as part of a date night. You can put your hand to your heart and receive a blessing at Mass, in place of Communion.

Then still go with your father to his service on Sunday mornings, but do not take any sort of “communion” that’s offered.

It’s nice for him to have someone to go with. You can ask gentle questions about the proceedings afterwards, or just enjoy the time with your Dad. Dads are very special people and he probably looks forward to the feeling of community he gets from church. He’s probably very proud of you and likes to be seen with his kids.
 
Using the saints as a guide, there are many ways to go about this. Some saints waited patiently until they had the freedom from their circumstances to be baptized in the Church. However, there are also saints who outright went out of their way and disobeyed their parents for the sake of the faith. Each has its own place, and each bear witness to the love of God. You see, this is a very personal matter and only you can discern how the Lord is calling you. So go see a priest and consult your mother as you go in this journey.
 
ThereseFrancis said:
Using the saints as a guide, there are many ways to go about this. Some saints waited patiently until they had the freedom from their circumstances to be baptized in the Church. However, there are also saints who outright went out of their way and disobeyed their parents for the sake of the faith. Each has its own place, and each bear witness to the love of God. You see, this is a very personal matter and only you can discern how the Lord is calling you. So go see a priest and consult your mother as you go in this journey.
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No.

The parish will not do RCIA for a minor against the parents’ wishes. Those historical examples doesn’t always translate. Though since the parents are divorced, it might be complicated.
 
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Thank you, and yes I agree. I’m going to have a conversation with both parents and see how my father feels about me attending mass. After attending for a while, I’ll tell him my wishes to join the church. By then I should be older… thank you for your help! I do not wish to disobey him in any way.
 
I’m not sure if it would be against their wishes. This topic has been discussed in my family for years. I believe I’m mature enough to make his choice as I’d be confirming this year if I had gone though the other sacraments.
 
You’ll have to talk to them about this.

I don’t question your maturity even a little bit. But legally, as a minor, I can pretty much 100% guarantee the parish won’t do it if the parents object. I don’t think they’re allowed.
 
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Your father is very blessed to have children as considerate as you appear to be.
 
Oh, yes I agree and understand that 100%. I don’t see how that would be lawful in any way. I’d make sure to have permission first, of course. 🙂
 
Your willingness to be patient so that you don’t alienate your parents is a testament to your maturity. I applaud you. And in the meantime, you can possibly attend Mass with your boyfriend, read about the Church, pray, and ask questions here.
 
Why, thank you that really means a lot! That’s exactly what I plan on doing in the meantime. I just feel like my boyfriend is really pulling me in the right direction, and I’m very blessed.
 
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