Withholding SIns During Confession

[steve975]

Hey all, I’ve got a serious question here about making confessions. Although I was raised Catholic, I never became serious about the faith until college. Then, I fell out of practice, and recently I have gotten back into it again, now more serious than ever. Here’s the deal. I’ve had several mortal sins that I’ve kept withheld for years. I’ve kept these sins withheld through maybe 4-7 confessions in which I confessed many other sins. (I also now realize that if I have any mortal sin that is still not confessed, I still can’t receive communion even if I was absolved of other sins.) In recent months, I finally brought myself to confess to the two worst sins of my life, although I did it in two separate confessions (the sins were not related).

I’ve acquired a large number of books recently for my journey to truly practice the faith. I read in one book today where it discussed about how during a confession, even if you forget a certain sin, it is still forgiven as long as it isn’t intentionally withheld. I know that. But then it said, “Only the [sins] intentionally withheld make the sacrament invalid.” Does this mean that during those 4-7 confessions in which I confessed to other sins but withheld some of my worst ones, that NONE of my sins were forgiven and the entire sacrament was made invalid? Or does it mean that all the sins I confessed to were absolved but only those which I withheld still remained?

If the entire sacrament was made invalid by withholding certain sins, this means I’m going to have to re-confess to all of the sins throughout the years that I thought were absolved, including the two worst ones of my life which I finally brought myself to confess to recently. So not only would this mean I would have to undergo this anxiety all over again, but I would have to do it all at once and the confession could take forever with the laundry list I’d have. Any thoughts?

 

[Joan_M]

Steve,

If you withhold a mortal sin - deliberately do not confess it - in Confession your Confession is invalid. That means that, not only are your sins not forgiven - any of them - but you have committed an additional sin.

And, if, after the invalid confessions, you received Holy Communion, you have also committed the sin of sacrilege each time.

Yes, it’s hard to take, but that’s how it is. Remember, the devil does not want us to be in a state of grace, so he will do his best to make you resist confessing all.

Do not concentrate on the anxiety - you will be giving in to the devil. Concentrate on the fact that you have offended the Most Holy God. Examine your conscience carefully. Make an appointment with a priest. Tell him that you have withheld sins in confession. He will help you.

It doesn’t matter how long the confession may take. It does not matter that you may be anxious. What matters is that you clear the slate. Confess all. The priest will not be horrified. He will be most happy that you have returned to life.

Whatever is most difficult to confess say first. Then the devil will have no chance to tempt you to hold back and make yet another bad confession.

You will be so happy when you have released your soul from the death of mortal sin.

Lord, give Steve the necessary grace to overcome whatever human respect he is allowing to keep him from returning to You.

 

[dylanschrader]

Steve,

If you withhold a mortal sin - deliberately do not confess it - in Confession your Confession is invalid. That means that, not only are your sins not forgiven - any of them - but you have committed an additional sin.

And, if, after the invalid confessions, you received Holy Communion, you have also committed the sin of sacrilege each time.

Yes, it’s hard to take, but that’s how it is. Remember, the devil does not want us to be in a state of grace, so he will do his best to make you resist confessing all.

Do not concentrate on the anxiety - you will be giving in to the devil. Concentrate on the fact that you have offended the Most Holy God. Examine your conscience carefully. Make an appointment with a priest. Tell him that you have withheld sins in confession. He will help you.

It doesn’t matter how long the confession may take. It does not matter that you may be anxious. What matters is that you clear the slate. Confess all. The priest will not be horrified. He will be most happy that you have returned to life.

Whatever is most difficult to confess say first. Then the devil will have no chance to tempt you to hold back and make yet another bad confession.

You will be so happy when you have released your soul from the death of mortal sin.

Lord, give Steve the necessary grace to overcome whatever human respect he is allowing to keep him from returning to You.

This is accurate and sound advice.

I recommend praying in front of a crucifix and the Blessed Sacrament and asking for the grace to go to confession.

 

[PhilipCal]

If you honestly forget a Mortal sin in Confession, it is forgiven, but must be confessed at your next Confession. To willfully fail to confess a Mortal sin is another matter. Ask the Holy Spirit to be with you as you prepare for your next confession. Chances are, the Priest has heard it before. Our Lord is waiting to forgive you.

 

[promethius95945]

Steve,

If you withhold a mortal sin - deliberately do not confess it - in Confession your Confession is invalid. That means that, not only are your sins not forgiven - any of them - but you have committed an additional sin.

And, if, after the invalid confessions, you received Holy Communion, you have also committed the sin of sacrilege each time.

Yes, it’s hard to take, but that’s how it is. Remember, the devil does not want us to be in a state of grace, so he will do his best to make you resist confessing all.

Do not concentrate on the anxiety - you will be giving in to the devil. Concentrate on the fact that you have offended the Most Holy God. Examine your conscience carefully. Make an appointment with a priest. Tell him that you have withheld sins in confession. He will help you.

It doesn’t matter how long the confession may take. It does not matter that you may be anxious. What matters is that you clear the slate. Confess all. The priest will not be horrified. He will be most happy that you have returned to life.

Whatever is most difficult to confess say first. Then the devil will have no chance to tempt you to hold back and make yet another bad confession.

You will be so happy when you have released your soul from the death of mortal sin.

Lord, give Steve the necessary grace to overcome whatever human respect he is allowing to keep him from returning to You.

Sage advice had you known that you were sinning by holding back a mortal sin in the confessional.

Yes, the confessions are invalid. You did not know you were comitting sacrilage, however, so that is not binding on you. STILL, you should confess this to a priest since it should have been apparent to you.

As to taking communion AFTER these invalid confessions, you were not under the intention of taking communion while not in a state of grace, thus you had no intent to commit evil and I would certainly doubt that you would be held to account for that. Again, though, when it doubt confess it out.

 

[otjm]

And while you are at it, don’t go ballistic about he whole proceedure. The other sins confessed were, presumptively (since you confessed them) ones that you were sorry for and willing to confess. Do the best you can, but ask the confessor, afte you have unloaded whatever it is you are carrying from the past, whether you need to reconfess what you had brought up in recent confessions. My guess is he will tell you that you do not need to; but if you do, then do the best yopu can and leave the rest to God. Don’t get caught in a spiral of scrupulosity.

There is a reason the Sacrament is called Reconciliation; that is its purpose, to reconcile you with God. God is a loving Father, not a god who plays 'Gotcha!". Once you have dealt with whatever was in the past, let it be. Read the story of the young man who takes his inheritance and spends it on sinful living, and then comes back to be his father’s slave. It is a story of how much God wants us back.

 

[MTD]

If you’re confessing face to face, that might explain some of your reluctance to confess certain sins. Perhaps you could try to find a situation where you don’t have to do it face to face; you should be able to find at least one parish in your area that has that.

As to what you need to confess: you will need to repeat all confessions where you intentionally held back even one mortal sin as well as mention that you made those invalid confessions.

God bless you.

Maria

 

[S_V7]

I have a couple of questions, what if you forget to confess a mortal sin, later remember it, but forget it again at the next confession? What if this keeps happening and never confess the sin that was originally forgotton? And another, what if one is unsure wether years of confessions were invalind because of the uncertainty of having withheld a mortal sin? When a good confession finally arrives, how does that person go about confessing the possibly inumerable bad confessions, unworthy partaking of the Eucharist, and possibly a religious lifetime of other grave sins that could at this point be forgoten? Sounds horrible, but really need some help here.

 

[JimG]

I have a couple of questions, what if you forget to confess a mortal sin, later remember it, but forget it again at the next confession? What if this keeps happening and never confess the sin that was originally forgotton? And another, what if one is unsure wether years of confessions were invalind because of the uncertainty of having withheld a mortal sin? When a good confession finally arrives, how does that person go about confessing the possibly inumerable bad confessions, unworthy partaking of the Eucharist, and possibly a religious lifetime of other grave sins that could at this point be forgoten? Sounds horrible, but really need some help here.

Your question has too many “if’s” in it. What I mean is that you mention forgetting, and doubt, and “possibly.” This is all evidence of a scrupulous conscience. And a scrupulous conscience is one which tries to make the God into a bureaucrat instead of a merciful Father.

A forgotten sin is forgiven even when you forget to confess it. If you forget again, it is still forgiven.

And by the way, the fact that a sin is forgotten likely means that it was not mortal, either for lack of gravity or lack of knowledge, or lack of intention.

Don’t turn God into an accountant.

 

[JimG]

If the entire sacrament was made invalid by withholding certain sins, this means I’m going to have to re-confess to all of the sins throughout the years that I thought were absolved, including the two worst ones of my life which I finally brought myself to confess to recently. So not only would this mean I would have to undergo this anxiety all over again, but I would have to do it all at once and the confession could take forever with the laundry list I’d have. Any thoughts?

It will not take forever. Sins tend to be repetitive. You do not find new ways to sin every week or every month. In practice, that means you can confess a lifetime of sins in a few sentences. For example: “I committed fornication twice a week for 20 years.” “I received communion every week for 30 years in spite of being in mortal sin.” “I joined the Mafia and whacked about 15 people a year for 15 years.”

See–it doesn’t have to take long.

 

[steve975]

I have a couple of questions, what if you forget to confess a mortal sin, later remember it, but forget it again at the next confession? What if this keeps happening and never confess the sin that was originally forgotton? And another, what if one is unsure wether years of confessions were invalind because of the uncertainty of having withheld a mortal sin? When a good confession finally arrives, how does that person go about confessing the possibly inumerable bad confessions, unworthy partaking of the Eucharist, and possibly a religious lifetime of other grave sins that could at this point be forgoten? Sounds horrible, but really need some help here.

Wow, S_V7 sounds a lot like me to the point it’s almost eerie. Since my initial post, I’ve put together the following bits of knowledge, some of which is very difficult. If you honestly forget to confess a mortal sin, there is no problem but you are obligated to confess it at the next confession. I don’t know whether this means you are allowed to accept Communion in the meantime before that next confession, but as I suffer to at least a certain extent from scrupulosity, I myself would not accept Communion until I got to confession again once I became aware that I have an unconfessed mortal sin.

For me, if there is ANY doubt about a confession, or years of confessions, being valid, that in my mind means I have to treat them as if they are INVALID. For me, anything less than 100% certainty as to the validity of a confession is unacceptable for me to be confident in being relieved of my sins and accepting Communion.

In order to confess years of sins (from the possibility of years of invalid confessions), many of which could be forgotten, my solution is this: seeing as I have realized that I myself have made years of invalid confessions and therefore have unconfessed sins from most of my life, I have actually written out every single sin I can possibly think of. (If I have committed the same sinful act on numerous occasions, I don’t list every single occasion but rather make it clear that I have committed that specific sin many times over). So far, I am up to 25 typed pages with more hand-written notes to be added in. Also, the more I think about it, the more sins I keep thinking of and I keep adding to the list. But there’s only so much more I’ll be able to think of and at that point I will do a couple of proof-reads to make sure the written confession is complete.

Then, once I am in a state in which I have a true firm purpose of amendment to at least attempt not to commit these sins in the future (which is an entire other issue related to my job that could potentially prevent me from making a confession for a very long time, but that’s another story), I will find a priest who will let me read this confession to him over the several hours it will most likely take. At that point, what I stated earlier still holds - if at the time I make my confession there is still something that I forget, as long as I honestly forget rather than intentionally withhold it, my confession will be good. But from that point on, any old forgotten sins that suddenly pop up in my mind will require me to go back to confession again at the earliest opportunity, at which point I will be obligated to confess those old sins in addition to any new sins committed since my last confession.

And that’s how I will have to conduct my life from this point on once I can finally get myself into a state where I can make an honestly valid confession (which again, could be a long time but that’s another story).

And just another note on this - I will most likely be searching for a very long time just to find a priest who will be willing to let me read this entire confession to him. Most of them will try to convince me that it’s unnecessary and/or that my previous confessions were still valid even though I intentionally withheld sins. Many priests these days are not trustworthy in terms of their advice and contradict Church doctrine on certain issues, and so I find I have to be very careful when listening to advice. (I recently had one who disagreed with me that it was not okay to use birth control even within marriage, among other things that contradict Church doctrine.)

 

[JimG]

If you are not going to trust the absolution given by the priest operating in persona Christi, the you will never be satisfied, and that’s a shame.

You don’t have to agree with the priest’s opinions on anything in order for the absolution to be valid. The sacrament works ex opere operato; it doesn’t depend on the sanctity or even the orthodoxy of the priest. It works.

Do you suppose that St. Augustine went running back to his confessor every time he recalled something from his past? Or that Mary Magdalen had to seek out Jesus for another round of forgiveness whenever she recalled something she had not explicitly told him previously?

Trust that Jesus works in the sacrament to forgive your sins. He doesn’t keep a notepad.

 

[steve975]

If you are not going to trust the absolution given by the priest operating in persona Christi, the you will never be satisfied, and that’s a shame.

Trust that Jesus works in the sacrament to forgive your sins. He doesn’t keep a notepad.

It’s not that I don’t trust the absolution, it’s the fact that I know that absolution is invalid if the proper requirements are not met (confession of all known mortal sins and having a firm purpose of amendment being two of them). This is an indisputable fact, so in my case, this means that many past confessions throughout most, if not all, of my life, have all been invalid. I am therefore required to confess all of the mortal sins I can remember (all known mortal sins), hence the extremely long confession I am still preparing. So if a priest tries to tell me, contrary to these facts, that my past confessions were still somehow valid, and/or that I am not required to confess all of these past remembered mortal sins, then no, I do NOT trust that priest because his advice would be factually wrong. And sadly, there are a lot of priests who would tell me these very things.

 

[RobNY]

It’s not that I don’t trust the absolution, it’s the fact that I know that absolution is invalid if the proper requirements are not met (confession of all known mortal sins and having a firm purpose of amendment being two of them). This is an indisputable fact, so in my case, this means that many past confessions throughout most, if not all, of my life, have all been invalid. I am therefore required to confess all of the mortal sins I can remember (all known mortal sins), hence the extremely long confession I am still preparing. So if a priest tries to tell me, contrary to these facts, that my past confessions were still somehow valid, and/or that I am not required to confess all of these past remembered mortal sins, then no, I do NOT trust that priest because his advice would be factually wrong. And sadly, there are a lot of priests who would tell me these very things.

I think you should, when you first ask the priest for confession, say, “I would like to make a general confession.”

Q. 829. What is a general confession?
A. A general confession is the telling of the sins of our whole life or a great part of it. It is made in the same manner as an ordinary confession, except that it requires more time and longer preparation.

Q. 830. When should a General Confession be made? A. A general confession:

1. 
   *](1) Is necessary when we are certain that our past confessions were bad;
   *](2) It is useful on special occasions in our lives when some change in our way of living is about to take place;
   *](3) It is hurtful and must not be made when persons are scrupulous.

1. 
   It seems #1 is the case. It will take longer preparation, but it shouldn’t be taking you hours upon hours. For sins which you can’t make exact numberings, try to use frequencies, i.e., X amount of times per week/month/year for Y amounts of weeks/months/years.
   
   Don’t fret if you forget something when you do go in. As long as you didn’t intentionally omit something, the confession is valid.
   
   -Rob

 

[steve975]

I appreciate that and I actually don’t plan on just showing up to a confessional unannounced as I believe my confession is already up to over an hour and-a-half and I’m not even finished. I plan on seeking out a priest ahead to time to make an appointment, as difficult as that is going to make the confession. (Plus, I won’t be able to do this for a while as there is a “firm purpose of amendment” issue related to my job that could take a while to reconcile.)

It’s interesting that you mention the general confession, as that is what I know I need to do. But that’s yet another thing that I have gotten some poor advice with recently. Several individuals, including at least one priest, tried to tell me that a general confession is when you simply confess for all of the sins over your life but without actually naming those sins. (For example, “I confess to all the sins I have committed over the course of my life.”) And it’s supposedly that simple. How on earth there are priests who actually believe these total falsehoods, I have no idea.

Yet further evidence that you have to be extremely careful when heeding the advice of priests, which is especially disturbing seeing as so many people place such blind faith in priestly advice. I have been scolded by several people for entertaining doubt about the advice of some priests.

 

[otjm]

It’s not that I don’t trust the absolution, it’s the fact that I know that absolution is invalid if the proper requirements are not met (confession of all known mortal sins and having a firm purpose of amendment being two of them). This is an indisputable fact, so in my case, this means that many past confessions throughout most, if not all, of my life, have all been invalid. I am therefore required to confess all of the mortal sins I can remember (all known mortal sins), hence the extremely long confession I am still preparing. So if a priest tries to tell me, contrary to these facts, that my past confessions were still somehow valid, and/or that I am not required to confess all of these past remembered mortal sins, then no, I do NOT trust that priest because his advice would be factually wrong. And sadly, there are a lot of priests who would tell me these very things.

You seem to be presuming two things, it would appear; one is that you have to physically verbally confess every sin or it is not validly confessed and forgiven, and the second is that you seem to think you have a better understanding of sacramental theology than the priest does.

The former is not correct; God doesn’t play “gotcha!”. The purpose of the Sacrament of Reconcilliation is to reconcile you with God; and the process set up is the Sacrament. The process requires two things: your sorrow for the sins and the firm intention of amending your ways. You are required to confess the sins you know of, but you are not necessarily thereby required to make a literal one by one accounting. If you happen to have made an accounting during your examination of conscience, that’s fine; if you committed a specific sin (let’s use murder, since I presume that is not on your list) 27 times in your life, you then would say that you committed murder 27 times. You don’t have to detail each one out. If you doubt what I say, go pick up the Gospel account of the young man who demanded his inheritance, wasted it, and returned to be a slave. God wants you back more intensely than the father in the story. and in the story, the son was forgiven before he could even get it all out.

As to the second, you may have read some things here and there that have convinced you that you know more than the priests. They are the ones trained, not you; they are the ones with the power to forgive and it is not your business to tell them how they have to do that. It is your business to ask them for their, the Church’s and God’s forgiveness. Let them do what they do - forgive sins. That is why they are ordained.

Any further trodding down the road you seem to be on is to enter into legalism; again, you might read the Gospels as to what Christ said to the Pharisees about legalism. It wasn’t pretty, and it wasn’t limited to Jewish Pharisees in Christ’s time.

You are right that there are requirenments for a valid confession; you are not correct in determining what those requirements are. This is not magic; it is not a game; it is not a narrow solution only done with specific formulas and a legalistic accounting. God wants your sorrow and purpose of amendment, not a line by line crawl through every last detail.

It is said in law that he who represents himself has a fool for a client. A similar remark could be made of the penitent who won’t listen to the confessor; he may not be looking for true forgivenss, but rather for a leaglistic binding of God to forgiveness - he detailed all of them, therfore he has to be forgiven. That is not what the Sacrament is about, and not how either the Church or God works. He who tries to be his own confessor may be on the road to hell. Let the priest do what the priest needs to do, which is to guide you through the process.

 

[RobNY]

I would agree with you guys, except that he is saying that he willfully withheld serious sin from confession. As far as I know that invalidates the absolution. Is there any argument forthcoming against this?

Perhaps if he was honestly ignorant that withholding a mortal sin would invalidate the confession, then it wouldn’t be a problem, but it would still be something I’d mention in my next confession. “Father, I recently learned that witholding mortal sins from confession… etc.” Even back when I was ignorant that withholding mortal sin from confession invalidated confession, I never once thought that it meant if you omitted it, it would be forgiven.

It’s interesting that you mention the general confession, as that is what I know I need to do. But that’s yet another thing that I have gotten some poor advice with recently. Several individuals, including at least one priest, tried to tell me that a general confession is when you simply confess for all of the sins over your life but without actually naming those sins. (For example, “I confess to all the sins I have committed over the course of my life.”) And it’s supposedly that simple. How on earth there are priests who actually believe these total falsehoods, I have no idea.

They seem to have a general confession confused with a general absolution. General absolution can be ministered by a Catholic priest in emergency situations when there are too many people to be able to hear each person’s confession or not enough time. Hence, the priest would give general absolution. However, the penitent still must confess all mortal sins at the next opportunity if he does not die.

It seems to be a mix-up in terms.

I appreciate that and I actually don’t plan on just showing up to a confessional unannounced as I believe my confession is already up to over an hour and-a-half and I’m not even finished. I plan on seeking out a priest ahead to time to make an appointment, as difficult as that is going to make the confession. (Plus, I won’t be able to do this for a while as there is a “firm purpose of amendment” issue related to my job that could take a while to reconcile.)

Oh my. An hour and a half? Oh.

Remember, it is to the best of your ability, and it does not have to be exhaustively complete and precise.

And do your best not to be scrupulous about this.

-Rob

 

[JimG]

You seem to be presuming two things, it would appear; one is that you have to physically verbally confess every sin or it is not validly confessed and forgiven, and the second is that you seem to think you have a better understanding of sacramental theology than the priest does.

The former is not correct; God doesn’t play “gotcha!”. The purpose of the Sacrament of Reconcilliation is to reconcile you with God; and the process set up is the Sacrament. The process requires two things: your sorrow for the sins and the firm intention of amending your ways. You are required to confess the sins you know of, but you are not necessarily thereby required to make a literal one by one accounting.

This is exactly right. It seems to me that by preparing for a 1 1/2 hour confession, you are setting yourself up for more scrupulosity.

After the hour and half (if the priest is willing to sit still for that long) followed by absolution, you will walk out and think, oh, I forgot this one back in 1993! After this next confession you should never never ever revisit the past again.

 

[anamchara]

Your question has too many “if’s” in it. What I mean is that you mention forgetting, and doubt, and “possibly.” This is all evidence of a scrupulous conscience. And a scrupulous conscience is one which tries to make the God into a bureaucrat instead of a merciful Father.

A forgotten sin is forgiven even when you forget to confess it. If you forget again, it is still forgiven.

And by the way, the fact that a sin is forgotten likely means that it was not mortal, either for lack of gravity or lack of knowledge, or lack of intention.

Don’t turn God into an accountant.

this is very well put…I never thought of it this way but many do try and make God into an accountant lol, I like that.

 

[steve975]

You seem to be presuming two things, it would appear; one is that you have to physically verbally confess every sin or it is not validly confessed and forgiven, and the second is that you seem to think you have a better understanding of sacramental theology than the priest does.

I don’t disagree that priests are much more highly trained than I am in sacramental theology. But I certainly don’t think that there is any priest who is right about everything, and I also believe that there are a lot of priests who are frequently wrong about at least some things. If a priest contradicts Church Doctrine, then my opinion is that I am not allowed to heed his advice just because he is a priest. Also, it is possible for the Sacrament to be invalid even though the priest does give absolution. If the person does not meet one of the criteria for the confession to be valid the priest wouldn’t necessarily know this, and so the absolution is invalid.

I also don’t believe I have to verbally confess every single instance of sin, and I realize that for the same sin committed multiple times I can describe that as such. But I believe I DO have to confess every single sin I can remember that is different in some way from the rest of my sins. For example, I don’t think that someone who has never made a valid confession can get away with simply confessing to “lying” and leave it at that for that sin. I believe this requires more of a description to confess to the different instances and types of lying and dishonesty in one’s past. (For example, “I filled out false information on such and such a form in order to wrongfully obtain such and such a personal gain” is a much different type of sin than “I told my friends I couldn’t meet them for dinner because I had to be at work early when really it was because there was a movie on TV that night I wanted to watch.”)

I do appreciate your concerns about legalism and being overly obsessed with these things. For me, it’s not that I’m trying to hold God to a binding position of having to forgive my sins because I came up with a line-by-line accounting. It’s more to do with the fear of “what if” I don’t get forgiven for these sins? “What if” I don’t take all the necessary steps and the Sacrament is therefore invalid? I definitely have issues with obsession that I need to work on and these are the fears that are weighing me down.