Withholding SIns During Confession

[dalesmom]

Imagine having to give a confession of 49 years of sins! LOL! That was my first confession. I was as nervous as a cat in a room full of rockers! The 2nd time, I had to make a list so that I wouldn’t forget anything! I have since remembered a few more things on top of the everyday things that I need to confess this time.

You know, at my age, your mind isn’t as sharp as it used to be!

But I know that God knows that I will eventually get caught up with all my sins in confession despite being senile! LOL!!!

 

[otjm]

I don’t disagree that priests are much more highly trained than I am in sacramental theology. But I certainly don’t think that there is any priest who is right about everything, and I also believe that there are a lot of priests who are frequently wrong about at least some things. If a priest contradicts Church Doctrine, then my opinion is that I am not allowed to heed his advice just because he is a priest. Also, it is possible for the Sacrament to be invalid even though the priest does give absolution. If the person does not meet one of the criteria for the confession to be valid the priest wouldn’t necessarily know this, and so the absolution is invalid.

I also don’t believe I have to verbally confess every single instance of sin, and I realize that for the same sin committed multiple times I can describe that as such. But I believe I DO have to confess every single sin I can remember that is different in some way from the rest of my sins. For example, I don’t think that someone who has never made a valid confession can get away with simply confessing to “lying” and leave it at that for that sin. I believe this requires more of a description to confess to the different instances and types of lying and dishonesty in one’s past. (For example, “I filled out false information on such and such a form in order to wrongfully obtain such and such a personal gain” is a much different type of sin than “I told my friends I couldn’t meet them for dinner because I had to be at work early when really it was because there was a movie on TV that night I wanted to watch.”)

I do appreciate your concerns about legalism and being overly obsessed with these things. For me, it’s not that I’m trying to hold God to a binding position of having to forgive my sins because I came up with a line-by-line accounting. It’s more to do with the fear of “what if” I don’t get forgiven for these sins? “What if” I don’t take all the necessary steps and the Sacrament is therefore invalid? I definitely have issues with obsession that I need to work on and these are the fears that are weighing me down.

I am thinking that you may be edging around OCD and scrupulosity. What is required for a valid confession is the intent to confess all sins and to intend to amend your ways, and the words of absolution. You are hanging on to a recitation as some sort of talsiman that you will actually be absolved. I am trying to tell you what the criteria for a valid confession is and you are trying to tell me that you know better. Even if the confessor was mistaken about the criteria, that does not invalidate the confession. His part is not to sit and listen to every sin you can dredge up; his part is to give absolution. Your part is not to dredge up every last sin, but to intend to confess all even if that does not entail a complete listing out. Put it the other way; if you intend to withhold one, you are not absolved; the reverse is just as true; if you intend to confess all (even if you don’t enumerate them, or even remember them), the confession is valid.

I would seriously consider telling the priest that you might have OCD and be scrupulous, and then follow his guidance. The problem with those two issues is that they tend to shove you in the direction of not following legitimate, sound advice. If these are in fact issues with you, get help. You are right; it is a terrible burden and the fears will weigh you down. And you cannot lift the load. You need to trust the priest, and Christ, to lift it.

Quit second guessing the Church.

 

[LilyM]

I believe this requires more of a description to confess to the different instances and types of lying and dishonesty in one’s past. (For example, “I filled out false information on such and such a form in order to wrongfully obtain such and such a personal gain” is a much different type of sin than “I told my friends I couldn’t meet them for dinner because I had to be at work early when really it was because there was a movie on TV that night I wanted to watch.”)

Too much detail - how about ‘I lied to fraudulently obtain money/other advantage’ and ‘I lied to get out of meeting my friends’ - half as long while still giving the relevant information. It’s not every last detail of the sin that matters, but the TYPE.

 

[bilop]

Too much detail - how about ‘I lied to fraudulently obtain money/other advantage’ and ‘I lied to get out of meeting my friends’ - half as long while still giving the relevant information. It’s not every last detail of the sin that matters, but the TYPE.

The second is not even a mortal sin. No grave matter. No need to confess specifically.

God Bless

 

[031064]

What if the sin is one of those very akward ones (like masturbation)? That is really wierd to tell the priest, especially since he’ll know it was you, even if you take confession in a confession booth.

 

[RobNY]

What if the sin is one of those very akward ones (like masturbation)? That is really wierd to tell the priest, especially since he’ll know it was you, even if you take confession in a confession booth.

Yes, even that has to be confessed, especially sin it is grave matter. Withholding serious sins in the confession is grounds for invalidating the absolution.

I’ve heard that as soon as priests finish hearing confessions they just forget about it, and from more than one priest. Don’t worry about what he’ll think about you. In the first, because he probably won’t (as I just explained). In the second, because any right thinking priest rejoices over a person who confesses their sins and receives forgiveness. Remember the joy in heaven over one repentant sinner? Third, because he’s completely and totally bound to absolute confidentiality. He literally excommunicates himself if he ever breaks the confessional seal. Fourth, because in learning to confess even embarassing things, we learn humility-- and being Christ-like means learning to be humble. Few things are as humbling as a good confession.

If you need strength to do so, pray to God for the grace, and meditate on how awkward it was for God to hang on that Cross and die. I assure you that the more you confess the easier it gets.

-Rob

 

[031064]

What if the sin is one of those awkward ones, like masturbation? It’s really, really odd to say tha to a priest, so what do you do? I can’t say that to a priest (thogu hI totally recognize it’s a grave sin). Beyond that, how do you stop the need? this is very odd for me to ask (thank God I never have to meet any of you). Are their any good, politically correct ways to say it so it ddoesn’t sound like I’m some sort of dirty heathen?

 

[palmas85]

What if the sin is one of those awkward ones, like masturbation? It’s really, really odd to say tha to a priest, so what do you do? I can’t say that to a priest (thogu hI totally recognize it’s a grave sin). Beyond that, how do you stop the need? this is very odd for me to ask (thank God I never have to meet any of you). Are their any good, politically correct ways to say it so it ddoesn’t sound like I’m some sort of dirty heathen?

It is not odd to say such a thing to the priest, and just so you know it is one of the most often confessed sins. We have all done it and I have to believe that we have all confessed it. Welcome to the club.

PS the priest will not think you are some dirty heathen because I will guarantee you he has confesed the same thing himself at some point in his life.

 

[RobNY]

What if the sin is one of those awkward ones, like masturbation? It’s really, really odd to say tha to a priest, so what do you do? I can’t say that to a priest (thogu hI totally recognize it’s a grave sin). Beyond that, how do you stop the need? this is very odd for me to ask (thank God I never have to meet any of you). Are their any good, politically correct ways to say it so it ddoesn’t sound like I’m some sort of dirty heathen?

I don’t think it’s that odd. I surmise that it must be commonly confessed. The best way to say something is always the most technical way, and that indeed would be, “masturbation.” What’s important is that you communicate to the priest what your sin is. If you want to cop off the Catechism’s defintion of masturbation, “deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure” (CCC 2352) then that would also be equivalent.

Remember what Jesus says, “there is nothing hidden that will not become visible, and nothing secret that will not be known and come to light” (Lk 8:17). The question is whether it will become known to your everlasting glory or shame. Think of the glory in heaven which all repentant sinners will enjoy.

It will be hard to do, but it is hard because we are strong willed and proud. We’re more worried about what other people think about us than about what God thinks about us.

St. John of the Cross counsels us to think lowly and contemptuously of ourselves so as to cast off attachment to sin. Think of confession of this fault as a way to be Christ like. By confessing this, even though you are ashamed of it, you humble yourself and conform yourself to Christ.

Remember that in accusing yourself before God of your sin you do a great thing. St. Francis de Sales says it better than I ever could:

SUCH meditations as these, my daughter, will help you, and having made them, go on bravely in the spirit of humility to make your general confession;—but I entreat you, be not troubled by any sort of fearfulness. The scorpion who stings us is venomous, but when his oil has been distilled, it is the best remedy for his bite;—even so sin is shameful when we commit it, but when reduced to repentance and confession, it becomes salutary and honourable. Contrition and confession are in themselves so lovely and sweet-savoured, that they efface the ugliness and disperse the ill savour of sin. Simon the leper called Magdalene a sinner, 2121 S. Mark xiv. and S. Luke vii. 39. but 52 our Lord turned the discourse to the perfume of her ointment and the greatness of her love. If we are really humble, my daughter, our sins will be infinitely displeasing to us, because they offend God;—but it will be welcome and sweet to accuse ourselves thereof because in so doing we honour God; and there is always somewhat soothing in fully telling the physician all details of our pain.

When you come to your spiritual father, imagine yourself to be on Mount Calvary, at the Feet of the Crucified Saviour, Whose Precious Blood is dropping freely to cleanse you from all your sin. Though it is not his actual Blood, yet it is the merit of that outpoured Blood which is sprinkled over His penitents as they kneel in Confession. Be sure then that you open your heart fully, and put away your sins by confessing them, for in proportion as they are put out, so will the Precious Merits of the Passion of Christ come in and fill you with blessings.
Tell everything simply and with straightforwardness, and thoroughly satisfy your conscience in doing so. Then listen to the admonitions and counsels of God’s Minister, saying in your heart, “Speak, Lord, for Thy servant heareth.” It is truly God to Whom you hearken, forasmuch as He has said to His representatives, “Whoso 53 heareth you, heareth Me.” 2222 S. Luke x. 16. Then take the following protest, as a summary of your contrition, having carefully studied and meditated upon it beforehand: read it through with as earnest an intention as you can make.

God bless. Pray hard.

-Rob

 

[JimG]

What if the sin is one of those awkward ones, like masturbation? It’s really, really odd to say tha to a priest, so what do you do? I can’t say that to a priest (thogu hI totally recognize it’s a grave sin). Beyond that, how do you stop the need? this is very odd for me to ask (thank God I never have to meet any of you). Are their any good, politically correct ways to say it so it ddoesn’t sound like I’m some sort of dirty heathen?

It’s only one word. Most sins are one word. Examples: masturbation, fornication, adultery, stealing, lying, anger, etc. That’s why it shouldn’t take too long to tell even a lot of them. And it’s better if you just come out and say the word; priests have already heard all the euphemisms, and they take longer to say. The priest will be grateful for the brevity.

 

[ComputerGeek25]

It’s only one word. Most sins are one word. Examples: masturbation, fornication, adultery, stealing, lying, anger, etc. That’s why it shouldn’t take too long to tell even a lot of them. And it’s better if you just come out and say the word; priests have already heard all the euphemisms, and they take longer to say. The priest will be grateful for the brevity.

I usually use one or two words in my confessions, lying is lying, anger is anger, etc. If the priest would like more info, he will ask.

 

[imamom]

I get nervous when having to confess about something intimate, like my husband and my sexual life (i.e. if we don’t do the whole act, so to speak)… because it is face to face confession!!! Even if the priest has heard these things before, I am still nervous! But tonight I will go to confess and say those things first before the “easier” stuff I need to confess.

 

[celisabethp17]

So could you just tell him that you (for ex.) masturbated, lied, got angry, got jealous, were envious, swore, hit my brother in the head a couple of times, told my father i hated him.
would that be sufficient? or should i go into more detail…

 

[imamom]

Well, in Swedish, I confessed tonight and felt so wonderful afterwards. My priest is so nice, from India, he’s a CMI. Anyway, he asked also if I would be interested in being a religion teacher Woohoo! I am so excited, I told him of course I would.

 

[Sr_Sally]

The second is not even a mortal sin. No grave matter. No need to confess specifically.

God Bless

Our priest has even counseled us not to confess venial sins at the same confession as mortal sins. He says it dilutes your appreciation of the gravity of the mortal sins.

Once you have gotten ahead of your attraction to mortal sin, then is the time to work on venial sins. And even there, he counsels to focus on just a few (maybe 2 or 3) areas of sin. That way you can eventual conquer even your attraction to venial sin.

 

[viper78912]

We confess to God. The priest is ’ex opera operato’. He is ‘in persona Christi’.
Christ Himself Said, “Son, Your sins are forgiven you.”(Mark 2:10).
The priest is a human facilitator. Different priests have different views, depending on their scrupulosity.
We are confessing to God.
‘You Set out our iniquities before You,
Our secret sins in the light of Your Presence.’ (Ps.90.8).
In The parable of the Prodigal Son, the Prodigal Son was forgiven the moment he decided to “…go at once to my father , and say to him,” Father, I have sinned against God and against you;” (Luke15:18), without being asked for a fact file of his sins. When we desire to be forgiven by approaching the confessional, we are already forgiven.
‘No one can come to Me unless he is drawn by he Father Who Sent Me; and I Will raise him up on the last day.” (John 6:44).
“All that the Father Gives Me Will come to Me, and anyone who comes to me I Will never turn away.”(John 6:37).
We are always haunted by our past failures and our future frailty. Elijah performed a mighty miracle and God Brought down rain after 3½ years. (1 Kings.18-40). Yet Elijah was frightened and discouraged. (1 Kings 19:4).
We should not be discouraged.” Wherever the corpse is, there will the vultures gather.”(Matthew24:28).
denis

 

[johnstown_johnn]

Hey all, I’ve got a serious question here about making confessions. Although I was raised Catholic, I never became serious about the faith until college. Then, I fell out of practice, and recently I have gotten back into it again, now more serious than ever. Here’s the deal. I’ve had several mortal sins that I’ve kept withheld for years. I’ve kept these sins withheld through maybe 4-7 confessions in which I confessed many other sins. (I also now realize that if I have any mortal sin that is still not confessed, I still can’t receive communion even if I was absolved of other sins.) In recent months, I finally brought myself to confess to the two worst sins of my life, although I did it in two separate confessions (the sins were not related).

I’ve acquired a large number of books recently for my journey to truly practice the faith. I read in one book today where it discussed about how during a confession, even if you forget a certain sin, it is still forgiven as long as it isn’t intentionally withheld. I know that. But then it said, “Only the [sins] intentionally withheld make the sacrament invalid.” Does this mean that during those 4-7 confessions in which I confessed to other sins but withheld some of my worst ones, that NONE of my sins were forgiven and the entire sacrament was made invalid? Or does it mean that all the sins I confessed to were absolved but only those which I withheld still remained?

If the entire sacrament was made invalid by withholding certain sins, this means I’m going to have to re-confess to all of the sins throughout the years that I thought were absolved, including the two worst ones of my life which I finally brought myself to confess to recently. So not only would this mean I would have to undergo this anxiety all over again, but I would have to do it all at once and the confession could take forever with the laundry list I’d have. Any thoughts?

Sounds like, to me, you were taking babysteps toward remission of your sins. However, despite the withholding (ommission) of your mortal sins your conscience was provoked to the point of recognizing your failure to come forward to be absolved. You were not absolved at those times you received “absolution” since you did not confess all of your sins.

Reeiving Communion while in that status was sacrilege. I am telling you this in charity and as your brother in Christ.

Confessing our sins openly to a priest in our human state can be very embarrassing because of our carnal nature. Through confession we overcome carnality and we are reunited with Christ, His Mother, all of the saints and Angels…worth it, yes?

May I suggest to you a very courage step to take that will have all of Heaven embrace you?

Take as many days as you might need to review ALL of the sins of your past life going back to childhood. Write them down if necessary. This means ALL of the shameful acts you have committed (we all have them) and call your favorite confessor and ask for an appointment for a GENERAL CONFESSION.

This will remove entirely all of the guilt you may have carried all of your life.

You will become so close to God that you can almost touch Him.
This will renew your spiritual life like no ther time since Baptism. You will be “born again.”

 

[AHapka]

I would always trust the Priest. I forget which St. Therese it is, but I do believe that one of them was given an order by God in a vision, to which a Priest denied her permission to do. Then God in another vision told her to obey her religious superior…i.e…the Priest.

Our God is a God of order. That’s why we are part of a church that has a clearly defined chain of command.

I’ll try to find a reference for you.

But I have been there myself. If it helps confess it during your next confession. For me, I get to about 5-7 minutes into the confession and I just can’t remember anything else…which means it is either not mortal, or forgiven because you can’t remember anything else.

Anyways, the best confession I ever had was after I prayed for Padre Pio to help me obtain a good confession. I would suggest you pray for his intercession, he was a very powerful Saint in the confessional.

Andy