Witness at a secular wedding

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ZoonCorp

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Before I start, I just want to say that I am aware that there are other threads like this, but none of the ones I have found did really answer my question. I hope it’s okay that I ask this here:

My aunt was diagnosed with cancer not long ago, and she will pass away in probably a year, but she may live another 5 years. She is a Catholic, albeit not a very devout one, and she used to be married in the Chruch to a Catholic man that passed away, so she is technically a widow. She then met a non-religious man that she married in a secular wedding, and they have now divorced. Now, she wants to marry another non-religious man in a secular wedding, and she has asked me and my brother to act as witnessess to that “marriage”.

That’s where my question pops up; Should I, as a Catholic, act as a witness to this “marriage”? Honestly, I find it wierd that she want’s to marry at all when she is in this condition, but I guess I have to respect her descision. If I decline, she might get upset, especially since she will pass away soon. I don’t want to upset God if this is wrong.
 
Talk to your priest. Everyone here is going to tell you unequivocally no. However, I am marrying a man who was baptized and raised catholic in a secular wedding. One of the groomsmen is a very devout practicing catholic and he talked to his priest when we asked him to stand up for us. I don’t know what was said between them, but he was given permission.
 
No you may not act as a witness unless she has permission from the bishop to get married in a secular ceremony. Perhaps you could try to convince her to have a Church wedding.
 
I don’t think you can be a witness, but you should probably talk to a priest about it if you even want to do it in the first place. If you don’t want to do it, then just explain that it is against your beliefs for a Catholic to marry outside of the Church without a dispensation and you can’t be a witness for her in good conscience. She might be disappointed to hear it but if she is a good aunt, she should respect that you stand up for what you believe in.
 
You can speak to your priest and say what you did here. When he tells you “no”, you can truthfully tell your aunt that it was your priest who advised you. Perhaps your aunt is unaware what she is asking of you and your brother.
 
Thank you for your replies.

I could ask her to get married in the Church, but since her circumstances are complicated regarding her first marriage due to her being married to her first husband in her old homeland, chances are she will not be able to get married in time before she passes away.

I’m 20 years old, and both my (liberal Catholic) parents are very dissapointed at me that I can’t be a witness and argue that I should do it for her since she is my godparent and dying and whatnot. It’s a tought situation for me.
 
ZoonCorp said:
I’m 20 years old, and both my (liberal Catholic) parents are very dissapointed at me that I can’t be a witness and argue that I should do it for her since she is my godparent and dying and whatnot. It’s a tought situation for me.
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Stay strong and remember that charity is not synonymous with making people feel good.
 
I think it’s more of a witness to kindly explain why you cannot celebrate the act of someone attempting a presumably invalid marriage.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
I am marrying a man who was baptized and raised catholic in a secular wedding. One of the groomsmen is a very devout practicing catholic and he talked to his priest when we asked him to stand up for us. I don’t know what was said between them, but he was given permission.
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If you are his first marriage, that is why the priest gave permission. However, in the OPs case if the aunt never had an anullement then he can’t be a witness
 
ZoonCorp said:
I’m 20 years old, and both my (liberal Catholic) parents are very dissapointed at me that I can’t be a witness and argue that I should do it for her since she is my godparent and dying and whatnot. It’s a tought situation for me.
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Just curious but if your parents think it is that important, why don’t they volunteer to do it? It is not selfish (but rather glorifying to God), to put your soul first while on this earth
 
Anglewannabe said:
If you are his first marriage, that is why the priest gave permission. However, in the OPs case if the aunt never had an anullement then he can’t be a witness
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I’m not sure about that, that’s why he should ask his priest. I think the issue is the fact that the marriage is invalid, which in the eyes of the catholic church mine will be. I have a hard time believing that it matters why it will be invalid.
 
Anglewannabe said:
If you are his first marriage, that is why the priest gave permission. However, in the OPs case if the aunt never had an anullement then he can’t be a witness
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Well, technically she is a widow since she married her first real Catholic husband in the Chruch, but that husband passed away shortly after that.
Anglewannabe said:
Just curious but if your parents think it is that important, why don’t they volunteer to do it? It is not selfish (but rather glorifying to God), to put your soul first while on this earth
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My parents argue that it’s more beautiful that me and my brother act as witnesses since my aunt “loves [me and my brother] so much” and that they are old and whatnot. They try to get me to do it, arguing that I would make another human being happy and it’s humble of me if I do it. They really don’t seem to understand even when I try to eplain to them that I can’t do it.

However, I called my aunt yesterday and told her that I will not be a witness, in a nice way of course. She doesn’t seem to be too happy about it either. I’m just trying to do what is right.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
I’m not sure about that, that’s why he should ask his priest. I think the issue is the fact that the marriage is invalid, which in the eyes of the catholic church mine will be. I have a hard time believing that it matters why it will be invalid.
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Really??? Why is your marriage invalid???
 
Anglewannabe said:
Really??? Why is your marriage invalid???
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Catholics must get married in the church unless they have a dispensation. My fiance was baptized and raised catholic, and although he doesn’t believe in god or even have any respect for catholicism according to the rules of the church he is still bound by their marriage laws. So by marrying a non catholic (I was baptized and raised Protestant) in a secular wedding outside of the church he is entering into an invalid marriage.

This news actually sent not only his groomsman to a priest, but much of his family asked permission from their priests to even attend. They were given the go ahead.
 
ZoonCorp said:
Thank you for your replies.

I could ask her to get married in the Church, but since her circumstances are complicated regarding her first marriage due to her being married to her first husband in her old homeland, chances are she will not be able to get married in time before she passes away.
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Her first husband is deceased. There is no complicated circumstance. She is free to marry in the Catholic Church.
 
1ke said:
Her first husband is deceased. There is no complicated circumstance. She is free to marry in the Catholic Church.
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Indeed, but she wants to marry a non-Catholic man in a secular wedding
 
1ke said:
And she can receive a dispensation from form to do so. Still not seeing the problem of doing things properly.
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She’s a lapsed Catholic so she might not want to take the time to do things properly.
 
First, I want to say that I admire the OP for bearing witness to our faith. I am sure you will receive many blessings for your courageous action. 🙂

I do not mean to hi-jack this thread, but I was wondering if my husband made a boo-boo several years ago. His brother, a lapsed Catholic, got married to another (but twice divorced) lapsed Catholic in a civil ceremony. My understanding is that she was never married in a Catholic Church wedding.

Did my husband err when he agreed to be a witness to their wedding? At the time, I thought it was possibly wrong, but I didn’t push the issue in order to maintain peace. Now, I am regretting that I didn’t speak up (I was already the bad guy in this family for my orthodox beliefs). Should I insist he confess this next time he goes to confession?
 
90Domer said:
First, I want to say that I admire the OP for bearing witness to our faith. I am sure you will receive many blessings for your courageous action. 🙂

I do not mean to hi-jack this thread, but I was wondering if my husband made a boo-boo several years ago. His brother, a lapsed Catholic, got married to another (but twice divorced) lapsed Catholic in a civil ceremony. My understanding is that she was never married in a Catholic Church wedding.

Did my husband err when he agreed to be a witness to their wedding? At the time, I thought it was possibly wrong, but I didn’t push the issue in order to maintain peace. Now, I am regretting that I didn’t speak up (I was already the bad guy in this family for my orthodox beliefs). Should I insist he confess this next time he goes to confession?
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Yes he did err, although I have no idea whether or not he was culpable.
 
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