Witnessing to Catholic Teaching in a Secular World? How?

[TimothyH]

I would like to hear ideas on how to express Catholic Christian teaching in a secular world to people who assume that their behavior is acceptable when it is actually counter to the will of God.

It is almost easier to say to a stranger, “No, that isn’t right. Both the Bible and the Church teach that is a grave sin. You might want to reconsider your position on that” and just walk away knowing that you will probably never see the person again.

But saying the same thing to neighbors, coworkers, friends, and even my own close relatives… I really don’t want to come across like some pious holier-than-though but at the same time, it is SO hard just to bite my toung for the sake of politeness or keeping the peace.

To a certain extent I need to take the log out of my own eye but it’s so crazy out there… contraception is just accepted as a de-facto standard. A good friend of mine is on his third wife. These are the sort of issues I struggle with, how to witness to Christ without alienating everyone around me.

Here is an example…

A nice gentleman moved into my neighborhood a few weeks ago. He looked to be about 60years old and after chatting for a while, he offered that he was “On his own”. He stated that his wife had degenerative disease which has kept her in an out of state nursing home for many years. He made it clear that she had been under full time medical care since his daughter, now an adult, was a small child; 15+ years I would guess.

The man stated “That leaves me free to date.” I felt like grabbing him by the neck and saying, “No, you are still married!”

I don’t know if my question has any real answer. Your thoughts would be appreciated nonethelss.

-Tim-

 

[Edward_H]

I would like to hear ideas on how to express Catholic Christian teaching in a secular world to people who assume that their behavior is acceptable when it is actually counter to the will of God.

It is almost easier to say to a stranger, “No, that isn’t right. Both the Bible and the Church teach that is a grave sin. You might want to reconsider your position on that” and just walk away knowing that you will probably never see the person again.

But saying the same thing to neighbors, coworkers, friends, and even my own close relatives… I really don’t want to come across like some pious holier-than-though but at the same time, it is SO hard just to bite my toung for the sake of politeness or keeping the peace.

To a certain extent I need to take the log out of my own eye but it’s so crazy out there… contraception is just accepted as a de-facto standard. A good friend of mine is on his third wife. These are the sort of issues I struggle with, how to witness to Christ without alienating everyone around me.

Here is an example…

A nice gentleman moved into my neighborhood a few weeks ago. He looked to be about 60years old and after chatting for a while, he offered that he was “On his own”. He stated that his wife had degenerative disease which has kept her in an out of state nursing home for many years. He made it clear that she had been under full time medical care since his daughter, now an adult, was a small child; 15+ years I would guess.

The man stated “That leaves me free to date.” I felt like grabbing him by the neck and saying, “No, you are still married!”

I don’t know if my question has any real answer. Your thoughts would be appreciated nonethelss.

-Tim-

Tough one. My recommendation is to pray much asking God to use you “in the World”…to prepare you to live His Gospel in the world. Focus on setting a cheerful, quiet example of self-giving in your family and neighborhood, at work; worry less on teaching and quiet admonishing than on your generous slow serene example.

That gent you mentioned - you’re quite right - may be more influenced by your prayer and example than a more direct message. It’s hard…we like to be quick and direct.

But if you befriend him…perhaps over some time, helping him move a ladder, or raking his leaves, or changing his tire, etc…done cheerfully, graciously, eventually these activities if done with God (as a form of prayer) WILL lead to some opportunities to share a beer or a lemonade and these opportunities begin to lead to more substantial conversations, gradually.

Eventually, maybe the topic of his wife may come up and you can - through your questions and body language perhaps - express an alternative proposal to him in terms of how to love. I’ve had better luck with phrases like “you know another way of looking at it might be…this is only a proposal…” etc etc.

So establish a true friendship first - with trust and confidence and discretion - and then gradually - if you have a strong interior life - the Holy Spirit will spill out into your conversations and actions.

Slow, friendly, gradual, indirect, example-driven, cheerful, and all done with prayer.

If you do all these things for the love of God - a pure intention of love of God and for the souls of others - God owns the results. Not you.

In the end your small actions - through the grace and gift of God - may start laying the groundwork for a conversion of heart that may not occur for 10 years down the road. Your contributions may be small, indirect, hard to measure the results in, and yet CRITICAL in the salvation of souls.

God owns the results. We are just his imperfect instruments.

 

[Sanctifiable]

I’m struggling with the same issues with relatives, I’m going to a picnic at my sisters Saturday, I learned my nephew is living in sin with his girlfriend, I want to say something to him but I’m conflicted. Right now I’m praying for him.

 

[Edward_H]

I can’t think of a single time where I or a friend of mine was able to convince, move the needle one millimeter, through a direct approach, anyone.

It may happen; it’s apparently happened in history. But it’s high risk, and it seems kind of bordering on a loss of humility - like only if we were more persuasive, if we constructed the right points and delivered them in the right manner. Nonsense. Our job is to love concretely, and to ask the Holy Spirit to convert our sincere love and rectified intention into great help for others.

 

[JAGCath28]

I can’t think of a single time where I or a friend of mine was able to convince, move the needle one millimeter, through a direct approach, anyone.

It may happen; it’s apparently happened in history. But it’s high risk, and it seems kind of bordering on a loss of humility - like only if we were more persuasive, if we constructed the right points and delivered them in the right manner. Nonsense. Our job is to love concretely, and to ask the Holy Spirit to convert our sincere love and rectified intention into great help for others.

What about the case of someone asking your opinion on something that involves them living in sin? How do you respond to that, humbly, but without bending from your moral beliefs?

 

[Edward_H]

What about the case of someone asking your opinion on something that involves them living in sin? How do you respond to that, humbly, but without bending from your moral beliefs?

Ah…the direct question, unintended/solicited by someone else directly, if you will…

I am not an expert on this subject…but if I am asked a direct question like this…I try to answer directly, friendly, firmly, faithfully, but I always try starting with a couple of basic points.

Something like: "Well, here’s the thing…my belief and understanding is that true love is willing the ultimate good of another - that is, the supernatural good of another, and that “willing of it” very often involves work toward that end. Sometimes, in fact quite often, that means sacrifice on my part - if I truly love them. So I believe that if I truly love someone I need to be willing to fully commit myself to their good and we know that involves marriage, a commitment I make in the presence of God Himself. This is just how I’ve come to think through this topic, but it means that anything short of marriage - a full self-donation of myself - is not working toward their ultimate good. I don’t see how living with someone, having sex with them, is ultimately good for them - in the supernatural sense. I’d be taking something precious from someone - without an honest and full commitment on my part. "

Something like that. I’d start by re-reminding them what true love is…and then walk them down my logic.

I am not an expert…but I never shade the truth…I try to walk slowly into the discussion based on something radically strong like what true love is.

 

[JAGCath28]

Ah…the direct question, unintended/solicited by someone else directly, if you will…

I am not an expert on this subject…but if I am asked a direct question like this…I try to answer directly, friendly, firmly, faithfully, but I always try starting with a couple of basic points.

Something like: "Well, here’s the thing…my belief and understanding is that true love is willing the ultimate good of another - that is, the supernatural good of another, and that “willing of it” very often involves work toward that end. Sometimes, in fact quite often, that means sacrifice on my part - if I truly love them. So I believe that if I truly love someone I need to be willing to fully commit myself to their good and we know that involves marriage, a commitment I make in the presence of God Himself. This is just how I’ve come to think through this topic, but it means that anything short of marriage - a full self-donation of myself - is not working toward their ultimate good. I don’t see how living with someone, having sex with them, is ultimately good for them - in the supernatural sense. I’d be taking something precious from someone - without an honest and full commitment on my part. "

Something like that. I’d start by re-reminding them what true love is…and then walk them down my logic.

I am not an expert…but I never shade the truth…I try to walk slowly into the discussion based on something radically strong like what true love is.

This is a wonderful post! Wow! I wish I had been able to speak this eloquently yesterday. Quite possibly my sister wouldn’t be mad at me right now. I’m not expecting what I say to change her mind, but I don’t want to leave things as they were left yesterday…Thank you for such a thoughtful response. I have to really meditate on this.

God Bless!

 

[Edward_H]

This is a wonderful post! Wow! I wish I had been able to speak this eloquently yesterday. Quite possibly my sister wouldn’t be mad at me right now. I’m not expecting what I say to change her mind, but I don’t want to leave things as they were left yesterday…Thank you for such a thoughtful response. I have to really meditate on this.

God Bless!

You’re welcome…but thank John Paul II…I’ve helped teach Theology of the Body at our Church to post-confirmation teens…and this particular example of how our faith intersects with today’s world (love/sex) of course is covered by TOB.

So this example used above I have had the fortune of walking through before with teens and adults. But I try to not apologize or admonish or preach, but to sort of adopt a “proposal mentality” based on some logical/strong points that “shake them up” at the beginning…in this case what true love is. Most people are hard pressed to define what true love is. But the Catholic Church has this one nailed down tight!

Good luck…it’s hard work. Pray and ask for the Holy Spirit’s help. You’re on the front line. Thank YOU for carrying on the loving work of “fraternal correction” It’s not easy. But it is a work of true love. :>