Wives and Moms: question about signs of a good father :)

[bluerose]

How about patience? How does he react when someone messes up, whether it’s a waiter getting his order wrong or a friend showing up late for a movie? How does he react when you talk about something you’re interested in, even if he’s not interested in it? Or if it takes you three times for him to explain something before you get it (for me, it was learning to drive my husband’s stick shift truck.)

Because little kids “mess up” and you don’t want someone who is going to blow a gasket over a spilled glass of milk, or dilly-dallying when they should be getting their shoes on to go to school. Little kids will talk and talk and talk about something they’re excited about (we just learned about worms in school today!) and they shouldn’t get shot down just because Daddy had a hard day at work. And let’s remember there will be school work down the road, learning to tie shoes, learning to drive, etc.

Patience is a key thing to look for.

 

[Anicette]

the interaction of men with children are not the best indicator.

First, that’s not necessarily the role of the father to change the diapers. It will fall more naturally on the mother since the beginning. You don’t have to confuse father and mother’s roles and select a man on more motherly values.

And to have change or not diapers before mean nothing. People would not act the same with their children and the others. Some are not interested, or afraid of others children and still want to have children themselves.
I have only change a diaper once before my children, my husband much more, and he has more experience than me, but it’s me that’s change almost all diapers and care for them all the time.

I would think what is more important is personal rightness, moral values and what the father want to pass on his children as exemple, values and christian life.

Another think that is very important, but difficult to know before having children, is how to raise the children, on pratical issues, such as discipline, what is allowed/defend, what are the limits; how much a mother confort her children or care for babies. It is not simple, and often mothers tend to protect more their children. It will lead to many family problems if there is too much divergence of between the parents.

 

[Annie]

What does he do in his free time? Is he involved with people or does he spend way too many hours playing video games or doing something isolating?

Does he have male friends? How does he get along with them–does he hang out with them? Is it a boast fest or do they have good conversations, from sports/cars/whatever to serious topics? Are they a good set of people?

How does he react when you are not at your best? Or feeling sad or scared or nervous? Does he comfort you or help you in a supportive way?

Maybe the overall thing is, does he have good relationships with others?

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Hopefully you’re going to know a guy well enough by the time you marry him to see what he says about kids, how he acts around kids, and what his own growing-up experience was like.

You’re going to be encountering kids regularly, in places like restaurants, grocery store, the city park, church, virtually anywhere you go. Does your boyfriend smile and act patient and make a funny face at the crying baby, or does he get impatient and say, “let’s get out of here, I don’t need to be around unruly brats on my day off”?

Most serious couples will at some point talk about children. Does the guy seem happy about the idea? Does he talk about things he’d like to do with his kids someday, or reminisce about good times he had with his parents? Does he have a warm relationship with his parents? Or is he saying he’d rather not have kids for a while because he wants to have fun in life?

Is the guy generally nice and kind and responsible with smaller and weaker people? Is he gentle and loving with animals? Is he patient with old folks?

This really isn’t rocket science.

 

[F_Marturana]

My mom told me to see what type of dad his father is. Good habits tend to get passed on.

 

[Philomenasmum]

My husband always treated his mum with the upmost respect and always spoke so highly of her. He never knew his father (his mother was a single parent by choice) and he always voiced his sadness of never having a father and always wanted to be a dad for that reason. I was always a little bit worried in the back of my mind, that he wasn’t entirely sure of how much of a commitment it would be (he loves sleep and was never around children) but after our daughter was born, and then passed away shortly after, all fears left my mind. If she had lived he would have been a fantastic father to her.