Wives, do you know what your DH do at work?(vice versa)

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purelovemmc

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Hi,

I and my boyfriend have been going for three years with the intent to get married.

We are both in university.

He’s taking Math (Pure Math, 🤷 ) and I am taking Printing (😛 ).

Now when we get married, we might have to talk about career at home.

What if I cannot understand all the x=y and 2x3=5?

QUESTION:---------------------------------is…

To all married couples, how much do you know about your wife/husband’s career?

Is it enough to know that he’s an engineer?Or do you have to know the different geometrical equations?

Thanks!!😉
 
DH and I are both biomedical scientists- in fact, we met at work when he moved to a different lab and I took his former position. It’s nice to be able to come home and vent about, say, problems with my mouse colonies or an RNA assay and get constructive feedback, but even if we didn’t have the same line of work, we’d still be able to talk about interpersonal situations at work and I could get the constructive feedback from coworkers. Situations with bosses and coworkers are the same, regardless of the field. And there’s definitely something to be said for leaving specific work details at work.
 
Well, my husband and I have been married for 23 years now and we’ve managed even though we don’t always know exactly what the other does for a living.

When we met I was a math student and he was majoring in physics and working as a machinist. I received my degree and have done various sorts of computer related jobs on and off since that time. Instead of finishing his degree my DH worked his way up as a CNC programmer and more or less does the job of an industrial engineer. He got his AA in math along the line and now is working on a dual computer science/math bachelor’s degree.

For years we really didn’t know what the other did. But when he started pursuing the math degree we actually had something to talk about !😛 Now I finally have someone I can speak to about number theory and I can help him with his proofs.

So maybe you’ll understand some of what your husband does and he will know something of what his wife does. Or maybe not. But there’s so much more to life than jobs! And you never know what may change in 23 years.

(Oh, and I admit that I am prejudiced, but make sure you at least understand basic algebra. Understanding the *reason *that algebra works will help you in many other ways: politics, finances, home design, etc.)
 
My wife has very little idea of what my job entails. She knows more than she lets on, but her very common description on my job is that if the refinery goes boom, I didn’t do a good job. I’m a controls engineer responsible for programming the controls of chemical plants, refineries and offshore platforms. So the answer is no you don’t have to know the details. And in some cases, it helps to not know the details because I think it helps to leave the job at work and not bring it home. But that is a personal opinion.
 
I would add that it is often the case that people with degrees in science, math, and engineering go to work on government contracts that are classified. In such cases, even if husband and/or wife *could *understand what the other was doing, it might not be legal to speak to each other about the specifics of the job.
 
Not necessary. My DH works with computers, does graphic design, web design, videography, all kinds of techie stuff. You’re seeing the extent of my tech knowledge right here–I can surf, shop, and chat on forums. The end.

I am a nurse. DH got disgusted when I used to try to watch those surgery shows on the Discovery channel. He knows I take care of sick people. Nuff said. 🤷

We have plenty else to talk about…like, the entire rest of our lives! We talk about the kids, the house, plans for the future, books we’re reading, friends…there’s way more to life than our jobs.
 
Both my dh and I are in corporate sales for our respective companies…he does group sales for Disney, I market to large companies for an insurance broker. He shares the details of his day, and I do the same. He worked in insurance for years, so he understands my job very well. But, overall, we have both been in sales for a while, and it’s nice to have a good understanding of what each other’s days are like…the highs and lows of sales…etc.
 
I have very little understanding of what my husband does at work all day. He’s an engineer for a major corporation who constantly re-catagorizes their departments with new, 4 letter acronymns… I think he used to be in the CCPI group, then he was swtiched to the CGIS, then they got morphed into the GPNS… blah blah blah. When he talks about work, my eyes sorta glaze over.

I just asked him on a scale of 1-10 to rate my understanding of his job. He said 1.5 😊 I think he’s being generous. We’re going on 18 years of marriage… like teakafrog said, we talk about other things.
 
My family and I all got a basic education so we are all able to communicate to each other what we do, and that definitely spreads the gambit from the fashion industry to organic chemistry. If we don’t remember, or we do not understand something we ask each other. My wife was the same way. Its weird for me to hear someone say I don’t know what he does, or I don’t understand it. Is communication that bad between you, or do you care so little about him or her that you do not even try to understand. No topic is that hard to learn in the entire world, especially if you love that person.
 
Polaris said:
My family and I all got a basic education so we are all able to communicate to each other what we do, and that definitely spreads the gambit from the fashion industry to organic chemistry. If we don’t remember, or we do not understand something we ask each other. My wife was the same way. Its weird for me to hear someone say I don’t know what he does, or I don’t understand it. Is communication that bad between you, or do you care so little about him or her that you do not even try to understand. No topic is that hard to learn in the entire world, especially if you love that person.
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That is harsh. I personally don’t want to talk about work when I’m at home. I focus on my family and not on work. I work to live, not live to work. When I’m with my family, I want to spend and talk about family things, not work things. I have no expectation that my wife should learn the details of what I do. Before you start making judgements, just remember that different things work for different people.
 
SMHW said:
I would add that it is often the case that people with degrees in science, math, and engineering go to work on government contracts that are classified. In such cases, even if husband and/or wife *could *understand what the other was doing, it might not be legal to speak to each other about the specifics of the job.
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That’s how it is with us. I know his title and that he looks at really big numbers and files and such. Not really allowed to know a whole lot more than that!! And that’s okay because beyond simple, basic math, I’m lost.
I’m a stay at home mom, so I guess he has a pretty good idea about my job:p
 
For most of our married life DH was an air traffic controller (military then civilian). I know more about ‘loss of separation’ and ‘near misses’ (isn’t a near miss a hit???) than I ever wanted to know. It allowed me to understand the things that upset him and to ask intelligent questions.

He once told me that if it weren’t for my inability to think in 3 dimensions (I don’t get the ‘big picture’ unless I can physically see the big picture) he’d encourage me to go take the course. Actually, he’s encouraged me to apply for jobs in that industry because I understand it but I was never interested in working for the same company he does.

Early in our marriage I was a nurse and he understood a lot of that because his mom was one also. I became a SAHM around the time of our 4th anniversary and was one for 16 years. Now I work as the parish secretary and all he knows is that it causes me to bang my head against the wall again & again & again.
 
My wife’s a scientist with the Defence Force specialising in Chemical Warfare, I’m a Police Officer. She’s not allowed to tell me what she does at work, and I don’t wish to depress her by telling her what I did!! 😛
 
Phemie said:
. Now I work as the parish secretary and all he knows is that it causes me to bang my head against the wall again & again & again.
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We were saying in our parish office just last week that we could write a book…no one would believe it. I had a call one Sunday (the receptionist was away from her desk), asking what time did the 12:00 Mass start. The secretary gave me a call last year (she couldn’t stop laughing so she gave it to me) from a bride asking if her pet Italian Greyhound could walk down the aisle at her wedding. When I told her no, she asked why not since he would be wearing a tux and they would make sure he “did his business” before entering the church. There are others that I really can’t repeat but we have heard it all. Of course there are heartbreaking stories too and often, before the priest is even spoken to, the secretary often hears a lot of what is on a person’s mind.
 
Joannm said:
We were saying in our parish office just last week that we could write a book…no one would believe it. I had a call one Sunday (the receptionist was away from her desk), asking what time did the 12:00 Mass start. The secretary gave me a call last year (she couldn’t stop laughing so she gave it to me) from a bride asking if her pet Italian Greyhound could walk down the aisle at her wedding. When I told her no, she asked why not since he would be wearing a tux and they would make sure he “did his business” before entering the church. There are others that I really can’t repeat but we have heard it all. Of course there are heartbreaking stories too and often, before the priest is even spoken to, the secretary often hears a lot of what is on a person’s mind.
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Yes, the worst call I ever took was the woman who wanted the bishop’s phone number because she didn’t want to be in a physical relationship with the priest any more. AGGHHHHHH! I wanted to stick my fingers in my ears and go la-la-la la-la-la.

It’s funny, you have some who want to talk only to the priest even if it’s only to request a certificate of baptism while others will spill their guts even as you try to get them to shut up and talk only to the priest.
 
Yes, all couples should be able to communicate something about their time spent apart. It enriches the relationship. It is a sign of a healthy marriage. The couple needs to discuss more than family issues. Each spouse should have separate goals and interests outside the marriage/family.
You may not understand mathematical formulas or whatever technical info from a specific line of work but a husband should be able to convey his feelings and thoughts about an important breakthrough or a trying problem. Same thing with a wife. You both certainly should be able to discuss and relate to interpersonal issues.
Communication is the issue not work experience or education experience. Learning to communicate well is the major task of the early years of marriage. Some work on this task usually starts during the courtship phase but really flowers and is tested during the early years of marriage.
 
I found that learning about ATC when DH was one was a life-saver at parties. While he was in the military most of our socializing was with members of his section. It was good to know what he and his co-workers were talking about since whether you put 2 or 100 air traffic controllers together the conversations will rarely be about any other topic. I guess it’s no different in other trades: I grew up in a paper mill town and the men made paper at every party, gathering, funeral, or wedding. I recall my mom and the wives of dad’s friends kidding them about it.

Although, come to think of it, I seemed to be the only wife interested in what the ATC guys/gals were discussing. Guess I’m just naturally curious about other people’s jobs. I’m the same with my brother’s job as a police officer and my other brother’s job in the accounting dept. of a city rec center.
 
My husband is a (soon to be) Pharmacist. Right now he’s an intern so he does everything except the final check until April. I obviously don’t know the names of all the drugs, understand all the interactions, etc. I do have a medical background which helps a little but, not so big on the chemistry. However, I always ask him how was work, and usually he responds with we were really busy/slow, tells me what annoying things happened or what good things happened, etc. He does have the patient interaction aspect which helps a little with the excitement factor.
What is your husband planning to work as? Researcher? Teacher?
 
purelovemmc said:
Hi
He’s taking Math (Pure Math, ) and I am taking Printing ( ).

Now when we get married, we might have to talk about career at home.

What if I cannot understand all the x=y and 2x3=5?
Click to expand...
I married a mathemetician. Once at a party with his work group, early in our married life, I saw him at a back table, heads together with a beautiful blonde from his work team. I of course moseyed on over to see what they were talking about. They were working calculus problems on the table cloth. She was married to a construction worker, so I guess they both appreciated talking to other math geeks. They became great friends, one of the few from our Cleveland days we still see.

DD married an engineer, she is an English major, and insists he speaks an entirely different language and that all engineers are really from planet Vulcan. She is probably right. But now she is a technical writer, and finds she has to think like these people, but she is learning.

In every marriage you have to come up with a common language, just getting over the man-woman difference is the first hurdle w/o worrying about the techie/artsy hurdle.

I know a lot about his work now because he does it at home, thankfully in another room, but I hear him ranting and raving about the users and how they don’t know what they want (he is a programmer). same old same old.
 
DH and I are both ENGINEERS… although he’s moved up to management at his company.
He studied Mechanical Engineering, and did Thermal Analysis for a while at his company… then moved up to Program Management. He works in the Defense Industry.
I studied Electrical Engineering, and I design components for wireless communications - military and space division…

So, yeah, we understand a lot about what the other does… not the nitty-gritty details, but enough where we can definitely communicate about work knowledgeably.
 
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