Woes with SFO discernment

[Pray4Life]

I hope this is the right place to put this. Like other posters here, I have been trying to discern whether to join the SFO. The truth is, in my heart of hearts, I feel deeply drawn to the gospel life as St. Francis lived it. I want so much to meet others who feel as I do, who can show me a living example of what it means to be a Franciscan in everyday life, with everyday problems. I read a lot, and I enjoy doing it, but I need to get out of the books and into the LIVING of it. I firmly believe this is the path I am being called to whether it is as a Secular Franciscan or not…

But, I also feel as though I really do need them. Or someone. I feel like I can’t do this alone, like I’m in limbo. I know how important fraternity is to the SFO, and I can easily understand why. But I recently moved, having waited until the move was completed to finally take the plunge and make the call and try to find a fraternity near me. I can’t finish “discerning” until I put myself out there and see what it is like for myself.

Yet, there isn’t one near me. I was given two email addresses for whoever is in charge of this region and “remote formation” was mentioned as a possibility; however, she said, not everyone does this. It is my understanding that this is rare, and that it is supposed to be rare, and again, given the emphasis on community in the Franciscan orders, I understand that. And even though I understand, and even though it is the very thing I am seeking (fellowship), it breaks my heart.

I wrote this gentleman over a week ago at the first address without reply. I have not yet tried the second. I’m afraid of looking pushy. And maybe he just doesn’t want to answer! I don’t know. I don’t know how to proceed, whether to write again, and what to do when I’m turned down…I feel like I will be. I’m not a special snowflake.

I am a military wife and inevitably I will move again sooner or later (though having just completed a move, the thought makes me shudder) but we could be here years. I suppose I will just have to wait and try again. But what do I do in the meantime? Why would God call me in this direction then send my husband to Fort Middle of Nowhere? (Ok, maybe exaggerating a little, but it might as well be if Franciscans fear to tread here )

Any thoughts?

 

[Eucharisted]

Trust in God, for He is the one you need.

 

[withwind]

Writing an email over a week ago without reply is not really long considering those SFO member having their other day job.

 

[Poor_Clare_tobe]

I hope this is the right place to put this. Like other posters here, I have been trying to discern whether to join the SFO. The truth is, in my heart of hearts, I feel deeply drawn to the gospel life as St. Francis lived it. I want so much to meet others who feel as I do, who can show me a living example of what it means to be a Franciscan in everyday life, with everyday problems. I read a lot, and I enjoy doing it, but I need to get out of the books and into the LIVING of it. I firmly believe this is the path I am being called to whether it is as a Secular Franciscan or not…

But, I also feel as though I really do need them. Or someone. I feel like I can’t do this alone, like I’m in limbo. I know how important fraternity is to the SFO, and I can easily understand why. But I recently moved, having waited until the move was completed to finally take the plunge and make the call and try to find a fraternity near me. I can’t finish “discerning” until I put myself out there and see what it is like for myself.

Yet, there isn’t one near me. I was given two email addresses for whoever is in charge of this region and “remote formation” was mentioned as a possibility; however, she said, not everyone does this. It is my understanding that this is rare, and that it is supposed to be rare, and again, given the emphasis on community in the Franciscan orders, I understand that. And even though I understand, and even though it is the very thing I am seeking (fellowship), it breaks my heart.

I wrote this gentleman over a week ago at the first address without reply. I have not yet tried the second. I’m afraid of looking pushy. And maybe he just doesn’t want to answer! I don’t know. I don’t know how to proceed, whether to write again, and what to do when I’m turned down…I feel like I will be. I’m not a special snowflake.

I am a military wife and inevitably I will move again sooner or later (though having just completed a move, the thought makes me shudder) but we could be here years. I suppose I will just have to wait and try again. But what do I do in the meantime? Why would God call me in this direction then send my husband to Fort Middle of Nowhere? (Ok, maybe exaggerating a little, but it might as well be if Franciscans fear to tread here )

Any thoughts?

*Yes a few things come to mind.

1. Read the excellent thread on one of the forums entitled
   " Franciscan Mysticism And Spirituality "
   It gives much useful information on Franciscan Spirituality and also on the Secular Tradition within the Franciscan Family
2. JREducation on these threads has a vast knowledge on The Order… perhaps contact him via pm?
3. Listed here somewhere are links on the National Website for The Secular Franciscans here in the states. I am sure if you explained your dilemma to them?? that they could come up with ideas of ways to help you?
   Blessings of Peace and All Good!*

 

[Pray4Life]

Eucharisted: I try.

withwind: I can see this being too short a time for a full answer if he needs to consult with others, for instance, but I had thought I’d at least get an acknowledgement of my request by now. But maybe you are right and I am being too impatient.

Poor Clare tobe: I do keep up with that thread and it is very inspiring to me. The people I contacted are the ones from the National Fraternity of the Secular Franciscan Order through their 1-800-FRANCIS number. The lady on the phone said she would email this regional minister as well to let him know the situation. I guess if a certain amount of time goes by I can call her again and let her know what happened. I’m still not sure if I ought to write at the second address before I do that, and how long to wait before even doing that much. I don’t want to harass the poor guy but it is taking a lot more nerve than I usually have to be emailing a stranger like that with my heart on my sleeve, so to speak, all the while knowing I will probably be turned away. I’m afraid that nerve is going to run out before I find any resolution to this matter. Please pray for me to keep my courage, if you have a moment.

Thank you all for taking the time to reply and God bless you.

 

[Pray4Life]

Not sure if anyone is really interested, but I thought I’d update this.

It’s been 2 weeks since my email to the regional minister, and still no reply. This past Sunday, after Mass, I was just in tears. I felt so lost, kind of adrift really. Not sure what to do, just like when I wrote my original post on this subject. Was I really being too impatient, or was I supposed to be persevering harder, not entirely unlike St. Therese of Lisieux? I have been praying a novena to St. Francis and hoping each day to hear something back and wondering.

But although it will be a hardship, my husband, sweet man, has amazingly decided to take me, without my even asking about it (I can’t drive long distances, and again, I know it will be difficult for us so I did not feel it was a plausible option) once a month, if they need to see more of me we will have to see if something can be worked out, but perhaps it will be possible?? There is no way to know without asking! I worry that it is wrong of me to accept his very generous offer, it means several hours (6 in total) with three young children in the van and he supplying their care (he would never attend a meeting with me, even if we could find someone else to watch the kids, as he is a different religion. And the topic of finding child care is its own epic length post, so I’ll leave it be ) My first duty after all is to my family, could this be a means of doing just that, or am I being selfish for accepting this time?

So, despite my worries, with a bit more research on just what the very closest one is (they are all neck and neck on this subject) I will hopefully be going to my first meeting soon, much to my astonishment. If you’ve bothered to read this far, please pray for my situation and my discernment, and for all my family is putting up with in the name of both! And above all, that God’s will be done in this. Thank you all, and I still welcome any advice or thoughts about this if you like.

 

[Poor_Clare_tobe]

Not sure if anyone is really interested, but I thought I’d update this.

It’s been 2 weeks since my email to the regional minister, and still no reply. This past Sunday, after Mass, I was just in tears. I felt so lost, kind of adrift really. Not sure what to do, just like when I wrote my original post on this subject. Was I really being too impatient, or was I supposed to be persevering harder, not entirely unlike St. Therese of Lisieux? I have been praying a novena to St. Francis and hoping each day to hear something back and wondering.

But although it will be a hardship, my husband, sweet man, has amazingly decided to take me, without my even asking about it (I can’t drive long distances, and again, I know it will be difficult for us so I did not feel it was a plausible option) once a month, if they need to see more of me we will have to see if something can be worked out, but perhaps it will be possible?? There is no way to know without asking! I worry that it is wrong of me to accept his very generous offer, it means several hours (6 in total) with three young children in the van and he supplying their care (he would never attend a meeting with me, even if we could find someone else to watch the kids, as he is a different religion. And the topic of finding child care is its own epic length post, so I’ll leave it be ) My first duty after all is to my family, could this be a means of doing just that, or am I being selfish for accepting this time?

So, despite my worries, with a bit more research on just what the very closest one is (they are all neck and neck on this subject) I will hopefully be going to my first meeting soon, much to my astonishment. If you’ve bothered to read this far, please pray for my situation and my discernment, and for all my family is putting up with in the name of both! And above all, that God’s will be done in this. Thank you all, and I still welcome any advice or thoughts about this if you like.

“Pray4Life”,

• Yes of course we are most definitely interested. I have been praying for your situation. I wish I had more help of a practical nature... however remember God does work miracles . I am hoping that some of our more active posters who have more knowledge that may be helpful to you will jump in.. in the meanwhile I shall be praying for you and for your journey.
                     Blessings of Peace and All Good!*