I agree with theoleft. I clicked on the thread because the Title was so odd. While the situation is a relief for the OP, there are lives in the balance, there was bad divisions made, there is hurt all around. Hardly a celebration. The OP by her own admission cannot stomach talking to a person she was married to. I wish for the best outcome and Wish the OP the best and hoiliest of outcomes but I will save my pat on the backs and whoo hooos for something that is not so much of a relief (Whew.) and is something of a celebraion, (whoo hooo.)
Hoosier Daddy, under normal circumstances I can see where you and Theological Left are coming from, I really can. And I hope you’ll both see where I am coming from.
My marriage was entered into at 19 because I had a year old child and thought I owed it to my child and society to marry her father. He was literally physically and mentally abusive for years, cheated on me from less than a month after the civil ceremony until the end in multiple affairs of varying duration, refused to keep a job or pay bills and take care of the children (I had another daughter during the marriage) and left all responsibility to me and/or his mother. And that is just the tip of the iceberg.
The day we last lived in the same house he was choking me on the stairs until I was close to losing consciousness and had lost control of my bladder. The neighbor called the police, he was removed, social services got involved and told me if I let him come back they would remove my children from my care. I’d already decided to throw him out and not allow him to come back…ever…and I’d already called his mother to come get his things and pick him up from jail if she chose, but hearing a social worker say that was even more of a reality check.
3 months before that, he’d loosened two of my front teeth while hitting me. Those teeth tightened back up, but the root had been damaged and I had painful infections for years before the problem was corrected.
I won’t try to convey the emotional scars.
I am not without blame and I fully acknowledge that fact. I should never have married him in the first place and I should have found a way to either leave or remove him from the home sooner. I’d also had affairs because I was so desperate for anything warm and happy in my life to keep me sane. I made enormous mistakes all the way down the line from when I met him at 16 until I finally left him at 24.
Not to mention he is an un-Baptized person who has been a practicing Pagan most of his life. I would never have recognized my need of God or walked through the door of a Catholic Church had I remained married to him.
I cannot stomach to speak to the man for obvious reasons. And some of it is because in the nearly 13 years since our separation and nearly 11 years since our divorce he has never once paid a penny of court ordered child support, skipped state, didn’t speak to the children for years at a time (making them feel hurt and unloved) and is currently living with his mother (a wonderful woman stretched to the limit) who is supporting him, his new wife, and their two young children as he has not had a job in years.
Now, tell me that you wouldn’t feel absolutely elated when the divorce became final. Or that you wouldn’t celebrate when your priest told you he didn’t see anything resembling a Sacramental marriage and that the annulment wouldn’t be a problem. And tell me you wouldn’t practically throw a party when you got the paperwork from the Tribunal.
If a marriage should have never taken place it is indeed a reason for the participants to be set free. When a marriage takes place and it is not valid, is like a pebble in the water-everyone is affected by it- not in a good way either. To me, it is another reason the Catholic Faith can help someone back to a normal life. Marriage is not just a piece of paper, neither is divorce.
Yes. I once believed the divorce fully dissolved the marriage and that it was all behind me. Imagine how I felt when I discovered the Church still considers me married to that man and that I cannot move forward spiritually until it is resolved. And imagine my shock when I started the initial 19 page questionnaire and realized that I was not nearly as healed as I’d thought! Once I finished those papers and had my chats with our priest I felt 9,000 pounds lighter and so at peace. The Church has been truly a saving grace.
I can’t stomach talking to my ex, so I’ll just send him a message on Facebook to let him know to keep a look out and pray he responds quickly.
:hug3::hug1:
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